We do a lot of dishes in our house, and there are some things we do that make things easier. For those of you who will be shifting from disposables to regular dishes, here are some things to help make the transition smoother!
Order of dishwashing – The general principle is, wash the least dirty dishes first, and save the heavy duty grease and grime for the end. My personal order looks like this: glasses, bowls, plates, silverware, pots/pans. I keep glasses and cups on the counter next to the sink, and wash them first. They tend to be lightly used (especially in our home of water drinkers), and if you put them in the sink they’ll get dirtier and greasier, making it a bigger job to wash them than if you kept them separate. This is also true of plastic food storage containers – they get so much greasier being in the sink with dishes washed on top of them. When they need a quick wash I do them them first so I get them out of the way. If they are really greasy, I leave them for after the dishes.
2) Soak the really dirty stuff – pans and pots can be soaking while you wait to get to them. I have a recipe for getting really burnt stuff off: 1/2 t. salt, 1/2 t. baking soda, 2 t. vinegar, 3/4 c. dishwashing liquid, 1 c. water – put in a pot, bring to a boil, then let cool.
Though this has worked really well for me, I now prefer something simpler that works just fine and is easier and cheaper – I squirt a little bit of dishwashing liquid into the dirty pot, add pinch of baking soda, then put it on the fire to boil. Once it boils, turn off the fire and just let it sit while you’re washing the rest of the dishes. It’s amazing how much faster and easier washing it will be.
3) Buy good scrubbers – as with everything else, having the right tools makes the job much easier. I prefer the foam scrubbers covered with tinsely textured stuff for dishes, though I buy the plastic round scrubbies to use for Shabbos. I consider stainless steel scrubbers critical for getting pots and pans clean without using the above technique. It makes it much easier to get the burnt stuff off, rather than scraping away at it with a spoon.
4) Don’t let the dishes pile up – the longer the dishes are in the sink and the more of them there are, the more intimidating it is and the more you want to push it off! This is the hardest one for me. We all eat dinner together, but due to different schedules, breakfast and lunch happen at different times for different people. Since each of those people don’t individually wash their dishes and cooking utensils, breakfast and lunch dishes tend to get washed together.
For Shabbos, it helps tremendously if I do the dishes right after the Friday night meal rather than wait until the next morning. Everything gets cleaner faster when it hasn’t been sitting overnight, and it’s nice to wake up in the morning knowing it’s been done. Sometimes I’m too tired and it doesn’t happen, and that’s okay, too.
5) Get your kids involved – the youngest I’ve started my kids washing dishes was age 7, but I tend to wait until around 9. At that age, I don’t expect them to wash pots and pans, but the basic dishes are very doable. Having a chore chart with assigned tasks makes this easier, rather than randomly asking people after each meal.
6) Do something else while washing dishes – Though I enjoy washing dishes, I find added benefit if I use the time to listen to music or a podcast. Sometimes I like to have the quiet, though – there’s something about water that helps one’s thoughts flow, and I find this true when washing dishes. Your experience may differ on this, though!
If you have tips that have helped you, please share in the comments below!
A while back, I heard that there would be a high tax put on disposables here in Israel, and that would go into effect on Jan. 1. Only nine days ago I learned that the date was changed to Nov. 1.
I called my daughter, who is due to give birth soon, and told her to buy what she will need for a kiddush/bris now, because by the time she has a baby it’s going to cost a lot more.
I’m not really affected by the increase in the cost of disposable dishes, since I hardly use them at all, not during the week and not during Shabbos. It definitely takes a lot more time and financially you can say if I would spend that time doing an income earning activity, I’d financially come out far ahead of standing at the kitchen sink washing up. For me it’s not a moral position, I don’t feel superior or judgmental of others who don’t do this – I just have a reduce/reuse/recycle kind of attitude towards everything, and I’d rather avoid adding so much plastic to the landfills.
That being said, I really empathize with the difficulty this will present for those with families and very busy schedules. When a day is packed full with activities, putting another task in is daunting. I often have dishes waiting to be washed in my sink. One daughter-in-law said that it’s discouraging to help out by washing dishes at my house, because they never end! It’s true – everything is washed and then the next person comes along to prepare something to eat, and voila! – more dishes in the sink that was empty for seemingly just a few minutes.
