What a beautiful Purim we had!

It was of course a very full and busy day. I did the deliveries with all of the kids for the mishloach manot, which I usually ask my husband to do while I prepare for the Purim seuda. But this year he wasn’t feeling 100% and I wanted him to be able to rest before the seuda. I actually really enjoy doing the deliveries and it was nice to get out with them.

We made a lot of stops with all of the kids getting out almost every time, so when we came home we were all pretty tired. My husband and teen boys announced they needed to go to shul right after we got back, and being so tired with still so much work do, I was aware of feeling much closer to the edge of irritation than I usually feel. Even though my seventeen year old organizes the learning after mincha, I told them I was too tired to get ready and take care of the kids for the next two hours on my own, and requested they come home without staying for the learning so they could help get ready for the seuda.

Women: if you don’t ask for what you need, the chances are high you won’t get it and then you’ll be resentful that someone didn’t read your mind – which isn’t really fair. Men are generally pretty accommodating if you directly (without hostility) let them know what you need.

They came home and encouraged me to take a nap while they got ready, which I agreed to, even though part of me was concerned everything wouldn’t be done the way I wanted it. I woke up right after our guests arrived, and everything was ready without me being there to supervise. It wasn’t perfect but overall everything looked great.

In the middle of the meal, my married daughter and family came to visit, and soon after we were joined by another family. It was a festive and upbeat atmosphere that we all enjoyed and during the post-Purim recap, our teens appreciated what a fun and enjoyable Purim they had.

The younger kids had a great time, too, and though we kept them all up until everything was over, ds6 bitterly complained about being expected to go to bed. He began cursing me in “Arabic” and spitting at me, which isn’t rare behavior for him when he’s tired but he doesn’t usually lose himself so much that he expresses himself in that way towards me. He was so upset that when I tried to hold him and calm him down, his entire body was shaking while he yelled that he wasn’t going to sleep. I never put him in bed without our nighttime routine of singing and hugs, but that night it was clear he needed to go directly into bed. He kept yelling and crying until a few minutes later, he was sound asleep.

Sometimes kids need active direction, and sometimes you have to realize when they’re so emotionally beyond their capacity that they can’t be directed. In that case, they need compassion while helping them meet their underlying need (in this case, putting to bed an overexhausted child).

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We had a slow morning today. The kids were all home, and after all the stimulation of the day before, I consciously wanted to keep the pace very mellow so everyone could regroup.

The older boys and I have been talking about planning a family camping trip for the upcoming bein hazmanim (yeshiva break). Ds16 took out tents and sleeping bags to take inventory of what we have and what we need. He assembled the large family sized tent and let it stand for a few hours so the younger kids could play inside.

Meanwhile, ds14 found a can of Pepsi that he was given on Purim. We don’t drink it but find it useful once a year when it’s given to us – he asked me if he could show dd6 how to clean the toilet with it. It’s very acidic and rather than drink it and have it leach minerals from our bones, we take advantage of those qualities to scrub the toilet. A bonus is the bathroom is really clean now.

Then I asked dd14 to take a look at our washer and see if he can figure out why it’s not draining fully before I buy a new one. He took it apart but didn’t have any luck solving the problem. It might be time to replace it, but I’m reluctant since it’s a heavy duty non-computerized US model and I can’t find anything similar here.(I’m open to suggestion if you know of something that has a ten kilo capacity or more that is well-made.) On the other hand, if I do have to buy a new washing machine, I have a repurposing project in mind for the old washer.

Ds14 generously offered to watch the kids so I could go to a clothing sale in the area; it was a sale of brand new clothing that was being sold for the ridiculously cheap price of five shekels each – overstocks and end of season items. I did a lot of shopping for dd6 last week, and today I finished buying her summer wardrobe. I was pleasantly surprised to find clothing for myself and with seven new skirts for the whopping sum of forty shekels (with tax) I’m also set for the upcoming hot weather now.

I met my daughter at the sale, and she and her kids came back home with us to spend time here. They stayed until it was almost time for me to leave to take the twins for a visit with their parents. My daughter took ds7 back with her for special time at her house, which is really nice because it’s hard for him that the twins come home from their visits with snacks and presents, and he doesn’t get any of that. We try very hard to find ways to give him extra nurturing to offset some of the challenges he experiences as a result of them being here. I took ds11 to visit my mom, so he also had special time while I went to the mediation center.

The twins’ parents brought the costumes they’ve been talking about for six weeks, which was good. Ds’s soldier costume included a gun that they told him I would put the batteries in. They consistently give him battery powered toys and tell him that when he gets home he can put batteries in. They have no way of knowing that I’m the wrong person to expect to take care of this because I have a strong dislike of electronic toys. For years I’ve disabled any electronic toy that I’ve bought. I explained to ds6 that it’s fun to play with it without batteries, too. Since all the toys he gets are so poorly made that they break after a day or two, he won’t have a chance to think more about the batteries before this toy is broken.

It was nice that today was on the mellow side, since the schedule for this week is already full with IEP meetings for each of the twins, speech therapy for ds7 and ds11 on Wednesday, and a couples meeting for my husband and I with dd6’s therapist. That leaves one day this week with no meetings currently scheduled, but don’t worry, it will get filled up soon!

In addition to that, tomorrow it’s a high priority for me to make some calls and/or have some meetings regarding a group of boys that jumped ds11 on Shabbos morning when he walked by their shul, and crossed the street to push him around and kick him. To put it mildly, there’s a very challenging population involved and that’s all I’ll say about that for now except to add that it’s not acceptable.

Avivah