All posts by Avivah

Doing all the right things as a parent…so why did my kids turn out like this?

Parenting

I recently had the pleasure of hosting a long-time blog reader in our vacation apartment here in Yavneel, and enjoyed the opportunity to get to know her. She shared that she had resentment towards the parenting approach promoted in a particular forum, since it seemed to offer a tantalizing promise of results that didn’t actualize in her life, despite doing all the right things.

Years ago, someone asked me why anyone should listen to anything I had to say about parenting, since at that time I had written about a child who was going through a rough period.

And one more encounter. Last week I was interviewed by an Israeli charedi writer about homeschooling. One thing she expressed surprise about was that a parent who is homeschooling would still feel frustration, impatience or a need to have personal space.

All of these reflect the simplistic (and false and dangerous!) belief that there is some kind of perfectionism possible in the world of parenting. If you do everything right, the thinking goes, your children will be poster children. (Or if you have poster children, it’s because you’re the perfect parent.) The flip side of that assumption is, if your children are challenging or challenged in some visible way, you did something wrong.

Sorry. Parenting isn’t a perfect equation like that.

I deeply appreciate something I heard Dr. Gordon Neufeld say on one of his video trainings. He said, sometimes people think if you are parenting from a place of understanding and using the principles of healthy attachment, that you’re never going to have any issues. Not so.

What understanding and using these principles does do, he continued, is give you a way to ride out the storm, to not make a bad situation worse, to get to safe harbor.

This is so important to understand and internalize. Your child is going to have his own journey through life, and all of the factors in his life can’t be controlled by you, nor can they be blamed on you.

While there are families that have less than ideal parenting practices who would greatly benefit from being more accepting and compassionate of their children, many, many solid families have faced significant challenges with their children. If you’ve had a smooth and unchallenged parenting path, chances are very high that your children are still relatively young – or that G-d chose to challenge you in a different area of your life.

I’ve been blessed with wonderful children, and people look at our family from the outside and make comments that presume it was easy, that we’ve never faced challenges, that our children always like us and want to be around us. Let me pause while I hold back a strangled snort.

I didn’t write about parenting or do parenting consultations for a year and a half while two teenagers were simultaneously going through a period in which they were convinced I was the worst parent in the world. I won’t describe that period, other than to say it took all my emotional energy to keep thinking good thoughts about them, not to descend into hostility, and not to feel discouraged. I kept holding on to the principles that I write about, trusting that we would get through the storm. And we did.

I don’t believe in simplistic answers, I don’t believe in making false promises, and I certainly don’t believe in advocating perfectionism. While it sounds nice and neat to package parenting into a set of practices and then guarantee results, who can do that in a process as complex as parenting? There are so, so many factors, personalities and abilities, traumas that some children experience, and all of these factors will affect their development.

However, I do deeply believe in the power of love and acceptance of our children, especially at times when that feels hard. I was asked if someone who has children who didn’t stay religious should be teaching about parenting. (Black and white thinking – your kids turned out perfectly, you have the right to teach. They don’t, you don’t.) I told her if the person has a good relationship with her children despite the religious differences, there’s a lot to learn from her.

It’s the people who have had to work for what they have that you can learn the most from, not those for whom it fell into their laps.

My interviewer fell into the trap of making black and white equations – ‘if you do this, then you won’t feel that’ – idealizing and putting a homeschooling parent so far up on a pedestal that she was closer to an angel than a human being. I had to strongly stress repeatedly that a parent is going to sometimes have negative emotions regardless of how and where his child is educated, and we all have to work on that.

We parents put so much pressure on ourselves. Take a step back from the harsh judgments of yourself and other parents. We’re all doing the best we can. It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s hard to see your child struggle and I don’t want to minimize how hard that can feel. But what I’m saying is to drop that black and white programming that is still running on your mental computer, thinking that you were the defect in the system, that it happened because you were inadequate and failed. There is no guarantee of results because it’s not possible. We all do the best we can and the results are up to G-d.

Avivah



Thanking teachers from childhood

Self-Growth

A week and a half ago, I was listening to an interview with Rebbetzin Slovie Wolff, daughter of Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis. For years I’ve been fascinated and inspired by Rebbetzin Jungreis, and I was especially interested in the interview with her daughter, herself a teacher of Torah with a focus on parenting.

In the interview, one thing mentioned was the importance of seeing the beauty and potential in each child. The interviewer commented that it made him think about teachers, and asked if this is something they should be doing since children spend so much time in school. They talked about how challenging this is to do, and Mrs. Wolff suggested that if he had a positive memory of a teacher, that he reach out to his teacher and let him know about it.

I paused the interview right there to think about my school experience. Other than one teacher, I didn’t have negative memories of any of them. They were generally all good, well-intended people.

On the other hand, I had few specific positive memories of any teacher in interactions with me. I didn’t have a personal relationship of depth with any one teacher. (I wonder how many people do!) However, two teachers that I have a warm feeling about came to mind.

