Yesterday I took all of the kids to a living history museum, where they were having a special all day program of hands-on activities, demonstrations, and crafts.  I told a friend who I first met a year and a half ago when shopping in PA that we’d be going, and invited her to join us with her family.  She was able to come, and it was really nice for all of us!  It definitely added to the fun for my kids to be able to spend the time with her children – we haven’t gotten together since December.

I often have a sense that our homeschooling ‘subjects’ come together with very little effort on my part.  I’m currently in the middle of reading Farmer Boy (from the Little House series) to my younger set of kids, ages 9 and down, which is set in the late 1800s.  Yesterday at the living history museum, we enjoyed a number of activities, one of which was a ride in a horse drawn wagon.  I asked the driver what kind of horses they were, and she told me they were Belgians, which we had just read about the day before in Farmer Boy!  It really makes history come alive to read about and then experience things that occur in the same time period (like the tour of the one room schoolhouse, the general store, carding and spinning their own wool).   Suddenly, it’s not just far away stories but it makes it all more up close and personal, and that’s what the study of history should be about.

I ordered a dvd from the library called Frontier House and my dh brought it home just the day before our outing to the museum.  I started watching it with the kids last night, and it is fascinating!  Wouldn’t you know, it’s about about the late 1800s and what life was like then?  The focus is on 3 modern day families who were chosen to ‘travel’ back in time and live as 1883 homesteaders.  Again, it all ties is so beautifully, with the book, the dvd, the museum, and the activities all highlighting and reinforcing one another. 

Avivah

>>I really hesitate to ask you this, but I was just about to ask you how much handwriting practice you have your 6-year-old do. Now I’ve just read this, and it sounds like you require a similar amount to what I’m doing, but I’m questioning it. We aren’t doing English handwriting as a separate subject. My 6-year-old does 2 lines in her Hebrew ksiva book (the number of letters depends on the line, usually between 6-10 letters per line). Then she has one workbook that requires answers in English (not full sentences, a couple words or a phrase to answer). She usually does a page of that. In any case, she FIGHTS it. Sometimes I will sit right next to her and “coach” her through it, but even then it is a struggle. She knows she has to do it in order to do other “fun” things (also educational, but things she likes more) or play. Still, it can get stretched out for hours. I am starting to feel like I am torturing her. I want to have fun and relaxed times, like you write about. I really feel she could get it all done in less that 30-45 minutes if she was actually doing it. I am interested to hear what you think of this. Please be gentle, it took guts for me to ask you this question. Thanks!<<

What kind of things my kids do at this age has shifted over the years.  That’s not because my beliefs have changed very much, but because the dynamics of my kids has changed.  Practically speaking, what that means for me is that the younger kids now do much more than the older kids did at their age, because they see their older siblings doing academic work and request to do it, too.  It’s become to them the ‘right’ way to do it, because they look up to their siblings.  (My two year old was crying yesterday because he didn’t have a math book, lol!)  But I do strongly support a ‘better late than early’ philosophy, as well as a child led approach to a large degree in the younger years. 

I didn’t formally institute any writing for my older kids until 8, but I think what matters more than the age of the child in any particular area is their readiness and receptiveness.  A child who isn’t ready isn’t going to learn, or to borrow a phrase, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.”  

But then it’s the hard mental balance, of feeling like there are things we want them to learn now, because we feel it’s important, and respecting where our child is coming from, and the challenge is that often those two things conflict.  I try to stay away from the school mindset that says certain skills have to be learned at certain grades, and focus more on my long term goal.  That’s a hard thing for most of us to let go of, because we were educated like that and still have that internalized view of learning as being on a time frame.  My long term view is by the time they are 18, I want them to be able to read, write, compute, on a reasonably high level.

When I think of it like this, it takes the urgency away to insist on something right now and helps me take a step back and look at what will help me reach the long term goal of academic accomplishment, along with the short term goal of raising a child who enjoys learning, and having a relaxed home environment. 

So that’s my general position for our family.  For you specifically, I would ask a few questions.  Why is it important to you that she do this at this point?  Why does she dislike it so much – is the workbook boring, is writing physically difficult for her, etc?  I don’t think what you’re asking of her is unreasonable, but 30 – 45 minutes of writing for a six year old can seem like a lot to them, and I’d shift to about ten minutes or less each, for English and Hebrew (that’s the about the time spent by my 6 year old).  Do you think she’d still feel frustrated by that amount?  Follow her cue, and see what she enjoys. 

