Here’s the text of an article from the Haaretz newspaper that I thought was interesting.  I’ve touched on a number of the points mentioned below when sharing about the aliyah process and I found the below article worth reading.

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Life after aliyah: What does it take to make it in Israel? Trials,
tribulations and tips for immigrants to acclimate to a new life in Israel.
First thing to keep in mind: Don’t cry when a bureaucrat is mean to you.
By Judy Maltz
| May.28,
2013 | 5:17 PM | 2

Her father, Jill Ben-Dor recalls, once took note that her refrigerator
was always stocked with Israeli products, while her sister’s was
perpetually filled with American brands. It struck him as unusual since her
sister had been living in Israel longer.

Many years later, Ben-Dor wondered whether her father’s observation might
provide the key to explaining why she stuck it out, while all the other
members of her family, her sister included, eventually packed up and moved
back to the United States.

“My father and sisters had this tendency to think, no matter where they
were, that the grass was always greener somewhere else,” notes Ben-Dor, 53,
who heads the department of donor and associate affairs at Ben-Gurion
University and lives in Be’er Sheva’s affluent southern suburb of Meitar.

“I, on the other hand, made a conscious decision that this is where I am,
and this is home. If I’m going to be here, I’m going to be Israeli all the
way. I’m going to eat Israeli products, read books and newspapers in
Hebrew, watch the news on TV in Hebrew and live like an Israeli.”

Ben-Dor, married to a native-born Israeli and the mother of three grown
sons, will be marking her 30th anniversary in the country this October. Her
conscious effort to go local and resist the temptation among immigrants to
draw comparisons with the places they came from goes a long way, she
believes, toward explaining her successful integration into Israeli society.

Accurate figures on aliyah retention rates from English-speaking countries
are hard to come by since many immigrants who leave Israel do so quietly
without reporting their decision to the authorities.

Chaim Waxman, a retired professor of sociology and Jewish studies at
Rutgers University, has published extensively on aliyah from the United
States and even made the move himself, relocating to Jerusalem full time
seven years ago.

His and other research shows that retention rates were lower before the
1990s, rose dramatically that decade, and dropped off in the early 2000s.

“Until the 1990s, about 38 percent of Americans who came on aliyah went
back within three to five years,” says Waxman. “The main reasons at the
time were being away from family they missed and the Israeli bureaucracy.”

The rate dropped to 10 percent in the 1990s – “before there was even Nefesh
B’Nefesh,” notes Waxman, referring to the organization that handles
immigration from North America and Britain on behalf of the government.
“One of the factors was that by then many people already had family members
here and they were following brothers and sisters who had already come,”
Waxman says. “Also there was more cultural pluralism in Israel by then, and
you didn’t have to learn Hebrew right away or become Israeli right away, as
you did in the past.”

Another factor was a significant reduction in the bureaucracy encountered
by new immigrants, Waxman says. “My estimate is that about 20 percent go
back today,” he says.

The factors behind higher rates of return have also changed. “Based on my
impressions, the main reasons are the higher cost of housing, the
deterioration in the school systems here, religious friction among
different streams of Orthodoxy, and the fact that many of the immigrants
coming today, for example those who come after participating in Birthright,
are less ideologically motivated,” Waxman says. “They come more for
personal reasons.”

*It’s different for men and women*

The ability to maintain a sense of continuity after the move is often what
separates those who make it in Israel from those who don’t, notes Sophie
Walsh, a clinical psychologist and lecturer at Bar-Ilan University who has
studied immigration from English-speaking countries closely.

“When you make a move like this, you lose part of yourself,” she says. “It
often involves giving up careers, salary, status, family and friends. The
better you are able to hold on to a similar career, maintain a comparable
status and rebuild your social networks, the more you feel like you’re
staying yourself and the easier it is.”

According to the research, social and professional factors carry different
weight for women and men. “For women the ability to build close
relationships after the move is often the most critical thing, while for
men it’s generally about maintaining their professional status and
financial success,” Walsh says.

Like others who advise new immigrants, Neil Gillman says the character
trait that often distinguishes those who succeed is flexibility. “We’re
talking about knowing how to move on after that first unpleasant encounter
at the bank, about being able to embrace differences and accepting that it
is what it is,” says Gillman, who oversees immigration from
English-speaking countries at the Jewish Agency.

Resilience is also crucial, maintains Walsh. “The ability to get up after
you’ve fallen down is critical because there are so many blows along the
way,” she says.

Wendy Serlin, who 20 years ago moved to Israel with her family from Silver
Springs, Maryland, was among the first Americans to make Beit Shemesh their
home base. A social worker by training, she has also worked with
organizations over the years that support and counsel English-speaking
immigrants.

Based on her experiences, people who have a tougher time adjusting tend to
thrive on planning and order in their lives, she says.

“A lot of people come from America where they’re used to deciding a year
ahead what they’re going to be doing the following summer and what camps
their kids will be going to,” notes the mother of five. “It just doesn’t
work like that here. If you want to make a go of it in Israel, you have to
know how to flow.”

The other trait critical for success is thick skin, adds Serlin. “You have
to let some of the hardness of native Israelis roll off you and not burst
into tears every time they say something offensive,” she says.

