All posts by Avivah

Recap of Ancient Israel herbalism conference

Healthy Living, home remedies, Self-Growth

Where do I start?!

I enjoyed every single second of this conference, which was wonderful in every way from start to finish.

First of all, the location was amazing. The conference was held in a resort in Poriya, and I don’t think you could find a more physically glorious location. The panoramic view in all directions of the Kineret and surrounding mountains was stunning. The weather was perfect, warm and sunny.

I didn’t think much about who the attendees would be when I registered; I was going for the opportunity to increase my knowledge. I didn’t expect to know anyone there other than two of the organizers, but I was pleasantly surprised! I met an attendee of the 2010 Torah Home Education Conference that I organized in the US (who recently made aliya), someone who contacted me a couple of years ago about potential communities to move to in Israel, someone who contacted me nine years ago for family advice, someone else who contacted me for a session, someone I had known online for 17 years but finally met in person, someone who had spent Shabbos with us in Yavneel…it seemed everywhere I turned I was seeing familiar names.

And it wasn’t just the people who I had some prior connection with who I enjoyed spending time with. There were a lot of really awesome people and I made some new friends. It was wonderful to be with people who shared my belief in the amazing ability of the immune system to heal, and are also interested in learning more ways to strengthen the entire body that are nourishing and non-toxic.

The speakers. Wow. What a lineup of incredibly knowledgeable and experienced practitioners. I attended as many workshops and lectures as I could, but it was impossible to be at three places at once so I can only share about the talks that I attended.

I missed the opening circle on Tuesday afternoon but got there immediately afterward in time for dinner, which was the perfect time to begin to meet other attendees. (All the meals were delicious and abundant, and every meal was a time that I enjoyed getting to know people.)

Afterwards, there was a talk by the three organizers of the conference. Conference founder Rivkah Asoulin, herbalist and fertility consultant, knocked it out of the park with her powerful comments about healing, intuition and bodily integrity, and Gilla Weiss and Chava Dagan were also fantastic as they talked about the role of feminine healing.

I then stayed for hours talking to other attendees, and got home close to midnight. That was really enjoyable but I didn’t get much sleep before the next day’s busy schedule!

I appreciated being able to attend on a day pass, which allowed me to be present for my kids in the morning, and then get there in time for breakfast. After arriving towards the end of breakfast, shortly after the first talk of the day began.

Sara Chana Silverstein, US herbalist, homeopath, lactation consultant and speaker gave an amazing talk about how to do intake of clients, which sounded like a dry topic but I think she must make every topic fascinating. I thought it would have no relevance for me since I’m not a practitioner but it was very interesting.

Nir Avraham, founder of Trifolium, Israel’s first one hundred percent herbal pharmacy, spoke about the healing power of assorted herbs in the mint family. While I was familiar with most of the herbs, I gained technical knowledge that I didn’t have.

Next I attended a two hour talk by Matthew Wood on blood indicators. While that sounds like another dry topic, it was fascinating. Matthew is the author of many books about herbs and has helped tens of thousands of people over his decades of practice. He’s filled with knowledge, experience and great stories, and is a genuinely down to earth person, caring person.

We had lunch, and I then participated in a plant walk led by Peretz and Roni Gan, herbalists, agronomists and founders of Al Alim Center for Herbal Medicine. During a plant walk, local plants are identified and the qualities of each are discussed. I especially these hands-on learning opportunities.

Herbalist and doula Gilla Weiss was an online friend of many years and it was a joy to finally meet in person. As a doula and herbalist, she is extremely knowledgeable and experienced regarding the use of herbs in pregnancy and postpartum, and I participated in her workshop for birth and postpartum herbs. I appreciated the opportunity to walk away with a lovely blend of herbs and while I made mixtures like these for myself in the past, I feel inspired to make more of these blends to share with daughters and daughters-in-law.

Next was dinner, followed by a musical ensemble. Since the night before I didn’t get home until almost midnight since I was enjoy chatting so much, I disciplined myself to leave earlier and got home at 10 pm so I would get enough sleep to more fully enjoy the next day’s session.

The last day began with breakfast, where I sat with a journalist who wrote for a well-known Israel international news site. I told him that seeing his articles in the first months of the ‘pandemic’ were encouraging to me at a time that I wondered if journalism was dead. He flatly replied, “It is.”

We then had a thought-provoking conversation about as a writer, what and how to share, and my conflicts in that regard. He suggested that I write – just for myself – all the things that I want to talk about, and then maybe at one point, maybe in years, I’ll feel ready to pull them all out. He made the decision to quit the news site he was writing for, and to leave behind the stress, high blood pressure and having to fight for every article that he wrote, and instead moved to a different organization. I could have sat there for much, much longer with him and his wife, but the next talk was beginning so we cut it short.

The first talk of the day was a talk by Matthew Wood on plant energetics. It was another interesting and educational talk with lots of great stories and examples.

