This weekend all my kids were home and they surprised me after dinner with strains of ‘Happy Birthday’ sung as an elegant trifle was brought out.

Our birthday tradition is that each person says something they appreciate about the person whose birthday it is, and this is what my children shared:

(Ds8) “I’m happy you’re my mother.”

(Ds9) “I like that you let me go to my youth group activities.”

(Ds6) “I like that you let me watch (educational program).”

Not so much depth but it’s okay, learning to value someone else is a process and they’re very appropriate for their ages.  🙂

The comments below were made by my older kids, ages 13, 15, 16, 19, 20 and 22.

– “I appreciate that you do so much for me and invest so much time in helping me.”

– “I see my friends’ parent pushing them so much in school, but you never push me.  You always try to take the pressure off of me, to encourage me to relax and feel good.”

– “You’re a growing person who is always trying to be better.  You don’t think you have all the answers and are always right.  If we say something or make a suggestion, you’re willing to think about it and change what you do.”

–  “You accept us even when we aren’t pleasant and you make all my friends feel accepted, and that’s why they tell everyone I have the coolest mother ever.   People feel good when they come to our house even when they’re very different from us because they can tell that we don’t judge them and I think that comes from you.”

– “You see the good in us even when we aren’t nice to be around and tell us the good things you see.”

– “You are devoted to your family and when you believe something is better for one of your children, you do that for them no matter what anyone says.”

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I got an early morning SOS call today from a young mother stressed out about all she has to do, not enough time, not enough energy, filled with resentment and anger – rage, really – with herself and everyone around her.

I understand this feeling so well.  Sometimes the list of things to do is longer than the time and energy I have, and I feel inadequate about what I do and how I do it.

We all know that our kids are more important than the cleanliness of the kitchen floor.  But it’s so easy to see our children as impediments to getting things done. Our relationship with them is built every time we speak to them, listen to them – and yet every day we forget to keep the main thing, the main thing.

What my kids shared is that they appreciate how I show up for them in their lives, as the person that I am.  Not the things that I do, not as the housekeeper.  I wash mountains of dishes, sweep a lot of floors, have changed zillions of diapers – but that’s not what any of them shared about being significant in their lives.

It was all about feeling loved, accepted and supported – and isn’t that what each of us wants?

Avivah