By 7 am they were ready to go!

Foster Care, Parenting

All of these extra school activities this month are very nice for the kids, but as a parent it’s a lot to do!

This is the first week of the Hebrew month of Adar, and in my daughter’s school there is a different theme each day to make it more fun. So one day she’s supposed to wear the class color, another day to bring something connected to clowns, babies, the yearly theme, etc.

This week she was also chosen to be Girl of the Week. I didn’t realize what it was going to add to my schedule on a very busy week! She went to school dressed in her Shabbos clothes and I made her two Dutch braids for the occasion. The braids took about fifteen minutes, which is a lot when there is so much to do for the four younger kids in the hour from when they wake up.

Yesterday before dinner we filled out the questionaire to help her prepare to talk about herself in front of the class – her favorite colors, school subjects, names of siblings, hobbies, etc. She’s supposed to take a book she enjoys, to share in the course of the week. (I assume the teacher will read it to the class.) I would have liked to have had time to spend choosing something with her, and reading it several times before she went, but I didn’t. The books we read together at this point are usually in English, and the ones we used to read regularly are no longer in good shape.

She also needs to bring a picture she drew – she made a couple and I hope there’s one in her backpack because after the school bus picked them up, I came in and saw the one I thought she was going to take on the kitchen counter.

She’s bringing prizes to distribute to the girls. Fortunately I had ordered these a week before it was announced that she would be the Girl of the Week, so that was nice to have something I didn’t have to prepare this week.

The final and most significant part of the list that I spent hours preparing for, is to bring in a photo montage of herself from the time she was born. The montage is hung in the classroom for an entire week. For months she’s been worried about the picture issue. She kept asking me when it’s her turn how she’s going to have pictures from when she was little, and I kept telling her not to worry about it, that I’ll make sure she has pictures.

Last year I asked the social worker at the mediation center to request pictures from her bio parents of the twins’ childhood. We never got any. It’s so important for them to have some connection to their early years. After waiting for weeks, I finally I went onto her bio parents Facebook accounts and saved the pictures I saw there. Unfortunately, someone dropped my computer and it was destroyed; all of the files were lost.

When I went back to Facebook, the accounts could only be viewed by ‘friends’. But then I found that her mother had more than one account, and hadn’t locked the older one. I saved the pictures that I found there – maybe ten total – so the kids would have them. From these I was able to put a few baby pictures on her montage.

Then I contacted her previous foster mother and asked her for pictures. She had deleted almost everything but found a few for me, which she sent.

Dd was so happy and excited when I showed her the pictures that I assembled. I printed and mounted about twenty pictures on a large plastic board and it looks really nice. I was planning to put the pictures in a photo album after she brings them home, but now I’m thinking of hanging it on her bedroom wall – I think she’ll love it.

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Also today, my twelve and eight year olds are having an early Purim party, complete with costumes and a communal meal. As far as costumes, I thought we were set a while back but then two days ago I learned my twelve year old has been telling everyone he’s going to be a policeman. I knew it was very important to him, so I took him to a store yesterday and explained that this is the only store we were going to be able to go to, and if we couldn’t find a costume he was going to have to dress up as something else. Good fortune shone upon us since there was only one men’s police costume and it was his size. Our seven year old is planning to be a policeman and I had purchased handcuffs and a gun for him to use next week, so our twelve year old was able to take them today.

Each child is supposed to bring the food item they’re assigned for the communal meal. Our twelve year old brought the hard boiled eggs, and our eight year old was tasked with bringing pitas or rolls. I took the pitas I bought out of the freezer last night so they would be defrosted when he left to school. When I got up this morning, the bag was open and two pitas were missing, so my husband made a trip at 6 am to the store to buy more.

Our eight year old also needed to bring mishloach manot for the class exchange – everyone brings one and then everyone gets one. I found out about it Wednesday afternoon and since I do errands in the morning, I only had Thursday to get something, but my morning was too full to add in another trip to the store. It felt like pulling a trick out of my hat to get it ready this morning since earlier in the week I hadn’t gone shopping with this in mind, but I made a nice one.

Every day when the kids get on the school bus dressed, ready and smiling, it feels like an accomplishment but today was on a different level.