Back to the legislation about disposables. On the face of this, it’s something you would expect me to rejoice over. After all, all those plastics in the sea…it’s actually horrible how much waste we produce on our tiny little planet. And each of us can make a difference by making small changes.
However, I have concerns about the legislation that will continue to amplify with time, with the stated concern being protection of our environment and climate change. This is going to impact much more than disposable dishes. I expect that those who don’t go along with this agenda will be accused of not caring about the environment and humanity, since don’t you know, we’re all going to die if we don’t get this climate issue taken care of? (Kind of like if you spent years learning about, practicing and sharing about natural health, you were accused of being selfish and not caring about anyone if you didn’t agree with the government mandated solution to the health crisis.)
I absolutely support grass roots initiatives to educate and to inspire behavior change to protect the environment. There are so many little things we can do. I compost, I’ve had a vehicle in the past that I converted to run on waste vegetable oil, I currently have a vehicle that runs on propane (a much cleaner fuel than gas or diesel), I buy used, I minimize consumption in different areas and I’m constantly learning more and doing more.
We were given a beautiful world and I’d love to leave my tiny piece of it a little bit better physically for me having been here. I DREAM of having a large piece of land and restoring it with permaculture practices, which I practice on a small scale in my garden. I believe in the interconnectedness of all parts of this world, the people, the creatures, the flora, the water – all of it. The same principles that apply to healthy family living apply on the larger scale.
What I don’t support is heavy handed legislation, with fear, ridicule and shaming used as tactics to force change. And – here we go – I don’t believe climate change is the threat that we’re told that it is. Remember that I said that – one day it will mean more to you than it does right now.
What I just wrote about the climate will be banned in the future, but since we’re ahead of the curve it still feels like we have free speech – on this topic, at least.
Yesterday I went to pick up a long awaited package from the post office. It was mistakenly sent to a location two hours from me, then sent back to the central processing center, then finally arrived back in my area.
It wasn’t fun or easy dealing with Amazon regarding this order, and I wondered if I was going to have to accept the package was lost, along with my money. I was relieved when I finally got the notice it arrived.
I had wanted to order two of this item (it was a set of five toy cars, a gift to be split for children and grandchildren), but waited to confirm that first package made it before buying another one. After picking it up, I logged on to order a second set, to see the following message:
“Currently unavailable. We don’t know if or when this item will be back in stock.”
I checked other sellers – one other seller had it for close to fifty dollars – for an item that five weeks ago cost $22.
I kept looking. I found the same toy cars being sold individually for $11 each (totaling $55 instead of $22). That’s a serious price increase. And my item isn’t the exception – I was notified that a different toy I was considering buying went up over 30% a week or two after I put it in my cart. The prices have risen significantly on many items that I looked at.
I’ve been watching the worldwide economy pretty closely for a number of months so this wasn’t a surprise to me – it was more of a question of when than if.
In the beginning of August when I wrote my sheepdog post, I referenced having concerns that I wasn’t able to share about. When you’re too early to talk about something, people think you’re crazy or paranoid, and it’s not always a blessing that I tend to accurately anticipate things on the horizon before a lot of people. Actually, it’s quite challenging.
I’ve been waiting months for the mainstream media to write about this inflation issue so I can say something to you, so that you can take steps to prepare yourselves. Now that they’re finally writing about the price increases and the serious supply chain issues, they’re still doing their best to minimize it and keep people in the dark.
My understanding is that we are in an inflationary period, which – according to the theory that makes the most sense to me – will be followed by a deflationary period, and then a more rapid inflationary period. I don’t pretend to predict the future, I’m not an economist, I’m not giving you financial advice – I’m sharing my understanding of what the indicators seem to be. So obviously I could be completely wrong and if I am, no one will be happier than me.
Though back in June US Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen said that the inflation was “transitory“, it was pretty obvious to those of us paying attention that it wasn’t. I was disgusted then at the efforts to hide from the population what was happening, and I continue to be very concerned about being lied to and manipulated. Yes, strong terms and you’re welcome to think I’m exaggerating. I’d rather think I’m exaggerating. Looking at unpleasant facts isn’t fun. History will show retroactively what isn’t obvious to many right now.