I next attended a workshop on making herbal creams, with Boaz Tzur, Israeli herbalist and producer of his own line of herbal creams, tinctures and other products. I’ve made salve in the past and making a cream is just one step up from that. Now that I have some direction on how to do this, I’m planning to experiment with making a cream of my own after the wedding and Pesach are over.

Next I attended another plant walk, this time with a foraging focus, led by Kate Breslaw. I appreciated hearing a different perspective, and again seeing some of the plants I had first learned about the day before was very helpful. It takes time to learn to recognize plants and I now have two new plants to add my repertoire of wild edibles that I’m comfortable foraging (wild lettuce and cleavers), and a third, lambsquarter, that I’m not sure I’ll easily recognize but will be looking for it. (There were more than just these herbs talked about, but others I was familiar with already.)

Then we had our final meal at the conference, before continuing with the next workshops.

I was conflicted about which workshop to attend, and signed up and then unsigned up for both. The two options I couldn’t decide between was making a botanical beeswax candle, or herbs for veterinary use. I decided to do something fun, since I had so much information I was accruing, but after a few minutes waiting for the candle making to begin, checked in with myself and felt it would be a better fit for me at that moment to attend the pet workshop.

That was a great decision, and I enjoyed every minute of it! This was led by Chava Dagan, with whom I felt an affinity before I had any idea how many interests we share (that I didn’t know about until I looked at her website after the conference). I really enjoyed her presentation style, which was a natural fit for me, and the information about how to use herbs to keep animals healthy was validating and encouraging.

The conference ended with a panel of almost all the herbalists who had spoken, followed by a closing circle.

I got so much value for every single shekel spent, and was so glad that I attended. I don’t know what next year will hold, but if Ancient Roots Israel has another conference, I’ll certainly want to attend.

Now I need to go through all of my notes to process and organize the information, so it doesn’t stay on the written pages! I also want to order a couple more books on herbalism – I only have two – to have some good resource material on hand to easily access.

Avivah

Scrappy the Chick, who defied expectations to create a new life for himself

Uncategorized

Once there was a coop filled with chickens of all ages. Big chickens, medium chickens and little chicks, and the very littlest was a chick named Scrappy.

Scrappy was a little but he was tough. He had to be, because he was on the bottom of the coop’s pecking order. That meant that the big chickens pecked the medium chickens, the medium chickens pecked the little chicks – and everyone pecked tiny Scrappy.

It was hard being the youngest. Scrappy became more and more bedraggled and sad as his feathers were pecked away.

One day Mrs. Werner told Donny, the strong, kind boy who raised all the chickens, that the chickens could play in her garden. The chickens loved running around and had lots of fun. But after a couple of days, Mrs. Werner’s garden was a mess, so she told Donny that the chickens needed to go back to the coop.

When it began to get dark, all the chickens went back to the coop to roost. Well, almost all of the chickens. One little chicken didn’t want to go back to the coop. Scrappy.

Scrappy had wandered into the goat pen and liked it there. The other chickens who wandered into the pen went right back out when they saw the big goats. Not Scrappy.

Scrappy had the freedom to go wherever he wanted to go, but he didn’t want to go far from the goat pen. He felt safe in the goat pen with frisky Bambi, gentle Buttercup, steady Mocha, and powerful Oliver. He wasn’t afraid of being stepped on, because he knew the goats wouldn’t hurt him.

The other chickens looked at Scrappy from their coop, and clucked disapprovingly. “Tut, tut, tut! Chickens belong with chickens, and chickens belong in a coop. What kind of chick lives in a goat pen? That Scrappy doesn’t know his place.”

But Scrappy did know the place he wanted to be, because he knew where he felt good. He knew where he felt safe. He had plenty of food, lots of straw to scratch around in, friends to keep him company, and most importantly, no one to pick on him and peck him.

Scrappy got bigger and stronger and his feathers began to grow back. He loved waking up every day to a new adventure in a world where he felt safe and loved. He knew how chickens were supposed to act, but when he did what the other chickens did he was miserable and sad. Now he had chosen a different path for himself and was happy and living a life he loved.

The End.

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It takes courage to consider what makes you feel happy and alive, when it means stepping outside the expectations others have for you. There may be fears to counter but there’s a rich life waiting to be lived.

Deep contentment doesn’t need to mean looking different from others or doing things that are visibly different. The point is to identify what makes you tick, what makes your life feel meaningful and enjoyable, and then to move towards that at whatever pace or in whatever way feels right to you.

Avivah

Ancient Roots Israel herbalism conference – starting today!

Healthy Living, home remedies, Intentional Spending,

When I learned that the Ancient Roots Israel herbalism conference would be held this year in Poriya, not far from my home, I was excited that I’d be able to attend on a day pass. I could put my kids on the school van in the morning, daven, milk the goats, and make the fifteen minute drive over in time to join others for breakfast!

Then my daughter got engaged, and with so much to be done in a short time (the wedding will be the end of February and we have a short engagement period of just seven weeks), and I wondered if it was responsible of me to take two days out to learn about plant uses when there were so many pressing things to attend to.

