After sharing my morning schedule and seeing the comments, I was concerned that it gave the inaccurate impression that all of my time was equally structured. I’ll share a little more so you have a fuller picture.

>> Oh dear. You wake up really early. Really, really, early. No wonder you’re tired at night. If it works for you – so great. For myself it would never work. I can’t function well when I’m tired.<<

I don’t think any of us function well when we’re tired!

For years I used to stay up very late, then wake up between 8:30 – 9 am – as a homeschooling mom I had that flexibility – and every morning before my eyes were open I felt behind schedule and undisciplined. I stayed up late because that’s when I had time to myself after my teens went to sleep, but it made waking up early impossible. Nine years ago I very consciously changed my sleep habits to get up earlier and go to sleep earlier. It took a lot of consistent effort but I felt good about how I was using my time when I woke up.

I gradually evolved to a wakeup time of between 5:30 – 6:30 throughout the year. I don’t set a timer; whenever my body wakes up, I get up. This summer I chose to get up at 4:45 and that was a gift to myself, a way that I prioritized my needs at a time that my schedule was so packed that I wouldn’t have had any possibility of quality time for myself otherwise. I deeply cherish my morning time. This is the foundation that give me the inner quiet that I draw on for the rest of my day.

I usually take a nap daily from 1 – 2 pm, though that didn’t happen regularly during my hectic summer period. So my energy is fairly stable throughout the day. But by the time the kids go to sleep, I want to be by myself. There’s a lot of togetherness when all of the kids are home and I need some space to regroup. Even if I can do more at that time, I don’t want to fill my schedule that full. That means leaving dinner dishes in the sink almost every night to be tackled in the morning when I’m fresh. I don’t like waking up to them, but I like even less the idea of working from dawn to dark. 🙂

>>Also, when your time is budgeted so closely, what do you do when the unexpected happens, or, worse, when you’re not feeling well? It doesn’t look like there’s much slack in this system.<<

I have to differentiate between unusual times like this summer’s intensity and my normal schedule – during the summer there were about six weeks when I needed to push myself to use all of my time well, to get things done and to feel calm and relaxed about it all, from the moment I woke up until I went to sleep. That was the Superwoman period, and that was a much better way to handle it than to collapse or be resentful of all the demands on me. But that’s not my regular schedule, it’s definitely not my ideal, and with summer vacation, the wedding/sheva brachos behind me and my course in it’s final week, I’m now easing into a more typical daily schedule.

I very much value margin and consciously build it into my schedule. I’m the one who creates my schedule and I’m the one who can make changes; I’m not tied to anything that doesn’t work for me. If one day I’m tired and want to sleep in, I can do that.

It’s true that my morning routine is very structured, but it’s full of activities that energize me and give me the ability to go through the rest of my day in a positive way – they don’t stress or deplete me. I feel relaxed as I go into actively getting the kids ready for school, knowing I’ve already done the most important things for myself.

The later morning has less structure, because it needs less structure – that’s when I do the things that need to be done, and they’ll get done without careful scheduling. My self-care activities won’t.

>>You are doing an incredible amount, and getting it done through a combination of efficiency/good planning, dedication to the cause, mental conditioning, and sheer physical grit. If it was me, I would have burnt out long ago. I hope that you find a way to get done what needs to be done in a way that’s healthy and nurturing and forgiving for YOU, not just for all those around you. <<

Yes, I do a lot. Some of what I do I don’t have a lot of say about, but there are other activities that are my choice, and I’m careful about what I take on. I think about each activity before committing to it, to be sure it justifies the time invested.

I’ve begun taking the four youngest kids to horseback riding two afternoons a week, and the time needed to get the paperwork set up was significant, in addition to the actual time spent at the riding lessons. I paused for a while before moving forward with this to reflect on if it was going to stretch me too far in combination with other things I have going on. But I value that so it’s worth it for me.

The same thing with taking ds12 and ds7 to private speech therapy every week – it’s important to me so I make time for it. Last year they stayed home one day a week to make this possible. This year I thought about how they could get the benefit of the therapy and I could still have some time on that day for myself.