Avivah

Citrus compote and homemade general cleaners

Healthy Living, Intentional Spending

I realized I need to share about this before citrus season passes!

I got two boxes of beautiful clementines, and wanted to find a way to preserve their citrusy deliciousness for a different season.

My past experience with canning clementines was terrible; they were delicious when I put them in the jars but bitter and lacking in flavor when I took them out to eat them. That was in 2021 and you can see it scarred me enough that I didn’t try to can any citrus in the ensuing years. 🙂

This time I made a delicious citrus compote with pink grapefruit, clementines, pomegranate seeds and a tiny bit of star anise. So, so good.

I cut off all the pith (the white stuff left on the fruit after you peel it) and the membranes of the grapefruits, since that’s what gives the bitter flavor. We had some of it fresh and it didn’t need any sweetener, but I added some honey for the jars that I canned.

Sectioning all of that citrus fruit was a lot of work, particularly since the grapefruits were small. But the taste was fabulous!

(You can see the citrus compote in the jars in the background below.)

Then I canned clementine sections using honey and water as the syrup to can them with. Those also turned out nicely. In the winter I like to have homemade applesauce and peach/apricot compote for Shabbos dessert from the fall and summer seasons, and I’ll save the citrus compote for the summer when citrus is no longer in season. It makes it more special to enjoy it when it’s not in season.

After I finished, I was left with a huge amount of clementine peels. (I had to take my boys to an appointment in the middle of working on this. I was very embarrassed that a friend we haven’t seen for twenty years unexpectedly come to visit when I was out and walked into the kitchen to see the island covered with jars, fruits and peels.) While my goats would have gladly eaten the peels, I wanted to use them to make a big batch of general purpose cleaner.

Okay, get ready for a very complicated and time consuming project.

All Purpose Citrus Cleaner

You can use peels from any citrus fruit – lemons, grapefruits, pomelos, oranges. They all have a chemical in their peels called d-limonene that is a natural compound that removes oil and dirt from surfaces.

Put the peels in a container. Cover with vinegar so that the peels are completely submerged; you don’t want to have peels sticking out because they’ll get moldy. Close/cover the container and let sit from two weeks to two months. (It can sit longer if you don’t get around to dealing with it.) Strain. Put the peels in your compost pile (or if you’re me, everything goes to the chickens) and pour the strained vinegar into a spray bottle and add an equal amount of water.

You can use this to clean most areas – bathrooms, windows, sinks, stoves and ovens. It’s strong and effective, but doesn’t have any chemical smell or danger to your skin or lungs. (You can also use this citrus vinegar for salad dressings. I know, it’s kind of a funny thought to be able to ingest your household cleaner.)

I made a very large recipe, using all of my peels along with two – 4 liter jugs of vinegar, purchased at the bulk store for 8.50 each. When mixed with water it will result in sixteen liters of cleaner for under twenty shekels, and that will be enough to last me a very long time.

Avivah

Setting limits on gift giving

Intentional Spending, Self-Growth

Tonight I got a call from a parent of my eight year old son’s class. She was tasked with calling all the parents to collect the money for Purim gift baskets for the teachers.

There was an evening event for mothers last week, and no one mentioned the class gift so I assumed that this year I’d make my own gift baskets for the teachers. By the time I got the call, I had completed my order for everything I needed and it was too late to cancel my order.

However, I always participate with the class gifts, even though they are for the morning and afternoon staff, and my son is only present for the mornings. So I asked how much it would be.

“250 shekels”, she said.

I got a call the day before about contributing to the class baskets for ds12’s same size class in the same school, and you know how much it was? 100 shekels. Totally fine.

I told her that 250 shekels is way too much. I feel responsible in part for these spiraling prices because until a year ago, they were asking 150 shekels from each parent. At the mother’s evening last year they were hesitating about the price, and asked me and the other woman I was with if they should charge 150 or 200. The woman next to me said ‘200’ and I agreed it was fine with me. We were the first people asked and if we had said it was too much, it would have been adjusted accordingly.

In the moment I felt it was okay because I had the money and it didn’t cause me financial strain. But it caused the bar to be raised, and it’s likely it caused others to feel pressured. When they collected for the end of the year gifts and said they wanted 200 shekels from each family, I told them that I was wrong to agree earlier in the year to a higher price and they needed to hold the bar at 150 shekels.