There are lots of ways to incorporate writing into a daily schedule except for a formal workbook, and in another year, she’ll be maturationally much more able to write.  Remember that writing is a physical skill, not a mental skill, and the ability to do it well depends very much on small motor coordination.  When my kids balk in this way, I usually take it as a sign that I should back off, focus on doing more fun stuff with them, and reassess. 

This time of year is filled with holiday preparations, and getting her actively involved with that can be a good natural way to back away from the writing without making an announcement to her about it.  ‘Oh, we have so much to do for the holidays, let’s put our time into that right now’.  Go bake something, do a craft project – things you probably are already doing, just shift your focus to make that the main thing.

Another thought comes to mind – is she your oldest? Because if so, a trait common to oldest children is perfectionism.  They put a lot of pressure on themselves internally, and often balk at doing anything when they feel they can’t be successful in the way they want.  If that might be a factor for her, it would be helpful to give her a clear message that whatever they are doing is enough, that you love her just as she is.  Because perfectionists have this idea that they aren’t lovable unless they perform to a certain standard, and as loving as a parent may already be, perfectionists need to hear this a lot more to counter their own mental thoughts that are running through their minds all the time.

Please ask for clarification if there’s something I didn’t address.

Avivah

Last week one of my husband’s coworkers called me and asked if I would be interested in an entire set of Encyclopedia Judaica.  I asked him why he was asking, and he said that he was given a set that was in brand new condition (though it is from the seventies) but his family wasn’t interested.  So I said, sure, we’d be happy to have it.

It really is in beautiful condition – no mustiness, in fact it looks as if it was never used.  The hardest part was finding a place for it, but fortunately several weeks ago I reorganized all of the bookshelves, and was able to spare an entire shelf to devote to the new encyclopedias.  This set is amazing, it’s just chock full of historical information, maps, etc, and my ds15 is already using it today for the two part research project I gave him – to research the US national anthem and the Israeli national anthem, and to write about both.   We also have a regular set of encyclopedias, and since I prefer my kids use physical books to research than the internet, this will be a wonderful and useful addition for our homeschooling. 

I often feel that G-d showers me with goodness, day after day, and this is one more physical example!

Avivah

Here’s a letter that a good friend sent to her parents after her first week of homeschooling.  She shared it with me, and I asked her if I could share it with you (with personal details edited out), because I think it is encouraging to hear from someone who shares what her life was like with all of her children in school.

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>> It’s Thursday night, we’re coming to the end of our first week of homeschooling. It has been more of a pleasure then I could ever hope to describe. I can’t even believe that we could be privileged enough to be able to do this.

There is simply no comparing between school life and this life. Well, there is comparing, but the differences are so vast it’s hard to find anything that’s similar.

In school life you wake all the kids up they moan and groan and fight you. They beg for a day off. They fret about undone homework. Despite your efforts and early rising there is always some mad dash to get to school on time as you try to feed and dress all the kids and pack them in the car with one lunch and 4 snacks each.

And then they’re off; leaving you to pray that they have a good day even though one out of eight is bound to be overtired and one is anxious about a test or homework or a friend and none of the teachers know any of this though they’ll be with your kids for the next 7 hours.

Then it’s on to the kitchen and how did it get messy in such a short amount of time and why is the nurse’s office calling me when I just sat down for a coffee and will I be on time for the baby’s doctor appointment if I wash the dishes first and Oh! my husband just came back from shul!

The day is full of cleaning and errands and making supper so that everything will be just right for when your sweet children walk through the door.

You drive around the neighborhood 5 times doing carpools and when the afternoon is over and you feel like you’re ready to take a nap that’s when…THE KIDS COME HOME! And no amount of preparation on your part can help the fact that they’re tired, wound up and need you. I mean they ALL NEED YOU.

We all wind down over supper and the mood mellows. The little ones go and play and anyone age 5 and up has homework to do. You really don’t get to be little for very long these days! Heaven forbid getting involved in a good book or inviting a friend would come over. I wish I was using poetic license here but it’s just the facts. After this whole day of tight adherence to bells, rules, assignments, tests and sitting still there is still more to be done. A LOT MORE. And it can’t be done alone, never mind that the baby would love to play outside or that your young ones desperately need attention or that your preteen could use a new pair of shoes. If you have any qualifications as a mother or father you sit down and do the homework with the kids!

