All posts by Avivah

Thinking about getting milk goats – am I crazy?!?

Homemaking, nutrition

Over the last couple of years my son told me he really wanted to get goats, and I adamantly and repeatedly told him, “No, we don’t have enough room,” and offered rabbits as an option. He agreed but that wasn’t what he wanted and after a year gave them away.

In the meantime, he has helped friends take care of their goats and learned to milk them.

For the last few months I’ve been noting how much space owners set aside for two or three goats, and it’s less than I thought was necessary. I spent a long time thinking about if I was willing to change the look of my yard to make room for two milk goats and a pen for them. I started to slowly find the idea more doable and acceptable.

Until recently, I had hoped we could rent or buy some land adjoining us. One person was willing to lease us the entire plot of five dunam but only for a year and for five times the going price for agricultural land. The other didn’t want to lease or sell any land. The thought behind having more land was so we could raise some animals and practice permaculture principles to rebuild the completely depleted chemically farmed soil, and develop some kind of food forest. That would mean investing in fencing and many other significant start up expenses, that we wouldn’t be willing to do without a long term lease.

I realized if I scaled down my vision, I could do some of those things in my yard right now. But it means giving up – to some degree – the kind of ‘pretty’ yard I’ve spent time developing.

Why would I want goats? Seventeen years ago I learned about the incredible nutritional benefits of raw milk, and since then have thought how amazing it would be to have our own source of milk. In the US, I traveled every month or two to Pennsylvania, where I bought raw milk directly from a Mennonite farmer, twenty plus gallons at a time.

When I moved to Yavneel, I was able to buy raw goats milk from a local family and was thrilled to let someone else raise the goats and for me to have the benefits. My daughter and I bought all that they had. However, the supply became irregular and then petered out completely.

Healing our very broken industrialized food system begins with supporting local farmers, and there’s nothing more local than producing food yourself! Though milk hasn’t been an important part of our diets since we left the US, when I thought about what would be the best use of our very limited space to raise some of our own food, milk kept coming up as the top option. (Eggs would have been number one, but my son is already raising chickens.)

This is NOT a frugal undertaking. From a strictly economics perspective, it doesn’t save money but this goes beyond money for us, since we see it as an investment in our health. If we had our own raw milk, it would replace other less nutritious things that we currently eat.

So what are the costs involved in getting milk goats?

First is buying the goats – and the costs have gone up quite a bit in the months since we began thinking about this. A good milk goat costs between 1800 – 2000 shekels each. (I asked the goat broker why they’re more expensive than a few months ago, and he said, “Gas has gone up, food has gone up, meat has gone up – why wouldn’t the cost of goats go up?!”) You can buy young female kids for 700 – 1000 shekels but then have to feed them and breed them and wean the babies before you get milk, which costs plenty of time and money.

Then there’s the issue of buying hay. We’re in a shmita year, and can’t buy hay that is currently being grown. There is literally a hay field opposite my house, and a few days ago I watched him bale the hay and stack the bales, thinking how easy and convenient it would be if I could run over to the tractor driver and ask him to drop a bale over the wall into my yard – but I can’t buy any of it. Everyone who had animals who was concerned about shmita issues knew to pre-buy hay for the upcoming year. There’s no hay that I know of available for purchase left from last year – several months ago we found one person who had a few small bales who told us to call him back in a week, since he was out of town. When we called back, he had already sold the non-shmita hay to someone else.

When my son bought his purebred barred Plymouth Rock chickens from a Circassian woman a couple of months ago, I asked her for her hay supplier. I’m allowed to buy hay from a non-Jew, since he’s not violating any Torah laws by growing hay during shmita. She gave me a number, but when I called him, he said he’s no longer selling privately, and all of his hay is now sold directly to a broker. He had no suggestions of anyone else I could speak to.

We have to ask a rav if we’re allowed to feed animals hay that was grown as heter mechira, because that’s what most Jewish farmers have relied on.

Then there’s the cost of animal feed that is going through the roof. You can’t save costs by pre-buying feed, because after a couple of months the weevil eggs inside the grains hatch, multiply, infest the batch and the feed gets ruined.

And of course, we need to be able to house them, and in addition to the pen need a hay feeder and a milking stand – all of which costs more money.

Despite all the costs and logistical challenges, I’m still seriously considering goats. Does that sound crazy?

Avivah

How to celebrate our 30th anniversary?