Looking back at her own immigration experience, integrating into Israeli
society would probably have been smoother had she not ended up in an
English-speaking enclave, she says. “I would have liked to have had more
Israelis around, but if the choice is between being in an Anglo community
in Israel or being in New York, I think this is still better.”

*Skype helps, too*

A successful immigration experience, the experts maintain, often depends on
how old new immigrants are when they make the move. “The younger you are,
the easier it is,” says Dorron Kline, the deputy director of Telfed, the
Israeli arm of the South African Zionist Federation. “I always recommend
the sooner the better. Going to university here, the army experience –
those are all formative experiences that help in acclimatization.”

Coming as a single person or as a parent also makes a huge difference,
immigration counselors say. Families have built-in support systems that
single people do not; on the other hand, singles aren’t pressured by the
responsibility of providing for others. Since they have only themselves to
account for, singles also have an easier time leaving if things don’t work
out.

A key factor behind the overall trend of higher aliyah retention rates is
that new immigrants today have much greater access to information, Gillman
adds.

“Being well-prepared and having realistic expectations are the key to a
successful aliyah experience, and the two go hand in hand,” he says.
“There’s a tremendous amount of information out there now on the Internet
and through Facebook groups. We even have people who set their kids up with
Israeli buddies on Skype before they make the move to make the transition
easier.”

Strong religious convictions, notes Kline, can also be an asset during
difficult times. “Because of their strong ideological bent, religious
people often seem to stand up to the challenges of aliyah better,” he says.

Rivkah Lambert, who moved to Ma’aleh Adumim two years ago from Baltimore
with two grown children, finds it particularly challenging making the
adjustment as a middle-aged woman.

“Because my Hebrew skills are still weak, there’s this constant low-level
tension every time I need to communicate with Israelis,” she says. Lambert,
who writes a blog about her immigration experiences, says one of her most
popular entries was about the challenges of finding garbage bags suitable
for the size of Israeli trash bins.

But that, she notes, is the price she pays for the privilege of living in
Israel. “The more I live here, the more I see that the truest Torah life
can only be lived here, and the more I’m convinced that spiritually there’s
no better place for a Jewish person to live,” she says.

In many ways, immigrants from English-speaking countries face a new set of
challenges these days. Decades ago, the move to Israel almost inevitably
entailed a dramatic drop in a person or family’s standard of living. There
were months to wait before receiving a phone line, basic products were
sometimes unavailable at the supermarket, and don’t forget the notorious
Israeli bureaucracy. Much of that has changed as Israel has gained a
foothold in the global economy.

Making a living has also become somewhat easier, with online work and
telecommuting increasingly popular options for new immigrants today. “Gone
are the days when you used to have to resign from your job in order to move
to Israel,” notes Gillman. “People are now bringing their income with them.”

Defining success in aliyah can be tricky, says Josie Arbel, director of
absorption services and programming at the Association of Americans and
Canadians in Israel. For some, it means nothing more than scraping together
a living and putting food on the table, while for others, it means
effecting change in Israeli society. “It’s a lot about the goals you set
for yourself,” she says.

As Gillman notes, the distinction between success and failure isn’t so
clear cut anymore. “These days people have footholds in lots of place,” he
says. “They go to one place, have a great time and move on after two or
three years. Years ago that would have been considered a case of failure.
Today it no longer is.”

Based on his personal experience and extensive research, Waxman says the
following is a tried-and-true formula for successful aliyah:

Spending time in Israel before you decided when you want to come on aliyah.

Loving Jews.

Loving Jewish history.

Having family and friends in Israel.

Having a good sense of humor.

Making a commitment to stay once you’ve come on aliyah.

Having skills that are marketable and a source of income.

Speaking Hebrew helps.

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So what do you think?  Do you agree with these points?  Do you have any based on your own experience to add?

Avivah

Several people have asked me what is happening with dd16’s academic plans for the coming year.  The answer is, we don’t yet know!

She has been accepted to the seminary she applied to in England (Gateshead).  However, we’ve all agreed that if we can find a suitable seminary in Israel, we’d prefer she stay closer to home.

Since Israel is filled with seminaries for Israelis and Americans, this should be a very simple thing, right?  No, not if you’re a new immigrant who moved here less than two years ago.  The reason is, dd is neither here nor there.  The American seminaries don’t want ‘Israeli’ girls and that’s how she’s classified since we’ve lived here twenty months.  Most of the Israeli seminaries that have the professional programs that she’s interested in have admittance criteria that she can’t meet since she hasn’t been here enough years – specifically, she needs to have either a bagrut (matriculation) certificate or a ‘chutzim’ (alternative to bagrut for charedi girls) certificate.  (If she went to a teaching seminary this wouldn’t be an issue.)  When we met with her school advisor, we learned that she won’t be able to get into the programs that she’s interested in since she doesn’t have either of these certificates.

This is a bit frustrating, particularly because dd is a very good student but there’s no way for her hard work to be recognized and this seems unfair.  She took two matriculation exams last year, and is doing all the twelfth grade testing for the bagrut examinations this year, in addition to simultaneously doing the eleventh grade math exams.  She’s doing them all in Hebrew without any help at all from the school (she studies with a classmate for her exams), and is doing very, very well.  One teacher recently announced to her class that dd got the second highest grade in her class on the pre-matriculation exams (madkonet) for Yahadut – this test involved seven pages of writing (in Hebrew) on complex ideas of Jewish thought and philosophy.

