Five years ago, we had just married off our oldest son and ten days later celebrated our twenty-fifth anniversary. Our oldest daughter was determined that we would do something nice to celebrate, and organized a very special weekend away for us.

She made arrangements to take care of everything for almost three days while we were gone. Then we arrived at the very nice vacation rental she reserved, the first thing we saw on the table was a beautifully wrapped printed canvas of the two of us with ’25 years’ printed at the bottom.

She made arrangements the first night for us to go out to dinner at a very nice meat restaurant, and while we were out, delivered by taxi all the food she cooked for us for Shabbos. It was incredibly thoughtful and generous, and our parents and other children chipped in towards the costs. It was very special.

Today is our thirtieth anniversary, and yesterday my husband and I were talking about what we could do to celebrate. We don’t do regular date nights or anniversary dinners, though we do regularly take time to spend together. We enjoy time in nature but it’s so hot now that an extended outdoor outing doesn’t sound fun to me. I don’t like being where the crowds are, since it distracts me from the person I want to spend time with and that’s not relaxing for me. For now that doesn’t leave a lot of options!

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Here’s my new favorite spot – we moved the couches out of the living room to make room for all the family members who were here for the bar mitzva, and I was so pleased with the location of one of them on our side patio that I left it there. I love laying there and looking at the sky, the palm trees swaying in the breeze, and the grapes ripening on the vines as they grow over the pergola.

Since I feel content being at home, I don’t really feel a pull to get away. We’re blessed that my husband now goes into the office just one day a week, so we get to see one another throughout the day – briefly but that’s still significant. Our youngest two boys are in school, and the two teens who are homeschooled are often busy and out of the house. So we have a nice amount of quiet time together, and it’s nice not to be desperate for a break or time away – unlike most of the years we’ve been married!

At the same time, we both have experienced and appreciate the value of extended intentional focused time together. Uninterrupted time to talk about goals, life direction, vision and just connecting at a deeper level than the shorter exchanges of day to day life allow for, have been so valuable for us.

A friend once offered us the use of a family member’s beachfront apartment if we ever wanted to go away for Shabbos, and I’m seriously thinking of taking her up on it. But that’s a location we would enjoy much more off-season than right now. For now we’re thinking of a mini-getaway during the hours the younger boys are at school.

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Lately I’ve been aware of some inner shifting of focus, of recognizing that time is passing, and being married for three decades contributes to that. Thirty years is a long time, you know?

While a person has a core self that stays remarkably consistent in many ways throughout a lifetime, I’ve changed a lot over these years, and so has my husband. Continuing to make time to talk and connect is really important in not just staying together, but in growing together.

Avivah