Category Archives: homeschooling

Working together on home projects – building, painting, gardening – fun, fun!

homemaking, homeschooling, parenting

Since moving a week and a half ago, we’ve been super busy. The days are full, but as busy as we’ve been, it’s been enjoyable and we haven’t felt rushed.

In addition to rebuilding closets, unpacking and settling in, here’s some more that we’ve been up to.

Clearing junk – First of all, we needed to clear out the large amount of junk that was left behind. Though this shouldn’t have been left for us to deal with, we appreciated the seller let us move in before the sale was complete, and considered this the price for our early move. It was a lot of stuff and definitely a task of its own.

The bulk trash pickup system here is very different than what I was used to in a city! After piling it near the driveway, I had to call someone who works for the municipality to come and pick it up. It took a few days but at 8 am one morning, there was a knock on my door and there was the guy for the bulk pickup, telling me to send out someone to load the stuff onto his tractor.

I went out to see a trailer hooked up to his tractor, and a few of the boys ran out to load it up. It was great to get all that trash out and have a fresh slate to get working!

Pergolas – Even though there is plenty to do inside, we decided our first big project would be building a pergola. Right now the weather is so beautiful and working outside is a pleasure – that won’t be the case for much longer! We have a very sunny exposure and it gets incredibly hot here in the summer. Having a pergola will provide us with a shaded outdoor area for playing and hanging out, so we can enjoy the outdoors rather than escaping inside to the a/c.

I wanted to build a large pergola on the front of the house and a smaller pergola on the side, to create two different areas for relaxing and playing.

Ds21 is not only highly competent, he’s a really good team leader. He had all of the other kids (except ds3) involved in moving lumber from the end of our walkway where the delivery truck left it, and then painting all of it.

Painting boards – dd19, ds17, ds14; ds21 and ds7 the foreground

For the actual building, he instructed ds14, ds12 and ds17 so they were learning as they went along (dd19 and dd23 were very involved in building our last pergola in RBS). I really appreciate them having the opportunity to learn real life skills. Working on a project like this builds competence as well as confidence.

Ds12 using the jigsaw to cut the decorative designs on the ends of the boards
Night activity at the Werners – ds12 and ds21 on ladder drilling in ledger boards to house
Raising the first beam – from left to right, ds21, ds17, ds12 and ds14 on ladder.
Ds14 using circular saw to trim boards down
The large pergola on the front of the house, finished!
The smaller pergola on the side of the house, finished except for attaching monkey bars.

Gate – The yard has a wall around most of it, with an opening in the front and back. I have two young children and a dog who I’d like to let run freely in our garden without worrying they’re going somewhere they shouldn’t. Ds21 and ds14 built a gate and a small fence next to it, to make our space safer for them.

The entrance to our yard, before.
The gate and small fence next to it, where the wall is low enough for a child to easily climb over.

Chickens/duck research – the yard is a huge overgrown space, filled with tall weeds. I’ve been thinking a lot about getting chickens, since they are the ultimate composting/tilling machines They are super practical! However, I’m strongly drawn to ducks (they are so cute and entertaining!!), even though they aren’t as efficient when it comes to eating leftovers.

I found a seller of the breed of ducks I’m interested in, but due to the lockdown situation I’m not able to pick them up. So I’m deliberating about getting chickens locally in the meantime or waiting a while to add any livestock to our mini-homestead. 🙂

I’ve also been thinking about putting in fruit trees. I would love to get them into the ground before Pesach and prepared my order to call it into the nursery, which delivers. Realistically with all that we have to do in the house and getting ready for Pesach (haven’t even started getting the kitchen ready!), it’s too much to add a project like this in the next two days.

I was ready to push to get it done until I realized there is no external faucet for the garden. Not only no faucet, but no plumbing was laid to connect us to the main water source (there’s different water for gardens) from the municipality. How in the world do you build a house with a large garden and not build the infrastructure to connect to the water system?!? It seems we have to contact the water company to find out what’s involved in getting pipes laid and hooked up and since I haven’t yet done that (I’ve been plenty busy with other things!), I have no idea what that entails in terms of cost or time.

Planting the trees without having a watering system in place is going to be much more work than I’m ready for, so as much as I would love to get them in now while it’s still cool and wet, I’m reluctantly going to have to wait.

I’ve been doing lots of weed pulling, and started putting in landscaping plants along with some vegetable plants. I love waking up early and working in the garden while everyone else is still sleeping. I love it!! When I’m gardening I enjoy it so much that I don’t realize how much work it is, but now I’m stiff and sore from the unexpected workouts!

This partially buried piping was obstructing our walkway entrance.
Once I got started digging the pipe out, I decided to plant some succulents that will fill in nicely with time and require minimal care.

Painting – Last year a leak from the porch upstairs had caused unsightly peeling paint on the ceiling below in several places. Immediately after signing on the home in the fall we had the core issue fixed so there is no new water damage despite the extensive rains this year, but we still had to deal with the remaining cosmetic damage.