She’s in a class with girls who are academically motivated and study hard, and they can’t understand how she can be doing so well when these are tests that are challenging even for native Hebrew speakers.  The answer is that she is motivated and works hard.  But as hard as she’s working, she can’t make up three years of testing in one, particularly as she has to learn all the material for each test on her own in a foreign language.  By the end of this year she’ll have seventeen points toward her matriculation certificate and a full matriculation certificate is a minimum of 21 points.  So she’s close but not quite there.

This is quite an accomplishment for an English speaker who is new to the country.  But on the applications, there’s nowhere to write about how hard she works or how well she’s done, though her teachers and principal would happily sing her praises if asked.  The application forms are very black and white, and there’s nowhere to explain that there are gaps because she’s been here such a short time.  There are two Israeli seminaries we are currently considering, and I called the first to let them know about her status.  They told me to put a note on her application that she’s a new immigrant, which I did, and tonight when we got the application for the second seminary I did the same thing.

I’ll interrupt myself here to say this: if you’re considering making aliyah with a daughter in high school, pay attention!  Many girls, even those who have made aliyah at an earlier age than dd and completed all four years of high school find themselves in a difficult situation.  For many, the Hebrew is still a linguistic challenge and culturally they continue to feel more comfortable with Americans; as such an Israeli program isn’t suitable.  And most of the American programs won’t take them.  Even if they are accepted to an American seminary, the approximately $24,000 yearly price tag is extremely daunting for those living on significantly lower Israeli salaries.  Much of the financial aid available for girls living in the US that makes these programs financially feasible for them is unavailable for girls living in Israel.  Not so simple at all.  So if you’re thinking about moving here with a teenage daughter, consider yourselves warned!

Back to dd, who has gone through a lot since we moved here and keeps moving forward with a positive attitude while growing from the challenges.  She’s not letting herself get discouraged by the current seminary situation, either.  She’s looking for a seminary with a Jewish studies program that has a strong focus on personal growth and development, and has a secular studies program that will enable her to get an accreditation in a professional field of her choice.  She’s currently interested in architectural engineering, which we were told is the most difficult of the courses offered at these two seminaries.  We were warned that the Hebrew level of these classes might be too hard for her and that the classes are demanding even for native Hebrew speakers but dd and I both feel it’s doable since she’s willing to apply herself.

There’s one other Israeli seminary that was initially our first choice – Ofakim – but the professional training programs I was told they had weren’t of interest to dd (computers, special ed and early childhood ed) and we vetoed it.  Yesterday a friend told me that she’s positive that there are other tracks and we need to get more information before ruling that out.   If any readers have information or contact details for this seminary, please share it with us!

Last week she interviewed at seminary number one and came home adamant that she won’t attend that school – she said it felt cold and uncaring. She had an interviewer who was so emotionally detached that it was a big turn off, despite the interview afterward with the principal, who was very warm and was impressed with her.  Tonight she filled out the application for the next school, which is much smaller and sounds more like what she’s looking for – she’ll send it off in the morning and then we’ll wait to hear back from them regarding an interview.  I really want her to find a place where she can have a positive social/spiritual/academic experience, and hope that one of these options will be a good fit.

I’ll be sure to share with you once there’s closure on this decision!

Avivah

>>I would also like to encourage people to try out temporary residence before committing to aliyah. There are many positives to do so. Don’t do aliyah because you need the money from Misrad HaKlitah to live. Experience living for one, two or maximum three years under temporary residence, and if things don’t work out, you always can come back another time.<<

Recently I was speaking with someone in her first year of aliyah who is having a hard time adjusting to all the differences here.  I mentioned that I thought it was beneficial to give yourself enough time to live here to be successful, not to rush to make a geographic change when things are uncomfortable in the beginning.  I also said that I thought it was helpful to mentally commit yourself to living here when making aliyah, but a couple of other women disagreed with me, saying that knowing they could go back to the US if things didn’t work out here was very important for them.  We agreed that this might be a personality issue, but I wanted to flesh out my thoughts on this here.

Before we moved, upon hearing our plans to make aliyah with nine children ranging in age from 2 – 18, many people told us that we could always come back if it didn’t work out.  I told them that we planned to make Israel our long term home, and this was the attitude that we consistently conveyed to our children (and ourselves!).  Not because we closed all the doors behind us when we moved from the US – we didn’t – but I felt it would make it harder for all of us to fully transition if we were holding on to the idea that at the end of a year we would move back to the US  if everything wasn’t comfortable by everyone by then.

Of course if you’ve made your best effort in something and it’s really not working after an extended period of time, you need to reassess.  There’s no benefit to feeling trapped and desperate with a life you don’t want if you have a way to change that.

However, being mentally prepared is very important when making aliyah.  Aliyah is difficult. Really difficult.  It’s particularly difficult if you don’t really want to make the move to start but come because a spouse or parent pulls you along with the power of their desire, but it’s hard enough even if you have the best of thoughts and intentions.  One has to find a balance between finding a perspective that allows you to mentally put your best effort forth on a continual basis without feeling trapped and how to do this is very individual.  While I knew we could move back to the US if we wanted to, this wasn’t what I focused on.  I think our clarity in this area helped out kids because if we had been ambivalent about the tough times and wondered if we had made a mistake, they would have immediately picked up on it.