Last week I concluded that busy or not, I would regret giving this up if I didn’t go. (Have you ever noticed how we parents so often give up the things that are important to us, to do the things that are important to other people?) Just a week before the conference was to begin, I registered.

There’s a lot I know about health and healing, but I enjoy continuing to expand my knowledge, and learning about the medicinal qualities of the plants all around us is empowering. I remember when I learned on a nature walk in Maryland about the ability of plantain to instantly soothe bee stings, and soon after used that knowledge when a boy next to us at my son’s baseball game was stung. (We were sitting on the grass, so I quickly picked some plantain growing right on the ground next to us, told him to chew it and put it on his sting. He was amazed that right away it felt better.) It’s not just for my own family but to help others that I want to learn more, though I have no desire or intention to pursue healing at a professional level.

Some of the compounds in plants have been isolated and used to produce pharmaceutical products, but many more remain unknown to most, despite having been effectively used for thousands of years in cultures across the world. Last year I went on a foraging hike and enjoyed learning about the plants growing locally, and my interest in learning more continues to grow.

Here’s the schedule of events for the Ancient Roots Israel herbalism conference. I’m planning to attend two of the plant walks, in addition to other talks. (They have also done free virtual plant walks, the videos of which can be found here.)

Since my younger boys get home at 2 pm, I’m going to be hiring my thirteen year old to take care of them during the afternoon hours I’m gone. My husband will give everyone dinner and put the younger boys to bed, and I’ll get up in the morning with them to get them ready for school. Initially I thought I might come back home during the extended breaks, but that may be stressful so I have the option of staying there for the entire day. The conference begins 5:15 pm today, and concludes on Tuesday at the same time.

I really wanted to let you know about it in advance, knowing that there are those of you who would be interested in attending, and am sorry that my time constraints didn’t allow me to share about it sooner. At this point, all the rooms are taken and only day passes are available.

Having said that, in the event that someone is spontaneous and wants to attend even though it’s the last minute but the last of room at the hotel room leaves you without a place to stay, be in touch with me (avivahwerner at yahoo dot com). I have guest rooms available for a small fee and will be driving back and forth daily, so you’re welcome to join me. 🙂

Avivah

Mazel tov! And mazel tov again!

Parenting

Almost five years ago, our family was blessed with the engagements and the weddings of our two oldest daughters one after another. They were engaged within two weeks of each other, and married within twelve days.

Once again, we’ve been blessed with a double heaping of joy (though in a different form this time)!

I’m delighted to share with you that our youngest daughter Tzipora is engaged to Menachem Miller of Har Nof!

The l’chaim took place in Jerusalem last night; the engagement party will be in Jerusalem next week.

It’s not often when our family gets together that it feels like a small group, but that’s how it felt last night. Part of that is that our daughter is marrying into a similarly sized family to ours, but they are about ten years ahead of us so all of their children are adult size and have a strong physical presence.

The other aspect is that several of our family members were missing. Our oldest daughter and her family weren’t there, because they were in the US for a wedding. One son-in-law can only come to one of the events, and will come next week.

And lastly, our second son (who got married in August 2021) and his wife couldn’t come because….. his wife was in labor!

Less than twelve hours after our daughter became engaged, our newest granddaughter entered the world!

Knowing that a birth was imminent, we chose to stay overnight in Jerusalem rather than travel back to Yavneel as originally intended. This allowed me and four of the sons with me to see our new little beauty when she was just three hours old.

When my son called me to let me know his wife was in labor, I was so deeply grateful and thankful to be showered with so much abundance all at once. I was feeling very full of emotion and commenced driving when we finished talking. As I sat at the traffic circle immediately after finishing our call I waited for drivers to let me merge into the circle, and idly wondered if they thought my intense expression was because they weren’t letting me in!

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There’s always a sudden shift as soon as an engagement is announced, into a lot of action very quickly. Generally, the bulk of the preparations fall on the bride’s side, and I have an enormous amount of work ahead of me.

Usually I enjoy planning and preparing for events, but this time thinking about all that needs to be done feels more daunting than usual. That’s primarily due to the logistics of making arrangements for events in Jerusalem, when I live so far away and getting there is difficult for me, particularly since I have young children for whom I don’t have back-up child care options other than their siblings (who have very limited availability). It’s been almost year since our regular babysitter got married, and I haven’t had any luck finding anyone else to help out.

As a result, I’m considering outsourcing things that I usually enjoy doing myself. Of course that comes with a cost and I tend to balk at paying others to do things I can do just as well if not better, but it’s clear to me that I’m going to need help from somewhere.

Here’s what I do at times like this when feeling tension about all that needs to be done. First, I take time to sit quietly alone, and think through all the things running through my mind without the input from anyone else. It’s always before I have the time to sit with myself that I feel the stress of expectations and action items. I clarify what is most important to do right away, what can be done second, and then consciously put the other things to the side and focus on items one and two, in that order.