We scraped down the ceiling, spackled it, resanded it, painted it and now it looks so good! We have lots more painting to do – the main floor is mostly okay but the upstairs is in serious need of painting in every single room. That’s going to be a big project since the people before us stuck up some adhesive fake brick stuff in the main area that we’re going to have to take down, then do lots of spackling and sanding before we get to the point we can paint it. That will definitely not happen before Pesach!

I wanted to have the colors of the ocean for the living room, so I chose pale sand and pale teal paint colors. Due to the lockdown I ordered the colors from my computer instead of going in person. Unfortunately, things look different on a screen, so I now have a light blue instead of teal! It looks nice, though quite different than what I was envisioning.

The boys painted one bedroom upstairs, and hopefully will do another couple of rooms today.

We still have lots of unpacking and organizing to do, which is impeded by not being able to buy the furniture we’re missing. If I would buy new, I could have it delivered but it still wouldn’t have been here before Pesach, and in any case that’s not what I budgeted for. So I’ll have to wait until the restrictions are lifted to buy from private sellers; for now, I’ve made a makeshift closet for my room by stacking several sturdy boxes on top of each other. It’s not beautiful but it’s better than unpacked boxes all over the floor!

Dog grooming – Our dog loves running through the grassy fields surrounding our home! This has created a new topic for us to learn about – ticks. 🙁 To make it easier to see if something attached to him, ds17 gave Sheleg a haircut – it doesn’t look professional but considering it was his first time, he did a great job! It’s much more functional. We’ve all gotten a quickie course in recognizing and removing ticks. Fun times.

There’s so much to do, and it’s so nice being able to do this together, with everyone is home.

And today, I’m going to get started on getting my kitchen ready for Pesach!

Avivah

Why you shouldn’t try to homeschool now

homeschooling, personal development


“You may have to help some people out now that the whole country will have to homeschool.” This was the first message I got, minutes after the announcement that schools would be closed was made.

Since then, I’ve been seeing lots of social media postings and receiving queries. As a veteran homeschooling mom of 19 years, I knew that the first days would be a flurry of unrealistic schedules guaranteed to exhaust everyone. I also knew that after a day or two of the schedule, parents would be ready to throw in the towel.

Unless you find it a comforting and relaxing term, stop saying that you’re homeschooling. You aren’t automatically homeschooling when your kids are at home instead of in school. You don’t say you’re homeschooling when it’s spring break or summer vacation. This is the same thing – they are having an extended school vacation, albeit unplanned and unexpected.

You know why the term you use matter? Because it determines what you expect of yourselves, and at a time when you have much more stress and pressure than usual, please don’t add to it by thinking you should be homeschooling on top of everything else. Really. Let the homeschooling thing go.

If you are one of many trying to get your kids onto their online classes, trying to fit it all in and juggles screen time for more than one child is likely to add tremendously to your stress. Use the online classes or assignments that your children may have been sent from teachers only if it adds to everyone’s general calm and contentment. My eight grader loves getting onto his WhatsApp class but he also doesn’t feel he has to do every single one, and when he misses one it’s no big deal.

The online classes and assignments are intended to be supportive; consider them a suggestion, not a requirement. Hopefully the administration of your child’s school sees this the same way, but they are also trying to figure this out in a very short time and will need time to find their balance.

If you think it’s fun to play math games with your kids, go ahead. But your focus should be on helping everyone adjust to being at home together all day. Look for what sparks joy. If something doesn’t sound appealing for you or your kids, don’t do it. There are plenty of other things to do.

If you feel like it’s only been a few days and you’re already ready to rip out your hair, take a deep breath. No matter how inadequate you may be feeling in the moment, you’re doing fine. You’ve been thrown into the deep end of a pool and shouldn’t expect yourself to be an expert swimmer as soon as you hit the water.

After letting go of unrealistic expectations and being kind to yourself, my next suggestion is this:

  • Menu plan – you’re going to be cooking much more than you’re used to and you may be astonished how much kids who are home can eat! You and the kids will all be much more relaxed when mealtimes are regular and predictable. (I have dozens of weekly menu plans in my menu plan category.)

Seriously, this is really, really important. It doesn’t matter how simple or boring the meals are, just make it regular. Do this and it will feel like your home is functional. Don’t do this, and you’ll want to scream at the next person who tells you they’re hungry and asks you what there is to eat!

I’ll be sharing more thoughts in future posts, and am happy to respond to specific questions. I also have hundreds of posts in the homeschooling category of my archives that answer many, many specific questions about what/how/why of homeschooling and parenting. Feel free to browse that, looking at earlier posts first, to get some encouragement and practical suggestions.

Avivah

17 years later – “You won!”

homeschooling

As a homeschooling family, we’ve had plenty of positive feedback over the years, but we’ve also had our share of criticism and naysayers.

One of the critics was a rabbi of synagogue in a city we moved to when my oldest was 9. He was a sincerely good person who was concerned that we didn’t understand the dangers of the homeschooling path. He warned us that our children were likely to end up unhappy, dysfunctional and religiously ‘off’.