I decided to send them to school on their van; I pick them up from school an hour after they get there, take them to therapy, bring them back to school an hour before they need to go home, and they go home on the van. Though this adds an additional forty minutes of driving to my day, it gives me two hours – an hour after they leave and an hour before they come home. I also use the two hours when I’m driving by myself to listen to my course lectures or something else of interest to me that I wouldn’t be able to listen to with kids in the car.

Doing a lot for others doesn’t mean that I don’t have time for myself. I must have me-time. It’s not possible to give to others without filling ourselves up constantly and consistently, or we absolutely will feel burned out.

Last week I requested a change of the speech therapy day, because it coincides with a women’s monthly activity that I really enjoy. Last year I jumped at the opportunity for the boys to have sessions at this clinic when a spot for them opened up, though it meant giving up this women’s activity. This year I’m putting the women’s activity it into my schedule at the beginning of the year and building other commitments around it.

School in the north has been cancelled because of security issues due to the war, so the kids have been home this week. None of us know how much longer the schools will be closed due to the war, and I find it slightly ironic that I’m writing all about how my schedule is working so well for me….and now I need to create a new routine for having the kids home all day, with the limitations the war places on activities outside the home.

Now that my husband and I can’t have our daily walk together, I’m especially glad that I prioritized scheduling that time from the very first day that school began, and we had three weeks to enjoy spending that time together before it was cut short.

I eat really well, I think good thoughts, I take time for myself regularly, in addition to being available for others – life is full but I’m not stressed or deprived. If someone looks just at what and how much I do instead of how I do it, they could come to the conclusion that I’m depleted or on the edge of burnout, but I’m not at all. I love my life!

Avivah

Our first goat babies have been born!

Despite being outside in our yard when the birth was happening, I managed to miss the entire thing since I was focused on listening to my teens share about the trip one of them organized for kids in the community that they had just returned from. One son ran downstairs to tell my that Mocha had her babies – he heard her and could see into the pen from where he was – and we all ran to see what was happening.

Last year Mocha had one large singleton, a male, and from the looks of her I thought she was having twins this time around. Last year I looked forward to triplets but then learned that triplets are much less common and when it happens usually one doesn’t survive. In the end, none of our goats had more than two. So this year I didn’t even consider any of them having more than twins.

Imagine my surprise to see three babies covered with birth fluids laying on the hay. One was still in the amniotic ac and wasn’t moving. Two of the boys immediately went in to the pen to massage it, but after they opened the sac and started it became clear it was stillborn and nothing could be done.

We were able to watch Mocha from the very first moments care for her kids. Last year I had learned about goat care during birth and as soon as our first goat was giving birth, went in to be next to her and towel off the babies immediately so they wouldn’t be chilled. I learned that I should have stayed more hands-off because my actions interfered with the bonding and subsequent nursing between that mother and her babies. That undoubtedly was a factor in the placenta being retained for many hours and we had to have someone come to help out with getting it out since it could lead to infection and death if it weren’t deal with

This time I just watched as she cleaned off one and then the other. We didn’t know if they were males or females for the first hour and a half, because we didn’t want to get close enough to look. I wanted her to have her privacy so we watched from outside the pen.

My fourteen year old did step in to help the one of the babies get latched on for nursing for the first time because it’s important they get colostrum as soon as possible. The other one wasn’t yet standing but this morning they were both standing and nursing, which is great. The placenta still hasn’t detached and I hope that as the babies nurse, it will stimulate the contractions to cause it to come out completely.

Ds6 was mesmerized and sat there for a long time just watching her clean her babies.

We watched as they began to make their first tentative movements to stand, falling over repeatedly. We had guests who arrived about an hour and a half after the kids were born, and commented that one of the kids didn’t look so strong because it was lying down. I explained that they were still newly born and it takes them time to learn to stand up. The one who was cleaned off first was the one to take the first steps and stand independently while the other was still laying down.

Last year our three goats gave birth to a total of five kids – we had four males and one androgynous, which I didn’t know was even possible. That led me to research goat genetics to figure out what had happened. I learned that the high male rate and the androgynous issue were a result of breeding a male with no horns to a female with no horns. Since I wanted baby goats without horns, that had seemed like a logical and good thing to do but I learned that males without horns shouldn’t be used for breeding because it negatively impacts the genetics.