This isn’t going to be a small blip on the economic scene, despite the media effort to minimize or explain away the issues. They don’t want a panic and they’re not telling you the truth about the severity of what is underway. They waited as long as they possibly could to even begin to mention the financial crisis developing, and are going to break it to you slowly, so you get used to the idea bit by bit.
I’ve lived on a budget for years and so do many of you. If we were to experience significant price increases in products, food, housing or energy (different parts of the world are seeing increases at different times), that would affect many people. Will that happen? It’s happening across the world right now.
Blessedly, Israel seems to be on the later side of the curve to be affected the the downward economic cycle. I pray we will continue to be minimally affected but the global economy is interconnected, and something major that affects one country inevitably affects the others.
Am I fear mongering, or telling you to panic? Absolutely not. I’m concerned, but I’m not panicking, and neither should you. Wherever you live, and whatever your income, there are things you can do to minimize the impact of increased living expenses on your family. But doing that means you’re going to have to be willing to consider some uncomfortable possibilities rather than hide your heads in the sand (which in the short term is really much more comforting).
One practical suggestion for right now: if there’s something you need or want that is of practical value to your family and you have the resources to purchase it, now’s a good time to buy it.
Going back to that cycle (inflation-deflation-rapid inflation), deflation is when prices fall because rising prices (inflation) have caused people to cut their extraneous spending. If we experience deflation, prices will go down on the things people can live without. (Yes, like toys!) However, it’s unlikely that prices on critical items go down.
The material costs are dramatically shooting up – metals, cardboard, plastics – and that impacts the price for you as the buyer. It also impacts what continues to be manufactured. As with my toy purchase above, some things will no longer be available because the company has decided it’s no longer profitable to make them.
The most important things you can do now are pray, and visualize our world stabilizing and healing. On the physical plane, I’m going to be talking more about frugality since taking responsibility for your personal economy is more important than ever.
So here we are, in the middle of yet another lockdown in Israel but this time no end date has been established.
As soon as the lockdown was announced, I told my husband I really wanted to make some progress on my project list while we’re all home for this extended period (right now ‘we’ means ds14, ds13, ds11, ds8, ds4). The top two items on my list are to replace several damaged interior doors, and to replace the upstairs kitchen. (Our house was a two family home that we converted to one; hence, two kitchens.) Our intention is to convert the second floor apartment into a vacation rental since we don’t use that space other than when the older kids are home (usually a couple of days a month).
This was the worst of the damaged doors – it didn’t look like this when we bought the house, but it did by the time we got the keys. 🙁
I considered paying someone to put in new doors, but at 900 shekels for a basic door and wanting to replace ten doors, it was getting expensive quickly! And I’ve found that paying a lot of money to people who are supposedly experts doesn’t necessarily result in getting the quality work that I want. (I’ve had some extremely expensive and frustrating experiences with workmen since moving here.) Avoiding more workmen was pretty motivating for me, just as much as the financial savings.
Rather than replace all the doors, I decided to just replace the three that are damaged, and then to paint all the interior doors on the second floor white (since the new doors were a different wood shade from the old ones, and anyway I preferred for the doors to be white). The total for the paint, some assorted supplies and the doors was under 600 shekels.
Replacing doors isn’t something we’ve ever done before, but all of the renovations we’ve done have at some point been something that we’ve never done before. Most new projects intimidate me when I first think of them. I start off thinking of hiring someone, then I go online and watch how to videos. When I get a sense of what the work involved entails, I share my conviction that this is something we can do with my family. My announcements about my latest DIY ideas aren’t always (um, ever, to be honest) greeted with shrieks of delight, but I appreciate the willingness they’ve shown to work together in spite of their preference to spend their time doing something else.
Replacing doors here isn’t so simple since unlike in the US, there isn’t one standardized interior door size. Therefore it took me a while to find the matching size doors that were hinged in the direction I wanted, that were the quality that I wanted at a price that was reasonable. But I found them! As of last night all of doors have been hung and we’re really pleased with them. Now we need to finish installing the molding around the door frames, then put on another coat of paint. No one likes painting so I agreed that would be my job. 🙂 I hope to finish the doors by the end of this week.