I strongly disagreed and told him so (respectfully, of course :)); though he periodically would try to convince my husband of the error of our ways, our children continued learning at home. I knew he said what he did from a desire to be of help to us, and didn’t take it personally.

Fast forward 17 years. My oldest son and his wife were visiting the US last week and my husband asked my son to give his warm regards to this rabbi when he saw him.

So he did.

After my son introduced himself and shared a brief update on our family, the rabbi exclaimed, “Your father won!!!”

winning

My son had no idea what he was talking about and asked him what he meant. The rabbi explained, “I tried to talk your father out of homeschooling and told him how you kids would be ruined as a result. But he was right, he won!”

I’ve been quite happy with my choices and how our family has developed, and I don’t expect those with a different perspective to validate my choices.

But let me tell you, it was soooo validating to hear that comment!

Avivah

 

Live your life with intention – dare to follow your own path

homeschooling, personal development

Years ago, I took my children to Northwest Trek wildlife park in Washington state. We loved it so much we went back the very next day.

The second day was drizzly and cold, and as the rain started to fall, the number of visitors grew sparser and sparser. Our kids had coats with hoods and the rain wasn’t too heavy, so we decided to stay in line for the tram that would take us through the areas where the animals were living in the wild.

This ride turned into a rare treat! Thanks to the rain, we saw an abundance of animals that were usually sleeping or resting out of sight. The docent accompanying the few of us on the tram told us it was very unusual to see the number of animals that we saw, and to see them being so active. It was a special opportunity, and we only had it because we were willing to do something different than most of the people around us that day.

We humans have a tendency to scan to see what others are doing, and then we act accordingly. We want to do what others are doing. It gives us security and provides a feeling of comfort.

But so many of the best opportunities aren’t found when you line up in the same place, at the same time, in the same way as everyone else.

A friend of my husband’s who is a business consultant advises entrepeneurs to zag where others are zigging, to look for the opportunities to do something different than what others in the field are doing, because that’s where the opportunities are.

It’s true in every area, definitely on the home front. If you want to live a life like everyone else, do what everyone else does. If you want to live a life of higher satisfaction and alignment with what you care about most, be willing to zag when everyone else is zigging.

In the summer of 2000, we made the choice to homeschool our children. I jumped off the well-trodden path that everyone around me was following, and it was downright terrifying. I was so worried about doing something so different from everyone else. What would people think of me, what would they say about me?

And most of all, how could I be seeing an opportunity that others didn’t see? If they weren’t acting on it, it must be because there were major potholes in my path. After all, if there was something good to be gained, wouldn’t everyone want it?

That fear lasted until I made the jump into the pond of my own making. Once I was out of the rushing mainstream currents, I was able to see how refreshing the water in my pond was. How calm and relaxing it was, how easily connections happened within our family.

As the years passed, I continued to notice how many people were living lives that were very limiting for them (their assessment, not mine), and how poorly served they were by continuing to do the same thing as everyone around them. I came to the deep conviction that in any venture or endeavor, following the crowd is usually not where deep fulfillment lies.

Recently a young family shared their plan to move out of the city they live in despite their comfortable lives. When I asked them why, they said they want a different pace of life, a different kind of life for themselves and their children. They’ve sold all their belongings and are getting ready to explore the possibilities, taking action to move toward what they value most.

Another woman told me they’re moving from Ramat Beit Shemesh (where I live) to a much more affordable area in the south, because currently they are ‘house poor’ and want to restructure financially in a more healthy way. When I told her it was a courageous thing to leave a place she has lived for so many years and start again, she responded that it just made sense. True, I told her, maybe it makes sense but most people would be afraid to take the dramatic step she is taking.

There’s something about living in integrity with yourself that is very powerful. We have only one life to live, and at the end of my life (which I hope will be very, very long!), I want to look back with satisfaction and gratitude for the choices that I’ve made.

It’s painful to be filled with regrets, to wish you had done something different but didn’t act out of fear – of leaving your comfort zone, of doing something different than those around you or even doing something different than yourself in years past.

Over the years, many people have shared with me how their children have struggled in school, but they’re afraid to homeschool because they don’t want to be different or because they’re scared of the unfamiliar.

Totally understandable – but sadly, the child and parents are still left with the struggle.

When we stuck to our budget, living within our means and refusing to use credit cards to artificially extend our spending power, people told us how smart that was. But they couldn’t do that, they said, because their children would feel deprived or they would look poor compared to their peers.

If spending to impress others and going into debt is zigging, I’m happy to have zagged.

My quality of life has been immeasurably higher when I’ve been willing to do what was right for me, no matter what when everyone else was doing. Those choices weren’t made with the intent to be different from others – in fact, being different has been uncomfortable for me –  but I was willing to experience that discomfort in order to experience my highest good.

Have you zagged in some area of your life, and if so, how did you benefit? Is there some area that you want to experience something different but don’t know how to go about it? If you’d like support with that, feel free to set up a session with me and I’d be glad to support you!

Avivah

Yay, summer is here and the kids are home!

homeschooling, parenting, personal development, Trisomy 21

The summer is a busy time of year for our family!