Well, obviously that didn’t happen and the bar was raised again.

I very clearly expressed why I won’t contribute: it’s too much money and it puts pressure on parents and there has to be a limit. The person calling agreed with me completely and said she wished that I had been one of the first to be asked this year instead of the last, that if someone else had said this earlier on then the price would have been lowered. (Don’t think that everyone will send in the money – they won’t, they will act as if it’s fine with them and then not pay.)

I like to participate with group efforts and of course no one wants to look like they’re being cheap. In this case I’m not worried about how people look at me – for years I’ve consistently contributed willingly and promptly. I genuinely feel like someone has to put their foot down and I’m willing to be that person.

What will I send to the teachers instead? I’ve bought gold metal baskets and will include in each a large bottle of natural grape juice, a family size bag of hamantaschen and some fruit. I may add a can of tuna or some other canned good. I’ll wrap it nicely in cellophane and ribbons, and it will look lovely.

It’s a beautiful thing to be generous but it’s easy to be swayed by your concern of what people will think of you. It’s so easy to go beyond your limits when it comes to gift giving because of how you want to be perceived. Be honest with yourself: does it feel good to you, or do you feel you’re overly stretching yourself? Does it give you joy and are you giving in a whole hearted way, or do you feel like you have to even though you’d rather not and it’s too much for you?

Learning to be honest with yourself and respect your needs and limitations is a really important ability to develop. See requests such as these as opportunities to be respectful and loving of yourself, rather than putting the wants of others before yourself.

Avivah

Adding more chickens to our flock?

Micro Homesteading,

Thank you to all of you who took time to comment and share feedback on what you appreciate reading about here! If you haven’t yet commented, it’s not too late to share what interests you – I read and appreciate every single comment.

Today dd7 has a siddur party; they’ll be rehearsing in the hall where it will be held, and she needs to be picked up early. I’ll need to drive there to get here (it’s an hour away), then go back together with her for the performance after an hour or so at home. That will give her time to shower and for me to braid her hair, and to eat something before we leave. That means that most of my day will be busy with getting her to this performance and then attending it, with us getting home in the evening past her bedtime.

Of course on such a full day I need to add completely voluntary activities to my schedule, like going to look at some purebred Brahma chickens for sale locally before I leave to pick up dd.

Why am I thinking about getting these chickens?

On Friday we finally processed our homegrown roosters. (That same morning we had an amazing hatch rate from the eggs my son incubated; we now have almost fifty chicks from a batch of a bit over 60 eggs!) Previously we had five roosters that were shechted (slaughtered) by someone who wasn’t expert in mixed breed chickens (they swallow their windpipe when alarmed and that causes problems in the kosher slaughtering) and they all came out not kosher. We took the eight remaining roosters (we’re keeping two of our purebred Plymouth Barred Rock roosters) to a new shochet (kosher slaughterer). Six of the eight were kosher, and we were very satisfied with his price, approach and skill.

My husband and sons are able to pluck, clean and kasher the birds. Not having a shochet who could kill our birds was our biggest impediment to raising our own birds for meat. Now that we have a reliable way to process our homegrown roosters, that changes everything for us.

If you can’t eat them, roosters are mostly a liability. But if we can eat them, then we have a good source of high quality chicken that we can produce ourselves.

Until now, my focus was on eggs so it didn’t matter to me what breed we had because if they reliably laid eggs, that was what we wanted. With the possibility of eating our chickens comes new choices to make.

The chickens I’m going to look at are a large breed that would be ideal for meat birds. They have a calm and gentle personality and are decent but not amazing egg layers.

My hesitation is that to keep the chickens purebred, they need to be kept separate. When my son bought two pairs of purebred Plymouth Rocks three years ago, his intention was to create a purebred flock. Plymouth rocks are good layers and good meat birds, so they’re called dual purpose chickens. They also are fine in our hot climate and have pleasant dispositions, so we’ve never had to worry about aggressive roosters.