Our new babies are……….two females! Yay! Mocha is a purebred Alpine so these babies are purebred Alpines as well. The other two goat mothers were bred with a purebred Alpine buck but aren’t purebred themselves, so their babies will be a mix as well. I’m hoping they won’t have horns but won’t know for a little bit until they start showing signs on their heads.

What will we do with these little babies in the long run? I don’t know. We sold all of the male babies last year when they were about ten weeks old, but we’ll have to see how many babies we end up with, how many are female, and how many have horns and all of that will factor into our decision.

The goats were all bred at the same time, so within the few days the next two goats should give birth. I’ll breathe a sigh of relief when it’s all over; hopefully everything will go smoothly without any need for intervention on our part. Last year we had to intervene with the placenta for one, and to pull out interlocked kids to help another give birth, and I very much hope we can be hands off this time around.

Avivah

Though there are a number of things on the list of projects I would like to have done, we’re prioritizing our goats right now.

We bought a new pen for them and were scheduled to pick it up from the seller the night of October 7. In light of the horrific attack on Israelis early that morning, the seller left for reserve duty that day, as did hundreds of thousands of others, and obviously our pen wasn’t a priority.

After several months he came home from the army long enough for us to arrange to pick it up. When we bought it, it was because I wanted to have a pen with a strong waterproof roof before the rainy weather began, but it was apparent we weren’t going to get the new pen before that happened. So my son built them a very solid roof over their old pen. Impressively solid, so much so that when my husband asked if we still wanted the pen when the seller finally returned, I hesitated since we no longer needed something with a good roof.

We decided to get the new pen anyway. Once it was home, it was time to dissemble the old pen.

The new pen would have been extremely quick and easy to put together if Iwe had assembled as it was intended; the four metal walls all linked into one another and it would have been a thirty minute project. However, thinking about it creatively, I realized we could double the space the goats had available if we configured the wall panels differently. It was a really good idea though it also was a lot more work, and now requires a new roof since the old one doesn’t fit anymore.

I’m very happy with the new pen. The walls are less visually obstructive than the old pen and though the pen is much larger, it feels like it takes up less space. Because it’s larger, we put in two benches that allow us to sit and interact with the goats much more than before. Goats are friendly and enjoy when we spend time with them.

We were talking a couple of days ago about some potential renovation projects (a roof for the goat pen is at the top of the list) and one of my teens told me he doesn’t want to build anything else until we have a new impact driver/ power screwdriver. I didn’t realize the one we had was lost until he told me that, and agreed it’s a critical tool to have on hand. The right tool makes every job much easier.

As a frugal person, I try to stay away from low quality items. When I buy tools or anything else (furniture, appliances, cars), I look for good quality that will last, and though I try to find it at a good price, am willing to pay for quality. I bought a Bosch rechargeable drill and screwdriver set; my husband made a face when he heard I spent 1400 shekels on it (that was after the discount) but assuming it’s taken better care of than the last set I bought, it will last a long time and serve us well for a lot of projects to come.

When I got back from the hardware store I decided to be the first to use our new drill set. My children of all ages think I don’t know how to build or fix very much, but it’s not exactly true. I’m knowledgeable and I know how to do the tasks and instruct my family members, but other than a few exceptions, I don’t usually do the renovation work myself.

(If you’re thinking that doesn’t make sense, let me clarify how that’s possible. Before we do any renovation project, I research what is involved, watch videos on how to do it, make a list of supplies we need along with what the items are called in Hebrew. I buy all the supplies so everything is ready when it’s time to start working. I sum up all of the instructions for my husband and sons, then they do the work. But despite generally serving as the general contractor and delegating instead of getting my hands ‘dirty’, I also enjoy these activities.)

Back to the goats and upgrading their living arrangements. Our three goats are pregnant and a goat’s milk supply drops as their due date approaches. Though I forgot to note the date they were bred, last week my son showed me the small quantity of milk he got after milking and said it looked like colostrum so we’re not going to milk again until the babies are a month old. It would be very fun if they gave birth during Pesach when our married kids and grandchildren will be here, but I think it’s more likely to be four to five weeks from now (by mid May) when we have new baby goats!

