All posts by Avivah

And let the wall come down – demolition fun for the boys!

Homeschooling, Intentional Spending, Parenting

After weeks of mentally working through lots of details to see if my renovation brainstorm was doable or not, our newest project has begun!

I’ve been thinking and thinking how to increase the size of our main living area. While at 30 meters it’s a nice size for an Israeli apartment, it doesn’t feel especially spacious as our family continues to expand! I’ve had several ideas about how to maximize our  living space but vetoed them because all cost a LOT of money. But my latest idea actually seemed like a real possibility!

Here’s the idea: my younger boys’ room is behind a shared wall with the living room. For a while I’d been thinking of knocking this wall down once my youngest daughter gets married, and then moving the boys into her room. But since she’s only 17 marriage isn’t on the agenda for a while and in any case, that plan would mean I would lose a bedroom, which I really don’t want to do.

But…if I knock down that wall, and then turn the boys room into an open kitchen (and the kitchen into the boys room), the main area gets bigger, we don’t lose a bedroom, and the space becomes used much more efficiently.

The current kitchen is perfectly sized for a bedroom, while the boys bedroom is a large, awkwardly shaped room. It doesn’t have any direct light – all light comes from the enclosed patio off of it that is basically useless for anything other than storage – who wants to walk through a bedroom to get there? By opening up this wall, the light in that room and the air flow in the main area become significantly better.

Turning a bedroom into a kitchen and a kitchen into a bedroom is a big project. The plan is to keep the costs down by hiring out the the skilled work such as plumbing, electricity and laying gas lines, then doing all the rest ourselves. During my researching stage, it seems that just about everyone I mentioned my idea to was skeptical about our do-it-yourself intentions, which would be disheartening if I listened to all of those voices!

I’m going to be reusing the cabinets from the kitchen that we put in three years ago, which are really good quality and I’ve been very happy with them. One big question I have is about using the caeserstone countertops again or not. They were so expensive and would be workable in the new kitchen but I didn’t love how they looked then and after three years still don’t like how they look!  (I’m thinking very seriously of building our own laminate countertops but am concerned about running out of time before I can finish them.)

After all this thinking, the project has begun! The boys moved the set of bookcases that were on the wall I wanted to demolish – the plan was to clear the area so our handy man could take it down, but once it was clear they were disappointed that they weren’t going to ‘get a crack at it’. I then agreed to let them take a few swings at it using the heavy hammers I bought them the day before (I had them remove tiling along the base of the walls to prepare for retiling those areas). After all, doesn’t that sound like a good healthy outlet? (I did go over safety precautions and repeatedly told them ‘safety first’!)

I didn’t think they would make a dent in a concrete block wall. After all, this is physically very strenuous work; professionals would bring it down using a power saw that made strategic cuts in the wall and then a full sized sledgehammer (which my kids would hardly be able to lift, let along swing!)

I went out to do errands and came back an hour later to find two holes in the wall. It was so exciting for them and for me, too! I wish I had been able to get pictures of the entire process.

They kept at it the next day for hour after hour until they had the entire wall down.

Ds9
Ds9 – after this picture was taken they finished taking down the wall to the left

This was far from an easy task! The wall was mostly concrete block but at some point they ran into a huge horizontal pillar of solid concrete reinforced with rebar that spanned the length of the wall. I told them to hold off on knocking it down until I clarified if it was safe to remove it. I had already checked that the wall wasn’t a supporting wall, but what I saw led me to think that this was some kind of structural element.

Ds12 swinging on the final piece of rebar enforced cement
Ds12 swinging on the final piece of rebar enforced cement

I asked our handyman about it and he said it’s structural for the wall itself, not for the building, and safe to remove. Safe, but it was an insane amount of work.

Who did it, you may be wondering? Ds9, ds10, ds12, and ds16 helped out as well. They seriously know how to work, these boys! Not only did they do the demo using only hand held hammers, but they shoveled hundreds of pounds of broken concrete to load the containers for the construction waste removal company to remove. (So far we’re up to six full huge heavy duty ‘bags’ – here in Israel this quantity is known as a balla. It’s a LOT.)