Right that moment, I emailed the school office to request contact information for these two teachers. Being that both of them stopped teaching there thirty five years ago, they had to do some research (which I am so appreciative for their willingness to do!) and a few days later, I received contact information for one of them.

I sent an email to this teacher, expressing my appreciation for her. I received a beautiful email in return, letting me know that this is why she’s continued to teach, with the hope of making some small difference in the life of her students.

The second teacher I have gratitude to, wasn’t for anything he ever said to me. It was for one comment he made to my mother at parent teacher conferences, that showed he recognized my ability even though I wasn’t showing it as a student. Hearing that meant so much to me and still does, so many years later. Isn’t it amazing how something so small can be so significant to someone else? I hope that I’ll be able to get his contact information.

I had an an elementary teacher who I’ve thought about contacting a number of times over the years. I think she would get great nachas from knowing how I turned out, as would have my high school principal. He died with my good intentions still inside my head, but she is still alive. I did an online search and was surprised to find her phone number and address very quickly. She must be in her eighties by now, and I’ve been thinking about how to contact her.

I mentioned it to one son, who called when I was in the middle of researching this, and he suggested that I send a family photo from our most recent wedding along with my letter. While think she would appreciate the photo, I don’t want to delay my letter to get around to that. I hope to send the letter in the next week or so, and feel so grateful to still have this opportunity.

Expressing gratitude to those who have done something for us is so important. While I try to thank others in my day to day life, I’ve never reached out to my teachers from the past until now, and I’m so glad that I did.

Avivah

Is preparing for hard times a lack of faith?

Parenting, Self-Growth

I received a thoughtful response to my post yesterday about food shortages and my suggestion to US readers to buy some extra food.

>> The attitude you are approaching is the American prepping attitude. I am familiar with it as I spend a lot of time on online homesteading communities. It is a worldview born in the backwoods of America where this idea of each-man-for-himself independence makes sense (sort of).<<

I have been using the frugal strategies that I have shared for many years, long before there was a term calling ‘prepping’ or ‘preppers’. I don’t identify as such, nor do I identify as a homesteader, though for many years I’ve noticed many homesteaders have similar attitudes to myself in some areas.

>>It is questionable whether it belongs in a tiny urbanized country like Israel and, more specifically, in Jewish communities.<<

I question the assertion that a worldview of being responsible for one’s self rather than relying on others to take care of you is specifically American. I would say that historically this was the norm across all societies when people had the ability to do so. Food was preserved during the autumn (during times of abundance) to put away for the winter (a time of scarcity). Often people tried to put food up for two years, knowing that a crop could fail and they would be left without food if they only prepared for one.

This is the same thinking as having a savings account. When you have a good income, you put some aside, knowing that at a later time there could be extra expenses that come along, sickness, or job loss. It’s about being prudent with your resources at times of plenty, knowing that life shifts and unexpected things happen. Do people in urbanized areas not believe in financial investments or savings, do they not buy car or life insurance?

>>In the Jewish community, we are all one. It’s not every man for himself. If my fellow Jew is suffering, I am suffering. I am not interested in grabbing for myself or making sure that me and mine are OK, while my neighbors and wider society go up in flames.<<

It’s not only in the Jewish community that we are all one. All of humanity is one. What is good for one can’t be at the expense of what is good for others. This is inherent to my worldview.

There are three levels of functioning: dependence, independence, and interdependence, with interdependence being the highest level. A person can’t developmentally skip from one level to another. We all start off life dependent, and as we grow, hopefully become more responsible for ourselves. From that position of being independent, we can move into family and community relationships of interdependence.

I find the assumption that those who are being responsible for themselves are being selfish or lacking in faith to be a false and unfair construct. Yes, there are people who are selfish in this world. How that develops is the topic for another post. But generally, when we have more, when we feel internally abundant, we are more willing to share with others. We don’t teach a toddler to share by insisting he share before he feels a sense of ownership of an item. He has to be given the space to own it, to feel the fullness of having it, and from that place will naturally want to share with others.

As parents and as members of society, we give from a place of overflow. We don’t serve anyone by continuing to give when we are depleted. A mother who doesn’t take time for herself will become burnt out and resentful. A community member who has hardly any resources for himself will be preoccupied with meeting his own needs, and not only unable to help others, but the communal resources available will be directed to him.

To suggest someone do without because it’s not fair that others don’t have as much as him, isn’t helping others. We benefit as a society when as many people as possible become abundant (externally and internally), and use their personal resources wisely. To expect others to replenish us when we have the possibility of helping ourselves is choosing to be dependent. You help no one by teetering on the edge of barely taking care of your personal needs.

(Sometimes we can’t be independent; self-reliance in all areas is an impossibility. When we need it, it’s important to be willing to ask for the help we need and graciously accept it when offered. That’s where interdependence comes in.)

Back to the importance of being in a place of overflow. A few days ago, I was in the supermarket and due to a policy issue, an older couple’s check wasn’t accepted. I was at the customer service desk when this was happened, and because I had enough money in my account, was able to offer to pay for their groceries. Without the personal reserve, I could have given them a warm and sympathetic smile but the generosity in my heart wouldn’t have physical expression.