It’s recommended that each goat has her own stall for when she gives birth. That’s what I decided to build.

I picket the goats in a grassy area four or five days of the week now that there are so many luscious weeds for them to enjoy. They love it and I enjoy sitting with them outside and watching how happy they are. While I’m there, I let them graze freely because they all stay close to me. When I have to go into the house, I picket two of the three; the third one is the lead goat and stays with the others without needing a leash. While they were grazing I worked on their stalls.

Building with pallets is harder than with new lumber because there are so many variations in size but I had pallets stacked in the yard from when the boys took down the old pen so that’s what I used. What I made isn’t fancy but it will do the trick!

Within a short time, all of our chickens were making themselves comfortable in the new stalls.

Whenever I see the chickens scratching around in the goat pen, I marvel at how the animals work together to improve the environment for everyone – when flies lay their eggs in the goat pen, the chickens come along and eat the larvae, which is high protein food for them and turns into high quality eggs for us. As the chickens clean the pen, they turn over the soil and create beautiful compost; I periodically heap this compost onto our garden beds. Underneath the ground where we can’t see what’s happening, the microbiome is teeming with beneficial bacteria that strengthen the overall environment. It’s a beautiful synergistic cycle that benefits the goats, chickens, people and world at large.

Speaking of chickens, we have eggs in the incubator and are expecting a huge batch to hatch before Shabbos. We have friends who agreed to sell us some turkey eggs, and we’re going to incubate some of them next.

The spring is a busy time!

Avivah

We’re busy with Purim preparations around here!

Dd6 and ds6 had Purim parties in their kindergartens yesterday for which they dressed up in costumes. The twins’ parents told them during a visitation almost six weeks ago that they were bringing costumes for them and told them what costumes they were buying for each of them. They’ve been talking about wearing them literally every day. During that very visit, I purchased the costume for ds11 from a branch of the same store that their father works in, and when they came out of the visit talking about the costumes, I knew exactly what their parents were planning to buy.

Two weeks later we had a missed visitation when the kids were sick, then had a video call in which the parents again told them about the costumes. A week later, I took them for another visit with their parents, and asked the supervising social worker to be sure the kids dressed in their new costumes and their parents took pictures for themselves.

They came out an hour later LOADED with treats – two big bags filled with candies and wafer and snack bags – but no costumes. I asked the social worker where the costumes were – she blithely responded that they would bring them to the next visit two weeks later – after Purim.

The next time the twins were talking about the costumes their parents were going to give them, I gently told them that they weren’t going to be seeing their parents before Purim. I didn’t tell them they wouldn’t be dressing up in the anticipated costumes but they realized it on their own. It was sad to me when after five weeks of talking every day about wearing the costumes from their parents, without any discussion between them or me, they suddenly switched to talking about different costumes. They were very excited about the costumes I got them and dd6 was so sweet in thanking me repeatedly after I surprised her with a crown and makeup, to add to the costume she knew she would be wearing.

I wasn’t excited about the costumes they were supposed to get, but I was frustrated that their parents had talked about it so much, for so long, and then didn’t deliver on their promises. I know they have their issues but I had a hard time justifying this oversight as their father works every single day in the store that sells them and they’ve been in stock for many weeks. I asked our social worker to convey to the parents’ social worker that even though it will be after Purim, it would be good for the children if they bring the costumes to the next visit. That way, their disappointment will be mitigated and they can still use them for dress-up during the year (the younger three kids play dress-up about five days a week).

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Today was Taanis Esther (Fast of Esther), and ds7 and ds11 had the day off. Since ds6 went off the rails emotionally after coming home from his class Purim party yesterday, I thought it would be good to keep him home and help him settle his nervous system. With Purim being such a busy and stimulating time, carving out some quiet and connection time seemed like a good thing to do. I then decided to keep dd6 home, too, and I’ll keep them home tomorrow (Friday) as well so they’ll go into Purim as rested and calm as possible. (My daughter told me that in Jerusalem Friday is a day off for the schools, but that’s not the case for our area – it seems there are different official holiday dates in different parts of the country.)