We also decided to take down a small wall that separates the living room from the hallway. That wall creates some privacy but it also cuts off some usable space in the living room and we have a different idea of how to keep the privacy while opening up the space. That wall was a much easier job, since it was drywall.

Ds10 pounding a hole into the drywall
Ds10 pounding a hole into the drywall
Ds6 getting into the action!
Ds6 getting into the action, banging away at the wall!

This has been an empowering and enjoyable project for the boys, albeit exhausting! There’s something about doing a significant task and really putting yourself into it that builds up a child (and an adult, too!).

Avivah

 

How to get kids to eat beans

Homemaking, Intentional Spending, Parenting

Whenever I post a weekly menu plan, there’s always someone who asks (and lot more people who are thinking!), ‘how do you get your kids to eat beans?? My kids would never touch that!”

Here are some tips that work for us:

a) When I add in ‘special’ or protein elements to a bean dish, that adds to the appeal. Hence a lentil salad would be ‘meh’, but when feta cheese is chopped up into the same salad it will be greeted with ‘yum!’ Chickpeas cooked with vegetables is kind of boring, but with a peanut sauce mixed in, much more appealing! Same thing with the burritos – by adding a little bit of shredded cheese to some beans and rice, it gets a significantly more positive reception.

b) The form the beans are served with also matters – bean stews are seen as blah by my kids, but if I make the same mixture into a burger or loaf, it gets gobbled up.

c) I usually add meat or chicken gravy or stock into the bean dishes that I cook to add a rich depth of flavor to the dish. I always save the gravy from roasted chicken for this purpose.

d) It’s not enough to make the bean dish look and taste good if you have the attitude that your kids will probably hate it! They pick up on that and respond accordingly.

Realize that beans are a kind of boring food – they don’t have much flavor on their own and need to be seasoned well. It’s also CRITICAL that they are cooked until completely soft. It is yuck to eat beans that are underdone and even a tiny bit of a crunch to them or even that mealy texture when they’re just cooked but not really soft!

There’s no way to get kids used to eating any kind of food without giving them opportunities to have them!  If one attempt isn’t successful, it doesn’t mean they’ll hate all beans – it means you need to find a different recipe!  My kids have grown up eating bean dishes and as a result, even without integrating any of the tips above, will eat them willingly. I can’t tell you they wouldn’t prefer hamburgers (so would I!) but beans are a staple in our pantry.

Avivah

Menu Plan – week of the Nine Days

Intentional Spending, menu plans,

I was woken up by an early morning phone call by a friend inviting me to take a walk, and since Rafael also woke up from the ringing of the phone, I decided to take her up on it. I popped him into the stroller, had a pleasant morning walk, and then after getting home, made breakfast for everyone and by 9:30 am was able to sit down to plan the menu for the coming week.

There are weeks that I don’t plan my menu in advance, and though things always run more smoothly when I do, when it comes to the Nine Days things don’t go well at all if I don’t pre-plan. That’s because some of my quickie meals like baked chicken aren’t an option to fall back on this week, and vegetarian themed meals take more planning.

At least half of our meals during the week usually include chicken, so completely meatless meals are a significant shift for us.

Here’s our plan for the coming week.

Sunday: lunch – oat walnut burgers; dinner – vegetarian stuffed potatoes (toppings: sauteed onions and garlic, black beans, diced tomatoes, shredded cheese, sour cream)

Monday: l – lemony lentil salad with feta cheese; d – falafel, yogurt

Tuesday: l – tuna patties, potatoes; d – sweet potato chili, cornbread (gluten free)

Wednesday: l – tuna pasta salad (I make two versions – one has rice noodles for those who are gluten free); d – chickpea pot pie (will post recipe in a day or so)

Thursday: l – bean/rice/cheese burritos (I plan to have the kids make the tortillas since they enjoy that kind of thing); d – chickpea peanut stew

I currently have three large pans soaking: one filled with lentils, one with red beans, and one with chickpeas. Every couple of weeks I soak and cook a large amount of two or three kinds of legumes and pop them in the freezer in meal sized portions that can then be easily defrosted for quick use.

