How to stay calm when important things don’t seem to be going your way

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It felt to me a little like going out on a limb when I said we’re planning to leave Karmiel.

And for me to now tell you what I really want to have happen regarding our move feels like going out on a teeny tiny limb at the very end of the uppermost branches.

The reason it feels so sensitive to me is that I’m in the middle of a situation in which none of the important pieces are yet in place and yet I’m emotionally committed to a certain outcome.

Here’s specifically what I’m talking about.

We found a home that seems just right for us and finished negotiating the price and terms three weeks ago.  However, the owners live overseas and waiting for the some hard copies of important paperwork to arrive has taken a while.  Meanwhile, my desired moving date is by the last week of March at the latest.  Here are the seeming impediments:

– It’s mid February and the contract isn’t yet signed.

– The apartment is currently rented out to tenants who have a contract until the end of July.  There is no clause in the lease agreement to give them advance notice that would allow us to move sooner.

– We need to find a tenant for our Karmiel home.  You can probably understand why it’s a dilemma to commit to rent out your home beginning April 1, 2015 in order to move to a home that you haven’t even signed a contract on, that will be occupied by others for another six months.

And six weeks is of course much too short a time to remedy any of this…

But.

I believe differently.

I believe that it would be best for us to move before Pesach.

I believe that God wants what is good for us.

And I believe He’s right now making miracles happen behind the scenes so that everything will fall into place for us to move in less than six weeks.

What does this mean?

It means that I’ve told people who asked about our moving timeline that we’ll be in our new home for Pesach even though I don’t yet have external confirmation.  It means that I’ve begun selling furniture that won’t fit the dimensions of our new home.  It means I advertised our apartment for rent with availability listed as April 1.

It also means I contacted the real estate agent and asked him to speak to the tenant and ask them if they’d be interested in moving sooner rather than later, and told him honestly when I’d like to move in even though I felt uncomfortable that it would seem unreasonable.  I told our mortgage broker and real estate lawyer that we would like their help so we can be in our new home for Pesach, too.

While I’m taking these forward moving actions, I’m working on letting go of the results, of trusting that everything will work out as I want without me getting stressed.  I’ve noticed in situations in which I’m powerless, I have a tendency to get anxious or worried because it makes me feel like I’m doing something at a time that I’ve reached a point that I have no more actions to take to affect the outcome.  Because obviously all my stress and negative energy  is creating the outcome I want, right? :)  When I write it like that, it’s obvious that it’s ridiculous but it feels like doing something.

It can be so, so hard to let go of the results when something really matters to you, to trust that everything will fall into place and work out for the best.  I’ve been really working to keep my serenity and that means for me, finding a daily balance between taking actions while letting go of the results.  It’s not so easy.

But I’m feeling an unusual amount of peace in a situation that would usually have had me pulling my proverbial hair out, so that’s a sign I’m finding the balance.

Sharing here with you is part of my process.  I tend to be hesitant to share about things that aren’t yet firmly set, because maybe it won’t work out.  And then I’m afraid I’ll look foolish and flaky and feel embarrassed.

But what would I do if I knew it would work out, if I already had the technical external details in place?  Well, if I really, really believe that everything would fall into place before Pesach (and I do), then it was clear to me those are the actions I should be taking right now.  I would actively prepare to move and part of that is telling people about it now.   So that’s what I’m doing!

I’m looking forward to seeing how everything comes together to make our plans to move for Pesach happen (‘in a calm and pleasant way’ – that’s part of my vision).  I will definitely keep you updated with details of how it happens!

Avivah

11 thoughts on “How to stay calm when important things don’t seem to be going your way

  1. We’re in a similar situation, made even worse by back to back international trips, a major health issue and other issues. I’ll daven for you if you’ll daven for us!

    1. Oh, Yael, it sounds like you have so much on your plate right now! I will definitely daven for you and your family to have the many pieces fall into place smoothly, in a good time and a good way.

  2. I will work to see things for both you and Yael fall into place smoothly and easily in the best possible time- and maybe that can be good practice for me to do it for myself too! Thanks for another great post :)

  3. For me your key sentence is that if things didn’t work out you’d look “foolish and flaky” and feel embarrassed. Boy do I know that feeling. It occurs to me that part of winning this one is not necessarily being moved in before Pesach per se – but regardless of how and what happens, having the inner certainty that your goal was and is a worthy, respectable and happy one and feeling proud of yourself for having it, for putting things in motion and for working so smoothly with Hashem for things to move forward in the world.
    Now all I have to do is follow in your footsteps!!

    1. Judy, I was thinking something similar – that it’s an act of courage to allow ourselves to fully want and believe that we can have what we want. It may not be dramatic but saying to ourselves and to others what we really want in life often can be really hard.

  4. this is a wonderful website to go to!! SO MUCH in here, and so on the mark, useful, expansive. LOVE IT. I would think it is a great chesed to share it with other people!!
    wishing you the best

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