My fourteen year old son just asked me about joining a first aid course. I asked why, and he said he’s not interested in working on an ambulance, but he does want to have the ability to help others if someone gets hurt when he’s there. I didn’t tell him, no, that would be selfish for you to learn something that everyone else doesn’t know. I am delighted for him to have knowledge that can be shared with others at a time of need.

I want to be generous, and so do many others. I’ve read of so many people who are planting much bigger gardens than they need – so they can share; of stocking up on food – so they can share; people making plans to look out for more vulnerable neighbors who won’t have enough – because they care. Not because they are trying to grab all the available resources for themselves before anyone else does.

There are different ways to give, and different ways to be generous. Not just with your physical resources, but with your skills and knowledge. I have awareness of some things that are happening that many others don’t. I wrote my post from a place in my heart of giving, wanting to share what I know with the intention to help as many others as I can. For me, it would be selfish to stay silent when I can say something that could help others.

If people take steps to buffer themselves bit by bit, they will be much less anxious and afraid when encountering escalating food prices or empty shelves. Everyone who is independent is then in a position to be interdependent with others, and strengthens society.

>>If Hashem has social and economic upheaval in store for us,  I accept HIs plan and remind myself it is good. He has put us through tough times before and we have stood strong through our faith and through helping others and remembering always that He is One and we, His Children, are one.<<

I completely agree. And I also believe that we if we see a storm coming, we can go to the hardware store and buy sheets of plywood to cover our glass windows so they don’t break when the hurricane hits. We don’t stand outside unprotected saying, G-d will help me. We take whatever action we can, knowing that in the end, it is G-d who will protect us.

So this comes down to a personal question of where is the line for hishtadlus/personal effort, and faith. That line is different for every person, and the higher your level of faith is, the less preparation you need to do. A person needs to be very honest about what their spiritual level is; many people give lip service to faith when they just don’t want to be bothered to take any steps to help themselves.

Looking ahead and taking steps to mitigate a problematic issue isn’t having a lack of faith. Eizehu chacham? Haroeh es hanolad. (Who is the wise man? He who anticipates what is to come.)

I’ll go so far as to suggest that the person who chooses to take no action to shield his family from challenges, saying instead ‘It will work out,’ and leaves it to the efforts of others to make sure his needs are met, is the one who is being selfish. Community leaders work selflessly to find solutions for those struggling in their communities. I’ve occasionally behind the scenes seen the weight of the burdens these people are carrying. With so many people who have no way to create any buffer needing assistance, why voluntarily add to the communal burden?

>>When you read stories of those hard times and their luminous heroes, they are always the people who gave selflessly to others, not the ones who saved their own necks.<<

Survival and selflessness aren’t mutually exclusive. I just finished a biography of a Jewish family who believed the warnings that most others found impossible to believe in 1940s Hungary. They took action by obtaining false identity papers that enabled them to hide as Aryans, and survived when many others didn’t. When the war ended, they immediately became known as people that others turned to for assistance.

Our heroes show us much to admire and strive for. But who said everyone has to be a hero? We don’t have to be heroes, and we don’t have to feel guilty or inadequate that our goals aren’t those of heroic individuals.

>>If tough times are ahead, let’s “prep” by strengthening our emunah and our middos of chessed and ahavas yisroel. Rather than stockpiling more than ever, let’s GIVE away more than ever, showing Hashem that we know that only He can protect us. <<

There’s so much more to say on this topic; it’s something I’ve thought about quite a lot. I’m the first to admit that I have a long way to go in my spiritual evolution. But I think we can agree that strengthening one’s faith and connection to G-d is the most important action anyone can take, at any time.

Avivah

Starting to see food shortages in US, what to do now

Intentional Spending

I wrote the following on November 8, 2021, but finally decided not to post it because I felt it was too soon to talk about this. Instead, I chose to share information about how to budget for food, buy in bulk, find pantry space and repurpose leftovers, knowing this would be helpful information to anyone wanting to stretch their food budget for whatever reason.


>>You can’t imagine how many times I’ve written and rewritten this post, deleting and deleting and rewriting again! My dilemma is I don’t want to cause anyone anxiety or alarm, but at the same time, I want your family to have what it needs.

I’ve deleted all my commentary and explanation about the reasons this will happen, and I’m going to get right into it.

Food prices are anticipated to rise sharply in coming months. There is a lot of talk behind the scenes about food shortages.

Most of you live in countries where this seems preposterous, but some of you are beginning to see shortages. There is a complex web of factors leading to this situation worldwide and as fascinating a topic as this is, I’m not going to talk about why and how this is happening. I’m going to focus on what to do about it.