I think this was a really good idea because it pushed everyone to look forward into building a new life rather than looking back constantly to long for what we left behind.  We left a very nice life behind, with wonderful friends and a wonderful community.  We came to something totally different, we felt isolated and out of place in many ways and everything was a struggle.  If I had given us a year to adjust, we wouldn’t still be here.  At this point, at twenty-one months, the kids and I all agree that it feels like life is getting easier in every area.  After about nine or ten months here, I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel – though before our one year anniversary things happened that obscured that light for a number of months to come.

Earlier this year we seriously considered moving to a different community; when we decided to stay in Karmiel, we emailed the family who was going to host us for Shabbos to let them know of our change in plans.  They told us they were sorry we wouldn’t get to meet – we were members of the same synagogue in the US and have mutual friends but they moved to Israel before we joined the shul – but said they were happy we had found a way to make it work where we were.  They explained that they had seen many families who moved to their city because they were unhappy with the city they had initially moved to, and too many of these families were just as unhappy in the new place.  Sometimes moving to a new place makes all the difference, but since you take yourself with you wherever you go, often the problems that you hope to escape are recreated in a new setting.

Something I’ve said for years is, ‘Expect the best and be prepared for the worst’.  This sums up how I look at a lot of things.  Think positively and trust that things will be good, but at the same time, be ready to deal with life’s vagaries.  It’s predictable that aliyah will have many challenges.  It’s predictable that at times you may question what in the world made you think this would be a good idea!  Difficulties don’t last forever and aliyah related challenges fade with time.  Give yourself that time by trusting that you can handle the frustrations, look for the good, and believe that you will be successful in making the adjustment. Trust that if you keep your mindset positive and look for the good in everything around you, if  you keep putting one foot in front of the other and doing the next right thing, that you will be successful in making aliyah.

Avivah

It’s the season of intense preparation and deliberations for those making aliyah (since most people move to Israel in the summer), and a common question is what to bring and what to buy here.

When we moved here, I shared about our decision not to make a lift  and also shared about what furniture we bought when we moved here and the prices we paid.  Reading these will give you my perspective on the advantages of not making a lift, and also give you an idea of what used prices for furniture can be.

It’s not easy to get rid of almost everything you own and move here with just the suitcases you can take with you, but it’s so liberating!  It forces you to think about what is important to you and what isn’t.  Once we bought furniture, we enjoyed having a home that was  more streamlined and easy to clean.  Our kids have commented a number of times about how much more quickly we can get things in order – they almost shudder thinking about what a disaster the basement used to quickly turn into with all of the toys, games and supplies we had down there.  It’s just so easy to accumulate things and moving is a wonderful chance to free yourself from things that weigh you down with their unnecessary presence.

I’m not going to try to convince you not to make a lift; sometimes it’s not only the most emotionally comfortable but also the smartest thing you can do!  If you’re bringing furniture, try to get the room dimensions of the home you’re moving to to be assured your furniture will not just fit but use the space well.  (Remember to also measure the doorways to be sure what you’re bringing can get through – one friend had to hire a crane to lift her US washing machine onto her open roof since it couldn’t fit through the door to her home).

Whether you make a lift or not, think about what you really want to have and leave it behind if it won’t serve you.  I’ve spoken to a number of olim who brought things they didn’t really want or need in the US, who put it into the lift rather than decide what to do with it.  Paying the money to have it shipped here and then having it take up precious space in the smaller constraints of an Israeli home made the unnecessary items even more of a burden.

I was lucky in that I didn’t know how much storage space I had when we came – there was more than I expected, but thinking I had very minimal space helped me to be ruthless in our paring down.  As it is, our storage space has filled up pretty quickly even with my initial and ongoing effort to declutter (mostly clothing and Pesach storage).

My mother made a small lift when she moved and I’m grateful that this allowed us to send some boxes of books; we had eight full bookcases and downsized to just one and a half.  Having these books wasn’t critical, but it was nice to have them again once they finally arrived.  (Unfortunately we discovered recently that some of the boxes that were put on the lift weren’t delivered and I doubt we’ll ever see these again.)

What each person finds of value is really personal and there’s no one list that everyone will benefit from.  What I found most valuable is a reflection of my priorities and lifestyle.  Having lived here twenty months now, I’ll share with you what I’m glad that we bought and what I would have brought if I could have:

Games -Toys and games are very expensive here.  When I’ve checked prices at the toy stores, it seems typical to pay about double what the item would cost retail in the US.  Most of our games were bought used, for less than $4 each.  One and a half of our boxes were used just for games; I knew we would be coming to a home with no furnishings and we wouldn’t know where to go and what to do for fun at first, and I wanted the kids to have something to do.  I was glad to have done this.  My kids used to rollerblade together almost daily so we brought their rollerblades, but this ended up being a waste of space since there aren’t many flat areas around and the brick sidewalks wear down the wheels very quickly.

