My husband was sharing with me some extremely positive feedback on one of our son’s from a teacher, and commented that our ‘don’t push or pull, but encourage’ approach seems to have been very effective.

His choice of words reminded me of an experience I had earlier that same day.

I had an opportunity to take our three goats to a grassy area to graze and help clear the land. I asked my son to help me lead them to the car, holding on to the collar of each, because I was afraid if I let go of them they’d run away. We loaded them in, got to the field and unloaded them, and then holding the collar, I began to walk with the first goat to the grassy area.

She balked. She didn’t want to go any further, which was interesting to me since she’s the only one with any experience walking on a leash next to me.

I couldn’t physically push her to go where I wanted, and I didn’t want to push her.

I assumed she must be feeling uncertain and anxious in the new location, and chose to let go of her collar rather than force her to walk along next to me. I kept walking. I glanced back after a moment and saw her following close behind. Another minute later, I glanced back again and happily trotting in a line behind me were all three goats. So much for my concern that they’d quickly run away and scatter when they had the opportunity to be in a wide open area.

I took them to the grassy spot and they started munching away. I was planning to tie their leashes to stakes and leave them there for a few hours to enjoy the juicy green goodness, but while I was there, let them walk around freely.

Since it was sunny and I had forgotten to bring a sun hat, I went to sit under a shade tree where I could supervise them.

A minute or two later, they had all followed me to where I was sitting, even though it wasn’t a desirable grazing area. They stayed in one spot as long as I was there, and as soon as I left, they followed. This happened every time I walked further away from what they felt close enough proximity to them was. I felt a bit like a goat whisperer. 🙂

I’m the primary caretaker for the goats, and when we were out in the fields it was very clear that I’m the one they feel safe with and connected to, and I’m the leader they want to follow. This surprised me because I had expected the dominant goat to be the leader for them.

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It’s been so interesting for me to experience how principles of respectful relationship are just as relevant with animals as with people.

The principle I was experiencing was that people – and animals – desire to be with and follow those to whom they feel connected.

Lead with love, build your emotional connection with your child, give him room to make his own choices rather than tightly control his actions – and chances are very high that you will be the leader he wants to follow.

Avivah