If you’re wondering when I can do that kind of work, it’s a good question and one that I wasn’t finding an answer to for a long time. Sometimes I’ve felt frustrated about the things I want to do but don’t, because long involved projects with messy components/power tools don’t mesh well with children who need more than minimal supervision.
Last week, I decided to paint while my husband put the younger boys to bed. Though that meant starting after 8:30 pm and usually I’m really wiped out by then, I had an afternoon nap, and it was so gratifying to be able to do something concrete and make progress on something I wanted to get done, rather than delegate and do the oversight. (I’m actually a pretty good contractor.) I had a couple of quiet hours to work by myself and it was really relaxing.
I think with a couple more nights of work this week , I should be able to have them all finished up soon!
A couple of weeks ago my oldest daughter called to let me know she was in labor, and since the next night I was scheduled as the keynote speaker for the online Jewish Homeschool Convention on the topic of: How to Enjoy Homeschooling: Trusting your child, yourself and the learning process, I quickly jumped online to give you the details before I headed out to be with her.
Unfortunately, it was only two weeks later when I got online again here that I saw that in my haste I didn’t push the ‘publish’ button! However, there are recordings of the great lineup of speakers for a nominal fee, if you’re looking for some inspiration/perspective/encouragement.
Back to my laboring daughter…I now have a beautiful grandson, joining our three granddaughters.
When my husband and I had a new baby, for the most part we were on our own. It wasn’t until our seventh child was born that we had parents living nearby, but by then we were used to doing everything ourselves and they were used to us doing everything ourselves, so the main support for me after birth was my husband and children. When there was a shalom zachor/ bris to make, we (ie my husband and kids) made all the food, did all the setup, cleanup and organizing. It’s so nice how different it is for my daughter to have so many family members to lend a hand – all of the adult married kids were commenting on how very different it is from when they were growing up.
We were hosted for four days by our second daughter, who lives a short walk from her older sister and made us feel very much at home. Not an easy feat, when hosting seven people all day and night (in addition to hosting the bris) in a two bedroom apartment! We rarely go away – the last time was for my daughter’s Shabbos sheva berachos almost three years ago – and we all enjoyed it so much.
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I wrote and rewrote in my head various posts for Down Syndrome Awareness month over the last weeks, and didn’t post any of them despite my intentions. I hope to share about why another time (time allowing, which is the big challenge).
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The weather report said that rain is imminent and that caused a flurry of activity in the last couple of days. Firstly, since we don’t have a storage shed, we decided after Sukkos ended to leave our schach in place on top of the pergola, and then to top that with a rainproof covering. Yesterday we bought the heavy duty covering and last night got my husband and ds13 got everything covered and rain tight. Such a relief to have it done before the rain!
Then it was on to preparing a dry spot for our animals for the rain. Right now that means two ducks, four quail and three chickens. (We got a chicken chick to keep the sole surviving quail chick from the batch he incubated company, but then the chicken outgrew the quail and we borrowed two chicks from a neighbor to keep the chicken company!) The boys decided to take the chickens to a local farm for the winter, where they previously sent our two muscovy ducks when a neighbor complained about them perching on our mutual fence a couple of months ago.
Ds13 waterproofed the quail pen and ds11 waterproofed the duck coop, and then ds11 and I laid out a path of synthetic grass leading to the animal area so that they won’t track mud into the house when it rains. (At least not from that area!) Ds13 pounded in six foot posts and strung a tarp over it to make a dry spot to keep their bikes in the backyard.
We also cleaned up the little corner of my yard that has become a dumping ground for various project materials. Before we bought the used kitchen that we installed (I’ll do an update on that separately, I’m pleased with how it’s turned out), we got another kitchen that didn’t work for us (it was my husband’s first time making that kind of purchase- usually I buy those things – and he used it as a valuable learning experience.)
Though we gave away all those cabinets, I’m left with three slabs of granite countertops and two sinks that I might want to use when I redo the kitchen upstairs. Yesterday I spoke to the handyman I was told could do this kind of work but he said that he can’t do the finely skilled cuts for an indoor kitchen that I would want. So I’ll think a little longer about if there’s another project I want to use them- a potting sink for the garden, maybe? -before passing them along.