Marriage

Five years ago, we had just married off our oldest son and ten days later celebrated our twenty-fifth anniversary. Our oldest daughter was determined that we would do something nice to celebrate, and organized a very special weekend away for us.

She made arrangements to take care of everything for almost three days while we were gone. Then we arrived at the very nice vacation rental she reserved, the first thing we saw on the table was a beautifully wrapped printed canvas of the two of us with ’25 years’ printed at the bottom.

She made arrangements the first night for us to go out to dinner at a very nice meat restaurant, and while we were out, delivered by taxi all the food she cooked for us for Shabbos. It was incredibly thoughtful and generous, and our parents and other children chipped in towards the costs. It was very special.

Today is our thirtieth anniversary, and yesterday my husband and I were talking about what we could do to celebrate. We don’t do regular date nights or anniversary dinners, though we do regularly take time to spend together. We enjoy time in nature but it’s so hot now that an extended outdoor outing doesn’t sound fun to me. I don’t like being where the crowds are, since it distracts me from the person I want to spend time with and that’s not relaxing for me. For now that doesn’t leave a lot of options!

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Here’s my new favorite spot – we moved the couches out of the living room to make room for all the family members who were here for the bar mitzva, and I was so pleased with the location of one of them on our side patio that I left it there. I love laying there and looking at the sky, the palm trees swaying in the breeze, and the grapes ripening on the vines as they grow over the pergola.

My new favorite spot

Since I feel content being at home, I don’t really feel a pull to get away. We’re blessed that my husband now goes into the office just one day a week, so we get to see one another throughout the day – briefly but that’s still significant. Our youngest two boys are in school, and the two teens who are homeschooled are often busy and out of the house. So we have a nice amount of quiet time together, and it’s nice not to be desperate for a break or time away – unlike most of the years we’ve been married!

At the same time, we both have experienced and appreciate the value of extended intentional focused time together. Uninterrupted time to talk about goals, life direction, vision and just connecting at a deeper level than the shorter exchanges of day to day life allow for, have been so valuable for us.

A friend once offered us the use of a family member’s beachfront apartment if we ever wanted to go away for Shabbos, and I’m seriously thinking of taking her up on it. But that’s a location we would enjoy much more off-season than right now. For now we’re thinking of a mini-getaway during the hours the younger boys are at school.

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Lately I’ve been aware of some inner shifting of focus, of recognizing that time is passing, and being married for three decades contributes to that. Thirty years is a long time, you know?

While a person has a core self that stays remarkably consistent in many ways throughout a lifetime, I’ve changed a lot over these years, and so has my husband. Continuing to make time to talk and connect is really important in not just staying together, but in growing together.

Avivah

When life gives you lemons, make lots of lemon juice!

canning, Intentional Spending

This week I got a windfall of lemons, and decided to process them immediately. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of my produce being left in a bag and put away somewhere outside of the fridge by a zealous child wanting to quickly clean up, and by the time I find it it’s no longer usable. So I decided to seize the moment. 🙂

Fortunately, my food processor has a juicer attachment. I bought this food processor about five years ago because the owner told me with the high demands I make of my machine, I would burn out the motor of smaller and less expensive machines. It’s a good machine and has served me well, and the juicer attachment makes a project like this very doable.

Ds9 saw what I was doing and asked to help, so I put him to work.

At some point ds5 wanted ds9 to join him in the pool, so he went to swim. We have a gated pool in the backyard for our vacation apartment, and this year I considered having just one pool, to simplify maintenance and cut costs. But I decided against the seemingly more frugal option. Having a second pool on the front patio right outside the kitchen window means I can easily keep an eye on them when cooking and makes it possible for them to spend significantly more time swimming than if I had to leave everything to sit with them in the back. They come home tired and irritable from school, and being able to spend so much time in the pool makes our afternoons much more relaxed and enjoyable for everyone.

In from swimming and ready to help some more!

Ds9 juicing lemons, with the overflowing pan of juiced lemons and container of leftover pulp in the background.

Ds5 wanted a turn, too!

The inexpensive lemon juice I buy at the store is actually watered down citric acid. This fresh lemon juice is delicious – a bit sweet and very flavorful.

Though the juicer attachment strains out most of the pulp, tiny white seeds still go through. When preserving lemon juice by canning, these little seeds can make the finished result bitter. I learned this with my disappointing experiment canning mandarin oranges earlier this year. They were so sweet and tasty eaten fresh, but once I canned them, they were bitter and unappealing – the pith left on them had caused the flavor to change. I opened all the jars of mandarins, turned them into jam and reprocessed them, but honestly they probably are wasting shelf space because we have yet to touch them.

