We are so happy and grateful to share that our son (ds22) is engaged!

We are once again humbled and delighted to see how Hashem has sent the perfect match for our child!

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Isn’t this a nice thing to share about on my 29th wedding anniversary?

When my son began shidduchim, I was reminded of how the shidduch process forces you to clarify your values. My role as the parent is to facilitate my child meeting the person who is right for him, and in order to do this, I spent a lot of time speaking with him (and previously each of my children in turn), clarifying what he was looking for, what qualities were important to him and what life direction he wanted to move in.

What kind of qualities did he appreciate in his friends, and why? Who does he feel comfortable with and why? What qualities does he think are important and why? This wasn’t one long conversation, but an ongoing conversation over a period of several months.

Going out with people who weren’t a match was an important part of the clarification process, as it helped him to hone in on what he was – and wasn’t – looking for. I reminded him several times during that time of the value of contrast (the difference between what you have and what you want) – it’s contrast that helps you define more clearly what you want, and helps you to move toward what you desire.

The description of the person he wanted to marry changed substantially right before meeting his fiancee. When I first heard about her almost three months ago, I thought her combination of qualities sounded right for him, but he hadn’t yet clarified that certain qualities that I thought were very important (that she had) were of primary importance to him.

He wasn’t the only one who had to get clarity before they could meet – I did, too, on a point that was a significant question for me. I’m sure her family went through the same process. I think that’s how it always is – for the parents and child, constantly getting increasing clarity of what you’re looking for and what you want to give priority to.

Every shidduch happens at the time that it’s meant to happen. I don’t believe there are delays, but rather, heavenly directed timing, when everyone is aligned and on the same page.

And here we are, blessed to be welcoming another wonderful, amazing person into our family!

Avivah