Then there were all the boards stacked messily and other odds and ends from various projects. We cut some of the boards down yesterday to make additional shelving inside the kitchen cabinets and neatly stacked all the rest, so now we can get rid of all wood that was left. It’s so nice to have it look nice and be possible to walk through that small area.
I’ve done lots in the garden, and there’s still plenty to do! There’s actually something quite nice about that; it’s not a pressure for me. I really enjoy gardening. I’ve been fairly steadily adding to the garden beds – I have nine fruit trees now, along with a grape vine and a pitango bush, so most of my additions have been decorative plants and a few palm trees.
My next project is to install a drip irrigation system and possibly sprinklers if that will be necessary for grass; I made an appointment with a gardener to come in a couple of days for a consult so I can understand what’s involved, and see what installation we’re ready to take on ourselves. Then I want to put down some sod grass so I’ll have something beautiful instead of a big mud puddle in the winter. There’s not much of a chance of successfully growing grass from seed with two ducks free ranging around!
I recently learned the term dehisence, and for the first time recognized what the seed pods of periwinkle look like. My eyes were opened to the possibilities of gathering seeds. I gathered a bunch of the periwinkle seed pods with ds13, then we went on to gather seeds from the yellow gazanias and orange marigolds. I told him he could sprinkle some in whatever garden bed he wanted, and we’d see what came up. I’m not such a fan of planting seeds because I don’t tend to get them to a big enough size to transplant into the garden before something happens to them, but I’m packing these away and in a few months will plant them to have ready for the early summer.
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On a communal note, we enjoyed hosting a minyan in our yard during the Sukkos break (our family members made up half the minyan!). We even had a sefer Torah, which was very special. Once the boys went back to yeshiva, we ended the minyan. However, we appreciated the sense of connection with other attendees that was created and would like to continue to help build a sense of community at a time that it seems to be disappearing. Beginning this Saturday night, we’ll be hosting a weekly melave malka/kumsitz for men and teen boys.
Not to leave out the girls, though! Because quiet time for me to write or prepare classes is so limited in my life at this stage – and being that I get up so early, it’s challenging to stay up late enough to give classes – I’ve hesitated about offering classes for women even though I’m a teacher to my core. But a recent conversation with a teen inspired me to offer a teen girls discussion group/kumsitz, beginning this Saturday night. The focus will be what is essentially at the heart of all my classes, regardless of the topic, living a life with meaning and joy. And since I’ve committed to doing it, I’m going to somehow find time to prepare and stay awake!
I thought I’d leave you with my weekly menu plan, but naturally my planner has temporarily disappeared and since I can’t remember it by heart, I’ll have to leave you with my good intentions instead. 🙂 Since ds13 has recently gotten interested in cheese making, I’ve spent a lot of money on milk and we’ve been enjoying homemade yogurt and cottage cheese for breakfast this last week. I can also tell you that lunch today was chicken jambalaya and dinner is supposed to be sweet potato peanut burgers but will be a simplified version since I didn’t feel like making something with that many steps later in the day. :):)
Sending you all my warmest wishes for a wonderful week to come!
When it was announced months ago that celebrations would be curtailed because of corona, I told my kids it was good that my son’s bar mitzva wasn’t until September. Because hopefully things would be back to normal by then.
Well, they aren’t back to normal and tomorrow night (Thursday) is the bar mitzva! Thankfully we are a nice sized group consisting of our single and married children as well as my mother (20 including our three granddaughters), and we will have the bar mitzva seuda together.
I really don’t know what to expect as far as participation of others outside our immediate family for the dessert reception afterwards or the kiddush on Shabbos morning following davening (both to be held outdoors in our garden). It’s going to be interesting to see how things unfold!
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I was feeling very pressured yesterday morning about all that needed to cooked/baked/cleaned as nothing was done and I had two days left to do it all. Two days with most of the older kids not home to help, and two young children at home who need a lot of active supervision. Two days when my husband would be traveling to Jerusalem for work, so no car to take care of any errands or shopping and obviously he won’t be around to help out.
To add to that, my fridge hasn’t been working properly, and since it’s under warranty, the technician was supposed to come this week. He didn’t come and when I called to reschedule, he won’t be coming until next week. The Shabbos setting hardly cools the fridge and the food spoils by the end of Shabbos, and isn’t working optimally during the week. So that was a deterrent as far as cooking in advance.