Sometimes, my first action is to sleep, since when you’re tired, everything feels much harder. This can feel counterintuitive, since when there’s so much to do, taking a nap or going to bed early feel wrong. But I very much believe in the principle of ‘sharpening the saw’ – you shouldn’t continue to cut down a tree with a dull saw because you are too busy to take the time to sharpen it. By seemingly taking time away from what you need to do to align your energies with the task at hand, you’ll find that everything that needs to be done flows more quickly and more easily.

This has been very helpful many times to me in moving from stressed and pressured, to focused and calm, and that’s exactly what I’m taking time for now.

Avivah

My rising monthly mortgage payment, and what I’m doing about it

Homemaking, Intentional Spending

Back in June, I noticed a jump in our mortgage payment, which had previously been stable for years.

My husband and I wondered what was going on, so he called the bank to find out. They told him that a portion of our mortgage loan is linked to the prime rate, which means it’s linked to the Bank of Israel interest rate increases.

(Quick explanation of Israeli mortgages so all of this will make sense: the standard mortgage consists of three different loans, each with different terms. One portion is fixed, one portion is linked to inflation, and the third portion is linked to interest rates. A completely fixed mortgage isn’t a typical offering here, no doubt because the high prices of real estate necessitate loans to be rigged like this to make them affordable to the average buyer.)

Concerned about the possibility of inflation, we made the decision over a year ago to pay off the portion of our mortgage that was linked to inflation. We talked about this for a long time, and breathed a sigh of relief when it was done, relieved that our mortgage payment wouldn’t be affected by market fluctuations. (At that point we were still unaware that the prime loan was linked to interest rates.)

It was a very unpleasant surprise when we learned that we still had a portion of our mortgage with a variable rate. My husband was told by the bank representative that they’re legally allowed to raise the rates eight times in a year – though when he called someone who works in mortgages to verify this information, he assured us that they wouldn’t do that because it would destroy the economy. (Good we’re not in Australia, where I was told they had interest rate increases for eight months straight! I suppose they aren’t worried about destroying their economy?)

After seeing the mortgage go up in June, I considered converting our prime loan to a fixed rate, but assumed it would be fixed at a much higher interest rate. That obviously would mean a much higher payment, and I mentally debated if it was worth it. While I was mentally waffling, my monthly mortgage steadily moved higher, and is now up 20% in the last six months.

Two weeks ago I finally called to get the details on converting our variable loan to a fixed rate, rather than continuing building up in my mind how costly it would be.

Our mortgage broker told me that interest rates will be going up again in January, but suggested I wait to convert my mortgage until next year when he hopes rates will go down. Though generally people convert a mortgage to take advantage of lower rates, I explained that I want the stability of a predictable, fixed monthly payment.

I was very pleasantly surprised to learn I could get a fixed rate for less than one percent more than what I’m currently paying. I was sure that it would be at least 3 – 4 percent higher. To think that for months I debated converting to what I thought would be a much higher rate, when the fixed rate for a prime loan is just marginally higher than the prime rate itself!

I am very much hoping we will have our loan converted before the interest rate increase in January. The paperwork is in process so we’ll see. It’s been reassuring to have taken this step, even if it’s not finished yet.

Avivah

Avivah’s Fantastic Glazed Doughnuts

recipes

I’ve posted my doughnut recipe a couple of times before, and it’s been very popular. We make this recipe every year, and I was reminded to share it again with you tonight when I looked it up for my own use!

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We’ve been here for eleven years and my family still finds the local Israeli doughnuts a big disappointment. The traditional sufganiyot are heavy balls of dough with dabs of industrial jelly inside and none of us enjoy them. 

I was inspired to find a better option when we made aliyah and were missing the familiar flavor of Dunkin Donuts. These aren’t a replica but they’re quite good!

Avivah’s Fantastic Glazed Doughnuts

  • 2 1/4 t. dry yeast
  • 2 T. warm water
  • 3/4 c. warm milk (you can use water, coconut milk or nut milk)
  • 2 1/2 T. butter (or coconut oil or palm shortening)
  • 1 egg
  • 1/3 c. sugar
  • 1 t. salt
  • 2 3/4 c. flour

In a large bowl, dissolve the yeast in the small amount of warm water.  Add the milk (or substitute), butter, egg, sugar, and salt.  Blend this until it’s smooth.

Add the remaining flour and knead until the dough is smooth.  Cover the bowl with a plastic bag and leave it to rise until the dough has doubled, about 1/2 – 1 hour.  Punch the dough down, and roll out a half inch thick.

Use a cup or biscuit cutter (or even a clean empty can) to cut out the doughnuts.  If you want to make the doughnuts with the traditional hole in the middle, use a shot glass or similar sized object to cut out the holes.  (The holes will later become donut holes.) One year a blog reader suggested cutting them into squares, which is a big timesaver.

