Some people think I’m really into nutrition, but that’s not true. Yes, I feed my family a diet that is considered healthy. But I’m not into it. Good nutrition is important in a number of ways, but it’s not something that is a central topic of discussion with my family much at all.
Recently someone who is very concerned about healthy eating asked me some questions about how I feed my kids, specifically wanting to know about snacks. Honestly, I don’t do much in the way of snacks.
Here are my basic guidelines for meals: Three meals a day, they can eat as much or as little as they want of whatever I serve. If they get hungry in between, they can have a vegetable or fruit, by itself or with something like chummus or peanut butter (eg carrot sticks with chummus, apple slices with peanut butter). Often one of the kids will pop up a pot of popcorn.
For Shabbos breakfast I usually buy cornflakes (plain, not frosted) or make granola; on a regular day breakfast is usually eggs, oatmeal or polenta.
She asked about other specifics: I use hardly any processed foods (the main exceptions are mayonnaise and hummus – yes, I know I can make them from scratch and often I have but right now I usually don’t). I don’t make lots of ‘junk’ foods (except on Shabbos and usually then I’ll use white or brown sugar), and I don’t try to make healthy copycat version of popular snack foods. Meals consist mostly of proteins, grains, legumes and vegetables.
“But how do they comply with that?” (Or more commonly phrased, “How do you get them to eat that?”) Food and compliance are two words that I don’t want associated with one another in my home. Compliance implies that I’m trying to force healthy foods on them against their will. I don’t see it as my job to force or manipulate my children to eat anything. When they’re hungry, they’ll eat.
If you want to encourage your children to eat more nutritiously, don’t talk so much about it! Don’t make such a big deal! Sure, you can talk a bit about the choices you make and why, but honestly, serving food that tastes good and enjoying your meal times together is much more important than your explanations about how healthy it is.
Know also that when you talk too much about something and how wonderful it is, it can actually create resistance in your children toward the very thing you’re trying to encourage! Ironic but true.
I’m not invested emotionally in what my children eat. I serve what I serve and I trust that they’ll listen to their bodies and eat the quantity that is appropriate to them. I choose what to serve, they choose if they want to eat it or not. That’s a fair division of meal time responsibility, I think!
This relaxed approach has served us well over the years. Our children aren’t picky eaters, are for the most part appreciative of what they get, and most importantly, the dinner table isn’t a battleground.
Avivah
I love this post. Thanks for sharing.
Such practical advice to many other aspects in life. Such as my neighbor for example who just began to toilet train her 2.10 year old, and she has been talking, researching, endlessly. She’s taken off from work, and stayed home three days in row and missed a family event. With all that, her child still isn’t yet trained. I think I’m going to read her this post… thanks for the insight and have a great day!
Don’t push a kid at that age! It often causes chronic constipation, bedwetting, and accidents in years to come. See http://www.bedwettingandaccidents.com.
You’ve obviously never dealt with a chronically picky eater. I call DD “The Starch Beast.” She will live on carbs if I let her.
I’ve learned to serve the protein and veggies first, and only after those are gone will I serve her a starch. Otherwise, she’ll fill up on rice or potatoes, and not want to have anything else. She’s 14 now, and will still live on potato chips and popcorn if she could have her own way. Even with pizza, she only wants to eat the crust!
Yocheved, I responded in more detail in my next post, a follow up with Q& A on this post!
I agree with this overall, however I think peer pressure, peer culture, and school make a huge impression. Many kids are surrounded by sugar from 8 AM until late afternoon. The schools are using candy and junk food for prizes and behavior modification and the peers compete who can bring in the junkiest junk food. My youngest finished elementary school last year, but this was a huge problem the entire 25+ years I had kids in elementary schools. Once in high school the girls switched to competing diets, which can bring a whole other variety of issues.
I think the most important thing is sitting together and having real meals together as a family. I would guess many (most?) families don’t even do that most days. (Myself included-it’s a real struggle!)
Shoshana, see my next post for my response – thank you for your comments!
Would you mind sharing if you serve dessert on a regular basis? Most nights? Not often? I watch my daughter and her constant battles with food with her children and it almost always revolves around eating to be rewarded with dessert. I served regular meals, 3 times a day to my 7 and they ate what I served and most nights received a cookie of some kind after dinner. I didn’t pay close attention to what they ate and just assumed it all would work out, as all of the food I served was healthy and homemade. I cringe at the mealtime battleground and we eat together often!
Jan, I responded to this in my next post. And nice to ‘see’ you here!
Hi! I am curious why you do not discuss nutrition with your kids. I follow very similar practices to what you say, I provide my kids with healthy meals and they choose whether or not to eat them. My kids eat well and are thankful for what they get, but they do want to know why is healthy about chicken? Cucumbers? Why isn’t soda good for you? What about those yogurts with candy on top that our friends always bring for lunch, why don’t you buy those? So we have lots of conversations about food, and why certain things are healthy and certain things aren’t, but treats are wonderful and ok to enjoy as treats, just not every day etc. I think these conversations have been very beneficial for my kids and help themmmake healthy juices while at school or friends houses.
I do talk to my children about nutrition, and blog readers who have been around a while will recall a number of times that I posted about an edu-documentary on nutrition that I watched together with my children!
I think sharing facts with kids is great, but lots of parents get heavy-handed and lecture-y about it; others get beseeching and pleading with their kids and that’s not productive. Education about nutrition is definitely valuable, but most valuable is being served nutritious food without tension and drama. When it’s normal for kids, that’s what they’ll eat.
Thanks for your reply, and for clarifying what you meant! I agree that the most valuable thing is to be served healthy food with no drama. My friends often ask me how I get my kids to eat things, and it confuses me, because I don’t “get” them to eat anything, I cook yummy, healthy food and serve it to them, that’s it. I don’t stress about if they eat it or not. 😊
Exactly, Rivki!