>> My toddler is adamant about not eating certain things. We’ve dealt with a lot of food sensitivity issues with all 4 children, so it has been commonplace for different people to be eating different things at the same meal over the last few years. Gluten free foods were very expensive so we couldn’t all eat the same things. Different children have avoided different foods along the way. Now the new baby is super corn sensitive (as in I can’t even use sodium ascorbate that is guaranteed corn residue free because, even after I metabolize it and turn it into milk, he reacts to it). Again, I am trying new recipes, introducing new foods, etc. The two older girls are doing fairly well, but do complain a bit. My husband is finally on board with eating everything. The 2 (nearly 3) year old is the biggest holdout. She often refuses to eat anything when there is one thing on her plate she doesn’t like. She has figured out that she can avoid a fight if she is pleasant about refusing to eat at one meal and then eats more than usual at the next meal. I can force her to sit at the table, but I can’t force her to eat, and I’m not sure I should be anyhow. Any ideas? Thanks!<<

There are plenty of parenting issues that require taking a strong stance, but hunger forces kids to eat so I never saw the point in insisting my kids eat anything.  When I put out food at dinner, I put it our family style and everyone helps themselves to as much as they want.  (The littles are very generous with their helpings,  lol!)  I wrote about dealing with picky eaters here.  As I said there, I figure that if a child is hungry, then he’ll eat.  I’d say that if your daughter is sitting at the table for the meal and is meeting her nutritional needs appropriately, don’t worry about it.

However, I’m going to suggest that you make one meal that everyone can eat.  I know that can be hard when dealing with multiple allergies/sensitivities since it probably feels like it leaves you with about three foods to choose from! 😆  But you’re only one person with four little kids, and it seems like making multiple foods for each meal is going to become draining pretty quickly.

And it’s not only a question of your time and energy.  It’s normal and reasonable for kids to pick up an idea that they can have custom made food and turn down what’s served if they don’t like it when there are so many options available to them.  Also, as they see everyone eating the same foods, there’s a kind of nonverbal encouragement at work that helps give over a message that everyone else likes this, so it must be okay!

We don’t have serious allergies to deal with here, but for health reasons I tend to naturally avoid foods that are the most common allergens (very little gluten, corn, no soy), and I’m pretty comfortable cooking for just about any kind of dietary restrictions.   There are recipe alternatives for just about everything!  For example, coconut milk is a good replacement for dairy, nut flours are good for baking (if you can have nuts – otherwise there are gluten free grains and coconut flour), arrowroot powder or potato starch are good substitutes for corn starch, et.

Also, the more simply you cook, using just basic ingredients and not fancying them up too much, the easier it is.  For example, some quinoa cooked in a bone broth with some protein on the side along with roasted or sauteed vegetables is a nice dinner that would work for most allergy considerations. Trying to make quinoa flour muffins that appeal to everyone would be more challenging.  I’m not saying not to experiment – I enjoy trying new things myself!  Just don’t tie yourself into knots trying to make happy.

I’ve just started reading Gut and Psychology Syndrome, by Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride.  In it, she gives suggestions for encouraging young children to eat new foods.  She basically suggests starting with just one bite of the new food at a meal, and reinforcing that bite with something very positive (stickers, praise, excitement, a treat).  Though this isn’t the approach I would take, I can see how this could work, so I’m sharing it here in case it will be of help.

Good luck!

Avivah