Place these on cookie sheets and let them rise for about 30 – 60 minutes.  Fry in a pot of hot oil (I use palm shortening or coconut oil for this), thirty seconds on each side.  (Adding a piece of carrot to the oil will keep it from getting dark.)  These will fluff up beautifully as they fry.  When the donuts cool, dip the top of the surface in glaze and let cool.

Glaze:

  • 1/3 c. butter (or coconut oil or palm shortening)
  •  2 c. powdered sugar
  • 1/2 t. vanilla
  • 1/3 c. hot water

Mix all of these ingredients for a plain glaze.  If you’d like to make a chocolate glaze, melt one cup of semisweet chocolate chips and mix it in to the above glaze.  Make the glaze when the doughnuts are ready to be frosted, because as it cools off, it becomes harder to use and will lose the glossiness you can see above in the picture.

You can fill these with the filling of your choice (jam, chocolate, pudding), and then add a glaze, or glaze them without filling them. We like to keep it simple and generally make chocolate glazed doughnuts. They’ll be delicious however you make them!

Happy Chanukah!

Avivah

How and why I decided to homeschool – reposted from 2009

Homeschooling

Can I ask one more question? Why do you homeschool? What is the financial, hashkafic, halachic reasoning behind such an unorthodox choice for a family that seems (from your bio) to be pretty normal? I am dying to know.

This isn’t a short answer, but I’ll try to be as succinct as I can without leaving out the major factors.

I didn’t set out to homeschool – Hashem kind of led me to it and I feel unbelievably blessed that He did.  When I moved from Israel in August 2000 (my husband had been offered a position as a shul rabbi so we moved to Seattle for that), my oldest was a seven year old in second grade and struggled because the secular subjects required reading and writing skills that he didn’t yet have, and his Judaic skills were much more advanced than his classmates.

We brought him home for half a day with the intent to bring him up to par in secular subjects – I did it out of desperation, because he was so stressed out that it was affecting the entire family, and nothing else I was doing was helping.  (This was one of the worst periods of my life, which has shown me how often the best things come from the most difficult situations.)  I didn’t know anything about homeschooling, and didn’t consider myself to be homeschooling him.  I was just tutoring him at home.  The principals and teachers were very supportive of me doing this, because they knew they didn’t have the ability to help him catch up.

Despite the many obstacles (like not knowing what I was doing and constantly doubting and second guessing myself), he thrived and we achieved our goals for him. Along the way he became much happier and more relaxed, which positively affected everyone.

We put him back into school for the full day about three or four months later with no intent to bring him back home.  But then we started to see behaviors we hadn’t seen for a long time that were attributable to nothing but being in school, behaviors that were subtle and everyone would say were normal. 

In the past we thought it was because he didn’t yet have friends, was pressured academically, felt the strain of a major move, etc.  But now he was doing great academically in all his classes, socially comfortable, the family had settled down, and life was all around positive and relaxed – there was absolutely nothing wrong.  And I saw that school actually created a kind of tension in children, even a child who was succeeding, something I never would have recognized if it hadn’t been totally absent from him for so long.

For the next few months, I thought about the significance of this.  I thought about what it would be like to have all the kids at home (if it was such a big improvement with one child home just half a day, imagine if everyone were home all day!), without the school induced pressures of carpool, tuition, mandatory parent service hours, and constantly worrying about keeping up with exactly what the school was up to, all issues I had to deal with when he was home for half a day.

What if we didn’t have to rush everyone to bed so that they could get up on time the next day, what if I could relax through our morning routine instead of rushing to get them to school on time; what if my primary goal wasn’t school centered but values centered?

I had by now started reading a lot about homeschooling philosophies, educational models, and thinking very seriously about what it all meant to me and where I stood.  I was working through some very major ideas about where parenting and education met, and my role in that.  I thought a lot about the kind of children I wanted to raise, the qualities I wanted to help them develop, and in what environment those would best be nurtured.  I strongly felt homeschooling would help us best meet those goals, though I had no idea how right I was.

But I was scared.  I was a conservative kind of person, someone who was very much part of the mainstream, who was comfortable being part of the mainstream and in fact found security in being clearly identifiable as being mainstream.  I didn’t want to be different from everyone else.  I didn’t want to listen to my conscience.

Not only that, my three kids were all doing great in school (preK, kindergarten, second grade) – there were no behavior issues, academic issues, social issues – nothing.  And the following year all three of them were going to have the most experienced teachers in the school, teachers who were so good that people would actually switch their kids for the year to this school to have these teachers. Who in their right mind would take out their kids at a time like this?

But the problem was, I was trying to live my life with integrity and I couldn’t silence the voice inside me that kept telling me that this was a change I should make, that even as seemingly successful as the kids were, that there was more they could be than model students.  I couldn’t ignore what I really believed was best.

