A few weeks ago I mentioned that we were approached regarding a foster care placement for a four year old boy with special needs.

After expressing our interest in learning more, we had a two hour meeting with our social worker, the child’s social worker, and the supervisory social worker.

We got a detailed description of the challenges this child is facing, which are significant. (And he’s actually five and a half.) We also learned about the legal process involved.

Since this isn’t an emergency placement but transferring from a temporary foster home to a long term home, there is a getting-to-know-you process. This entails four visits by us to the temporary foster home an hour away, initially with me and my husband, later to be joined by our children. There would then be one visit to our home. All of this ideally takes place within ten days. Then the placement would take place.

We followed this meeting with much discussion between my husband and me, and then included our teen boys in the conversation. We all agreed this is something we can do and would be willing to do. I told her we’d be willing to have him come the first week of March, but that it couldn’t be right before Pesach.

Several weeks have gone by since then, and because there’s a bureaucratic process involved, slow is the name of the game.

I’ve been in touch with our social worker for updates and after hearing one particularly exasperating update, I told her I don’t know how she can stand working in a system that doesn’t put the best interest of the child ahead of everything. She admitted that sometimes she wants to pull her hair out but it is what it is.

Where I live, there are very few educational options for children of all ages; not regular ed and certainly not special ed. (His special needs result from growing up in an emotionally impoverished home, not a genetic birth diagnosis.) That’s why ds10 and ds6 travel an hour by school van to the school they attend, as do all the other children living in this area. It’s just a reality of living here.

Someone in some position of authority decided that it won’t be good for this child to travel for school. While I agree that it’s not ideal to travel (and I wish my boys didn’t have to do it, either), there’s no school locally that meets his needs.

I asked our social worker, did they take into account that he’s in an foster home that wants him out weeks ago (and that will be closed for fostering after this placement ends, due to their unsuitability), that there’s no one else willing to take him, and that setting this parameter means he will be forced to stay where he is because there’s no school for him? Talk about losing sight of the forest for the trees.

I was taken aback to learn they’re putting all efforts to find him a school on hold until we have a home inspection done. This surprised me since we’re already licensed foster parents and did an initial home inspection; we have a social worker visit monthly so it’s not like we’re new to the system. (I had understood that the issue that was taking time was finding a school, and it was a couple weeks after we agreed to take him that they told me this.)

Don’t think that scheduling this home visit that everything supposedly hinges on has been a top priority. They’ve finally scheduled the visit for next week with three social workers in attendance – ours, the child’s, and one from social services in the area where the parents live.

I’ve learned that due to unfortunate negative stereotypes about charedim, there is resistance to placing this child with us since he is coming from a non-religious home. My social worker (who isn’t religious) told me as soon as they meet me they’ll realize whatever they’re worried about isn’t an issue but for right now they don’t know me, and the lack of speed in moving forward seems to be partially a reflection of social services being hesitant about us.

My family members have been asking me, will this child be coming to us? I really don’t know. When it comes to foster care, you don’t make any assumptions until that child is pretty close to being in your home. At this point it seems to me that we won’t be able to begin the visitation process until after Pesach, so if it does happen, it will probably not be for another five or six weeks.

Avivah