That experience inspired me to be more careful with the little things that don’t seem so important. We used the pulp that came from our second sieving to make lemonade – with the addition of some water and maple syrup, it made a nice drink for a hot day.

This time, the experiment turned out great! Lemon juiced is a high acidity product, so it can be preserved using the water bath canning method. There are two ways to do it, by pouring the juice into the jars hot or cold. If you choose to do the hot pack method, the jars have to be hot before placing hot juice in them, and you then place the jars directly into boiling water. This can be a time savings because you can boil the water while you’re doing something else, but I prefer the cold pack method because there are fewer steps.

After filling the jars with the unheated strained juice, we placed them into a large stockpot. I have a rack for the bottom of mine, but if you don’t you can put a thin towel or washcloth on the bottom so it doesn’t bang around and crack once the water boils.

Cover the jars with about an inch of water, then put the lid on and bring it to a boil. Once the water is boiling, you begin the processing time – in this case, fifteen minutes for quart sized jars. When the time is up, take the jars out and put them on a towel covering the counter – again, this is to protect the jars from cracking.

The preserved lemon juice changed color a bit (I’m guessing if I did hot pack that it wouldn’t have changed as much), but the flavor is excellent. As you can see, even after straining it a second time, there was still pulp left that rose to the top once I processed it. I wasn’t worried about straining out all the pulp – if I was, I would have used a finer sieve. I just shake it before using and it’s all good.

We ended up with a bit over eleven liters of lemon juice.

The finished product, along with the three lemons I left unjuiced so I can use them for salads.

As far as the financial savings – if I compared the cost to eleven liters of the watered down citric acid, making my own saved just 44 shekels. If I compare it to the cost of real lemon juice, it saved much more – over 150 shekels.

That leaves the question, is it worth it to spend the time on this? With my helpers it took about ninety minutes to make the juice. It would have been faster by myself but I consider it a gain when I can double up on the things I want to do and spend time with my children, so I didn’t mind the time spent. I would have had to be available to them during that time in any case.

Now, this equation works because I enjoy activities like this, and I like ending up with a quality product. If I didn’t, this might have felt like drudgery and not worth the time and energy spent.

Avivah

Chicks, chicks, galore!

Homeschooling

Last year my now fourteen year old son tried incubating eggs (quail, duck and chicken) in an incubator owned by someone else. There were multiple failures – power outages, chicks that got stuck in the netting….there were so many disappointments.

This year, he decided to build his own incubator. He salvaged a small refrigerator for the housing and traveled to Haifa to purchase a thermostat from a private seller. Then he put them together, rigged it with electricity and got it up and running.

While he was busy setting this up, one of his hens was doing her own incubating, and hatched some chicks!

A couple of his hens

A week later my son hatched out the first six chicks in his incubator, and then a week later another 25. In the week before the bar mitzva there were another twenty or so, and then a few days ago another 25. I’ve gotten used to the peeping sounds of newly hatched chicks coming from his bedroom. 🙂

A few days old

He also built an outdoor cage with a heat lamp, to keep them warm and safe until they’re big enough to keep themselves warm. So far the results have been exactly the opposite of last year – his chicks are doing great.

One of his purebred Plymouth Barred Rock chicks, 1 month old.

His plan is to sell as many chicks as he can. If some aren’t sold, he’ll keep the hens as future layers to increase our personal egg production. I’d love to have enough homegrown eggs to meet our egg intake, but we’re far from that now. We use a lot of eggs! And of course as of late he’s been saving the eggs to incubate, so we haven’t been eating any.

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The same son asked me to drive him to the feed store to get chick starter. They had no chick feed in stock, which was unusual but he was told they’d have some in a week. While we were there, he got more feed for his adult chickens, and after paying told me he was glad the price hadn’t gone up too much. I suggested he figure out how much it went up by percentages; once he did he realized there had been a 20% increase.

We went back a week later. Still no chick starter. Once we were there, he decided to get some feed corn and wheat for his adult chickens – the price of the corn has gone up almost 150% since the last time he bought some! That is a crazy increase and obviously will affect the costs of the eggs/meat being raised – not just for us but chickens raised on any scale. Finally after a month they got the chick starter back in stock, so he got enough to last for a while.

