The last couple of weeks have been extremely busy and left me with little time or energy to share with you here.
Some of you have asked for feedback after my last post about how d6.5’s first visit with his birth parents went.
Before the meeting, my husband told me his intention is to restore the dynamic of trust and communication we had with them at the very beginning. We jointly agreed to adopt this attitude, and both of us communicated with them in this spirit.
It took a lot of courage and emotional energy to have this meeting, but I’m glad we did. The meeting went very well – it couldn’t have gone any better. Of course ds was very cute and engaging because that’s how he always is, and they seemed to enjoy seeing him.
At one point, ds said to his birth mother, “When I was a tiny, tiny baby I was in your tummy.” He was waiting for confirmation and when I glanced at her I saw she didn’t understand what he said, so I repeated what he said. She looked a little misty eyed at that, but nodded at him.
I told our social worker when they initially said they would come for a visit but didn’t update her when we made more concrete plans because: 1) I was emotionally drained thinking about it and didn’t want to discuss it, and 2) I wasn’t sure they would show up. She was shocked when I confirmed they had actually come.
Since his bio parents until now hadn’t shown an interest in being actively involved, the committee recently decided they want to push for us to be allowed to adopt him. Since this decision was predicated on their uninvolvement, my social worker expressed concerned that beginning visitation will affect the negatively impact the adoption discussion. When I made plans for them to meet him I knew this could happen but nonetheless felt a person deserves to know his roots and it would be selfish of me to deny him that if I had any way to impact them being part of his life.
I’m so glad we did it. Buried in the back corner of my mind has been the concern about how and when to broach this topic, and now it’s openly on the table and we can talk about them freely with him.
We asked them if it would be okay to take a couple of pictures of ds with them, so we can print them out and add them to his personal album of his birth and early months. They agreed, and I sent them the pictures as well. They sent me a pleasant email thanking me for the pictures and said they had enjoyed the visit.
Will they come again? I didn’t ask them, but did tell them we would welcome regular visits of whatever frequency they are comfortable with. They bought ds some treats and when he said something about them buying him more ‘tomorrow’, I told him they weren’t going to be there the next day. His bio father hastened to add, ‘next time’. So hopefully now that the ice has been broken, more visits will follow.
Thank you all for the good thoughts and prayers on our behalf. I’m sure they were a positive force for us all!
Avivah
Thank you for the update! So glad it went well. You really have a talent for explaining both sides of the picture. Wishing you much emotional and physical koach & a shana tova!
Mi K’amcha Yisroel! You are saving such precious Neshamos! May hashem Bless you with all that is needed in all you do for your family. Thanks for sharing with us. I am sure this is such an emotional time in your life, a huge change, and you are still sharing with us thoughts, (while I would probably be too exhausted to speak with anyone). May all Werner family members and Klal Yisroel have a Gmar Chatima Tova, A sweet year filled with Good health, Peace, Parnassa and much patience. rachelli.
Thank you so much for the update – like the other readers, I have been wondering. So glad it went as well as possible. It must be a huge relief not to worry about him finding out about his biological parents in some not so nice way.
May Hashem give your entire family a happy and healthy New Year, Gmar Chasima Tova.
By the way, it was very nice that your son called mine last week to wish him a Shana Tova!
Thanks for the update! I’m so glad the birth parents showed up and that the meeting went well! It sounds very emotionally draining, even though it was a positive experience.
Through the years you’ve been wonderful juggling different relationships, so I have confidence that this new relationship will go well (with lots of work).
Hashem should give you koach!
I’m so in awe that you arranged this meeting because it is in DS6.5 best interest. It’s like a selfless and loving korban that represents your values of “doing the right thing” for your child even when it would have been easier not to. You heard that “truth” and acted on it. You’re awesome.
I’m a cranky systems person but if the committee forgot about him for 6.5 years they certainly don’t get a best interest vote now. You should get to drive this bus however you see fit for him.
I’m so glad the meeting went well ❤️ there is so much trauma to address with even the “best” removal scenarios (no abuse or neglect).
Thank you for sharing how the meeting went! It sounds quite emotionally draining. Very happy to hear it went well BH. It’s so special to see how you put ds6’s emotional wellbeing before everything. Gmar chasima tova!