First of all, now is the time to be as conservative as possible in your spending. Please think about what foods you use, and buy a bit more of them each time you shop. Don’t panic, don’t go into hoarding mode, don’t get afraid.<<

Today I’m going to talk more directly about this issue. Thankfully, here in Israel our prices are remaining steady and I’m not seeing unusual shortages. That’s not to say that caution isn’t in order, because worldwide inflation and supply chain forces will eventually affect us all.

For my US readers: please take this seriously! US groceries have shot up significantly and will continue to rise. Many, many areas are seeing serious supply issues, with significant sections of the supermarkets empty. They are being explained as being caused by a shortage of workers due to the O variant, and some areas having winter storms and people panic buying as a result. That is definitely a factor but if you think that’s all that is happening, you’re going to be lulled by a false sense that this is a short term issue that will be resolved in a week or two. It’s not.

Some news outlets are beginning to talk about this being a long term issue. Finally!!

I’ve looked at lots of pictures and descriptions of what is in short supply or missing. It varies from store to store, obviously, but here are the things that are pretty consistent:

  • dairy products
  • eggs
  • meat and chicken, sliced sandwich meat
  • frozen processed foods, ready to eat meals
  • bottled juice, some sodas
  • fresh produce
  • bread
  • pastas
  • pet food (specifically for cats and dogs)

If something isn’t on this list, it doesn’t mean some places aren’t experiencing shortages of that. But this list seems to be accurate for the majority of places. It seems red states were the first affected, but the blue states are also being affected now. The bigger cities and wealthier areas are the last to be affected.

People in the affected areas are getting increasingly alarmed to see the combination of price increases and empty shelves when they go to their stores. In American there has always been an abundance of food at low prices, and people assume it will always be like that, so this is understandably disorienting for shoppers.

What if you’re in an area that doesn’t have any gaps at all (and there are still many places like that)? Should you ignore this and think that this doesn’t apply to you?

NO!!!!

You’re the best positioned right now to heed this warning. What is happening in other states will affect you eventually. You are so fortunate to be able to buy some food insurance for yourself, to easily stock your pantry before there are any shortages. A relaxed guideline at this point is to get at least a month’s worth of staples.

To make the empty shelves less noticeable, supermarkets are reorganizing their spaces, taking out shelving and moving it around, fronting the empty shelves with one or two of the items (nothing behind them), filling empty spaces with foods that there is a lot of. For example, one baking aisle pictured had many shelves of white sugar. I’m seeing some people reporting that the expiration dates on canned goods is much shorter than usual. And now there are beginning to be limits on how many of each item you can buy.

What I don’t see in short supply yet are the things that make up the bulk of my meals. Good, old fashioned staples. Ingredients that you need to know how to cook to turn into a meal. šŸ™‚ It’s not a coincidence that these are the last things to be sold! For many people, cooking doesn’t go much beyond heating up ready-made food, and they have no idea what to do with these ingredients.

If you’ve ever read pioneer stories, their big shopping trips would be something like: a barrel of flour, a barrel of beans, a sack of cornmeal, some molasses and a little salt. They’d supplement with their gardens and hunting, and those would be their groceries for months.

Well, that’s not a bad way to think with what’s going on. Personally, I wouldn’t tell anyone to buy extra frozen pizzas or pop tarts, though if you want to get additional meat/chicken and frozen vegetables, it’s a good idea. Think about the most basic foods, ingredients that can be bought inexpensively, stored in a small amount of space, and have a long shelf life. White rice, legumes, flour, sugar, canned goods, peanut butter.

Fortunately, these are also the foods that are most frugal! Many, many people shop for just the week, or even just a couple of days at a time. That’s not a prudent approach right now. I’m suggesting that when you do your shopping, you get additional staple foods.

When you’re doing your shopping, please be kind to the staff. They are the brunt of the frustrations for many shoppers, which besides being wrong, is unfair since they bear absolutely no responsibility for this situation. People are so stressed and this is adding to the ramped up anxiety, so bring your own positive, calm energy with you, so you can spread some good vibes.

One more suggestion – buying local is always a good thing! If you can buy directly from a farmer, that’s a great option. (When I was in the US, I made a trip to Pennsylvania every month or two, and bought my milk and eggs directly from the farmer.) You can get good prices and directly support those who are producing foods you enjoy.

As always, if you have a question, or comment about what you’re seeing in your area, please share in the comment section!

Avivah

Learning about financial cycles with our boys – not dry and boring!

Homeschooling

I’ve been paying attention to the world economic news for quite a while now. I’ve had a strong sense that significant things are happening that aren’t being reported, and though I have strong critical thinking skills, I didn’t have the knowledge base to interpret for myself the things I was seeing reported.

One of the things I began to learn more about was the US monetary system, which has been fascinating and eye opening.

Since what I learn about, I talk to my kids about, they began asking really good questions. I prefer not to be the repository of knowledge for them, and try to direct them to other resources to answer their questions. I found the following video series, The Hidden Secrets of Money by Mike Malone.

This answered some of their questions and has led to other questions. Mike Maloney has the ability to break down complex concepts and make them easily understandable. I had some familiarity with these topics based on past reading I’ve done over the years, but I watched this series more than once and have continued to learn more in order to have a broader understanding of the issues that he’s talking about.