During this waiting period, he did some research to learn about what baby chicks need to eat, and learned how to make his own chick feed. (He’s already experimented with fermenting the feed for adult chickens, which makes it much more nutritious and cuts the cost quite a bit.) Chicks don’t eat the same thing as adult chickens; they need a different blend of nutrients. Since they need a lot of protein, he did an experiment in growing his own protein for his chickens, which was very interesting and successful!

Now that he’s able buy the starter, he’s not growing protein for them but it was a good thing to learn and know he could do.

He made his first chick sale a couple of week ago, and it was gratifying for us all to see him getting a return after all of the work and time he’s invested. Right now he has about eighty chicks that are a few weeks old, including the four chicks who run all over with their mother. He has another hen sitting on a clutch of eggs, so in a couple of weeks he should have some more chicks. (The chicks raised by their mothers are not for sale.)

The chicks with a bracelet on the leg are the purebreeds; the yellow one in the foreground is a mix. One month old.

He has a theory that chicks hatched by hens will as adults have the instinct to be broody (sit on their own eggs). He’s doing an experiment to see if that’s accurate. He’s purchased two purebred hens, which supposedly have had the instinct to sit on their eggs bred out of them. Certainly his purebred hens don’t sit on their eggs. He’s switched out some of the non-purebred eggs that are under the broody hen with some purebred eggs, since he hopes to hatch purebred chicks that will grow up to be broody when they reach the laying stage. It will take months to see if this theory is accurate, but it’s a worthwhile experiment.

Enjoying browsing in the yard

While all of these chicks might sound noisy and messy, it’s not at all. My son rotates different batches of chicks so that as they get older, they are able to spend the day running around outside. It’s restful and entertaining to watch them; they add a nice energy to the yard area.

Avivah

How to give without becoming resentful

Self-Growth

Over Shavuos I was rereading a book that I find meaningful and inspiring, Emuna with Love and Chicken Soup: Henny Machlis, the Brooklyn-born girl who became a Jerusalem legend. Rebbetzin Machlis was an incredible person with a heart filled with love and concern for others who did hospitality and other acts of kindness on a legendary level. She had clarity about her role and mission, and she accomplished amazing things during her life of just 57 years.

Inspired by my reading, over the holiday we were discussing the idea of doing more open-hearted hosting of guests. I have a need for privacy and personal space that makes it a challenge for me to embrace more than a fraction of Henny’s level of giving, but each person can increase their good deeds in their own way and that’s what I was thinking about. Though I’ve done a lot of hosting over the years (and still regularly have guests), it’s not an area I feel inspired to invest more efforts into.

It’s not hard to give if you receive profuse thanks for your efforts. However, how can you give without feeling resentment when your efforts don’t receive recognition, or are taken for granted? I was thinking a lot about this, because when something is hard for me I need more positive feedback to offset that. Then something happened that helped me find my answer to this.

That same day we had this conversation about hosting, I was asked to visit with a mother of a new baby who wasn’t feeling well. After I left, I thought about how to help this mother, and my first thoughts were to find bigger solutions. But I’m not the source of bigger solutions, so it left me feeling useless.

Then I thought it would be better to think what I could do to help that would fit into my schedule and match my giving capacity at this time. I can’t offer to take care of a bunch of small children at my home, or go there to babysit for an extended period. So what could I do?

I have a 45 minute window for 7:15 – 8 am after my kids go on their van to school, before I get busy with my tasks for the day. So I knocked at their door and told her husband I had 45 minutes to help with post-holiday clean up.

Since they’re a much smaller family than mine, their dishes are a drop in the bucket for me! In the time I had, I was able to wash the dishes, clean the counters and sweep the floor.

On my way out, I noticed the laundry hamper was full and took it home with me. I have a big washing machine and enjoy doing laundry, so that’s easy for me.

The mother was sleeping after being up for hours in the night with her sick baby, so she didn’t see me when I was there. We happened to bump into each other at the health clinic later that morning, and she thanked me for the lovely surprise of waking up to a clean kitchen.

Since I did tasks that were doable for me, I didn’t need the approbation and appreciation I would have needed if I had done something that was a big stretch. I felt good about my actions but there was nothing that I did that felt hard or noble, that I would be constantly telling myself how amazing I am for doing these incredible acts of kindness or feel frustrated that my kindnesses weren’t adequately noticed.

All of my initial thoughts about how to help felt hard for me. My lesson to myself is to do the things that are a fit with who I am and the resources I have available. If it feels like too much, chances are that’s not the right thing for me to do at this time. It’s better to extend one’s self with something smaller and be able to help again in the future, than to burn oneself out and feel frustrated/hostile/resentful by taking on something too big.

