I was upstairs on my porch when I heard loud yelling close by. I peered over my railing and saw a man screaming at my twelve year old son.

Now, you have to know that this son is a really, really good kid. Respectful, helpful, kind. What could someone be angry with him about?

This.

This is a path through agricultural fields – it’s meant to be used only by tractors for planting and harvesting but cars started using it as a shortcut. Yavneel is so small that this shortcut saves them literally about one minute of driving time. It’s bumpy and pitted, not something you’d want to drive on, but people sometimes do.

This morning my son was outside watching his two younger siblings, and the driver of a van coming through the fields from the opposite side encountered these rocks in the path and jumped out of his van. He began yelling; this is when I heard the shouting and came running.

I found my son in tears, moving the rocks aside and when I asked him what happened, he told me the guy screamed at him to clear the path. I told him to stop immediately and then spoke with the very agitated driver.

After a few minutes, he explained he was having a hard morning and apologized for getting so upset (he even tried to hug my son, who absolutely did not want to be touched by him). I told him I was sorry to hear that.

He then said, he’s been using this path for years every single morning and now is upset it’s been blocked. Now, I know this path hasn’t been in use for the last 2.5 months since it’s been blocked since before I moved here, but I also realized at some point it hadn’t been blocked up and he must have been using it before the corona quarantine.

I explained to him that it had been blocked for safety reasons because it’s not a road, and asked him if he would mind terribly to go around instead. I explained that children play here at the end of our block (which is more like a paved path than a street), that I have two young children with special needs and it is so much safer for them not to have cars using this as a shortcut. He quieted down and that’s when my neighbors heard what was happening and came over.

They both told him that this isn’t an official road and he shouldn’t be driving here.

As much as I appreciated the neighborly support and everything they said was said without yelling, this triggered him back into arguing to protect his ego. His demeanor shifted back to yelling. He said angrily, “She (meaning me) asked me nicely and I would stop using this path as a kindness to her, but now you’re telling me I’m not allowed to use this and you’re wrong.”

‘I’m right, you’re wrong.’ This never leads to anything productive. People just get increasingly entrenched in their positions.

To discuss points of disagreement with others, we must 1) be willing to see things through their eyes and 2) recognize how easily what we say can be perceived as a personal attack. It’s not easy to see others with differing viewpoints as well-intended, but there’s no productive conversation possible if you assume the other person is selfish, self-centered, and out to hurt you or your rights.

In the end, I followed him back to his car and said, “You’re right, it’s not an official road but this path has been used by cars and you’re allowed to drive here also. I’m asking you as a personal favor for the safety of the local children if you would mind going around instead.” He agreed.

Avivah