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On a different note, for the first time in a long time I made yogurt! My kids like having yogurt for Shabbos breakfast (along with cornflakes, granola and milk) and when I saw 2 liter containers of milk for 6.90, decided to do some yogurt making. Since I hadn’t made it in so long, I wasn’t sure how it would turn out. In fact when I froze part of the large batch that I made, I learned that it’s not something to do in the future – it completely changed the consistency!

I simplified the instructions I posted years ago in How to Make Yogurt. I used one small container of yogurt for the starter for four liters of milk, then covered the heated pot of milk with starter well and left it on the counter overnight. (Look at that post for details of the process so that these changes will make sense.) That was it! Since the weather is warm, there was no need to put it in the dehydrator or cooler to keep it warm.

Speaking of the dehydrator, that’s something else we’ve pulled out for the first time in years! I took it out with the intent to dehydrate chicken for my daughter and son-in-law to take on their two month trip to Thailand (they left this past week). Unfortunately, the fuse for the transformer blew right before I started and I couldn’t get to the store to buy a new fuse in time to prepare the chicken for them.

I bought a bunch of nectarines on sale and some were starting to get soft; I told the kids they could use those along with some overripe mangos to make breakfast shakes which they very happily did. Since the dehydrator was already out, ds12 then asked me if he could make fruit leather. I told him to go ahead and blend up the fruit, then spread it smoothly on the silicon sheets and put it in the dehydrator. He made a delicious batch of fruit leather with it – it’s so empowering for kids to see that they can make things like this on their own!

In other news, I’m planning an ambitious home renovation project. I’ve been thinking about how to do it frugally (of course!) and with minimum disruption to our family.  Thinking about all the pieces of this project has taken a huge amount of head space but I’m bit by bit putting the mental pieces together. We plan to begin the day after Tisha B’v, in just one week. More about what I want to do and why in another post!

Avivah

Why do I want my son to attend gan safa?

Homeschooling, Parenting, Trisomy 21

First of all, the exciting news is in – Yirmi has officially been accepted to gan safa!

“Do you mind sharing a little bit more about how and why you decided to put Yirmi into the school system and not to homeschool him at this point?”

When it comes to homeschooling, there’s what I want to do and then there’s what I  actually do. If the two lined up, Yirmi would continue homeschooling.

There are two things that currently concern me: 1) acquisition of Hebrew language and 2) acquisition of friends.

I live in RBS, the largest English speaking community in Israel. It has some wonderful unique features that make living here a pleasure; the flip side is that as a homeschooler Hebrew is something I need to work to expose my kids to, and I’m not finding this easy to do. The most effective way to learn Hebrew is by being in a Hebrew speaking environment and having Hebrew speaking peers. I’m not providing that.

Secondly, though Yirmi enjoys playing with his brothers and their friends who come over on most days, he doesn’t regularly play with friends his age. This isn’t because there is a lack of kids around or because he doesn’t play appropriately (he does), but because I don’t get him out in the afternoons. I’m not regularly setting up the playdates that mothers have invited him to, I’m not getting out to the park  – while I’m not beating myself up for this, I’m being honest about my limitations because our kids need us to be honest about what we can really do, and to find alternatives if we can’t do it.

After years of being the mom who took her kids everywhere, who took her kids to the friends they were invited to (since most mothers would rather invite kids over than go out), who after moving to Israel took her kids to the park daily for years… I’m tired. And while I’d like to have more energy to take him out daily, I don’t.

“Can you share why you prefer gan safa to special ed?”