As far as big things, if a person starts small and works up, over time his capacity for giving grows and later on those big things become doable to him. It’s undeniable that Rebbetzin Machlis continually grew her capacity for giving. Something I really appreciated about her biography is that the focus wasn’t on, ‘look how amazing this person is’, but on how she became the person she became. And that’s actually inspiring, because then there are steps a person can take to become a better person himself.

Avivah

A beautiful bar mitzva! Photos and updated family pic

Parenting

What a busy, beautiful weekend of family celebration, in honor of our newest bar mitzva boy!

Silly brothers pic
My mom with the bar mitzva boy
Our oldest son with his family
Our oldest daughter with her family
Our second daughter and her family
Our newest couple – our second son and his wife
With nephews

I appreciate that the photographer took a lot of spontaneous pictures.

Me with our two youngest boys and two granddaughters
My mom with her youngest great-grandson
My youngest daughter with my youngest granddaughter

It’s not easy to get a picture of a large group of people, and it’s basically impossible to get a picture without someone blinking or moving. And with late afternoon temps in the 90s, tired children….everyone did great!

Our greatest blessing in life – our family.

It was a lot of work cooking and baking and organizing, but I had so much sincere enjoyment that it didn’t seem so significant.

This week’s Torah portion was the third longest in the entire Torah – my last son had a double parsha, and this parsha was more than twice as long as the double parsha!

This bar mitzva boy is a late reader, but he not only prepared the entire parsha, but the haftarah as well. Many people commented to me on how confident he was, that his reading was clear, loud and accurate. He was consistent and persistent in his preparations, and we are all so proud of him!

His reading took an entire hour. Literally. It was really, really long. Afterwards, he told me he felt a bit sad that it was over, and he was sorry he hadn’t read the haftarah more slowly to enjoy it even more. He’s already planning to prepare some of the Torah reading for an upcoming week!

He’s a wonderful young man and it’s been gratifying watching him grow up.

I’m feeling quite a bit of poignancy, some bittersweet feelings. This was the last of three bar mitzvas in just a little over three years, and it will be a few years until the next one. They really do grow up so fast….

Avivah

Formula shortages and formula options

Healthy Living, Intentional Spending, nutrition, Parenting

A few weeks ago there began to be a shortage of formula in the US, a situation that has reached what some officials have called a ‘crisis situation’.

Baby formula is in dramatically short supply, with many stores locking up the formula, limiting it to one per customer, or the stock in the stores simply not there. Parents of babies who need formula are having to drive far distances, pay exorbitant online prices to opportunist sellers – or do without.

As a mother of 11 who has been deeply committed to breastfeeding, I nonetheless have experienced the challenge of not being able to nurse two of my babies. I nursed my tenth child, who had a weak sucking reflex, for four months, while simultaneously pumping for several hours a day to keep my supply up. I finally gave up when despite all my efforts, I couldn’t produce the milk he needed. (I later realized that the two pumps I had borrowed were faulty and that was the source of the problem, but in my exhausted state and with very limited community resources, I couldn’t access other options.)

I turned to formula, trying different kinds while also looking for goats’ milk and mothers’ milk donors, for the most part without success. Finally, after five months we found a formula he could tolerate, that was only available by medical prescription and cost over 1000 shekels a month.

When my eleventh child came into our lives via the legal system, I began seeking out mothers’ milk donors before he even arrived home. I was then living in the center of the country, and access to community resources was dramatically different. Like his brother before him, he couldn’t tolerate regular formula. For the first two years, we were blessed to be able to give him mother’s milk for all but two months (a week here, a week there, when the donor milk couldn’t be found), and for those in-between times we supplemented with a medical prescription formula. I later donated the many unused cans we had purchased to a mother in financial need whose child used that specialty formula. I was so grateful to have the resources that I needed to keep him healthy.

When I think of these desperate mothers seeking food for their babies, it’s heartbreaking. I once ran out of formula due to logistics in prescription/purchasing rules (those have since changed) and we ended up in the emergency room on Shabbos as a result.

These mothers need options. While breastfeeding is wonderful and I fully support it, it’s not an option for everyone. It’s disturbing for me to see commentators – especially men – suggesting that if mothers would be breastfeeding they wouldn’t be in this situation.