Monetary history repeats over and over again. This series was created in 2013, and it was interesting for me to see the foreshadowing of current events, as he described the the different stages of an economy.

Knowledge is valuable, because it helps you to interpret what is happening around you, without being dependent on the commentary of others. This is true in all areas. For me, learning about these issues has been eye opening.

Avivah

Homemade cough syrup remedy, helps coughing and congestion

Healthy Living, home remedies, Intentional Spending

There’s a lot of common cold symptoms going around now, which seasonally what tends to happen in the winter months. For generations, people have known how to treat this kind of thing at home.

Last week I heard one of sons coughing at night and the next morning told him how much vitamin C to take. After a few days, I heard him still coughing in the night and asked him if he had taken the vitamin C I told him to take the first day. No, he sheepishly admitted. I obviously knew that because he wouldn’t still be coughing if he had!

It’s not as if there’s just one way to respond to cold symptoms, though. There are many different remedies people have used effectively for many generations in cultures across the world to heal upper respiratory illnesses and chest congestion, using ingredients that are natural antibiotics.

Plasters and poultices with onion and mustard as a base were a common practice. There are lots of cough syrup/tea recipes include whiskey or bourbon (‘hot toddy’). Below I’m sharing non-alcoholic syrup and tea recipes variations, so you can see how much flexibility there is with the general concept. (The first two listed are what I make.)

  • Mix equal parts freshly squeezed lemon juice and honey. Take a spoonful every few hours.
  • Chop onion, cover with honey. Let sit for several hours; it will become a thin and watery consistency. Strain out onions (you can eat them) and take a spoonful every few hours.
  • Layer raw onion, fresh ginger and raw garlic into a pint jar until half full and then fill the rest of the jar with raw honey. Shake periodically over twelve hour period. Strain, use like cough syrup, a tablespoon every 4 hours.
  • Onion tea – boil cut up onions with peels included until soft. Strain, mix with honey and drink hot.
  • Slice a large onion, sprinkling sugar between the slices and put into a jar. Add water to weight it down. The juice runs out after a few hours, take a spoonful every few hours.
  • 1 teaspoonful each of dried rosemary and thyme. Add boiling water and let it steep. Strain it and drink. Can sweeten with honey and add a sprinkle of cinnamon. Drink hot or cold.
  • Boil a red onion, drink liquid with honey.
  • Mix small amount of horseradish/ginger and mashed garlic with honey, pour a cup of boiling water over it. Allow to cool slightly then sip. You can also add couple tablespoons of lemon to the “tea”.
  • Oregano (natural antibiotic) and thyme (removes mucus) tea with a teaspoon of honey.
  • Honey-lemon-ginger warm tea, with a bit of coconut oil
  • Mix raw apple cider vinegar with equal parts of raw honey.
  • Red onions (peel on), lemons (sliced, peel on), honey, garlic, ground horseradish. Ad enough eater to cover, heat until just boiling. Cool. Strain, take a teaspoon at a time or add to a cup of hot water as tea.

Isn’t it marvelous that lemons are in season in the winter at the time that people need that natural vitamin C the most, and that onions and garlic can be stored year round? So even at times that people had no grocery stores, the ingredients they needed to to boost their immune systems were available. These are all very affordable ingredients – even honey, which is the most expensive, is still considerably less expensive than store bought cough syrup with its questionable ingredients!

If you have your own recipe that you’ve found helpful, or use any of these and they work for you, please share in the comment section below.

Avivah

Repurposing food leftovers

Intentional Spending

Did you know that in the US, food waste is estimated at more than 30% of the food supply?

Making changes to the hugely wasteful industrial food system isn’t in our control, but we can take steps to minimize our own food waste. Unless you are an exacting cook who knows precisely how much to make at every meal, most of you have a good amount of leftovers that accumulate during the course of the week.

Generally leftovers are put into containers and pushed to the back of the fridge, where they tend to sit until they turn green or fuzzy and finally are tossed out. Or put into the freezer when after many months you’re ready to clean the refrigerator/freezer and toss out all the UFOs (unidentified frozen objects :)) that you find. Storing them lets you think that you’re going to use them because it would be wasteful to put them directly in the trash, but in the end, most leftovers end up in the garbage.

There’s another possibility, though, that will save you money as you minimize waste and stretch your food budget – creatively repurpose your leftovers to use in creative ways as you create new dishes.

Last night I found myself late to begin dinner preparations, and wondered what I could pull together quickly so dinner wouldn’t be super late. I quickly took stock of the fridge leftovers , and thought about what flavors would go well together.

Here’s what I decided to use. As you’re looking at this, take a moment to think what you could turn this into (it depends what else you have in your house and there isn’t one right answer :)).

