I heard the chickens making lots of noise early this morning and ran out with a broomstick in hand in case there was a predator. Nothing was wrong, thankfully, and I let them out to free range in the yard.

It was almost six o’clock so I went in the house and washed off the chicken I defrosted the night before, and put it on the grill to send to school with ds12. This is the first thing I do every morning. I prepare enough that the children who are ready in time can sit down to eat freshly grilled chicken before they go to school.

Once the chicken was on the grill, it was time to wake up the kids. Dd7 was already up and complaining she wasn’t feeling well and wasn’t going to go to school. (This is a common theme – she usually says different parts of her body hurt her when it’s time to go to school and time for bed). I gave her some hugs and sympathy, then went to the boys. I like to give them plenty of time to slowly wake up before needing to get out of bed, so I sing a ‘good morning to everyone’ song while opening the blinds to let the sunlight in and patting their heads.

While they gradually wake up, I prepare their lunches.

Ds12 complained that his body was sore so I rubbed an essential oil blend on him, and gave him the roller to apply more himself if he wanted to. He finished with that and got dressed.

After finishing the lunches, I turned on cheerful accapella songs; the younger boys got out of bed and I helped them choose their clothes. I sent ds7 to the boys room and ds8 to my room to get dressed since when they’re together neither of them get dressed.

I sat with dd7 in her room while she continued insisting she wouldn’t go to school. After undressing and dressing her from head to toe with no cooperation on her part, I put her on my lap, hugging and rocking her for about five minutes. I got up to help the boys, and she followed me, holding on to my clothing.

All three boys were in my room, and neither of the younger ones had made any progress getting dressed. Earlier in the year it got frustrating when they weren’t dressed after repeated reminders and plenty of time, so I mentally established a time limit by when I’ll start helping them get undressed and dressed if they aren’t ready and we were at that time. Setting this mental boundary was very helpful for me in taking away any frustration about how long it takes them to get ready. (Ds8 used to get ready quickly and easily on his own but once the twins arrived that changed.)

I convinced ds12 to leave my room – it usually takes some negotiation to transition him from one activity to another and it’s important but not easy to keep things upbeat and light even when he refuses to move – and went into the kitchen to give him a plate of food for breakfast. Then I took ds7 to his room to help him get ready.

I calmly told ds7 that I’m going to help him, and asked him to raise his arms to take off his pajama shirt. While I helped him get undressed, he got angry and insisted he would get dressed himself and doesn’t want help. (It’s been forty minutes since he woke up by this point.) I tell him ‘that’s fine, of course you can’.

Knowing this won’t happen without some input from me, I stayed close by. He put his pants on backwards without putting on underwear. I reminded him he needs to put on underwear first and turn the pants around before putting them on. He insists he’s going to get dressed himself. “Of course you can, go ahead,” I tell him.

Leaving him to put clothes on, I brush dd7’s hair, which usually entails a great deal of screeching (from her, not me). Knowing how very emotionally dysregulated she is feeling, I remind myself to be extra patient and kind despite her flashing angry eyes and repeated declarations that she’s not going to school.

Ds8 comes out of my room, dressed. Ds7 comes out of his room with his shirt on, but the shirt is inside out and the tzitzis underneath are backwards. I help him take off the shirt, turn the tzitzis around, turn the shirt right side out and he tells me he’s going to get dressed himself. Of course you are, here’s your shirt.

With all three younger children finally dressed, I give them something to eat they can hold in their hands because it’s close to the time we need to go out to wait for the school bus. Ds7 insists he wants grilled chicken, and I remind him I can only give that to them when they are ready earlier in the morning.

“We’re going to go out in three minutes. Does anyone need the bathroom? Would anyone like a drink of water?”

After doling out drinks, out we go to wait for the school van, cheerful music still playing. The boys walk out ahead of me, with dd7 clinging to my hand. One of the boys tells me ds12 did something to annoy the younger two boys, so I do some peacemaking with them all, with dd7 still holding on to me.

With all of them friends again, I picked up dd and held her for a few minutes, before putting her down because she got heavy and rocking back and forth in a standing position and hugging her against me. The first school van arrived and ds12 and ds8 went in without any drama.

While we continued waiting, I held dd7 again, while ds7 found pieces of wood to play with. Their van pulled into our street, and surprisingly, ds7 ran to it willingly while I followed with dd. As I put dd on the van, I saw a flash of something in ds’s hand and asked him to show me what he had. He had picked up a piece of a metal broomstick and it was then obvious that he had been trying to smuggle it onto the van before I would see what he had. He isn’t allowed to have anything on the van since he’s used every possible item to bang on windows, make noise and bother everyone. (A number of times I’ve had to keep him home from school since he wasn’t allowed on the bus due to behavior.) I took the broken metal stick with me and waved goodbye to them.

Today was a typical morning. There are mornings that are much harder for me to stay calm. But however the morning goes, every single day I feel accomplished to have everyone dressed, fed, in a good mood, and ready for the bus at 7 am. I know if someone were to see all of them standing outside with me, calm and interacting pleasantly, clean and nicely dressed, he would assume it must be easy for me.

The truth is that it takes effort on my part every single day not to get sucked in to all of the emotions and delays in getting ready. Sometimes it’s easier for me to make that effort and sometimes it’s much harder to stay centered, but usually I’m able to stay calm. It’s worth the effort, since when I’m calm I can be kind, and when I’m kind, the morning goes more smoothly than it would otherwise.

Avivah