Many women physically can’t produce milk no matter how much they try, due to illness or physical challenge on the side of the mother or baby; there are foster/adoptive parents/grandparents raising children that they didn’t give birth to.

I do believe that steps will be taken to to increase formula production and hopefully this will be a short-lived crisis. In the interim, parents need help. If you are a nursing mother and know someone struggling with the formula shortage, perhaps you can offer to help out by pumping. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to the tens of mothers who kept our youngest nourished and healthy thanks to their donations. Or if you see formula in your stores, buy it to donate to someone else who can’t find it. Or share the below information for how to make their own.

How did people feed their infants in the days before commercially produced formula was available? Hiring a wet nurse was a common practice, but in cultures that didn’t have that practice, parents made their own. Here’s are two recipes for formula that are nutritionally complete that were published in Nourishing Traditions; one is dairy and one is meat based. Goat milk is an excellent replacement for mother’s milk, though it needs to be supplemented with vitamin B12 and folate. Many of our elders who were bottle-fed were raised on evaporated milk mixed with Karo syrup; here is a simple emergency formula replacement recipe using evaporated milk, as well as an excellent explanation for why evaporated milk is a better option than regular milk. **Disclaimer: of course every parent needs to verify with their medical professionals that the option they are considering is appropriate for their child.**

Hopefully this situation will quickly be resolved. In the meantime, parents can look to alternative solutions and feel empowered knowing they have the tools to keep their babies fed and happy.

Avivah

My father-in-law’s passing and musings about memories we leave behind

Parenting, Self-Growth

Thirty years ago, my husband and I dated and then got engaged while we were both studying in Israel. Afterwards we flew back to the US to meet each other’s parents.

It was erev Pesach when he picked me up to take me to meet his parents. I was going to be spending the seder and the subsequent meals of the first two days of the holiday with them. It was a rainy day, and he admits he was a little distracted and didn’t notice the exit we were meant to take until it was almost too late; he exited the highway too quickly, the car spun out of control on the slick road and we crashed into the side of the road. It was at the service station we had been towed to that I first met my father-in-law, when he came to pick us up.

He was kind and gracious, notable since it was his car my husband had been driving, and it was a few hours before Pesach began, a time that is generally very busy. This gentle, kind quality is something that has been consistent throughout the years.

At the beginning of this week my husband got a call that his father was suddenly given a very short time to live, and to get there as soon as possible. He was able to get a flight that night, and was there for three days, waiting for what we all knew was inevitable. He passed this morning.

My husband was the only one of my immediate family to be present at the funeral in person, but the rest of us were present via webcast for the funeral services. It was a gift to be able to participate in that way, to hear what was shared about my father-in-law. All of what was said was consistent with my own experience.

Afterward I spoke with my oldest son, and we talked about how a person’s life is summed up in just a few minutes. What are you remembered for when you’re no longer here? It really comes down to character and relationships. I would hazard a guess that even someone who was professionally very successful would not have this directly referenced as his greatest legacy unless he had no relationships that were of significance.

It’s not comfortable to think about what people will say about you at your funeral (at least for me it’s not), but I think it’s worth asking one’s self what you want them to say.

I’ve been thinking lately about acts of kindness. A couple of weeks ago, the weekly Torah portion included the concept of loving another person as yourself. We shared several stories at our Shabbos table of how people extended themselves for others, and I felt very aware that I have plenty of room to grow in this area.

Also in the last couple of weeks, the indoor mask mandates in Israel have been dropped, and I feel differently when I’m out and about. Warmer, more open, more friendly, more kind. More like the person I used to be. That means that my normative behavior has become more closed and self-focused in the last couple of years when I’m in public.

My newest daughter-in-law has an aunt and uncle in Baltimore (where my in-laws live) who during this week have been a beautiful model of how to reach out to others. They have visited the hospital daily, brought loads of food, sung and prayed with my father-in-law, picked up my husband from the airport, driven for hours to the burial in New Jersey – hardly knowing my in-laws or us. That kind of response comes from people who are so used to doing acts of service for others that they do it as naturally as breathing.

I think that when one is more open-hearted, one naturally notices others and wants to be of assistance. It’s first and foremost a way of thinking, that leads to a way of acting. I feel like a person who has been sleeping and has to shake off the lethargy, and consciously remind myself to do the kind of things I used to do on a regular basis.