  • small container of meatballs (4 or 5) and gravy
  • baked squash and onions, 1 – 1 1/4 cup
  • rendered beef fat, 2 tablespoons
  • roasted zucchini, a few slices
  • half box of coconut cream

That was it for the leftovers. I threw them all in the pot, mixed it well and added a 1 kg/2 pound bag of frozen peas, and a little less than a half kilo/1 pound of ground meat. I stirred it all together, added some salt and pepper, heated it until the ground beef was done and within fifteen minutes from when I began, dinner was ready to be served. Voila, beef ala king! This goes well with a cooked grain or mashed potatoes, but in that case I just made a really big potful and served it on its own. My kids pronounced it really good.

Those weren’t all the leftovers in my fridge, but the ones that I thought would come together when combined. It’s important to consider what will taste good together, rather than randomly dump different containers into a pot. Sometimes you’ll use just one leftover ingredient in your dish, sometimes you can use a lot (stews are particularly good for this). Every day or two, take a look at what leftovers you have and when you prepare your meals, think about what you already have that you can integrate.

Since I made a large pot of this, I now have beef ala king leftovers! My kids liked this enough to serve it as a stand alone for another meal. But a dish is never appreciated as much as the first time it’s served! Another possibility is to add more chopped onion and carrots, and turn it into a filling for a cottage or shepherd’s pie, topped with a crust or with mashed potatoes, and then baked.

I give this an one example, but I do this regularly throughout the week. I don’t attempt to use all leftovers in one dish, because some flavors aren’t compatible.

Soups and stews are a great way to reuse leftovers. Leftover grains are perfect for thickening a stew, and most vegetables and meats go well together. Add a different sauce or seasoning and you have a completely different dish. Sometimes I have a ‘leftovers train’ when I make a dish out of leftovers, then turn those leftovers into another dish, and yet another dish from those leftovers! And it doesn’t feel to anyone like they’re eating leftovers or feel like a repeat of something they had a day or two before.

Some dips are easy to add to repurpose. Onion dip, matbucha, fresh tomato dip – I stir them into soups or chilis. Others, like chumus or techina, I prefer to serve on their own, though they can be used as binders to hold a loaf kind of food together. You can puree or blend ingredients as well, so they can look different than they did in their original forms.

The one thing that I rarely repurpose are salads with a lemon or vinegar dressing. They have a strong flavor that doesn’t blend well with most main dish recipes, and it’s easy to serve them as a side dish. Still a win when it comes to reusing leftovers.

You might think that this approach takes a mental encyclopedia of recipes, but that’s not the case at all. Just think about what flavors you’ve used in the past together, and continue along the same lines with your leftovers. And if you combine something that isn’t a hit – okay, so you’ve learned something that you won’t do again.

Here’s the simple three step process for using leftovers:

  • inventory what you have
  • use something in one of today’s meals
  • enjoy eating good food and saving money!

Avivah

Back to quarantine…thinking about homeschooling again

Homeschooling, Parenting, Self-Growth, Trisomy 21

I got a call earlier this week that one of our school children had to go into quarantine. I was hoping that my five year old could have his birthday party in kindergarten with his nine year old brother in attendance before either of them were quarantined and we almost made it, but the night before the party we got a call that ds9 had been exposed to someone with a positive test result. (For those who are new, our youngest two sons have Trisomy 21/Down syndrome and attend a special needs school; our older son began there in the spring, the younger one began in September.) Ds5 had a great party but his brother wasn’t there.

The day after the party I preemptively pulled my five year old out. I took him out not because I’m worried about him getting sick, but because I don’t want to wait for him to be put into quarantine. It’s important for children to have a regular and predictable schedule, and I didn’t want my kids to have the stresses of the staff and scheduling changes that they would have in school while this upheaval is going on, and then to have the restrictions of being in quarantine at home.

That was Monday. On Wednesday, I received a call from the kindergarten teacher that validated the decision to take him out preemptively. In his class, students were exposed to a teacher who tested positive in the afternoon session. (Since my son is the only one who doesn’t attend afternoon sessions I’m wondering who isn’t in quarantine at this point.)

Due to so many staff members at the school getting positive test results (though they all had to get the poke or have regular testing to continue working there), they are combining classes, cutting the school day to half days and there will be no Friday classes. I’m glad they’re finding a way to make it work, and I’m even more glad that those decisions don’t affect us.

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So this situation is providing me with an opportunity.

In recent months I’ve been thinking a lot about homeschooling ds9. When I made the decision to put him in school last year, I felt inadequate in what I was providing for him when he was home, and was sure that the experienced staff could do more for him than me. Though I’m very appreciative of the wonderful staff and all that they do, it’s now clear that I underestimated and undervalued all that I was doing.

What are some of the ways that I think homeschooling would benefit ds9? It’s pretty much the same as for all of our kids, though the stakes are bigger in his case. It would remove the pressures and limitations of the school environment (eg waking up early before his body is ready, the physical exhaustion from 2.5 hours daily of traveling to and from school, the lower expectations academically and behaviorally) while qualitatively offering him better learning opportunities. Being home would benefit his overall health, with more activity outdoors, better quality foods, and lots more love and emotional support.