Bedtime – “But I didn’t even have time to play, Mommy! “ Hmmm, I think one hour a day of play is not enough for an eight year old. But I say instead, “Come, I’ll sit with you on your bed, you have to go to sleep, you have another big day of school tomorrow.” We sit and talk and all the while I’m thinking “How much longer?” because there’s still so much to do and I’m thinking of the hours of homework support that I’m needed for downstairs.

When the big kids go to bed, I come to their rooms for a few treasured moments and at last they relax after a whole day and they have so much to say and so many things to show me and the kitchen is so MESSY again and I’m so tired! But I stay and talk because I really really love them and that’s what love looks like. But they know somehow that I’ve got one foot out the door ready to prepare for another day of school and I’m really wanting to just sit and catch up with my husband.

I’m painting this picture with honest strokes. This is my experience. Times are different then when I was raised. The academic pressure just knocks the wind out of family life. And I know it’s not unique to my family. This is the life that most people have come to accept. A compromise for a greater cause at best, a shameful waste of the gift of parenting and childhood at worse.

Have you heard this line uttered by many a frustrated parent “This is not a hotel!”? Well, to the kids it may as well be. They’re away from the house all day and just want to relax when they come back, why should they care about making a mess? How much do they have invested in it?

How many of children’s behavior problems are brought home from school?  My answer based on experience is “almost all.” It’s intense finding your way around 30 kids all your age who all want to be liked the best and be the best at ball and be the teacher’s favorite and be the best student. Everyone’s vying for the same elusive prize and there isn’t enough to go around.

I know this sounds frenzied. And to me it is the equivalent of being in a pressure cooker. But you’d never know. We had plenty of laughs and my face was smiling. But now, feeling the contrast; my entire body, my entire being is at peace. Life is work, hard work and it should be, but pressure filled? It’s like driving with your parking brake on. It just drags you down and holds you back.

And now, one glorious week of homeschooling. What can I say? I’m so relaxed, the kids are so relaxed. They settle down to work with a certain zeal. They enjoy each other. The little ones are elevated by sitting around the table working with their older siblings. The boys go to minyan so proudly with my husband. Today he took over teaching the girls chumash while I cooked for Shabbos.

My 6 year old is in heaven coloring while I teach her about Rosh Hashana. She is progressing so fast in her reading skills that I can barely believe it. At 6:00 someone stopped by and I actually schmoozed with them. I stopped by a neighbor’s house today and sat down!

Bedtime is not a chore. We’ve been together the whole day and everyone’s needs have been met, it’s the natural end of the day. The kids are learning alot although I’ll be increasing their load over the next couple of weeks.

The Rebbe works with our boys’ personalities and they love their learning. And suddenly there is so much time in the day! We’ve accomplished so much by lunchtime that we’re constantly surprised that we have another 8 hours of the day.

We’re still in development and I think we’ll always be. There’s just so much still for me to learn and adjustments need to be made constantly. But the framework is there. I can work like this. I’m full, my husband is content, and the kids can be kids again.

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It really thrills me when someone gets to experience for themselves the joy of homeschooling. As I’ve said before, you can try and try to describe it, but there’s nothing like having the experience for yourself!

Avivah

Here’s our homeschooling schedule that most of you are probably interested in, as this addresses the younger kids in the family.

• 7:30 am – wake up, get dressed, clean room
• 8  – prayers
• 8:30 – breakfast
• 9:00 – chores
• 9:30 – academic time

For the six year old, this means: daily handwriting (D’nealian), Hebrew writing (print lettering, copies one letter between ten – 20 times), math (Miquon orange book, just because I have it around, not because I especially recommend it), reads to me from a book (5 – 10 min), and does some beginning Hebrew reading with me.  That’s it.  My younger kids have adopted academics as part of their day because they see their older siblings doing it, but I wouldn’t insist on a daily math workbook for a child this age.  The times I gave for him are approximate because I don’t pay much attention to it; he determines how much he wants to do.  He finishes before anyone else, so he then plays with the toddler, reads something with me, or finds something else to occupy himself. 

7.5 year old – daily math (Singapore 2B), copywork, sometimes reads something to me (today was The Emperor’s New Clothes, by Hans Christian Andersen – it’s in the Jamestown Heritage reader that I aquired free from someone- but she liked it so much that she kept reading to herself after she finished reading to me – oh, the troubles of homeschooling :)), Hebrew reading practice a couple of times a week, and independent reading (she chooses what she wants to read, though I did get the Billy and Blaze series by CW Anderson for her that she’s enjoying because it has challenging words but doesn’t look intimidating, and it’s a very nice series).