Likewise, we brought three bikes – each was one piece of luggage.  I had visions of my kids exploring our new city together on bikes when we got here and bringing the bikes was my attempt to make the initial time here pleasant for them.  Though it was cheaper to bring bikes than buy here, this was a mistake.  First of all, packing them took extra time and effort; we had to look for bike boxes and with time as tight as it was close to our departure, this was a burden.  Due to the local hills and having to store the bikes down a flight of stairs versus in our garage where they were easily taken out, they rarely use their bikes.  After we got here I was informed that one of the bikes we brought wasn’t in good condition even though it looked really nice; if I had been aware of that I obviously wouldn’t have brought it.  Even for those that were in good condition, had I left them behind I could have packed three more boxes filled with items that would have been of more value that would have saved me significantly more than what I gained by bringing the bikes.  I’m not sorry they’re here because they’re nice to have but for a long time I really regretted bringing them, as I thought of all I left behind in order to bring them.

Again, be careful to only bring what you’ll use.  We used to have loads of games that mostly sat on the shelves ignored; we sifted through and brought those that would be enjoyed the most.  Almost all of the games we brought get regular use.  There were a couple of games we had that I would have liked to have brought but were missing pieces and I didn’t find them in the thrift store before we came – I was fortunate to find both (Stratego and Monopoly in the Hebrew versions) at a local second hand place for about ten shekels each.

We hardly brought any toys because our youngest was 2.5 at the time, but now we have a list of toys for Yirmiyahu’s development that his therapists told us will be important.  I’m hoping my husband can find some of these used in the US while he’s there (though he told me last week that shopping isn’t really his thing and it’s hard for him to make time for it).  Whatever you bring, make sure it’s good quality.  It’s not worth bringing knock off brands or low quality items – once you’re bringing it, bring solid quality that will last a long time.  Remember again about the space limitations you’re likely to face once you get here – you’re going to have to have a place to put everything.  Better to have fewer things that you’ll use a lot than a lot of things that you won’t use much.

Appliances – we got rid of all of our appliances except our dehydrator and grain grinder.  Both of these have gotten very little use here, for different reasons.  I’m not sorry I brought them because they’ll be invaluable when I need them, but they currently take up space and don’t provide much value.  If I could have, I would have have brought additional kitchen appliances, either those that ran on 110 voltage and used a transformer, or bought appliances (in the US) that would work on 220v.  Either way it would be a lot cheaper than buying here.  I have a manual vegetable slicer that was my salvation until it broke a couple of months ago but didn’t replace a food processor, which is the main appliance I miss having (but I’m not buying one for 1000 shekels and I don’t want a cheap one that will break soon after buying it).

Included in appliances are transformers.  We thought about bringing one with us but the weight would have taken almost half of one suitcase, and we didn’t order it in time to allow for the certainty of delivery before our departure.  In a lift weight won’t be an issue.  You can buy super high quality transformers in Jerusalem that will last for a lifetime, made by a man with over fifty years of experience.  I would have bought from him but I found a used one for 275 shekels that I got instead.

Tools – we brought a couple of basic hand tools and none of our power tools.  I really wish we had brought our hammer drill; not having this has been a huge inconvenience and delayed basic home maintenance issues for way too long.  I finally paid a handyman to put up light fixtures (apartments here come with bare bulb fixtures) and curtain rods a month ago – if we had our drill, this wouldn’t have taken over a year and a half to be done. Again, very expensive to buy here.  I have a big home improvement project that I’m seriously contemplating and having a drill will be invaluable.

Health care items – I brought my set of Bach flower remedies, my herbal collection and whatever vitamins and homeopathics we had on hand and whether something has gotten much use or not since coming, I’m happy to have brought it all.  One thing I specifically stocked up on was vitamin C powder in sodium ascorbate form – when you move here, your body will be faced with lots of new germs that it doesn’t have resistance to.  We used a lot of vitamin C in our first year, and it continues to be very valuable for us as it’s the first thing I use when someone isn’t feeling well.  Over the counter pain medications like aspirin or tylenol are really expensive here, so it’s worth it to throw in a couple of bottles even if you don’t use them much.  Homeopathics are unbelievably expensive here, so if there’s something you use a lot of (for us arnica is a big one), throw a few in.

To buy the vitamins we need locally, I use iherb.com; it has great prices with quick and inexpensive shipping.  (You can use this link or use code  OBO992 for a $10 discount on a purchase of $40 and up, or $5 off of a smaller order if you’re a first time customer.)  Vitamins are a fortune here; I shake my head in disbelief whenever I’m in the health food store and see the prices.  I also brought from iherb to recently place a large order of vitamins for dh and dd18 in the US (free shipping and no weight limits in that case – so much easier!).  They also have other items like coconut oil that I’ve been able to buy from them.

If you use prescription medicine, get a supply that will last you at least a few months until you figure out what to buy here.  Also, bring your medical paperwork in your suitcase with you if you have health issues; this will significantly ease your through a new medical system and with a new doctor.  My mom said this made a huge positive difference in how she was treated by her doctors here.

Shoes – I have no idea how if shoes are all made in China, the ones in Israel can cost so much more.  The quality of the inexpensive shoes (100 shekels and down) is what I would call disposable.  Good shoes are very expensive.  We brought enough shoes to last everyone for the first year.  If I were making a lift, I would buy even further ahead (I have mostly boys and the basic styles don’t change much).  If you’re going to be in a charedi community, I’d recommend sticking to basic black sneakers and dress shoes; no colors or stripes on the sneakers.

Clothing –  we brought enough basic clothing for everyone for the first year so we wouldn’t need to go shopping.  This was very scaled down.  To give you a sense of what that means, I allotted one suitcase per child (this included a coat for each one).  What I felt was most important were good quality pants and nice polo shirts, inexpensively purchased at thrift stores in the US.  We’ve easily supplemented with second hand purchases since then.