When he’s relaxed and rested, he’s naturally a much more enjoyable child to spend time with. (Like every single person on the planet!) On the days he stays home from school his behavior and the quality of our interactions is so much improved. There’s no question in my mind that the person he will grow up to be will be dramatically impacted for the good if we make the decision to homeschool him.

That’s where the bigger stakes come in. Kids in special ed don’t get the same experiences interfacing and participating in the typical world as a child in an inclusive framework (be that homeschooling or inclusive education frameworks). I’m concerned that the older he gets, the more limiting the lack of this interaction will be for him. This isn’t a new concern for me; I’ve shared about it before and it’s something I thought deeply about before putting him into the school framework he’s in.

To be good at something, you need to have experience; the more experience you get, generally the more comfortable you feel and the more skilled you become. How can a child learn to interact effectively and appropriately in a world that he has minimal experience with, when there are different behavioral expectations than what he’s used to?

If that all makes sense, homeschooling doesn’t seem like a hard decision. What is there to think about?

My hesitations are regarding my physical ability to homeschool him. Two and a half years after being rear ended and my car being totaled in an accident, my energy remains very impacted and I still need to rest a lot during the day. So my question has been, even if it would be best for him, do I really have the physical and emotional ability to have a younger child who needs a lot of guidance at home? Even with twenty years of homeschooling behind me, this remains a real concern for me.

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Have you ever made bread every week for an extended period? It was part of your regular schedule so you just did it. But if you stopped for a while, then getting back into doing it again felt hard, right?

That’s kind of how I’m feeling about homeschooling ds9. Though I was managing okay when he was at home, there were a couple of challenges together with my energy level, that led me to seek out school as the better option. Now that he’s in school, I see that the support for those challenges isn’t what I expected and isn’t resulting in a better outcome than what I had, but getting back into homeschooling is a mental hurdle.

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I’ve decided to use this quarantine period as an opportunity for me to enjoy being in a homeschooling framework with our nine year old, without any pressure to make an official decision.

Now, if there was the possibility of homeschooling ds5 along with ds9, homeschooling would be an easy choice. They are close friends and play beautifully together, and with the two of them together, they can constructively occupy themselves so that I don’t need to be the source of entertainment all day long. If you’re wondering what the issue with that is: Two and a half years ago we put in our request to adopt him, but were denied by the bio parents. We waited a couple of years and are now putting in our request again. But for now, technically (not in our hearts) ds5 is a foster child and needs to be in school.

So far we’ve been really enjoying our time at home together. We’ve been starting our days with an outing when my energy levels are higher, and that’s been great.

If you’re wondering how could he be wearing shorts and a tshirt in the middle of January – yes, it’s really that warm!
Ds9, a doting uncle with his 15 month nephew

Later, when I need to take an extended nap midday, I let them watch educational videos without even a drop of guilt, something that I berated myself for doing last year. I’m much kinder to myself now than I was last year, and it’s amazing how much easier and more enjoyable everything feels without self-judgment!

Avivah

How to make apple cider vinegar

food preservation, Healthy Living, Intentional Spending, lacto fermentation

It’s fun when I discover how I can do things on my own that I previously assumed I had to buy or outsource to others, and making my own apple cider vinegar was one of these things!

It is so easy, frugal and healthy, that I can’t believe I didn’t make this until recently.

If you’re preparing apples for something else, you can save the peels and cores to use to make the vinegar. Technically this is called scrap apple vinegar. Since I try to minimize waste, making vinegar out of something destined for the trash (or in my case, the chickens) is a bonus. However, in terms of the final result, I made a batch of scrap apple vinegar and a batch of apple cider vinegar, and didn’t notice much of a difference between the two.

1- Fill a jar at least halfway with chopped apples or apple scraps. The flavor and color of the final product will be affected by what apples you use; it’s all good. I had a bunch of yellow apples that started getting wrinkly, so that’s what I used.

2- Add water to the jar until it’s just about at the top. Technically it’s best to use filtered water but I’ve always made ferments with tap water. The chlorine evaporates when left uncovered or when covered with a cheesecloth.

3 – Add sugar. The official ratio is 1 tablespoon of sugar per cup of water and 1.5 apples. (I’m not so exacting and didn’t find this formula for the ratio until after I had made a few batches, so I can definitively state that it will turn out fine if you use less. I used four teaspoons for each of the large jars you see below.) If you try to avoid eating sugar, don’t worry about it in this case; the fermentation process will eat it up and none will be left in the final product.

4 – Mix, and cover the jar with a cheesecloth to keep anything from getting in. You’ve now just about finished the active part of making apple cider vinegar. Basically you’re going to let it sit on your counter for a few weeks and stir it once daily. (That’s because the pieces will all float to the top, so stirring it will ensure no mold grows on top.)

5 – Let it sit a few weeks. Taste it. Do you like how it tastes? Then strain it and bottle it. Not ready yet? Let it sit another week or two. Refrigerate once ready.

That’s it!