While gan safa is officially part of the special ed framework, in my area it is filled with typical kids who have language challenges of some sort.  (It’s not coincidental that our sizeable English speaking population has a high number of kids in gan safa – in other areas I’ve been told that gan safa is filled with kids with significantly more learning challenges.)  Kids who are cognitively more limited are put into a different gan system (gan ‘pigur’); kids with autism are put into yet a different system (gan tikshoret).

I’d like Yirmi to participate in an inclusive environment as much as possible. With the law that just passed here in Israel, I don’t know if it will be realistic anymore once he gets into grade school.  It will unquestionably be much, much more difficult than it has been for kids with special needs until now, and it hasn’t been a walk in the park for any of them even with favorable laws to work with. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. But at least for now, he can benefit from a mainstream environment.

I’ve been asked why I don’t want to put him into the typical gan classroom. Going into school will be a huge transition. When taking into account not yet speaking Hebrew and having expressive language delays, it would be overwhelming for Yirmi to be in a class of 35 kids. I think all kids benefit from being in a smaller class environment, and gan safa is usually a class of about 12 kids with three teachers. Honestly, I think all kids would do best in an environment as supportive as this, but certainly it sounds like the best fit for him at this time, when taking into account the various options.

I don’t have any information on the specifics of the gan yet, but hopefully this will be a wonderful new experience for Yirmi!

Avivah

 

 

Becoming the squeaky wheel for the sake of my child

Parenting, Trisomy 21

It’s a busy 3 week period for our family – a new grandchild, my oldest son’s first anniversary, my son turning 16, our 26th anniversary, today Yirmi turned 6 and in two days my oldest will turn 25!

I started the morning by getting the super good news that Yirmi was accepted to gan safa (kindergarten with a language focus). (I mentioned a month ago that I had a lot of conflict about this decision and have gone back and forth for months about if I really want to put him into the school system. I decided that if he was accepted, it would be beneficial for him.) It’s been a couple of months since I met with the committee; I called several weeks ago to verify his placement and was told he probably would be placed in gan safa. But, she added, call again in a week to confirm.

So I tried to call again. And again. And again. This office is notoriously difficult to get hold of. Yesterday someone answered and told me to call the secretary of the person in charge of placements. I called her repeatedly. It went to voicemail every time.

So this morning when the head of the health clinic asked what was happening and offered to call using the personal cell number of the person I was trying to reach, I was happy to accede to her offer! And very delighted when I got the good news that he has been accepted and things are in place for him academically for the coming year.

Why, I wondered to myself, was I so worried? ‘You see, Avivah,’ I said to myself, ‘everything doesn’t have to be so hard. You were worried for nothing.’

Several hours later I got a call from someone from the office of special education in the city who after spitting out her name rapid fire, wanted to know where my children attend school. When I told her they were homeschooled, she asked about our religious affiliation. I told her I wanted to know her reasons for asking before sharing any of that information. She refused and after I refused again, she told me it’s about Yirmi’s kindergarten (gan) placement.

I knew it.

Call me paranoid, but telling them my religious affiliation was a trap that I wasn’t falling for. Here’s why. If I tell them that we’re charedi, they’ll tell me no charedi gan safa will take children with Down syndrome. If I tell them that we’re dati leumi, they’ll tell me they’re full and don’t have room, or that the dati leumi schools won’t accept him since we’re charedi (they already tried this tact in our face to face discussion).

So I told her we’re in the middle and either choice would be fine for us, that what matters most to me is that he’s in a framework that appropriately meets his needs. She really wasn’t happy with my answer.

She asked for the name of the school that my high schooler attends, the better to pin a religious label on us. I couldn’t help but laugh at the perplexed silence following my answer, because it’s a middle of the road school and it didn’t help her put us in the box. “Oh, so you really are in the middle”, she responded slowly.