This is a little roundup of what’s going on around here.

A couple of weeks ago one son turned 17, our first married couple celebrated their two year anniversary, a day later my husband and I celebrated our 27th anniversary, two days ago was my oldest granddaughter’s first birthday, yesterday was another son’s seventh birthday, and tomorrow my oldest son will turn 26! I’m so thankful for it all.

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It’s our first official week of vacation and it’s so nice to finally be free of most of the external schedules! I had a mini debate with myself about sending Yirmi (now 7!) to the school sponsored summer camp program – there was a ridiculously small fee and the bus there and back was available for no extra charge. Even though the program would finish at 12:45 daily and it would have been fun, I opted to keep him home for the entire summer.

It’s so nice not to have to get him ready first thing in the morning, sending him off when he’s fresh and getting him back after 4 pm when he’s exhausted and out of sort. He’s a great person to spend time with. And it feels like vacation to me not to have to get going so early in the morning!

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It seemed that I wouldn’t be allowed to take Rafael (2.5) out of his daycare program for the summer. Don’t ask. It has been one big headache and I continually just turn this over to G-d and ask for His help in gracefully navigating the system. However, this week a therapist gave me a heads up that independent of the administration’s threat not to allow him to come back next year, the therapists don’t think this is a  supportive environment for him and suggest finding a different place.

Now that I know he won’t be continuing at this daycare for the coming year, if I can cut down his summer attendance they can’t threaten me with kicking him out of the program.  It’s the silver lining of the whole daycare situation right now.

What I’d really like to do is keep him home for the coming year, and that would unquestionably be the best thing for him. I’m sure we would see dramatic improvements in every area. However, as a foster parent I don’t get to make that choice. The only option I’m left with is an intensive therapeutic program.

There are many lovely things about that program and if I’m forced to send him there I’ll focus on those things, but I have to tell you honestly that my heart is clutching at all of this. I’m being told he’s not progressing fast enough and the answer is more therapy. But he doesn’t need more therapy, what he needs is more attachment.

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Last week I attended a two day beach festival for women in Tiberias on the edge of the Sea of Galilee, and it was wonderful! So relaxing and maybe most important, I had extended quiet to reflect on some things that are important to me and discuss them with others. From there, I spent a lot of time considering how to integrate more of those things into my life.

The more I have the courage to ask myself what I really want my life to look and feel like, the more clarity I have and then I can take actions to move closer to that goal. It’s extremely empowering.

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On my bucket list for the summer are getting hearing aids for Yirmi. It’s taken a year to get to the point that he’s been approved for the hearing aids, and hopefully in the next month we can get all the necessary appointments for this taken care of. He’s done amazingly in his first year of school, and think how much more he’ll gain next year when he can clearly hear what is being said!

Another important item that I want to take care of during the relaxed summer months, is to begin the process of palate expansion. It can be uncomfortable and make speech less clear, so I opted not to do this during the school year. Yirmi works hard enough to keep up and do all that is asked of him without piling on another challenge during the school year!

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In other news, my 18 year old daughter applied to a seminary that seemed to be a perfect fit for her, and wasn’t accepted. When someone contacted the administration to find out why, they said that due to her homeschooling background, they are concerned she won’t be able to get to classes on time and manage the schedule.

That is so completely ludicrous for someone who has been managing her own schedule for a long time (no parents to wake her up and remind her to do homework); she has much more self-discipline than the average high school graduate. It was very frustrating  that they didn’t bring up this concern in the interview and give her a chance to respond. Instead, they made an assumption based on whatever their ideas about homeschooling are. (Clearly not very positive, as they said, “We aren’t like your family who does whatever they want – we act in accordance to rabbinical guidance.” This is an example of when I have to set my ego aside and focus on supporting what my kids need. )

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My seventeen year old son has decided he wants to leave high school early and go directly to a post high school yeshiva, where he will be able to pursue full-time Torah study. I’ve been somewhat on the fence about this, and despite his repeated comments to the effect that I’m not supporting him, I’m actually very open to the possibility. However, I want to know that he will be attending a yeshiva that will be a good match for him, and finding that match is still up in the air.

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Oh, have I told you that I’m going to continue homeschooling ds10 and ds11 for the coming year? I’ve been meaning to do a post on that for many weeks. After feeling very burnt out last summer, I decided this school year was going to be our last year of homeschooling. But as time went on and I regrouped, I found myself remembering what I love about homeschooling and how it continues to benefit them. Prior to that, I could only see all that I wasn’t doing and was focusing on that.

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Some little random odds and ends of summer stuff…

I took three of the boys to an archeological dig, where we uncovered the original mosaic floors from a 1500 year old church – educational and fun. It was a great experience, and I’d love to share pics but they don’t want the public to see the finds yet. (They’ll be officially introduced in the fall.)

We’ve been continuing exploring the closest national park and in addition to new playgrounds. Yesterday we had a great time at a birthday party for my granddaughter in Jerusalem.