I had two discussions at this time about this that gave me the support I needed to make the leap to homeschooling, one with my husband, and one with the wife of the rosh kollel of that area, and with both I expressed my fears and feelings of inadequacy.  My husband told me that no matter how wonderful the teachers were, he was confident that I could do just as well.  The rosh kollel’s wife, when I told her my fears of appearing non mainstream and not being like everyone else, said, “Who cares what people think?” (I fell out of touch with her when we left Seattle; when she visited Israel in 2020 we reconnected and I had the opportunity to thank her and tell her how pivotal her encouragement was). These two conversations gave me the final boost I needed to do to begin to live out my vision.

It was making the decision to homeschool that was the hardest thing. But since then, I’ve never looked back.  It was clear from the very beginning that it was the right thing for our family – there were so many advantages that I can’t begin to express them here.  I had the advantage of knowing what life with my kids in school was like, and it was very easy to compare and contrast that to homeschooling.

Life with kids in school is a pale (and stressful!) comparison to a homeschooled life.   Though people have told us that because we’re such good parents our kids would have been great anyway, I know it’s not true and they’re making false assumptions.  I’m not an amazing or unusually good parent.  But homeschooling my kids and the time it’s given us together has been the factor that has made all of the difference.

To go back to the original question, there were no negative factors – tuition was affordable for us (I’ve never felt that finances alone were a reason to homeschool), the kids were successful in school (and I was happy with the school), and I had a great rapport with the administration.  I don’t have a bone to pick with schools, not then and not now.  Choosing to homeschool wasn’t coming from negative motivations, but rather from a strong philosophical belief that it was the best thing for my children, to educate each of them according to their individual needs and personalities (‘chanoch l’naar al pi darko’).

I didn’t and don’t believe that a one size fits all institution with hired workers can know and understand a child and their needs (crucial to effectively educating them) as well as a loving and motivated parent.  I felt that building a strong family would happen most effectively when the family had ample time to spend together in a relaxed way, not pulled in lots of directions all day long, every day, with everyone coming together at the end when they were tired and uptight.  And there were lots of other more specific concerns about education and child raising that I had.

As the years have gone by, my conviction about all of these things has only gotten stronger. I’m at the beautiful place in life where I don’t have to wonder if this homeschooling business was all a major mistake on my part and what will all come out from it in the end. I’ve been so fortunate to have seen the things I trusted to happen, happen, beyond what I ever hoped for.  Is life perfect?  No.  Are my kids perfect?  Obviously not.  And me?  You all know I’m not perfect by now! 

But I can’t tell you how incredibly grateful I feel every single day for the life I’m privileged to have with my family.  I don’t take it for granted because I hear and see from all that goes on around me how special what we have is.

Avivah

Is homeschooling expensive?

Homeschooling, Intentional Spending

Following the last two posts that I wrote and shared years ago on a homeschooling forum, below is my follow-up to questions asked, about an article on budget-wise homeschooling that I mentioned just having written, babysitting and curriculum costs, and burnout. The costs are all specific to the activities mentioned in the last post. Again, this was from 2004, with six children ages 2 – 11.

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The article I wrote was for Live Free Learn Free (a mostly unschooling mag), and should be out soon (printing was delayed because of the holidays), and was titled, “Homeschooling, expensive?  Naah!”  In that I detailed how we spent less than $150 for the year for six kids, including all outside expenses, including Girl Scout and 4H dues. 

I have never hired babysitters to watch the younger kids, and have always had babies and toddlers since I started homeschooling.  (My youngest is now 2.5.)  So we didn’t have that expense. The first year I started homeschooling, I purchased curriculum used on vegsource.com (namely Saxon math).  It cost less than half of what I would have paid for it brand new, and I resold it three years later when I switched to Singapore for the price I paid for it.   (And then that money was used to make my new purchases. :))  For the three years I used it, I didn’t need to make any further outlays.

There are always free and low cost alternatives, regardless of where you lived.  In Seattle, we had great community centers and my kids were able to take swimming, dance, karate – all very cheaply.  Otherwise, we did things on our own as a family. 

In Baltimore, classes like that are four times the price, so we do different things.  Here I am hooked up with the larger homeschooling community and can go to activities as part of a group and get the sharply discounted rates.  Recently, in the space of three weeks, I took my kids to a concert at the symphony hall (got free tickets from a friend), a dance concert at the university (free), the Nutcracker (student performance – $4 per ticket), a Chanuka concert for the family ($5 for family), and a musical of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (I blew my usual budget and paid $6.50 per ticket for this, also a student ticket price).  That is a lot of entertainment for the money, though people will tell you that providing quality exposure to the arts is pricey.

My girls now take sewing lessons once a week – it costs $10 for each of them per lesson.  That is my largest ongoing expense, and $80 a month doesn’t compare to what I would pay for school even with the biggest tuition break I might qualify for.  The knitting club is free, 4H has minimal dues, Girl Scout dues are about $30 – 35 a year each. 

I have a membership to a science museum which allows me reciprocal privileges that I use at other places (science centers, cultural museums, aquariums) when I travel – that’s $50 a year.  We use the library a lot, frequent the library book sales and thrift shops for cheap reads. 