9 year old – daily math (Singapore 5A), copywork, an hour of reading (currently Treasure Island), learns chumash/mishnayos sometime in day with older brother, Hebrew handwriting. 

While they are all doing their handwriting, they don’t need me to help them with anything.  With math, they usually need minimal help – an explanation of a concept and help with one or two examples, then they’re good to go on their own.  They come to me if they have a question.  While they’re doing this, I’m with the baby and toddler, sometimes reading something to the toddler (he loves books – I think it’s genetic :)) while the baby crawls around and pulls everything out of everywhere that he can, making an unbelievable mess in about two minutes.  I’m sure none of you can relate.  But he’s happy, so it’s fine, and I just accept that this stage of life is about having regular pick up times and a floor that isn’t clear long enough to enjoy the clean feeling.  🙂

The six year old is usually finished very quickly, in time to listen to me read to the toddler, and I usually tell them both to choose a book from the library shelf that they want to hear.  These are mostly books that I’ve chosen, most recently from those I saw recommended in Under The Chinaberry Tree. 

Yesterday’s books included Autumn Story and Summer Story, from the Brambly Hedge series by Jill Barklem.  Today they chose Once There Was a Tree, by Natalia Romanova, about all the various forms of life that live in a tree stump, and Malian’s Song, based on the true story of the attack on the Abenaki native community in 1759.  I don’t try to qualify and categorize every single thing we do into little academic compartments.  So though these books would easily be science and history, it just happens to be what they chose.  Having good quality books around means that whatever book they choose has value. 

Sometime mid morning, I do a read aloud with the 6, 7, and 9 year olds that is separate from our evening read aloud for the entire family.  Right now we’re in the third book of the Little House on the Prairie series, Farmer Boy.  Again, the book chosen for this is one that is well written and content rich.  We do 2 – 4 chapters each day, depending on the length and what time it is by then.  That’s fun history.

I try to coordinate the naptime for the baby and toddler, which usually means I put the toddler in an hour or so after the baby, since he doesn’t sleep as long.  If I don’t consciously do this, the toddler ends up falling asleep right before the baby wakes up.   Usually I put the toddler in sometime around 11 am or so, and he’s then sleeping when I do the longer read aloud. 

The 9 year old practices piano sometime in the morning (and usually again in the afternoon), my 12 year old decided this week that she wants to teach the 7 year old piano, so she’s spending time with her on that.  We eat lunch at 1:30 until 2 pm, and then they have the rest of the day until dinner at 6:30 to do with as they want. 

The 7 and 9 year olds almost always spend time together in the afternoon listening to a long and complicated audio book.  That’s fun literature.  They both have similar interests in literature and have high comprehension levels, so they easily listen to books geared towards kids aged 12 and older.  They could sit there for hours listening if I let them.  They choose those books, but I approve them, so they aren’t fluff books.  They play inside and outside, work on projects (the 7 yo started a science project with her 12 yo sister a couple of days ago, growing crystals), ride bikes or scooters, play with friends (though I limit this a lot), and somehow manage to productively pass the afternoon.  (You know what productive means for little kids? Having fun and being able to relax.)  

Beginning this past Monday, they’re all enrolled in a new Junior Rangers series, which  goes for three weeks, for two hours each time.  They learned about insects this time, and the next two sessions will be on flatlands and grasslands.  That’s what we call fun science.  This group was one that several homeschooling families in our area are doing together so the kids enjoyed being with their friends while enjoying the activity.  What’s nice is how easy and natural it is for them to pick up a lot of information in an environment like this.

If there’s something that I didn’t cover that you’d like me to give more info on, just ask.

Avivah

‘How do you homeschool with a newborn?’

Much more easily than you might expect!  Small infants are pretty simple – time intensive, but you don’t need much intellectual space to take care of them.  Hold them, nurse them, change them, put them to sleep, and that’s about all that they need.  You can hold and nurse them while you’re reading or interacting with your other children.  Small infants tend to sleep a LOT, which gives you significant periods of time that they aren’t around.  If you like infant carriers, you can pop them in while they’re awake and you’re walking around and getting things done while they’re contently enjoying your presence.       

The harder part for mothers is to remember that they just had a baby, and to rest and take it easy.  I think it takes six months to really be fully back in the groove, and nurturing yourself is an important part of that.  Don’t expect yourself to do everything as well and as quickly as you did before you had a baby. 

Now, homeschooling with a toddler around is another topic!

Avivah