However, he never separated them from his mixed flock, since it would have meant either getting rid of all his mixed hens or building a new coop. That meant that we continue to have a mixed flock with a few purebreds mixed in. All of their eggs look similar, so I don’t have the option of only hatching the purebred eggs. The mixed chickens are smaller which is fine for laying hens but not so much for eating.

I could easily sell off all of our laying hens and start again with only the bigger purebreds, but am reluctant to do that because we’re finally getting a good amount of eggs a day and I expect it to increase in the next few weeks as the youngest hens mature and begin laying- right now we’re getting 10 eggs daily, which is a nice amount. It takes at least five months for a chick to grow into a layer, and Brahmas can take a year until they begin laying.

To keep them separate, which would be the obvious solution, I’d need to build another coop and I don’t know where or when we would build it, plus that’s more financial outlay on top of the cost of the new chickens.

However, we’re already doing the work of hatching our own eggs and then raising the chicks, so if we could get offspring that would be a good size.

Sometimes decisions like this take so much headspace, the thinking and rethinking and thinking again…and no motion happens in any directions.

I finally decided I’ll just go look at the chickens and seeing them will hopefully help me have clarity and I’ll put all of this mental circling around to rest.

Avivah

Please…I need your feedback!

Uncategorized

I started this blog in 2006 as an act of service for young mothers, as a way to share my experience in navigating the parenting path for those earlier on in their journeys.

As readers asked questions, I responded with posts addressing their points of interest. This led me to diverge from the exclusive focus on parenting that I began with, to share about health and nutrition, homeschooling, home management, frugality and more.

My life continues to evolve as time goes by. Whatever I do, I want to live consciously and with intention, to actively craft a life that is meaningful to me and that brings me contentment. That’s been my focus from the beginning and will continue to be my focus, regardless of the specifics that I share about at each given stage.

My family has expanded with the addition of foster children and that means that I continue to be actively involved as a parent to young children as well as teenagers. At the same time, I have six married children and am a grandmother to many grandchildren (the newest addition was born to my second son and his wife almost four weeks ago!). I’m now 51 and one area of reflection for me right now is about how to navigate the next stage of life gracefully.

I would like to share about whatever topics that are on my mind. However, this blog isn’t for me – it’s for you. My purpose is to share my experience, insights, tips, and struggles in an authentic way to help you. To do that, I want to know what kind of topics are of the most value and interest to you.

Your questions and comments to what I write are the most helpful way for me to know what you’re thinking. Otherwise, I’m guessing if you love it or hate it what I wrote…or are completely indifferent. Without your comments, I’m left not knowing if what I wrote was of benefit to you.

Sooooo…. I’d love to hear from you! What is it that keeps you coming back to regularly read what I share? What topics interest you, what do you love and what topics do you want to hear more about? Please share your thoughts and suggestions below!

Thanks in advance for helping me to share content that is aligned with your needs and interests!

Avivah

You gotta have a goal!

Intentional Spending, Self-Growth

How do you motivate yourself to do something that feels hard?

You’ve got to have a goal. Without a goal, there’s no fire lit under you. You have no ‘why’ to inspire you to take action when life is already full and there are so many things that need your time and attention.

>> I have a lot of things on the “save money” to do list… more like things I can do to save money (such as hanging laundry instead of putting in the dryer & baking cookies for my kids instead of buying store bought). I am currently lacking the drive & inspiration. <<

A year ago I shared my goal to pay off our mortgage early. It was very ambitious – it felt like a fantasy when I set it. It wasn’t realistic to put aside the amount per month that I based my goal on. Not at all realistic. But it gave me so much motivation and I kept finding more and more ways to save money and put the extra onto the mortgage, even though I never hit my unrealistic target number for the amount I wanted to save each month.

As I watched the mortgage principal melting away, it was a thrill of its own. I chose to shorten the length of the loan rather than have a smaller monthly payment, and each time I paid a portion of the principal off, I saw the loan length drop. It made me want to throw every extra shekel at the mortgage, and I did.

Our mortgage was split into two parts; the first part is miraculously now paid off completely. I can tell you most definitely that if I hadn’t set that goal, it would be years from being paid off.

My original intention was to pay off the entire mortgage (ie both parts), but when the first part was paid I paused. I wanted to consider if that was still the best thing for us to do. I spent a lot of time thinking about if instead of prepaying the mortgage, perhaps it would be better to use the money for something else that could be an asset for retirement.