We brought winter coats with us with the understanding that northern Israel would be very cold in the winter.  It’s not that cold, though.  I would have been better off bringing lined water resistant jackets or coats with additional layers underneath if necessary.  Generally it’s colder inside Israeli homes than in the US, and people wear more layers indoors so this isn’t a big deal.  Initially I regretted not bringing our flannel lined raincoats since the kids walk to school and it rained very often these past two winters, and a raincoat is more practical than an umbrella.  But since they don’t have these kind of raincoats here, they kids would have stood out and felt uncomfortable.  The two raincoats we have don’t get used at all since the kids they fit say they’ll look strange if they wear them.  I also brought boots for the younger kids, and though this was nice to have, it wasn’t worth the space they took and I wouldn’t bring them again.

Homeschooling supplies – even though we weren’t homeschooling at first, I was still glad to have these!  We pared down significantly but brought what I considered to be the most useful manipulatives (pattern blocks, cuisenaire rods, base ten blocks, tangrams, a geoboard, a hundred number chart and some other assorted items).  I also brought Singapore math, Videotext Algebra (which I should have sold before I left even though it’s a fantastic program), some Saxon math texts, some writing texts, some Critical Thinking Press workbooks, McGuffey readers – the basics.  Since there isn’t an official homeschooling market here, I’m really glad to have these.  Even before homeschooling, two of our kids in school already found some of our texts helpful – ds14 to learn algebra on his own, dd12 to figure out what they were learning in class (she didn’t understand it until she looked in the Singapore book, then told me she never realized how good they are until she had school texts to compare to).  I’d like to buy math texts for the upper grades since this is what I’m most lacking.

Storage containers – I’ve written about how we chose to pack in Rubbermaid storage containers, packed in moving boxes.  I’ve been very, very happy with this; the two pieces of luggage I brought back on my recent trip to the US were packed in this same way.  This has made it possible to keep clothes in storage neatly packed.  However, they don’t fit into standard Israeli closets (which are freestanding units, not an open space like the US) so if this will be as helpful for someone else as it was for me depends on his storage capacity.

I also brought along some square 4 gallon containers that I used for storing bulk food neatly and compactly.  I packed inside and around these within a larger box when bringing them, and they’ve been very useful for us.

Food – if I had made a lift and knew I had the space, I definitely would have brought some bulk foods that are either very expensive here or not available.  These would have included several 40 lb buckets of coconut oil, 50 lb bags of organic sucanat, nut flours  and other foods that I could cheaply buy that would store for a long period of time.  This wouldn’t have justified making the lift, but they would have been valuable fillers. Not having certain foods here has been something that I’ve found difficult, particularly not having good oil – I used to use coconut oil for everything.   In general, though, I recommend getting used to the foods sold here and using them.

Americans have a tendency to have homes that are much more cluttered than Israelis.  This probably is because we’ve been used to having the luxury of cheap shopping combined with larger homes but I think this is something to avoid if possible since it’s not pleasant to live in a home that is overly full.  So think twice and then again when deciding what to bring, so that what you have in your new home will really serve you!

What items did you bring that you are glad you brought, and what did you bring that wasn’t helpful?  Please share so others won’t make the same mistakes!

Avivah

Last week my mom had her second hip replacement surgery, so I spent a couple of nights at the hospital with her.  It’s a difficult surgery with a long recuperation period, and when you don’t speak Hebrew and the nurses ignore you when you ask for assistance, it’s very, very difficult.  Horrible, really.

I was so happy I could be with her and wish I could have stayed with her more since I saw it made a huge difference to her.  My mother asks for very little and didn’t even ask me to be at the hospital because she knows I have so much on my plate with dh away.  If you’re wondering who took care of bedtime and getting everyone out in the morning when I was gone, it was dd16.  She’e extremely busy with studying for her Israeli matriculation exams and so it was especially generous of her to encourage me to sleep overnight at the hospital, particularly since Yirmiyahu wakes up in the middle of the night and needs a bottle then.

This week we added another bit of busyness to dd16’s already overflowing schedule. A couple of months ago, dd16 got her first notice from the army.  It seems they send it before the 17th birthday, and it was very interesting to read the material enclosed.  As someone who didn’t grow up here, I don’t know much about different army programs and so I learned something!  However, none of it is relevant for her as she won’t be going to the army. Religious girls have an automatic exemption upon providing proof that they’re religious.

So dd and I went to the rabbinical court in Haifa to get this authorization.  She had a day off early in the week and wanted to go then, but despite repeatedly calling to check their hours, no one answered the phone.  We decided to take a chance and go to Haifa with the hopes it would be open when we got there.  It wasn’t – they closed half an hour before we arrived.  The good part was that we found out how to get there, so when she went the next day on her own, she knew where to go.  And the other good part is that since my mother is hospitalized in Haifa we were able to visit her afterward so it wasn’t as if the trip there was wasted.

Now we have to find out where to send this authorization and send it in, after which she’s receive her exemption from army service.  It’s nice when something is straightforward and relatively simple to take care of!