I previously mentioned that I really liked the taste of this. My husband tasted my latest batch when it was still sitting on the counter, waiting to be strained, and he likes it, too, so it’s going fast!

There are lots of ways to use apple cider vinegar to benefit your health. Lots of people have written about it, so I’ll just link to one of them and let you read what they’ve written. šŸ™‚ I can add, though, that one of my kids had dandruff, and when they washed their hair using this apple cider vinegar as a rinse just one time, there wasn’t a speck of dandruff remaining and the hair looked so shiny and healthy afterward.

Avivah

Finding storage space to stock your pantry

Homemaking, Intentional Spending

After my recent post about shopping the grocery sales, I received the following question.

One thing I find particularly difficult, is that since homes are smaller in Israel, storage options sometimes limit me being able to buy the way you suggest. Do you have any tips regarding that? Each person can obviously do the best they can given the space they have. But if you have any specific creative storage options, Iā€™d love to hear them.

I have to clarify that I’m not suggesting you buy massive quantities of foods that you’d need a basement to store, though I can see how my example from my US days about buying six months of grape juice would lead you to that conclusion. (Even that was just four cases of juice, stacked in the corner of my very small storage spot at the time.)

Now, practically speaking about finding space for your pantry. Since living in Israel, I’ve lived in three homes with four different kitchens. All of them had fairly minimal kitchens when we moved in, though when we renovated each of them, I was conscious of adding as much storage space to the room as possible.

I’ll show you pictures of what I was working with so you understand I’m not talking from an ivory tower kichen space! Here’s a link to my last kitchen’s before pictures. And the first kitchen in Israel that I renovated. And below is a before picture of my current kitchen. The entire kitchen was just the dark brown (half rotted) cabinets in the corner where my son was standing; in the foreground are some of the new cabinets before installation.

Okay, so onto some ideas for how to maximize storage space!

1)Declutter! Go through your cabinets and get rid of things that you rarely use that that are taking up your precious kitchen real estate. I realize it can be hard emotionally to let go of things you have, but going through this process will leave you room for your money saving purchases. Things tend to accumulate, so I do this periodically.

2) Look at places that you don’t use efficiently. For example, I tend to not use the space under my sink efficiently. Actually, the deeper bottom cabinets tend to be areas that don’t maximize space. (For that reason, I put drawers or sliding shelves into all of the kitchens I renovated, to make those hard to reach spaces accessible.) Any space that isn’t well organized can be reorganized and I’m often amazed how much less space things take up when they’re reorganized!

Another example: I noticed one of my bottom cabinets has two shelves but there is room for three, so I asked my husband to put adding a third shelf onto his do list. (I asked him to do the same thing with a bedroom closet – he’s a good sport about putting things on his list and I’m a good sport about waiting until he has a chance to get around to them.:))

3) Your storage space doesn’t have to be in the kitchen. In the first kitchen I linked a picture to, I had a small laundry porch adjoining (it wasn’t more than a meter wide by two meters long). One narrow side had the washer, on the opposite narrow wall I put a plastic shelving unit that had three shelves. When I got more produce than I could fit into the fridge, I stored it right there next to the kitchen, with the cool air from the outside helping to keep it fresh. I did the same thing in my next home, though the porch wasn’t adjoining the kitchen.

Really, there’s no reason you can’t store your well-sealed non-perishable foods in whatever room you want, even in an entirely separate storage area! I’ve needed my bedroom spaces for clothing and my independent storage room was converted to my office, but know it’s an option to carve out non-traditional spaces wherever you can if it’s worth it for you.

4) Only store what gives you the most savings. When shopping, consider your space constraints, and buy accordingly. I generally buy the more compact items that are on sale, not huge packages that I don’t have room for.

You will never find me with more than one extra package of toilet paper at the very most. I don’t care how cheap it is, it just takes up too much space to buy more than I need until the next shopping outing. Similarly, I’m not going to stock up on napkins to save thirty agurot (ten cents) a package. They take up too much space, so I’ll buy enough for a couple weeks and that’s it. But I will buy tuna when it’s 30% off. That’s a big savings and cans/vacuum packs are compact enough to store in a small space.

5) Split big purchases with frugal friends. You don’t have to buy that five kilo bag of beans and store it all yourself! Ask friends if they’re interested in splitting a big purchase. You all get savings and none of you are stuck with huge quantities.

How much you buy when something is on sale will depend on your budget and your space available. Even buying two 1 kg bags of rice instead of one will save you money! And that doesn’t take much more room.

I think this is obvious, but it bears repeating to be on the safe side. Don’t buy something you won’t use, even if it’s a really good price. That’s a waste of your money and your space. This reminder has saved me lots of space! (I remind myself of this when canning as well: I don’t want to store food that isn’t something I’m likely to eat, even if I could get it for free. It would take up space that could be used for things that I really want to have.)

So don’t be deterred about buying more than this week’s items when you find a good sale. When there’s a will, there’s a way, and I’m confident you can find some space to use!

Avivah