I’ve finally decided that having a paid for home is also preparation for retirement, and have reset my goal of paying off our mortgage completely. This has given me a financial shot of adrenaline as a result of the clarity that it gives me.

Will I hit my target goal? We’ll see. It will take a lot of determination and focus, and it will mean putting other things that I’d like to spend on to the side – like renovations – I really don’t want to wait until the mortgage is paid off. But my goal is what gives me the motivation to track my expenses, budget and spend carefully, hang laundry and cook from scratch. I’m doing all of those things to achieve a goal that matters to me, and none of it feels hard. It’s the opposite of hard – it’s energizing.

Why does this motivate me so much? At this stage of my life, what’s more important to me than more money, is more time.

Paying off the mortgage shaves away years of payments and thinking about not having a monthly payment gives me a sense of freedom, flexibility and increased time.

That’s my why.

Now, sit down and write down what you want your life to look like. Brainstorm alone, or together with your spouse. (I recommend setting a shared financial goal if you’re married.) What is really important to you? Why is it important? What do you want instead? What would that look and feel like?

Clarifying and setting your personalized goal is what will give you the incentive to change your habits and do something unfamiliar or uncomfortable.

Avivah

We want more homegrown eggs!

Homemaking

This summer a massive heat wave killed off all of our chickens but three, leaving us with just one rooster and two hens.

We fortunately had eggs in the incubator at the time, and the chicks that hatched out have been the foundation of regrowing our flock. Half grew into roosters who are unfortunately still around (I’ve wanted them to be processed for the past two months but there have been repeated delays and I’m somewhat exasperated about it). From the female half we still have hardly had any eggs, since it takes about five months until a chicken begins to lay eggs. Our hens came of age during the shortest days of the year, which further delayed their laying.

Finally about three weeks ago, some of them began laying. We’re now getting seven eggs a day, which isn’t nearly enough for our needs but it’s very nice to have them after so long with nothing! Some of the hens aren’t yet ready to lay but will soon, and that will also increase the number of eggs we get.

Below you can spot an a first time egg from a new layer – isn’t it adorable?

Even with all of the hens laying, we won’t have enough eggs to provide for our needs. While it’s nice to have supplemental eggs, I’d actually really appreciate having enough eggs to eat to make a difference to our diets.

I’ve collected eggs to incubate.

Although all chicken care transferred from my son to me at the beginning of last year, my seventeen year old son remains the expert on incubation. I asked him to check the heat calibration of the incubator to be sure it was accurate – last year it wasn’t and the excess heat killed the viability of all seventy eggs in that batch. I don’t want to do multiple incubator batches this year, just one big batch.

Last night he put in over sixty eggs.

All of those eggs won’t hatch; of those that hatch all the chicks won’t survive, and a percentage of those that survive the initial few weeks won’t make it to adulthood. In adulthood, there are still mishaps that can occur.

The saying, “Don’t count your eggs before they hatch” comes to mind.

I am hopeful, though, that by the summer we could have a nice amount of laying hens. That’s the goal – we’ll see how it works out!

By the way, I’ve seen suggestions for those concerned about high egg prices to get chickens. It’s really not that simple and definitely not inexpensive. You need to buy chickens (expensive), build a coop (expensive) and then raise them (ongoing feed costs and care). I don’t consider raising chickens for eggs to be a frugal strategy. It would take a long time to recoup the costs invested in raising chickens – I’m sure we’re nowhere near it. Of course, if we had done things in a more business-like way with the intention to make money, it could be we’d have done better in that regard, but that wasn’t our focus.

Having said that, it enhances our quality of life to have chickens so we have them even if they aren’t frugal.

Avivah

Excuses I made that kept me from saving money

Intentional Spending, Self-Growth

Years ago, I saw this message on the propane pump when I was filling up my car.

Here’s a close up of the notice.

Translation: the price of propane for subscribers is cheaper than the price displayed on the pump. For details, call.

I noticed it and casually wondered what it was about but didn’t take down the number.

I use this gas station regularly and a year or two after seeing this message, finally saved the number to my phone.