The pool is getting lots of use. Even Rafael (2), who refuses to go in, is enjoying it – we hung the bucket swing over the pool so he can swing and and dangle his feet in the water while the older boys are playing – he loves it!

And that’s the update for now!

Avivah

Get out into nature – stop making excuses and just do it!

homeschooling, parenting, , ,

Exactly a year ago, we bought a car and one of my intended purposes was to get my kids to these spots that aren’t accessible without private transportation.

There’s no question it made my life easier in a number of ways, but getting into nature?

It only took me a year to do that.

Sometimes I mentally make too big a deal of something and then as a result I procrastinate. Sometimes for a very, very long time!

In this case, I told tell myself I needed a big block of time. I needed the weather to be perfect. I needed to be well-rested, the kids needed to be well-rested. They needed to have finished their reading and math and for the house to be left perfectly clean. And the laundry had to be hung before I went out.

No surprise that all the stars in my sky never lined up, right?

And I didn’t go anywhere.

Finally last week I realized I was making it way too complicated and hard. Getting out with the kids into nature was important to me, so I asked myself what would make it easy to do. I realized that going out first thing in the morning would be the best option for me. Otherwise, my day gets filled up very fast with other things that need doing. The urgent things very quickly crowd out the deeply important things, because the important things don’t claim the limelight.

Earlier in the day is also when I have the most energy; by the time the afternoons roll around I’m tired and just want to do as little as possible!

I told my ten and eleven year olds to quickly grab water bottles and anything else they want to taken if they wanted to come with me on an outing. At 8:30 in the morning we were out of the house (along with my husband, who happened to be home sick – I convinced him he would feel better if he went with us :)).

Fifteen minutes later we were driving up the mountain of a national park. I pulled into the second play area that I saw, and I really didn’t have any agenda of how we would use our time. My only limitation was that we would stay just two hours since it was a very spontaneous outing (I thought of it about 7:15 that morning) and I had other things scheduled that I needed to be back for.

In any case, in the spirit of keeping it simple and easy to do again, having a two hour window was a good thing.

The boys brought their readaloud and interestingly, the first thing they did was ask my husband to read to them. (They’re reading Watership Down by Richard Adams. As we drove past a farm on our way, one son commented, it’s like ‘The King’s Lettuce!’ and we all knew what he meant. I love how reading together gives us common references! )

My husband reading out loud with the boys
My husband reading out loud with the boys

Ds11 is definitely a child who enjoys movement. Can you spot him listening to the book in the picture below?

british park reading 2

Other than the swing that was there, they didn’t use any of the play equipment. It was nice to see that they were equally happy to hike around and to sit together, reading comics and doing brain benders.

(By the way, do you know how wonderful it is to have a child who has struggled with reading say, ‘Reading is fun! Can we get a membership to the library?” And then go the library on his own, get a membership and check out the books that he took with us. I heard his younger brother, who is also a late reader, reading with him and asking him what sounds a couple of the letters make. Learning happens all the time, especially when we aren’t looking or trying to make it happen. Every child on his own timeline.)

british park 4

My husband thanked me for encouraging him to come, and several times commented how much better he was feeling. Of course! Fresh air and sunshine are natural healers – how can you not feel better outside?!?

To think he was feeling so lousy he planned to spend the day in bed! Doesn't he look like he's feeling better here?
To think he was feeling so lousy he planned to spend the day in bed!

I wonder sometimes if when we get sick, if our bodies are forcing us to slow down since we don’t proactively make opportunities for relaxation?

My husband went off on a mini hike with ds11, who particularly enjoyed the challenge of walking over a fallen, partially suspended log.  While he was off in the woods, I took the opportunity to sit under a tree and read. That was after I had gone off on my own for a while for some time to breathe.

Yes, I know we all breathe all the time but it’s different when I can consciously allow myself to slow down inside and just be in the moment. That’s something that I find very, very centering. Since living in alignment with my values is so important to me on a daily basis, it’s critical to have that quiet space to stay in touch with my inner compass.

british park a

It’s a wonderful feeling when you do something that is deeply resonant with your personal priorities. We all enjoyed every minute, and I am very much want to schedule more of these opportunities into our days! It’s not easy for me to do, but it’s not as hard as I’ve made it seem to myself, either. Mostly it’s a matter of scheduling it in as a priority and working the smaller things in around it.

It’s amazing how relaxing just two hours can be for everyone when we’re in the beautiful outdoors!

So my message to you – keep it simple and just do it! Don’t get into the mental trap that I slipped into.

Whenever you can, however you can, get outdoors. It doesn’t have to be for a long time, you don’t have to have tons of food packed, you don’t have to leave your house neat, you don’t have to find the perfect location.

Really, keep it simple or you’ll find a zillion excuses to keep you from getting outdoors!

Avivah

(PS -since I know someone will ask 🙂 –  this was at British Park.)

Getting the kids outside this summer!

homeschooling, parenting,

I was caught by surprise when I realized that school will be ending really soon and somehow the summer is already upon us!

What am I planning for the summer?