A couple of my older kids will be joining a math club next week, and it will be $30 per child for the semester (which goes until the beginning of the summer.)  When my kids took a sailing class, it was also as part of a homeschool group, and we got much better prices than the general public because they were already there and had very little business in the middle of the week.  When we go ice skating, I go to a homeschool session – $4 for the first person, $3 each additional person, and it includes the skates. 

Parks and nature centers are free.  Lots of historical events are free or minimal charge.  Even for events that charge, there are times that it is more affordable – for example, I took the kids to the Renaissance Faire in September, which is $17 for adults, $8 for kids.  I went on the one weekend that kids under 12 were allowed in free, and at the gate they gave me a $3 discount on my ticket because I shop regularly at a certain supermarket (I didn’t know that until I got there and they asked me).  So it cost me $14 for the entire day with all six of my kids and a friend of my son, going to plays, jousting, puppet shows, historical reenactments, etc.  Would the next weekend at full price when they did the same events have been more satisfying? 

I buy Singapore math books – the textbooks are non-consumable and can be passed from once child to the next, so it is a one time purchase (about 7.50 each). The workbooks are about also about 7.50 each, and each child uses two a year. That’s $60 total for my purchased curriculum.

Games are cheaply bought at any yard sale, and can provide loads of educational value. Paper, pencils, and art supplies also aren’t expensive.  Fun with friends is free. I don’t send my kids to a private rebbi or tutor for Judaics – not because I can’t afford it, but because I enjoy learning with my kids and learning groups tend to become very school-like in their approach.  This is where I see most frum homeschoolers paying big bucks. 

Homeschooling is about choices, but homeschooling with minimal costs doesn’t mean doing without or burning out.  It means choosing what is worth spending money on – I wouldn’t pay $10 per person for any museum or class.  (Remember I have six kids so with at least four kids in a class this would add up fast.)  As far as burning out, a parent always has to be aware of their limitations and act accordingly, or they will become overwhelmed. 

I do a lot with my kids, but I monitor my energy so that I don’t get caught up in running around to every possible opportunity that presents itself.  ‘Know thyself’ is applicable in many circumstances, particularly to moms who want to do it all and do it well.  Burnout would be less of an issue if people didn’t keep pushing themselves when all their internal warning signals were bleeping dangerously.

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Are you enjoying the recent ‘look back to the past’ posts?

Avivah

A homeschooling day with six kids, ages 2 – 11

Homeschooling, Parenting

Continuing from my last post, circa November 2004, responding to a question as to what a typical homeschooling day looks like for us… it seems particularly timely to have found this when I was writing about how our family life has changed over time. It’s poignant for me to reread the details of those days, to look back on a snapshot of our lives.

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Well, I gave my philosophical perspective, but here is a sample of what our days are like. After breakfast, we have our academic time.  (Davening may be before or after breakfast, my kids now daven on their own so it depends on how early they wake up.) 

I learn chumash with each of the older kids separately, and listen to my 5 year old do kriah (Hebrew reading).  While I am busy with one, the others will be busy with math.  We all are in the living room during that time, but if someone has a question, they have to wait until I am finished with the person I am with. 

After everyone finishes, we may sit around and do a read aloud – this week, I started a book about kids who go back in time to the Mayflower.  This part of the day takes about two hours.  Then we have lunch (usually sandwiches), and the rest of the afternoon is spent on other activities.

This describes our most ‘school-like’ days.  It is pretty dry and doesn’t even begin to capture the richness of our days.  It doesn’t run like this on the days that we are out with various activities in the morning (eg September was busy with sailing classes, Oct. had gym classes), and never typical for Fridays or Sundays. 

Twice a week, a couple of my kids help out at a sheep farm for the morning.  We attend a book discussion for kids once a month, the girls have Girl Scout meetings twice a month, they all have 4H at least once a month.  A couple of my kids participate in specific 4H projects, sheep and beekeeping, which have them out of the house more often. 

My girls have sewing lessons every week, knitting club every other week.  We go to the libraries regularly, nature centers, friends, and then there are the one time trips. Last week a couple of kids were busy digging a fire pit in the backyard of someone’s home for the colonial feast that is being planned this Sunday, they all attended a program on Woodland Indians (in which they not only listened to a presentation, but ground corn with a mortar and pestle, dressed in authentic Indian clothing, went in a wichot (wigwam), shot arrows, and much more), and my son read a biography of Daniel Boone (history/social studies). 

Yesterday one daughter was out with a couple of friends painting a backdrop for the puppet show they are planning for Chanukah, and have been working on weekly (writing/halacha/holidays/arts and crafts).  Two other kids were out at a different friend’s home (socialization – just joking, everybody!!).  My oldest son has been very busy for the last couple of weeks building a tree house (math/measurements), sewing cushions for the bench inside (real life skills), planning a treehouse club for his siblings, which includes various prizes and incentives.