Avivah

Last year, dd18 and dd16 went to Meron, the burial place of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, for Lag B’omer.  Meron is a quiet, small village the year round, but come Lag B’omer and it’s the place that everyone wants to be (except for people like me, who intensely dislike crowds and find just the thought of being there stressful), with about 200,00 people visiting.  Their experience was very positive and when he heard about it, ds14 at that time asked if he could go this year.

I didn’t agree so quickly.  It’s a hugely happening place and there’s a lot that goes on, most of which is unmoderated and some of which is problematic, so I was hesitant to let a young teenager go.  However, after discussion with ds14 about my concerns I agreed to let him go with several friends, and dd16 went with her class.  They left on Saturday night, and told me they’d each call me separately to let me know when they’d be home.

We woke up this morning at 7 am to find ds14 asleep on the living room rug; I was happy to have him home. At about 8:30 am, dd16 called to say they were waiting for a bus and there were at least four thousand people also waiting for a bus  – no buses had come since 5 am.  She said she thought within 2.5 hours she’d be on a bus and later told me she thought she was very much overestimating, but she wasn’t at all.  Not at all.

It’s hard to describe how crowded it is in Meron on Lag B’omer.  I’ll share just a couple of anecdotes, one from each of my kids, to give you an idea.  Dd was near a woman on a cell phone, who she heard finish her call saying, ‘Okay, I have to go rest now.’  How could she go rest when it was too crowded to move?  The woman put her head down on the shoulder of dd’s friend who was standing right next to her!  After sleeping there for half an hour, she woke up and thanked the girl, telling her what a good deed she had done.   Ds14 told me that he put his arm out in front of him at one point, and then the people were wedged so tightly that he couldn’t pull his arm out from the crush of the crowds.  You understand what it means to be carried by the crowd when you’re at Meron.

Today Meron turned into a disaster zone the likes of which hasn’t been seen for years and as I write it is in the middle of the crisis.  Ds got out before everything fell apart, but even at 3 or 4 am when he left, things were getting hairy.  While he was waiting for a bus, there was a request of the crowd if there was anyone knew how to drive a commercial vehicle.  There were a number of empty buses that were parked there but they hadn’t arranged to have enough drivers available.  Someone from the crowd said he could, so he became the driver of ds’s bus, with passengers directing him where to go.  Since he didn’t know how to work the money situation, he was told to let everyone on for free, then later on the highway, all passengers had to disembark and go into a makeshift office (a bus with the seats taken out) to pay for their trip.  (This happened to many buses throughout the day, not just this one.)

But he had it easy.  He left when it was dark and cool, had a relatively short wait, and got home.  Not so those who were ready to leave just a couple of hours later.  Thousands of people were waiting for hours (I was told it was close to 100 degrees midday) in the blazing sun with nothing to eat or drink.  For some reason, the buses were delayed for hours and and when they finally began to arrive, there were way too many people and not nearly enough buses.  The police were there to control the crowds but it was sheer havoc – pushing, shoving, yelling, people jumping through bus windows in order to get on.  Dd said it was very sad that it was a situation of the strongest getting on and the weaker people being pushed to the side.

She also said that she thought it was incredibly irresponsible of parents to bring little children. As they waited for a bus, they saw stretchers with little children who had passed out being carried by, and repeatedly heard announcements over the loudspeakers about children who had been separated from their parents.  Even without the situation today, the crowds there make it unsafe for little children.  As the day went on (thankfully dd got out after four difficult hours of waiting), many people began fainting due to the heat and a lack of water.  I can’t imagine what the minimal bathrooms were like – dd said they were in horrible shape when she was still there.  I was so thankful that she was home, as just listening to her descriptions of what was going on was alarming (I’m not sharing about all of it because of the length).

People on her bus home were saying they never wanted to go to Meron for Lag B’omer again, but truthfully I think this year was a fluke. They plan for these crowds every year and every year it’s very, very crowded but manageable.  Usually there is plenty of water and food, buses come regularly, and things are super crowded but it’s a positive experience all around.

Well, I’m going to take the kids to a bonfire now at a local yeshiva to finish off our Lag B’omer!

Avivah

Do you remember when I wrote about the new yeshiva high school that was planned to open in Karmiel for the coming school year?  This was a very exciting option for our family since I’m strongly against sending high school age children to dormitories and there are no suitable local options for us in northern Israel.

Well, right after dh left to the States I got the news that the school won’t be opening.  It has something to do with some technicalities with the municipality.  I didn’t want to think about this information for a week.  This was a huge disappointment to me.  Huge.  Not just regarding ds14, but for the next five boys, particularly in light of my homeschooling plans since having a relationship with a high school and then enrolling a homeschooled son from the same family is very different than approaching a school that doesn’t know you or your family.

If something isn’t meant to be you can’t make it happen.  So we had to adapt, but I needed some time to mentally adapt.  Fortunately, we have choices.  Ds14 was accepted to the school of his choice in the center earlier this year and they really want him.  That’s a nice situation to be in.  This is the place where he scored the highest of all the approximately 100 incoming applicants on the testing, but ds is also a really great kid and I appreciate that they recognize that.  We told them that if the local school opened we’d be sending him there but if it didn’t we’d send him there, and they held a spot for him just in case.