I didn’t call. After all, how much of a savings could it really be? They probably wanted to sell me something, and wanted to hook me by signing up for a puny discount on gas.

A year or two ago, I asked someone at the pump next to mine filling up at the cheaper price how he got that price. He told me he signed up and saves a half a shekel a liter. I resolved to call to ask for details.

I didn’t. More excuses – I didn’t want to set up a direct deposit to a gas station, I wouldn’t be able to track my spending, maybe they would compromise my bank details. Maybe it was a scam.

There was procrastination and then forgetfulness, forgetting to write into my planner to make the call. (What I write down gets done, what I don’t…well, it might get done eventually – or not).

Did I mention I’ve been using this gas station and seeing this message several times a month for years? That was a lot of potential reminders but I didn’t act on any of them.

Almost five years later, being inspired to keep my savings rate stable even as prices are going up and seeking options to do that, I finally called.

The person who answered told me there were two ways to get the discount and it sounded like both of them entailed setting up a direct monthly payment. She told me next time I was in the area to come into the office, fill out some forms and I would be signed up.

One day soon after I went to the office and told them I was there about the discount for propane. She asked me, “Do you want to set up a direct monthly payment or would you prefer a discount card?”

A card sounded better to me, but how would that work – wouldn’t I need to sign up to get it?

“You don’t need to sign up for anything. Take the card, insert it in the machine and it will set the price to the discounted rate, and then pay with your credit card like usual.”

“That’s it?”

“Yes, that’s it.” She handed me a discount card, and within two minutes I was in and out of the office. So incredibly easy and fast.

This is one of two gas stations that I regularly use – I don’t want to think of how much money I could have saved in the last five years if I had just picked up the phone and asked a question when I first saw the notice.

We all sometimes make excuses and tell ourselves stories, rather than getting information and taking action. Is there anything you’ve been postponing dealing with that might save you money?

Avivah

How lifestyle creep keeps people poor

Intentional Spending, Self-Growth

I was speaking with someone about finances a few months ago and mentioned that I’ve kept our expenses pretty stable as our income has gone up. He told me I should relax and enjoy my life more.

That was a strange thing for me to hear and it didn’t resonate in the slightest. I’ve chosen a material standard that I’m comfortable with. I have a spacious home that allows me to host my married children comfortably. I have a car that runs well. I have plenty of food and clothing for my family. My bills are paid.

If there’s something I want, I get it. But I don’t have a lot of wants. We’ve created a life that I don’t want or need to take a vacation from, and I feel abundant with all aspects of my life. I’m not living in lack or denying myself by spending our money intentionally.

This person was expressing the position that if you make more, you should upgrade your life accordingly. This is what is called lifestyle creep, and why so many people will never get ahead. As they earn more, they feel they deserve a nicer car, a bigger home, more exotic vacations and eating out multiple times a month. They can have more, so they feel they should – and they upgrade accordingly.

They’re earning more, perhaps even substantially more, but they aren’t saving or investing significantly more. Lifestyle creep will cause someone to continue living paycheck to paycheck, regardless of how much money he earns.

Money management skills fall into two broad categories- earning money and managing what you have (spending/saving/investing). My personal definition of frugality is intentional spending. Intentional spending is an inherent part of managing your money, and why frugality skills are valuable to learn.

If someone has a low income and is frugal, he will maximize what he has and can meet his needs even when the numbers are tight. If he doesn’t, he’ll be in debt and live hand to mouth forever.

We easily could have been poor and gone into debt with our income level. When we had around seven children, the accountant preparing our taxes said although he worked in the Orthodox Jewish community, he wasn’t accustomed to seeing numbers like ours. While I experienced our income as comfortable, he couldn’t understand how it was possible that not only weren’t we in debt, but we had savings. He was intrigued and impressed when I explained It was about making choices as to how we spent our money.

Since I’ve been blogging for eighteen years, the choices we made aren’t a secret – I’ve shared a lot about that.

If a person has a higher salary and is careful about his money, he’ll manage well with more just as he managed with less. Someone who isn’t intentional with his spending and engages in lifestyle creep will often have lots of expensive toys but a minimum of savings and investments- and many times he’s in debt. I used to be shocked by high earners who have little in investments and are debt leveraged up to their eyeballs, but not anymore.

