I’ve been so glad that my three year old has been able to be home since March with us. He’s doing so well in all areas and it’s with sadness that I signed him up last week for preschool. Sadness that quickly turned to alarm.
First, the pluses of what I found. I didn’t want to send him to a special ed school in a different city; it would be a very long day with a lot of travel, and I have a strong preference for an inclusive environment for him.
I signed him up for a local multi-age religious preschool (3/4/5) with a small class of just 15 students and two teachers. Rafael is also entitled to get a one on one assistant to support him in the mainstream environment. The students all live locally so these are children he will see in the community outside of school hours.
This is just a few minutes from my house by car, and since it’s multi-age, he can attend the same preschool for several years. That means less transition and more security from having the same teachers, same building and many of the same classmates.
HOWEVER – the regulations for schools throughout the country are that parents will no longer be allowed to enter the preschool (or any other school). Children have to be dropped off at the entrance gate to the school.
This is incredibly alarming. Why in the world can anyone go anywhere else – the store, the beach, the synagogue – and not into their child’s school?
I presume that most teachers are good and responsible people. But a child’s most significant protection has always been from involved parents.
A young child going to a new school for the first time needs the security of his parent’s presence. The way I’ve handled introduction to preschool in the past is to prepare them in advance, by introducing them to the teacher and show them the classroom. (In the daycare we sent to, the staff facilitated this for everyone – three children at a time were invited with their parents to come for an hour or two to help the familiarize the child with the class environment and a couple of peers to start off with. )
Last year, I stayed with Rafael a couple of hours on the first day, then left him for an hour and came back early to pick him up. We eased into a regular schedule over the course of a week or so, with me staying less and less each day, and leaving him for longer periods until he was comfortable with it.
Now I’m expected to drop him off at a building he’s never seen, with teachers and classmates he’s never met ?? Without my presence to reassure him? No way.
I’ve spoken to our foster care social worker and shared my conviction that this is emotionally unsafe for young children. She’s spoken to her supervisor, and they agree with my concerns.
However, the official response is that as a foster child, Rafael has to be registered for preschool regardless of my concerns. If I was a biological parent, there’s not a chance that I’d agree to this. To leave our children without parental supervision and physical involvement in their schools is a very dangerous precedent.
No matter how kind, how well intended or responsible everyone involved is, a parent is a child’s best advocate and protector and barring parental entry to schools is a dangerous move.
Avivah
Are you sure regarding the first day?
My daughter is a ganenet for 3 year olds, and tomorrow they will come in small groups of 5-6 with their mothers for around half an hour each group to visit the gan. (Of course half an hour is not the same as taking as long as each individual child needs and it will be difficult for many young children.)
They need to reduce risks if they want all children to be able to come. It’s your choice to go to the beach, the supermarket etc. But they want all children to be able to safely be educated. They are not allowing anyone into the ganim/ schools aside from the staff and students. This is just another discussion about risks from covid vs. risks to emotional/ physical/ financial health which no one really has the answers to and everyone feels differently about.
This is what I was told a week ago, when I was also told that the teacher would be unable to meet him at any other time or place in advance. This was all verified by the social worker and her supervisor. However, apparently as a result of the upset response of parents, some changes have just been passed to ease the transition of young children, which is good news!
Here’s a link to the article in Hebrew: https://www.ynet.co.il/article/SkZgS11Fmv?fbclid=IwAR1xv8wynG1hLl4fT89ohO33vdCPLMdUao4Oh3K7v1JNwynXU-NJqMkypAc.
Wow, Avivah that’s crazy! B”H in my grandson’s new gan each child came individually with a parent to meet the gannenot and have a tour of the gan. This is what’s happening this year in Pnei Kedem.
That sounds SO normal!
I’m optimistic that in the next few weeks we’ll find a good solution (the social worker agreed it should be okay to delay his admission to gan until after the chagim).
I think this would be traumatic for any child, and especially for a child with special needs! I wonder how the parents of children with autism are dealing with this.
Surely there must be some kind of exemption for you.
I’m confident we’re going to be able to work something out (I’m hoping to delay entry until after the chagim), but there shouldn’t be a need for special advocacy want an exemption from a policy that is emotionally unsafe for all children!
Maybe arrange playdates with his classmates before school starts. This way the kids will have familiar faces when they start school.
A child’s emotional safety comes from a sense of connection to the adult in charge, not the other children. So while that could be helpful, the most critical piece is being connected in advance to the teacher(s).
When my youngest was in first grade, even though all of the other children’s parents had already left (after bringing them and sitting with them for awhile), my daughter was too upset to let me leave for another hour. The teacher kindly allowed me to sit in the classroom next to her until she felt comfortable. I would have had to take her home if the situation was as it is today, as she NEVER would have gone in.
Things do not look like they are going back to “normal” any time soon. Good for you for putting up a fight. I think we all have to do so. When everyone acts like sheep, there is no chance to make things better.
May G-d have mercy on all of us.
Your daughter’s teacher responded in the most appropriate way possible! I’ve sat in enough classrooms during the first week and watched the crying for extended periods of various children to know that all kids benefit from having a parent there. I’ve also seen some very, very unsatisfactory responses to the distress children are expressing.
New regulations passed the day before school began to allow kids up to first grade to be accompanied by the parent for the first day (maybe days, in some cases? – not clear to me since different parents are sharing different experiences). While this is good, I feel like the forest has gotten lost for the trees – parents are so focused on the first day, but access to a child’s school should always be possible, not with special advance permission.The fact that we have to advocate for an emotionally safe policy that isn’t changed until the last minute is concerning – clearly the emotional wellbeing of children wasn’t taken into account.