Right now I have no plans for camp for anyone. As positive an experience as I think camp can be, I want our kids to enjoy the freedom of waking up when their bodies are ready (my six year old leaves the house at 7:10 and my 13 year old leaves just ten minutes after that) and having lots of unstructured time for them to fill, in as relaxed and leisurely a way that they want to.

You know the old fashioned way that kids used to play? Outside for hours and hours? That’s what I want to encourage. I’m so appreciative that in Israel there’s more of an outdoor culture than in the US, but nonetheless, getting your kid outside for extended periods of time isn’t a given even here.

Here’s some of what I’m planning for:

Bike riding – We’ve gotten ds10’s bike tires pumped up and filled with a material that makes the tires resistant to being popped by thorns. Last week we bought ds11 a new bike (well, to be accurate, we bought it with him since he paid for almost half of the cost himself).  We did a check to be sure everyone’s helmet was in good condition, and replaced the one that wasn’t.

Swimming – Last year due to renovations we didn’t set up our pool, but this year the boys have already got it set up! I’m waiting on the arrival of one replacement pole and then we’ll move full steam ahead to getting it filled up and in use. There’s nothing like getting in the pool on a regular basis to improve swimming skills – and most importantly – it’s fun! Fun is when all kinds of learning happens.

These pools aren’t expensive – the one we bought used in the US was something like $50. I got a new one in Israel on sale for 700 shekels (4.5 meters long x 2.2 meters wide), and then bought the upgraded filter since the one that came with it was pretty much useless. Cheaper than even a few weeks of day camp for the boys (here the cost runs about 900 shekels for three weeks per child), and it makes our home a more inviting place to spend time in and to have friends over.

I haven’t discovered the secret to making my home the preferred hangout of my kids and their friends, which I think is a good thing. But having fun stuff to do is definitely helpful.

Playgrounds – There are so many playgrounds in our city that I haven’t ever set foot in! A couple of weeks ago we visited one my kids had been asking about for months, and had a great time. We usually stick to the parks closest to home, so I’m planning to venture out and get to know other parks and playgrounds this summer.

Nature exploration – Our area is a short drive from some very beautiful natural areas. What I want is to get the kids out in the sum, in the forests, in the shade, climbing over rocks and tree branches, balancing on logs and getting filled up with the quiet of being in nature.

The book Last Child in the Woods, by Richard Louv, is a wonderful reminder of how important it is for children (and all of us!) to be outside. As childhood moves increasingly in the direction of being sedentary, solitary and dominated by screens, it becomes a conscious effort for a parent to get the kids moving, outdoors and connecting with others.

It’s worth it, though. Play outside is so healthy and so beneficial in so many ways. Developmentally, socially, emotionally…there are so many ways kids stand to gain by putting aside all the structured activities and giving them a chance to be bored, to find new interests and explore the world around them.

Play is how children learn best and the more we can encourage that play, the more they will learn! From a homeschooling perspective, I’ve believed this for many years. When my son with Trisomy 21 was born and I jumped into research about the developmental needs of kids with special needs, I was delighted to found that play continues to be the way to go.

So there you have it, my very simple and basic summer plans! Low key, low cost, low pressure.

While this will be supplemented by indoor activities, maybe a few trips, stuff like that – this is really where my focused intent for the summer will be.

Avivah

A late night conversation with a dyslexia expert

homeschooling, parenting

Early this week I got a ride from Jerusalem with someone who runs an organization to help children with language based learning disabilities. She had attended the same meeting I did, where we listened to a lawyer describe the recent changes to the inclusion laws and how that will affect children with different needs.

After our official meeting last year with officials at the Ministry of Education, we received a one year authorization to homeschool. Last week three representatives came to our home to speak to me and the kids.

Overall it was okay, but one thing that I was bothered by was a comment to one son. One representative asked him if he reads for fun, and he said not so much. She told him, “You need to work hard.”

I told the Ministry representative, he does work hard. And she said, “Yes, but I mean with reading.” I could have smacked her for saying that to him. She has no concept how hard this child has worked and continues to work every single day.

He’s up doing his academic work every morning well before she ever gets into the office!  After tremendous consistent effort (on his part and my husband’s part) he’s reading in Hebrew and English, more and more fluidly all the time. He’s felt so positively about his accomplishment, and been so excited and motivated about all the things he can learn now that he can read independently! And for someone to just throw judgment and criticism on him just casually like that was really upsetting.

It was interesting to hear how kids with reading challenges are serviced in school from someone who works with this all the time. The dyslexia expert told me that although dyslexia is extremely common (1 in 5 students), these learners are extremely under-served. (Since my son was never diagnosed, I can’t say he has dyslexia, but that’s the assumption I operated under when choosing resources to support him.)

Firstly, the kids in school with language difficulties get hardly any extra support. (All of this is me sharing what she said, not my opinion.) I just learned at this meeting that the most they can get from the government is 2 hours a week, if they can prove they need it. If they do get the additional support, it often does more harm than good, as extra tutoring is provided by those who don’t know how to teach to a child with dyslexia.

