I’ve been a bit emotionally disconnected from the wedding plans for most of the engagement period, which hasn’t been my experience with our past weddings.

But I’ve made up for it this Shabbos. 🙂

Wow, what an amazing and emotional Shabbos. I held all my emotion about my son getting married in until now but now it’s bursting out all over.

The original plan was to celebrate his aufruf at his yeshiva in Jerusalem, and everyone twelve and above in our family would go there. But then we talked about it just a week ago, and he said what he would enjoy more was a special Shabbos at home with all of his siblings.

So we had everyone (ie all the married and single kids) here for the entire Shabbos. It was so nice. And it helped all of us get into the wedding spirit. Generally the bride’s side does a lot more of the wedding preparations, and we all agreed it’s harder to get into the mood when you’re kind of on the sidelines.

I didn’t start crying until I gave my son a bracha (blessing) on Friday night – that triggered him to start tearing up, and we just stood there hugging each other, crying. So much emotion. And it continued through all of Shabbos – I kept getting these huge waves of emotion when I looked at him. Everything is a ‘last’ as a single – the last bracha, the last time he put Yirmi to bed, the last time going to shul with his brothers, the last breakfast together, the last time taking him to the bus to Jerusalem.

Our family tradition is that for a person’s birthday, we go around in a circle and each person shares something they appreciate about the birthday celebrant. At our third Shabbos meal, we did a circle for my son, to give everyone a chance to share something about him.

When my turn first came around, I couldn’t initially speak because I was too choked up, and my oldest son said, “I don’t understand why you’re crying. Your son is getting married, that’s a happy thing.”

Yes, it really is a happy thing. We want our children to become independent, to do the things that are meaningful for them and to live the lives they want to lead. I truly celebrate that, and I couldn’t feel more happy that my son is marrying such a special person. They are a beautiful couple.

At the same time, every new beginning is the end of something else. That’s where there is the sadness, the feeling of loss. A loss of the relationship as it is right now.

I was emotional when my oldest son got married, but I didn’t know then how much things would change after he got married. Now I know. The saying goes, “You aren’t losing a son, you’re gaining a daughter. “And that’s true. But it’s also true that once your child gets married, your relationship is different. This is particularly true when a son gets married.

This son is one of the most remarkable people I’ve ever met – he’s a natural leader, charismatic, extremely kind, with a huge heart and appreciation of every person. It’s not for nothing that so many people think he’s his best friend. When shadchanim asked me to describe him, I always muted my description of him, because to describe him accurately would seem like an exaggeration.

When he was in shidduchim, I considered sharing about the process but didn’t know how to write about it without it seeming like I was bragging, which I wasn’t. There were very generous and very impressive suggestions that were made, that were a huge honor to have been offered. That was all a reflection of him. As the one handling the shidduchim, it was a lot to manage.

Someone recently called to tell me her experience in working with him at camp, and said ‘he’s larger than life’. Yes, he is. He has been given a lot of gifts and uses them well, but remains humble and down to earth.

Despite all his busyness, all his friends and activities, he makes us feel there’s nowhere he’d rather be than at home, and no one he’d rather spend time with than us. He’s been a huge positive force in our family, and I’ll miss him. We all will.

And so, with all the happiness, there are a lot of tears.

Avivah