I sat down to make a list of menus for the bar mitzva meal, the dessert reception, the three Shabbos meals and the Shabbos morning kiddush. And I saw a message from my oldest daughter.
She informed me that she and her sister were in touch and would be bringing the following baked goods, and then listed the items. And she went shopping to buy some things I needed today. And my amazing daughter in law called to ask how she could help, and bought all the paper goods and is bringing another dessert with her.
They were all very concerned about how much needs to be done and that I have minimal assistance to do it all. I very, very much appreciated knowing that others are thinking of me and understand the logistical challenge.
Just like that, I went from feeling alone and overwhelmed, to feeling loved and supported.
Then this morning I got up at 4:30 and got two hours of focused preparations underway before anyone was up, and amazingly continued getting things taken care of while they were awake. (I made a huge pot of matbucha, three 9 x 13 pans of potato kugel, three pans of noodle kugel, two pans of apple crumble, one pan of chocolate cake, two pans of baked apples, roast, beet salad, roasted radishes, cleaned and reorganized both fridges to make room for all the food I’ll be making, and did lots of laundry and dishes. And made breakfast and dinner and raked up lots of small pebbles and rocks into piles in my garden so they can get toted out. And was pleasant with my children throughout the day – I count the last item as really important because when there’s a happy event, it’s important to me not to spoil it with tension about what has to be done).
And then my eleven year old took my eight year old to the park while I took a nap midday.
And my mother read them books.
And then a lovely young lady came to help with the younger boys (starting this week I arranged for her to come daily for an hour in the later afternoon) but since they weren’t available, she mixed up a cake batter alongside me in the kitchen.
And then someone called to offer to do any shopping I need tomorrow, and to pick up my two younger kids and watch them so I can get things done. And called back to ask if I prefer she send a salad for the bar mitzva meal or for Shabbos.
And then my daughter called back to say that she’s bringing even more desserts with her, and what else can she make?
It can feel a little lonely making a celebration in a new place, during this time of dramatically reduced communal social interactions. But all of these pinpoints of love and offers of help meant so much to me.
I told a friend in the US that we’re about to start renovating our kitchen, and she said, ” You’re always redoing kitchens. Maybe next time you move, buy a place with a renovated kitchen!”
We did our first DIY kitchen renovation thirteen years ago; the last three took place in the last six years. And here I go again.
So why not buy a house with a renovated kitchen? Very simply, because I’m able to buy more home for my money by being willing to do my own upgrades.
For my past kitchens, I’ve purchased used kitchens and then customized them to my space. It requires being able to visualize and think out of the box, and I’m good at that.
This kitchen has been a lot more challenging to plan than any of the others. The way space is allotted here is unusual, and I’ve spent ages thinking and rethinking and rethinking again. Now that I’ve bought the kitchen (yep, used once again!!) and the various cabinets are sitting in front of me (the configuration is different than the detailed measurements I was given and had planned for already), I’m reworking out the details yet again!
The old kitchen was pulled out two days ago, and it was nice to to get it out. It was only seven years old but looked really dilapidated, and when we took it out, some of it was moldy and rotted.
I had originally planned to replace the kitchen before moving in, but when we suddenly moved a few months early, that plan changed. It ended up much better that I lived in this space for a while because it completely changed my idea of how to renovate.
It’s never fun taking out a kitchen because nothing is where it belongs and instead it’s piled up all over, and it makes it hard to prepare meals. But we’ve got a better workable temporary setup than ever before – we put a piece of granite from the used kitchen that I bought on top of the cabinets that will be the island, and that gives us a workspace.
The sink we’re using is in the bathroom, and here’s my workaround – I’ve placed a dish drainer set into the laundry hamper, so that I can stand at the sink and put the dishes in the drainer without having to bend down to the floor. Simple but it works and it makes me happy to find a way to make the renovation process less stressful!
Quite small but it gets the job done.
So much easier than how I washed dishes last time we did the kitchen, sitting on the edge of the bathtub/ on my knees leaning over the tub.
If you’re wondering about specifics of putting in a kitchen like this, feel free to ask! Someone on a FB group for those doing building projects/renovations in Israel asked about putting in a used kitchen a couple of years ago, and out of thousands of members, I was the only one to respond. This is my fourth kitchen here in Israel and I have a good sense of what’s involved in terms of cost and getting outside help.