Despite the extra time, the child still doesn’t learn and feels even worse about himself, because it confirms that there’s something really wrong with him since even with this extra tutoring he’s not successful. Very often these kids don’t learn to read.

As a result, these kids very often fall between the cracks, despite usually being very bright. They tend to have low self esteem and feel like failures. That’s the typical trajectory.

To me what has been an especially significant accomplishment has not just been watching my son overcome his challenge with reading. That’s been major. But, much, much more significantly to me, he’s had a healthy and positive self image of himself as a bright and capable person throughout it all.

And if you think it’s been easy even as a homeschooler to not be reading until a later age,  it’s not. He could see that other kids could read much earlier and with much less effort than him. And the natural conclusion is to feel, ‘something must be wrong with me’.

We’d talk about everyone having his own timeline to learn things, and how some things are easy for one person and hard for another. Everyone has things that come easily for them and things that are hard for them. (He was able to see examples of that from his own life – there are many things that come easily for him.)

My son being a happy and curious learner isn’t something that people would question as being unusual. But for someone facing his challenges, it is.

Sometimes as a parent, you don’t get the feedback you’d like from the outside, and you have to recognize your own successes and pat yourself on the back for the things no one else knows you did.

There are plenty of days that I think I should do more or be more in some area or the other for my kids. So I really appreciated that night in the car, listening to an overview of what the typical experience is for kids in the school system.

Avivah

In search of a school for ds12

homeschooling, parenting

The latest around here is that we’re looking for a school for my 12 year old son for this year. Yes, I know the school year has already started. No, it’s not fun trying to find a place for a student this age!

Someone who knows my son told me, “I think any school would be lucky to get E. as a student, he’s such a special boy.” Yes, he would be an asset to whatever class he joins but he would have to be accepted to be an asset.  And that is the challenge we’re facing right now.

The school I was interested in has a very full class. They also have a principal who is a wonderful person and who when meeting my husband, told him, “I think homeschooling is the worst possible educational choice.” Ahem. Oh, yes, and would you now like to accept our homeschooled child to your school?

We’re being told that our son isn’t academically on par with the class in gemara (Talmud) and the gap is so huge that it would be a hopeless endeavor for him to catch up. This was based on a casual conversation in which the seventh grade teacher asked him about what he’s currently learning. It’s true that there’s a gap – he hasn’t yet started gemara and these boys started a year ago.

My husband sat in on a class and is convinced it’s quite doable for ds to catch up. Since he learns with him regularly and not only knows his abilities but also has no desire to put our son in a learning environment that would be overly pressured and demanding for him, I trust his assessment.

Though initially the seventh grade teacher said he would be willing to take ds12 if the principal agreed, the principal now says that the teacher says it would be too complicated to take him.

Too complicated to take a very bright, motivated boy with a strong desire to learn, no behavior or academic issues to remediate and parents who have committed to supporting him in catching up? I don’t think they’re making excuses (at least I hope they’re not making excuses because I don’t like to be cynical). I’m sure they believe that a one year gap is just too much to bridge.

I don’t think it’s too much.  And it’s not because I’m a pushy mother, because I’m not. I just think it’s a realistic challenge that he can meet.

When we moved to Israel my then twelve and a half year old son was in a similar situation, but he had the additional challenge of not speaking Hebrew nor reading as fast as a native Hebrew speakers did. (He had the advantage of there only being one Talmud Torah school option so the school couldn’t easily refuse to admit him since where else would he have gone?) He spent the first year figuring out what was being said, he spent the next year – eighth grade – understanding the language as well as the content and excelling academically.

A homeschooling mom said something to me that is very true and relevant – that they don’t have any idea what a motivated homeschooler is capable of.

Someone else said something very true and relevant – in Israel the schools often won’t tell you an outright ‘no’ – instead they stonewall you until you give up.

In any case, we’ve decided not to put all of our eggs in one basket. Though I really did feel this school was a good fit for us for a number of reasons, I have much more peace of mind when I allow G-d’s plan for me to unfold rather than pushing to get my plan implemented.  We’ve taken enough action on this front that if it’s meant to be, it will.

So we’ve started looking into other options.

One nice thing about these initial inquiries is that I may have found a school that could be a good choice for ds9 and ds11 for next year. That school isn’t an option for ds12 but knowing there’s an option like this for them it takes some pressure off of us to find a school for ds12 that would be a good fit for them all. (The three of them are very different learners.)

I’ve been asked how I determine when to send a child to school. Well, for ds12 it’s a matter of him being extremely ready for the challenges and opportunities that school will provide, particularly with advanced Torah learning and I think he will thrive with some added academic challenge and stimulation.

For the other two, I think they’ll also be very ready next year. But as much as them being ready…. I’m ready.

shifting paths

I’ve been homeschooling for a long, long time. For most of that time, I’ve really enjoyed it. (Let’s be honest, it’s not always a picnic!)

But now, something is shifting in me. It’s not a feeling of burnout. It’s deeper and different than that. It’s a feeling of moving towards completion in this area.