We all took ds14 to Tiberias to buy the remaining accessories for the costumes for him, ds16 and my husband, and pick up his suit for Pesach. (I took the boys suit shopping for Pesach at the beginning of the week but the suit he wanted wasn’t in stock in his size so they ordered it for him). The three of them are doing a theme of chasidim and needed streimels (fur hats) and white knee socks. I bought their bekeshes (long satin coats), chasidish tzitzis and chasidish kippas at a second hand place in Bet Shemesh. Planning their costumes together has heightened the anticipation for Purim.

Afterwards I took the younger four kids on a really nice trip. There was a lot of running around in the fresh air and it was just what they all needed after being in the car for so long. By the time we got home, we had been out for five and a half hours; the kids were exhausted and so was I. Bless my husband, who gave them all dinner and put them to bed.

As I said to one of my teens today, Purim is a holiday for the organized woman! There are so many things to do: prepare costumes for children, hear the megilla read in the evening and morning, prepare mishloach manot and deliver them all, keep the children fed and entertained throughout the day so they don’t get overdosed on sugar, and prepare the food for a festive Purim meal. This year there’s even more to do since Purim begins immediately after Shabbos ends, so there’s all the Shabbos preparations to do as well as the Purim preparation!

I took a nap while my husband did bedtime so I could get up to to get a start on preparing mishloach manos in a quiet kitchen. I always try to give foods that can be used for the Purim meal, and this year plan to give kugel and a couple of salads.

Several weeks ago I ordered some decorative boxes for the mishloach manos. When they arrived, they were bigger than I had pictured. I decided to use them anyway but filling them requires making bigger quantities of foods than I had intended. Fortunately I have plenty of ingredients to make many multiples of each recipe. I have a mountain of eggshells and in the morning our chickens will happy to eat them all. (I crumble them first.)

I stayed up very late to get the Purim baking finished. Since I’m an early riser staying up late isn’t usually the best use of my energy, but in addition to all the regular things that need to be done for Shabbos, in the morning I’ll need to get ds11 and ds7 ready for their class Purim parties and take dd6 to her therapist appointment. I’m so glad to have all the cakes and kugels baked and wrapped, and the salads are almost finished as well – they just have to be put into containers.

My husband and boys did a lot of the prep work to make this easier for me, and while we were up late together, I advised my sixteen year old son regarding how to make granola he wanted to make (he’s giving yogurt and granola). My fourteen year old son also made a large pan of lemon mousse for the Purim meal. He’ll be making Yerushalmi kugel in the morning to go along with the crackers and herring he’s already prepared. There so much to do and it’s nice to have all of this taken care of.

Now on to Shabbos and Purim meal preparations!

Avivah

On Shabbos I saw someone who upon learning that our daughter’s wedding was two weeks away, exclaimed, “I can’t believe it! How can you look so relaxed when the wedding is so close?”

Thankfully, I’ve been blessed with the ability to compartmentalize and mentally and practically break down big projects into doable steps, and when I do that, things feel very manageable.

Last week I was feeling uncertainty regarding specifics for the Shabbos sheva brachos that we will be hosting. On Wednesday or Thursday I decided where we’ll have the meals and worked out where all our guests would stay. It was a relief to have that finalized in my mind; I had been going back and forth and was mentally feeling worn down by the uncertainty.

Since I’ll be doing all the cooking and baking, I asked my husband to pick up a used freezer from a private seller on his way home from work, which he did on Thursday night. Having the ability to prepare some of the foods in advance will be helpful. Even if I don’t make anything ahead of time, just knowing that it’s a possibility is reassuring!

I made and canned pickled peppers so they’re ready and shelf stable, and am considering making some other pickled salads/relishes that can be made and canned in advance.

I made pickled tilapia for the first time this fall, and our family has liked it a lot. I’m planning to serve it for the third sheva brachos meal, so started a batch a few days ago. Since it’s a ten day process to make it, you have to think ahead if you want to have it. It’s worth making a large batch since it keeps in the fridge for weeks.