While I don’t yet have an answer about what I want people to say about me after I’m gone, I’m clear that I don’t like the self-oriented focus that has slipped in. While in large part this has happened because I’ve perceived others as closing themselves in and not desiring contact with others, with this new awareness, I’m starting to make some very small shifts in the direction I’d prefer to go.

Avivah

Asking myself what feels fun – then joining basket weaving course!

Homemaking, Self-Growth

Frequently when a writer or commentator wants to hold up an example of a useless thing to spend time learning, they mention basket weaving. Or underwater basket weaving.

It’s interesting what we consider valuable and what we consider worthless. Hands-on creation of a useful object is a waste of time, and tapping away at a computer screen living in a digital world is an accepted norm. But putting that aside…..

I mentioned having participated in a basket weaving activity a while ago. I didn’t really enjoy it, primarily because of what I was telling myself. When forming the sides of that basket, it seemed like I needed to be an octopus to keep hold of the different ends. I looked around and all the other women seemed to be managing better than I was. I was feeling increasingly frustrated and inadequate, comparing myself to them. Thoughts began running through my mind: “Why do I put myself in these situations? Why do I have to do new things with new people and look like a complete incompetent?” I was convinced that I wouldn’t be able to complete the basket and would walk away without anything to show for all of my effort.

After a few minutes of this, I got hold of myself and recognized the direction I had gone in. (It takes very, very little time for a mind to spin out into negativity!) I then asked myself, why am I telling myself this? It’s a beautiful day, it’s a lovely group of women and I get to do something I’ve never done before. I reassured myself that the basket would look just fine when I was done, and that my focus should be staying in the moment and enjoying the experience.

So I did.

And the basket, while not an impressive masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination, looked like a basket when it was done.

My first weaving project ever – woven using westontonia and banana leaves

When I saw the ad about the next session before Pesach, I was simultaneously interested and avoidant, not wanting to have a repeat of my initial experience of inadequacy. But I told myself, I’ve already done it once and I’m going to enjoy it. I quickly sent my rsvp.

This was a project that I enjoyed much, much more.

Trivet made using olive branch for a frame, and date stalks

While we were working on our trivets, someone mentioned that there’s a local teacher who formally teaches basket weaving using traditional methods. I got her number when things quieted down after the holiday.

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I’ve been interested in learning basket weaving for a long time.

As a frugal person, sometimes I’ll say no to things that seem unnecessary or don’t add value. Whether basket weaving has intrinsic value to anyone else or not, I’ve been becoming increasingly conscious of making decisions not from a logical/intellectual space, but by asking myself, what do I want? What feels good to me? The more I ask those questions and act in alignment with the answer, the better things seem to go.

When I called the instructor to inquire about her classes, I was delighted to learn that a new eight week series was beginning just a few days later! Despite it taking place in the busy late afternoon/evening hours, I was determined to make the child care arrangements work so that I could participate.

I’ve done two sessions so far, each three hours long, and am enjoying it so much.

The sessions takes place in a tent outdoors, lined with beautiful handmade projects the instructor sells.


All of the weaving in these sessions is done using date stalks. When I finished my first basket, the instructor suggested I could hang it up and use it to keep small items in. No, I rushed to tell her, I was happy to have the experience learning how to weave and wouldn’t be displaying it.

Well. Here it is on my bedroom wall now. 🙂

I haven’t yet trimmed the ends of this, but for now am enjoying the natural look of it.

In the second session, we made small baskets. I made two – they are a good size to keep use on the desk and I’m going to use these as well.

One of my baskets in process.

There are four of us in the workshop; two beginners and two who did the first eight sessions, and are continuing with more complex projects.

In the background, a more advanced student working on her basket.

The instructor does her own weaving projects alongside of us.

The basket the instructor began during this session.

There’s a meditative quality to basket weaving, and the more you do the more relaxing it is. Right now I’m just learning the basic process and the end result is usable but far from perfect. I’m really okay with that. I’m more interested in learning and am so, so much enjoying it. Coming out with a concrete project is a nice bonus but the creative process alone is worth it for me. I’m already thinking I’d like to continue when these eight weeks are finished!

Avivah

Stopped overthinking and got a new car, finally!

Homemaking

Over two years ago, we bought a seven seater car, which has been very well used. It was a much older car than anything we bought in the past, since here in Israel, seven seaters are much more expensive than five seaters, and I was staying within a very tight purchasing budget.

I have never had the experience of constant repairs until owning this car. We have literally replaced every single part in the last two years, and every time we do, I’m sure that’s the last thing that will need to be replaced. Then a month (or less) goes by, and there’s something else!