My daughter, her husband and our granddaughter will be coming to visit for a week, arriving Thursday night. (And next week another of our couples, is arriving for an extended visit and the week after the third family arrives!:)) I’m very much hoping to have the countertops and sinks put in by Friday – it would be so nice to go into Shabbos with a new kitchen!
Yesterday I drove my seventeen year old son to the bus station. He returned to his yeshiva, this time as a dorming student. Today I’ll take my nineteen year old daughter to the bus station as she moves out and begins a new job in Jerusalem. My husband will be going back to the office in a couple of days. (My twenty-one year old son studies at a very large yeshiva which hasn’t yet reopened so he’s still home.)
It’s been two months with everyone home – my husband and eight of our children – and this time has been incredibly precious to me.
Even when everyone else in the family was home together, my husband was always working and missing out. Now he’s been working from home and has been with us throughout the day, something he and I have dreamed of. It’s literally our ideal life.
Though I’d have preferred to have my three year old at home, as a foster child that option wasn’t available. Thanks to this situation, he’s been home for the last two months and won’t have to go back to school until the beginning of the school year. That’s a six month long reprieve for him and he’s thriving.
All of my children above the age of 10 except for one actively opposed moving. They really, really, really didn’t want to move. They loved living in RBS, they had friends and connections and a sense of belonging. My older three kids expected to be sporadic visitors with no sense of meaningful connection in our new community.
This was a move that none of them saw as benefiting them in any way. It would only make their lives more difficult, as two of our kids living at home would have to find somewhere else to live once we moved, and it would be a long trip whenever they came back home for a visit. A visit to a place where they didn’t want to be, didn’t belong and didn’t connect with.
Covid-19 changed everything for us.
First of all, I didn’t take anyone away from the life they loved by moving here. Corona regulations had already taken it all away before we moved. They couldn’t spend time with friends or participate in any of the activities they enjoyed. They couldn’t even go outside for a walk.
Moving became a solution rather than a problem.
We moved at the most beautiful time of year, with the most perfect weather, to the most beautiful part of the country. Even at the times with the most restrictions, we could be outside in our large yard and the younger kids could play in the fields next to the house.
There was so much to do once we moved, and that work was shared by everyone. This made our move so, so, so much easier, and also created a sense of involvement and connection to our new home.
Synagogues were closed when we moved and people were staying to themselves. My 21 year old son organized a minyan (prayer service) three times a day that met the quarantine guidelines – four of our family members prayed in our backyard, our next door neighbor prayed in his back yard, and the men in the two houses behind us prayed from their front yards and porches – everyone in their own space and at the same time, everyone together.
These were all people who usually would pray in different synagogues and not have mutual meeting points. Our older boys and my husband had a chance to meet neighbors they would have hardly seen otherwise. As the restrictions eased, the rest of us have gotten to know our immediate neighbors, too. It’s been over twenty years since I felt this connected to my neighbors – ironic, at a time of social distancing to feel so connected, isn’t it?
As a family, we have never had the level of relaxed connection and time together that we experienced during the last two months. Not even when I was homeschooling nine children at once. The time together was enhanced by the fact that there was nowhere else to be. This allowed everyone to relax and be present in the moment, without the urgency of needing/wanting to be somewhere else. It was a rare opportunity to us all to experience this inner quiet simultaneously for an extended period.
What do our children think about us moving now? Everything has been so much better than any of us expected. They not only like it a lot, but think it was a great decision to move here! That’s pretty amazing considering their feelings before we came.
In the last few weeks things have gradually been reopening and that’s a good thing. That’s a very, very good thing.
At the same time, I feel so wistful and almost sad that this time is ending. This has been an incredibly valuable and beautiful time that could not have been more perfectly scripted for our family. I hope we can find ways to continue to create this feeling as the busyness of life resumes.
As our older kids are starting to move out, it’s a comfort that this new place has become a place where they belong, a home where they’ll want to come back to.
When we bought our last home five years ago, it was critical to me that it had a garden, and in fact the home we bought had a small garden (28 meters) as well as a large porch. I was so grateful for that outdoor space! I had an extensive collection of succulents growing in pots on the porch, and a small border of plants and two fruit trees growing in the garden.