Learning to mange lifestyle creep is critical to getting ahead with your finances.

I am convinced that how we spend money isn’t exclusively about what our expenses are, but a deep reflection of our values and how we define our worth.

Why do we engage in lifestyle creep? What are we telling ourselves when we decide to upgrade? Do we see ourselves as more successful or worthy people when we can buy or acquire more?

To be clear, I have no bone to pick about upgrading your life and am not suggesting that no one should ever have nicer things when they have the financial capacity for it. I strongly believe that everyone should spend his money in the way that brings him the most value. There are things I can now afford to do that I couldn’t do in the past, like pay for private speech therapy for my sons with special needs, and I’m so grateful I can do it.

I am advocating for intentionality and thoughtfulness about raising your level of spending. Learning to be content with what you already have and saying ‘no’ to lifestyle creep will be a big boost to your finances.

Avivah

Do you really need a car?

Intentional Spending

Here in Israel, cars are expensive and gas is very expensive, much, much more than in the US. While a car makes life so much more convenient, it comes at a price.

We’ve been living in Israel for thirteen and a half years and though we had a large family of ten children, didn’t buy a car until six and a half years ago. At that time, we were the largest family in our apartment building, and the only one who didn’t have a car. When we bought our home, we looked for a location with good public transportation and though it wasn’t as convenient as a car of our own, it served us quite well. We took our time in buying a car, not wanting the expenses of car ownership to sink our budget.

When we finally got a car, it was because life had become very difficult without one, due to the challenges of a child with special needs who had very little stamina for walking. The bus stop was less than a five minute walk from our home but it could take a half hour for him to walk home, and when multiplied by every time I needed to go somewhere with him, it had become stressful and draining. At that point, we agreed that having a car had become a need.

Fast forward to today, we are living in an area where the public transportation is irregular and infrequent. (I wouldn’t have considered living in a place like this if we didn’t already own a car.) We have minimal shopping and services locally, and though a small number of people manage without a car, it’s pretty much a necessity for living here.

For us, not only was one car a necessity, we needed two.

Last year, after we had a series of frustrating and expensive events involving our second vehicle, neither my husband nor I wanted to replace it. We brainstormed how we could manage with one car. We talked about what we needed the second car for, how we it it, when we used it, and how could we change our car usage so it wouldn’t be necessary.

We were able to work around most of the times we needed it, but the biggest factor that we couldn’t initially get around was my husband’s travel for work. He works in the center of the country once a week, and to get to the train that goes there, he would drive a car to the station, park it and then drive home after he got off the train on the way back. This made the travel manageable for him.

Taking a bus to and from the train station could add four hours onto his day, between the longer travel time on the bus, and waiting for the bus after getting off the train (it runs only every two hours, and if you miss it by a few minutes, you have a long wait). That seemed unreasonable.

However, when we both agreed we really didn’t want to have another car, he agreed to try it.

It isn’t comfortable. My husband leaves before 5 am and gets home at 8:45. I’m not going to sugar coat it and make it sound all wonderful, because it’s not. He’s been up for sixteen hours by the time he gets home and that is a very long day.

It may not be wonderful but it’s doable. He rests on the train, has changed his schedule to take a later train in order to minimize the waiting time for a bus and he has a good attitude about it all. This one decision has eliminated the expense of purchasing, fueling, insuring, maintaining and repairing a second car, and for the inconvenience four days a month, it’s worth it for us.

Finding ways to save will usually require you to first think differently about what you’re doing, and then do things differently. Different is going to feel uncomfortable and hard, at least in the beginning. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do them.

Building up the money you save as a result of these choices will create freedom and decrease stress the longer you do it, and that produces its own positive reward cycle.

If you have a car and you’re struggling financially, you might want to consider if you really need that car. I know how much easier life is with a car, believe me, and I know how irritating it may be to be asked to consider even for a moment not owning that car. But if you can’t really afford it – and honestly you can’t if have credit card debt/overdraft, or if you have no money for savings – then the price of a car is not being able to have the peace of mind that comes when there’s some positive padding between your income and expenses.

Peace of mind may be invisible but it’s worth a whole lot.

Avivah