There’s also a yeshiva in Haifa that has accepted him.  This was kind of funny since he didn’t apply there!  Months ago this yeshiva was having an in-Shabbos for potential students, and ds was asked by a teacher in his school to accompany another applicant who had made aliyah about nine months after us and didn’t yet speak Hebrew well.  Being the suspicious person that I was at the time (this is when we were getting pressure to send ds to a non-bagrut yeshiva), I told dh they were trying to get ds to that yeshiva and were pretending it was to help someone else.  But it actually was to help someone else and I was being overly sensitive.  While he was there the boys in the yeshiva told him the boy he was with wouldn’t be accepted (because he’s a member of a non-litvish religious group).  So ds went to the rosh yeshiva and spoke to him about this kid, telling what a great boy he was and why they should accept him.

Well, they still didn’t accept the other boy (which I think was a good thing for the boy, since he would be better off in a school more in tune with his family’s traditions).  But a local friend who has a son in that yeshiva told me the rosh yeshiva called them and said he was so impressed with ds that they wanted to find out how they could get him to attend their yeshiva!

There’s also a typical charedi yeshiva here in Karmiel and another one in Rechasim which would both be options if we didn’t care about him getting a secular education.  But we do and in any case they are both dorming schools as well.  Months ago when we were talking about all the options we discussed sending him to the Karmiel yeshiva, since we thought it was likely they would agree to let him sleep at home.  But he’s not interested in being there, and in any case by the time he’d come home at night it would be 10:30 pm and he’d have to be back by 7 am, so we wouldn’t see much of him anyway.  The one local non dorming school that we considered is in Nahariya but he isn’t a good match for the student body.

So this week dh called the first yeshiva and told them that ds will be attending.  Dh and I feel good about it – as good as I can feel about a dorming school – and ds also feels good about it.  In addition to already having met the rosh yeshiva and mashgiach and having a very nice feeling about both, he’s toured the campus and met a bunch of students, who were all friendly to him.  His local friend has reassured him that he’ll do well socially for several reasons.  So while it will be a new and different situation, he has a positive feeling about it.

One thing that’s nice about all of this is to finally have a decision.  We’ve been waiting in limbo since December to see what’s going to happen with the opening of the new school, and now we can finally move forward with a decision.

Avivah

>>Why do you wish to live in Israel, if you want to stay American?<<

This wasn’t a question asked specifically to me, but a sentiment I’ve seen expressed a number of times on aliyah related discussion lists.  And I’m going to address it now because I think there’s an underlying presumption that needs to be discussed.

The question is applied to so many issues: why do you still buy your American brand foods or clothing?  If you want to live in Israel, you should live like an Israeli.  Why do you want to live in an Anglo neighborhood?  If you want to live in Israel you should live like an Israeli.  Why do you speak to your children in English?  If you want to live in Israel, you should live like an Israeli.

But is this really so black and white?

Here’s a comment a reader left a number of months ago along these lines, which I chose not to respond to at the time.

>>If you wonder why american olim do not feel part of the community, it’s because many are unable to adapt to society. You want to bring America with you and not let go.<<

We really aren’t a family that’s insisted on maintaining our American standard, not physically and not psychologically.  We didn’t make a lift – all of our furniture and appliances were bought second hand in Israel after we arrived.  I’ve bought the typical Israeli foods and household products from day 1.  I don’t feel the need to go to America and stock up on all the material things that are more expensive here (though I wouldn’t mind hitting the thrift stores for educational games if I were there!) – we buy what we need locally.

We moved to the opposite of an Anglo bubble.  My husband and I both speak Hebrew – I even speak to my kids in Hebrew sometimes (just because it’s fun).  My husband works for an Israeli company.  We don’t talk to each other or to our children about how much better America is – there are things that are better about being in America and things that are better about being here, but we chose to move here because we feel this is where we can have a higher quality of life and that’s our focus.  And at the same time, I don’t assume that to be happy here you have to give up things that have some kind of value for you (assuming you can afford them).

I didn’t move to Israel to become Israeli.  I’m happy being who I am.  I moved here because I wanted to live in Israel.  And I bet many people would say the same thing.  This country is filled with immigrants from many countries, and integrating doesn’t mean giving up everything that was meaningful to you in the past.  I think it’s helpful to have realistic expectations and an appreciation regarding your new country, so you don’t get stuck insisting ‘the old country’ was so much better, negatively comparing Israel to American whenever a difference comes up.  But if you want to buy a certain kind of coffee or chocolate because it has a value for you, or bring all of your things with you from the US – go ahead!  If these aren’t my or anyone else’s choices, so what?  When moving to a new country, there’s so much that is unfamiliar, so many things we have to struggle through, that it’s very nice to have something that stays the same, something that feels stable and consistent.

I’ve given a lot of thought to the concept of integration, which is what I think people are really expressing concern about when they ask the questions like above.  You can integrate into this culture even if you insist on doing all your shopping in America on your yearly summer vacation. You can integrate if you don’t send your three year old to gan (or elementary or high school) or insist on speaking only English in your house.  You can integrate if you live in an Anglo bubble and if you don’t speak Hebrew well.  My mother moved here less than a year ago – she often says it’s the best decision she ever made, she’s really happy here – and her Hebrew isn’t good at all.  Does her lack of fluency mean her aliyah is less meaningful than someone who acquires better language skills?

There are different levels of integration, and it’s a mistake to be so rigid about what integration looks like that we minimize the efforts of all of those who have moved to this country and are working as hard as they can to make a meaningful life here.

Avivah