We are now in our new home and I am SO grateful to have a much larger yard so I can do more extensive gardening! I just love being outside and getting my hands in the dirt. I even enjoy weeding. 🙂 Which is good, because my yard is one huge mess of 4 – 5 foot high weeds.
Though I did some initial decorative planting, my priority was to get fruit trees into the ground before it’s too hot so that they can set better. I’ve spent a few weeks reading about different fruits that I’m interested in (many exotic and unfamiliar to me) but honestly got a little overwhelmed thinking about it all.
I decided to keep it simple and enjoy gradually expanding and learning new things, rather than trying to buy everything I might want at once.
Here’s what this space looked like before. I was hopeful that the tree there was a citrus, but when I asked the guy at the nursery, he said it absolutely wasn’t. He thought it was probably ficus, a large tree planted for shade with destructive roots that rip up concrete, and strongly recommended removing it. So I did and it’s now in a pot next to my front door.
You can see the corner where I started weeding. 🙂
As soon as the local nursery reopened for in-person customers last week, I was there first thing in the morning!
Citrus are easy fruits to grow in Israel and I bought a Valencia orange and clementine; I don’t see the other citrus options being something we would use much of. I strongly believe in planting things you will eat. It doesn’t matter how well it grows; if you won’t use it, why bother planting it?
Additionally in this 18 meter space I’ve planted loquat and persimmon. I did quite a bit of reading about spacing for fruit trees to determine how many I could plant; I was surprised that fruit trees in a home garden can be planted just 18 inches apart if they are well pruned! In addition to typical planting, there are also some cool things you can do like espalier (growing along a fence) or growing them over a garden arch.
I considered putting eight trees in this space. The choice was: more kinds of fruits but more pruning of each tree, and less yield on each tree, or more fruit on fewer trees and less pruning. I decided to go with the latter.
Back to front: orange, clementine, loquat, persimmon, each surrounded by companion plants.
I got one grape vine, the Isabella, which I read is the only grape vine in Israel that doesn’t require spraying with pesticides. It’s good for eating and making juice. I only got one because grape vines spread tremendously so I’ve left over ten feet in each direction unplanted. I intend to tie it up so it will cover this very strong but not too visually appealing fencing.
A few days later at a different nursery I got two pitango bushes, which will grow into a living fence along the fencing we put in to close off the back yard. Pitango (also known as pitanga or surinam cherries) make a great hedge and also have edible berries. My preference is to grow plants that have some kind of edible output.
I also planted an Ettinger avocado in a different part of the yard (a pic of that will follow in a post regarding a different project). I planted this separate from the others because it grows much taller and I wanted it to be in a space where the shade it provides will be appreciated (ie not next to the pergolas which will be our sukka!).
When I go back to Beit Shemesh in the next couple of weeks to get the last of our stuff out and clean up our apartment, I’m going to take out the plum, nectarine and jasmine and replant them here.
My family was discussing what aspects of this quarantine period they appreciate, and here is some of what they shared:
no rushing, being able to go at a more relaxed pace
enjoying being at home and participating instead of feeling there’s something else you’d rather be doing and resenting being asked to help out
family meals three times a day
working together on projects
being more patient and kind to your siblings
my husband working from home
no need to get the younger boys to school and from school and therapies
Having moved a month ago and having a bigger space has been a nice plus, but everyone felt we would have done just fine if we had stayed where we were, too. Some things would have been different, but we would have still enjoyed being together.
It takes time to learn to be together around the clock. Lots of families are feeling very challenged by this, and it’s okay to not love it and it’s okay to want it to be over.
But it’s also an opportunity many families are enjoying. One father told my son, “I realized I never knew who my kids were, and now I’m getting to know them.” There’s now a global opportunity to experience a deeper level of connection with our families.
If you’re struggling, realize you can make your thoughts work for you by shifting perspectives. There are plenty of negatives that we can all find and if you focus on that, it’s going to be hard! Being able to view this time as a positive opportunity is the first step to opening the door to a more positive and enjoyable experience.
For me, the togetherness and being able to make our own schedule has always been the best part of homeschooling, and I’m really loving having that again!