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I need to take two of our boys to buy new suits, but otherwise I think we’re set as far as wedding clothing. I did all the other shopping online and was very satisfied with how easy and affordable that was. Time is precious and I’m so glad I didn’t have to run around trying on gowns as I have in the past. The challenge with shopping with the boys is that they’re on opposite schedules so I haven’t yet managed to get them coordinated for a shopping trip. At this point I’m thinking I’ll be better off taking them separately.

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This week I had an evening of appreciation for mothers at the younger boys school. There was a full catered meal, a singer and a stand up comedian. It was nice to see other mothers, and I would have loved to have spoken with them more, but the volume of the dinner music being played made it difficult. I don’t like having to lip read. Nonetheless, the staff really invested in making it an enjoyable evening out and it was a lovely evening.

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Later today I’ll be traveling to a Jordan valley farm to hear Joel Salatin speak. Joel is probably the world’s most famous regenerative farmer, and I’ve followed his work since we were living in the US. I was excited to see that the date he was speaking didn’t conflict with the week of the wedding. It will be two hours of driving and then three hours for the lecture, but I’m really looking forward to it. I’m taking my thirteen and fifteen year old sons, in addition to giving a ride to a few women. My husband was planning to attend but decided that there’s a lot to do now and he doesn’t have the head space to dedicate that time. He’ll hear all about it from the boys and me in any case!

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Tomorrow morning I have a Zoom call scheduled with several foster care social workers. We were very tentatively approached at the beginning of the week about taking a foster child in. He and a sibling need a new placement; a family in Yavneel agreed to take the sibling, so they’re looking for another Yavneel family to take him to facilitate the continued connection of the siblings. My first reaction was absolutely not, it’s just too busy right now with the wedding in a week and a half, then Shabbos sheva brachos, the two days later is Purim, then preparations for Pesach, then tons of hosting for Pesach.

We haven’t ever requested additional foster placements but when something comes to me, I ask myself what Hashem wants of me, and try not to discount something just because the thought of all the effort is daunting. I spent a good bit of time on the phone yesterday with our social worker, wanting to understand what is involved with therapeutic foster care. It’s a very different scenario than what we’ve dealt with in the past. Right now we’re exploring what’s involved, and not ready to make a commitment of any sort yet.

Years ago when I was developing the systematic steps of the Leadership Parenting approach, I integrated what I learned from the work of Dr. Karyn Purvis, whose expertise is on parenting foster and adoptive children (this was prior to me even considering fostering). I loved her work so much (even more than Dr. Gordon Neufeld, who I’ve referenced more than once and who has had a major influence on my thinking about parenting) that I seriously thought about traveling to Texas to study with her personally. Sadly, she passed away before that happened. I was very inspired by her deep respect and understanding of children from ‘hard places’, as she calls them. Thanks to her teachings, I have a decent understanding of the post trauma issues these children deal with. Without this I’d be too intimidated and overwhelmed to consider the possibility.

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For a very long time I’ve dreamed of restoring a piece of barren land using permaculture principles. I never could see how it would be possible, but Hashem is much bigger than I am and He has sent us the amazing opportunity to develop two or three dunam of agricultural land. I can’t say how bursting with happiness I am for the opportunity. We don’t have ownership of all the land but the owners have given us a lot of leeway to plant it as we see appropriate, and we’re making the investment in terms of labor and materials cost.

I’ve been spending a lot of time looking at the land, thinking, thinking, thinking about what to do, while learning about different permaculture strategies and considering how/where to apply them. It’s a lot of thinking right now about what the vision is, how the land will be used, etc, and I don’t yet have clarity on all of that.

We’ve spent the last month focusing on putting up fencing. I think in the next couple of days we (meaning my fifteen year old) can finish all the fencing. It’s been getting done here and there, whenever it worked out for both of us to go out there. Then this week my son made a big push to get it all done. He’s like me, he enjoys seeing significant progress being made and gets a little impatient when things are moving at a snail’s pace.

Once the fencing is done, what will be left to finish enclosing the property will be installing a large gate across the road that leads to the land. For weeks I’ve looked for a used gate of the right dimensions, and finally found one. I made arrangements for someone with a trailer to pick it up for us this evening. Then figuring out how to install tracks and supports will be a another learning project.

So that’s some of what’s going on this week!

Avivah