They have all been busy getting ready for Chanukah by making presents for family members and friends and listening to Chanukah songs on cassette (Jewish holidays).  We have a trip to North Carolina in a few days, where we will attend the local science museum (science), and on the way home will probably stop by the Science Museum of Virginia.  (Last year when we went to Colonial Williamsburg, I stopped on the way in Richmond at the SMV to break up the trip. It was a good plan so we will try it again.) 

We attended a concert at the Meyerhoff Symphony hall a few nights ago (music), have a play scheduled for the beginning of Dec (literature and the arts), and a ballet for the middle of Dec (music, the arts and social studies). 

I read regularly out loud in the evenings to everyone (though my selection doesn’t always manage to hold everyone’s attention equally :)), and usually choose Newberry honor or medal books, classic type material (literature, grammar).  My kids read a lot independently (spelling, reading comprehension), and also enjoy listening to audio books (auditory processing skills).  The younger ones listen to their own selections of books with cassettes – my 4 yo recognizes her favorites at the library and ‘follows’ along with her finger in the text as she listens.  Even my 2 yo sits and listens with them. 

They enjoy board games and card games (my 4yo is fantastic at Uno – I don’t know how she got so good at strategy, but I have to work to beat her – the last game I put down my last card right before she put down her last card, and I only was able to win that time because I happened to see her cards since she isn’t careful about how she holds them!). 

We have brain teaser kind of stuff around, which they pick up and play with as they like.  They listen to the radio when I have it on and have picked up a lot of information, as well as critical thinking skills.  We have great conversations on many different topics.

Now the question is, what was the schooling part of the day?  There is lots of learning going on all the time, but it doesn’t resemble many classrooms because we don’t do much worksheet kind of stuff.  Being relaxed doesn’t mean doing nothing – for us, it means being busy with things we enjoy and learning lots along the way.

This probably didn’t help you much, though, right?  Because you may be thinking you don’t enjoy this kind of activity or your kids are too young or you are too tired or there isn’t enough scheduled…….. That’s why it all comes down to developing your own philosophy and finding what works for your family. 🙂

Avivah

Parenting – get clear on your goals, know who you are and where you want to go

Homeschooling, Parenting, Self-Growth

In the middle of writing my last post, I did a search in my inbox using a keyword that didn’t pull up what I was looking for, but did result in me finding some things I had written about homeschooling in the past that I had long forgotten having written. The following was shared on a Orthodox Jewish homeschooling email list at the end of November 2004. I was active on this listserve for years and loved the far ranging and fascinating conversations we had (no comparison to the brief answers given on a FB group), but it’s been closed for many years now.

However, the questions and responses are just as relevant today as they were then and though specifically addressing homeschooling, are just as applicable to any parent thinking about his approach to parenting.

>>Hi, I just joined the list. I have a 21-month-old boy, who is nowhere near ready for school yet, but I’m thinking about home schooling, yet need to learn more about it. One thing that I want to be able to visualize is the structure (or non-structure) of home schooling–i.e., how is the learning set up. Please enlighten.<<

I think you are incredibly fortunate to have the opportunity to learn about homeschooling before your children are school age.  Homeschooling is a remarkable opportunity, precisely because it is so individual.  One person’s schedule may look totally different from someone else’s, but what counts is how it works for that family.  

I prefer a relaxed approach, and find it very effective for my family and my goals.  What I find stimulating and productive might seem too undefined to some, too busy to others.  A couple of weeks ago I was talking to a homeschooling mom who was proudly telling me her schedule, and I had the strongest feeling of sympathy for her kids, but it seemed to work for their family.  (This might also have been related to her answer to my question about her homeschooling style – “We push through until we get it right.”  My question followed her description of how she forced her kids to play sports even though they came home crying after every session. But I digress.) 

She has four kids, ages 4 – 10, and starts at 9 am every day, and goes until 3:30 or 4 pm every day, with an hour for lunch.  She isn’t Jewish, so she isn’t doing a dual curriculum, so in my opinion, this was overkill.  Gosh, I felt like I had hives listening to her.  But then again, she might have had the same feeling listening to me.

As someone else suggested, read up on homeschooling. Don’t limit yourself to any one approach – read about them all, and you will find yourself developing your own ideas and opinions as to how you want to do things for your family.  Think about what education means to you – is it the same as schooling?  Why or why not?  What do you think is positive about the school experience?  What is negative?  Why?  How do your children learn best?  How do you perform best?  What are your goals – not just regarding academics, which may be one of the less important things in raising children, but in terms of character development, etc.?

Homeschooling and parenting styles overlap so much that it becomes hard to distinguish where one ends and the other begins.  Talk to people, get ideas, but most importantly, give yourself lots of time to think through the issues yourself.  And for now, just continue enjoying your child – it will be years before you will need to do anything in a more structured way than what you are already doing.  

Avivah – mom to (then) six great kids in Baltimore