The more money we put into it, the more it seemed we should keep it. After all, it’s all new under the hood! (If we had spent the sum up front that we spent on repairs to buy a car, we could have had a very nice car in excellent condition to start with! Not fun to think about but it’s been a good lesson.) When I bought that car, I was grateful to find a car that had so many things we were looking for, even though it was clear to me when I bought it that it wasn’t a vibrational fit for me. It was very functional but it felt like a step down to buy it.

After a particularly big repair a few months ago, I told my husband this car is trying to work its way out of our lives because it isn’t a match for us vibrationally. I’m positive that someone else who would be excited to have it could own it for years and would hardly need any repairs, but the car is doing its part to help us move towards something better for us.

I’ve been clear for over a year what our next vehicle would be when we were ready: a very good condition seven seater with four wheel drive. Seven seats so we can fit everyone at home if we go on a family trip, and four wheel drive since I live in an area with back roads where that would be useful. Cars like these are quite expensive – and not gas efficient at all.

When I finally began looking for a car a few months ago, I had a dilemma. I expected we would see a rise in gas prices, and couldn’t see spending more for the vehicle purchase, more for insurance – and then more to continually fuel up. Since the vast majority of our driving is just one of us, sometimes with one or two kids along for an errand, it was too much car for our true needs.

I had a really hard time letting go of the idea of a seven seater, though. (A seven seater is about twice the cost of a comparable five seater in terms of age and mileage, so the cost is a significant part of the decision.) Even when I let go of a seven seater, I couldn’t let go of the idea of four wheel drive. Those cars are also in a more expensive category (to buy/insure/fuel), and though it’s nice to bounce along a back road, it’s something we rarely do.

Finally I let go of that, too.

I’m the researcher and car buyer of the family, and when I asked my husband for his feedback as to what to buy, he replied, just buy a car in good condition that’s not old.

But what about this feature, and that feature? He really didn’t care. I did, though, and finally decided on a car that had the features and ‘look’ that I preferred. The challenge was that the cars that met my parameters weren’t being sold by private sellers locally, and my husband wasn’t available to go together with me to see these cars.

He travels to Tel Aviv once a week for work, so I found a car in that area, planning to drive in to work together with him. The intention was I’d drive the old car home, and after work he’d come home with the new car. I set up a meeting with the seller, agreed on the time we’d check in to confirm with each other first thing in the morning and made travel plans for the next day. Then my husband, wanting to save me the significant driving time, suggested he take the train to work, then take a bus from work to the seller and look at it himself. I was happy to save four hours of my time, and agreed.

However, there was some miscommunication between us about when he was supposed to contact the seller to confirm the meeting time. The meeting didn’t happen, and though they talked about meeting in the evening, that didn’t happen either. When he came home that night at 10 pm (obviously without the car I had assumed he would buy), I was frustrated that all the time and effort I had spent – researching and narrowing it down to this brand and then finally this car- had shown no concrete results. Though my husband said we could go there together the following day on his day off, I absolutely did not want both of us to drive two hours in each direction to go look at it. He has so little free time, and the point had been to go look at it when it wasn’t out of his way.

At 10:30 that night I spontaneously decided to look for a completely different car that had not been on my mental radar at all. I narrowed it down to the best three choices within an hour from us, then narrowed it down to the best car of the three – a seller twenty minutes away.

I called first thing in the morning, and an hour later was looking at the car with my husband (who had a day off since it was Yom Hazikaron (Memorial Day). We test drove the car, I made an offer, then a counteroffer. When the seller accepted, I nodded and left my husband to take care of the transfer details. It was fast and easy.

It was also a bit anti-climactic. It’s not the look I preferred, it doesn’t have the extra features I wanted (both of which are minor details and can be added) – but I honed in on what is most important for us and it has it all. It’s a car in excellent condition with lower mileage, is a brand known for reliability, gets good fuel mileage, has a generous sized trunk – and we got a good price on it.

My primary initial feeling was relief. I’m not a person who does well with indecision; I like to make a decision, take action and move on to the next thing on my list. To keep thinking and thinking and overthinking one topic was sucking up so much of my mental energy. This has been a big thing on my to-do list for a long time and it’s really nice to have it taken care of.

Now that I’ve let go of all those things I thought I wanted, I’m feeling the freedom of having a smaller car with a smaller fuel intake, and appreciating driving something that runs quietly and smoothly!

Avivah