I’ve always said that I wasn’t committed to homeschooling forever, but that every year we look at what is best for each child, and that continues to be true. I’m not rushing to end this homeschooling stage of life, but simply sharing what has been an increasingly strong feeling over the past months.

I’ll keep you posted on our current school search!

Avivah

Embracing transitions- renovations, slowing down, starting school

homeschooling, personal development, Trisomy 21

Have you been wondering where I’ve disappeared to?? This has been my longest absence from blogging in twelve years!

It’s been a busy summer and while there were lots of good things, it was unusually challenging. Our DIY renovation added a huge amount of work and upheaval – every single item from every single room in our home except one was moved and the new spaces for some of those things still aren’t ready for them.

It’s been a big transition for us all.

I enjoy doing hands on activities, but while doing the actual renovation work I still needed to cook, clean, do laundry (without a sink for two weeks, without a washer for two separate weeks), buy groceries, etc – while also needing to oversee the project, constantly buy more supplies (the workers in several building supply stores all know me by now!) and teach the younger boys how to do the various renovations tasks…

I also still have these lovely children to be a mother to and that doesn’t mean constantly asking them to do yet another task or trying to meet their needs as fast as I can so I can get on to a job that is waiting to be done. My biggest effort in the midst of everything going on and all the emotions being expressed,was to still be a decent person to live with. That’s a big job when there is so much stress being experienced by so many people!

As far as how things are progressing – the bulk of the main work is finished and the new kitchen is fully functional. Yay! (When the sinks were finally in I felt like I was living in luxury!) Yes, I owe you all a picture!

There are still a number of small details before it will be completely finished. As much as I really, really want it all done, I made the decision to set further work aside until after Rosh Hashana. It was frustrating trying to get any work done with our youngest two boys around and when I tried I often had the feeling of two steps forward, one (and sometimes two!) steps back!

In addition to working with young children around (have you ever tiled a floor while living in a home and keeping your children off those tiles for 48 hours while the glue and then the grout sets?), things kept happening that diverted my energy or physically made it impossible to move forward with the intended renovation work, day after day: several of the boys were knocked out by a stomach virus, a very sick baby for three weeks, falling on a nail and not being able to move one hand for a week, badly smashing a finger in sliding door, spending thirteen hours in Jerusalem at the emergency room with a child who got plaster in his eye (and having the car overheat on the way there and then got a flat tire on the way home)….

There were so many unusual things happening one on top of another, that it became clear to me that Hashem (or maybe my unconscious) was giving me a message: slow down or I’d be forced to slow down.

Though I wanted everything DONE – what I really, really needed was to put my endless list of things to do aside and give myself a mental break by not thinking about all that still needed to be done.

Even with all of the challenges, I’m so happy to have tackled this project! By taking some time off from the work I’m able to breathe and look at what a huge accomplishment this has been instead of getting caught up in all the little details remaining.

I’m really pleased with how the new kitchen is shaping up and how much more spacious our main area is. One huge benefit that I didn’t anticipate is that I can now be working in the kitchen and still be involved in whatever the kids are doing.

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Last week Rafael (20 months) started at day care; it’s a wonderful program with full inclusion and he will have his own assistant for two hours each morning to help him participate fully in the activities. He will also be getting therapies there and the therapists will give instructions to his personal assistant, who will integrate their suggestions into her time with him as he does the group activities.

This week Yirmi started school! I’m not one for taking first day of school pictures but fortunately for me, the mother of another little boy in his class took this one for us!

Ds6 feeling shy and proud!
Ds6 feeling shy and proud

His teachers have all told me how impressed they are by him and what a pleasure he is to have in the class. And he loves it! It took a lot of persistence and advocacy to get him into this program (gan safa) which was sometimes emotionally wearing, but after the first ten minutes of being there with him, I felt so grateful that I stuck with the process. I think he’s going to gain tremendously!

I sent Yirmi to a Hebrew speaking camp for a month this summer to help prepare him for school. His English comprehension is excellent but his Hebrew is minimal. I told his teacher that he doesn’t understand Hebrew yet, but yesterday she told me he seems to understand a lot of what is being said to him and responds accordingly.  I attribute this to him paying attention to tone and body language – but maybe his camp experience helped prepare him more than I thought!

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So who does that leave homeschooling? As I enter my nineteenth year of homeschooling, we now have just three boys homeschooling (9, 11, 12).  I’ve had very little kids at home for throughout all these years and suddenly I don’t.

I expected to feel some ambivalence and sadness at this transition point, but that’s not the case at all. I have so many things I’m constantly dealing with and I’m grateful to be able to slow down and move away from the very intensive schedule that I’ve had for so long. I’m ready to embrace and enjoy this new stage and give myself a pat on the back for all my efforts with each of them until now. Though I’ve often wished I could do much, much more than I do, I’m willing to let that go and instead focus on what I have done!

My intention for the coming year is to be able to focus my time and attention on the boys at home in a way I haven’t been able to do when constantly stopping and starting to take care of younger children.

But my even bigger priority is to arve out some renewal time for myself!

Avivah