So much for my happiness and relief of the morning to know his school placement had been finalized. No, she said very definitively, Yirmi absolutely hasn’t been placed in gan safa and no one was authorized to tell anyone about his placement and don’t you know all the classes are full already? And lest you think I can’t hear between the lines, it means too full for a child with T21.  Their lack of space really isn’t a compelling argument to me, since I gave in my application very early (ie before most other parents). While this year there are honestly a larger than usual number of applicants to gan safa, ‘lack of space’ simply means they’re giving the spaces to kids they view as highest priority.

It would be really nice to feel that those in charge of making these educational decisions care about my child.  I don’t have that confidence. After all, they’ve never seen him. (Knowing that putting him in an inclusive school environment means that I’ll be spending the next 13 or so years of my life fighting for his basic educational needs to be met has been a huge part of my conflict about putting Yirmi into the school system versus continuing to homeschool him. Maybe, I’ve wondered, I should save my energy to spend on educating him myself and we’ll all come out ahead?) I suspect their decisions are mostly about funding.

I don’t like to use my energy in a negative way and I’d really prefer not to expend so much energy in advocacy, but it’s all about being the squeaky wheel if you’re a parent of a child with special needs – unless you want to put him in the special ed framework. And things just got a lot harder today, when a law passed in Israel that removes additional funding for a child with special needs who is in an inclusive educational framework; they will now get the same funding as any other student.

(Here’s how that works and why it is so damaging – a child can be successfully included when he receives extra supports to be successful in the mainstream classroom. Take away the extra supports and he will fall behind and will then have to be placed in a special ed setting. Where his school will then receive full funding for him.)

On a more positive note, today we were offered a slot for a new speech therapist to work with Yirmi. (The first therapist didn’t feel she was making progress with him and that he’d do better with a therapist who had more experience working with children with T21. He was then put on the waiting list for the more experienced therapist.) When I say we were offered a slot, that sounds rather magical, doesn’t it? What it actually means is that I repeatedly approached them and told them it wasn’t acceptable for an extended period to go by while we waited for his name to reach the top of the priority list again.) I did again this morning when the director was there, and she pushed him to the top of the list right then. The squeaky wheel gets greased.

On another lovely note, we celebrated Yirmi’s sixth birthday with a barbeque dinner with family and friends. (After closely observing ds9’s birthday party, he was very clear about what he wanted! He requested a specific menu and went in person to invite a couple of neighbors to attend.)

He’s growing up so much. There have been concerns over the years that have disappeared, and others that I still have that I need to remind myself to take a long term view on and not get uptight about. And even more than that, not to blame myself for not having done more (because that’s the road I go down…) – like that he’s not reading yet because I wasn’t consistent enough. (The irony is that the two brothers ahead of him are both very late readers and I never had this guilt with them!)

I often marvel at Yirmi’s depth of sensitivity to the feelings of others and love seeing his full-hearted acceptance and love of those who are in his life. He loves learning and is always ready to go on an outing or have a new experience. He’s a great kid and continues to enrich our family!

Avivah

 

Pictures of my new granddaughter

Parenting

It’s taken a while to get these pictures up of our new granddaughter to share, but I finally have some!

I pasted in a picture last week but was notified by my married children that it’s not showing up. Sorry about that – it wasn’t intended to be a teaser! (It shows up fine for me.) I’ll make up for it now by sharing a few pictures!

Here are a couple of pictures from my first meeting with my new granddaughter, the day after she was born.

yael and a 2 y and a 1

When the baby was a week and a half old, I took four of the younger boys to meet her. (At this point, only ds16 and ds1.5 haven’t yet met her; the older kids all went to the hospital to visit.)

Ds12 with his new niece
Ds12 with his new niece
Ds9 and his niece
Ds9 and his niece
Ds10 with niece, with ds5 in the background wondering when he'll get a turn!
Ds10 with niece, with ds5 in the background wondering when he’ll get a turn!

And now, bliss! Yirmi finally gets to hold his new niece!

Finally, his turn! Ds5, a proud new uncle!
Ds5, a proud new uncle!

She slept through all the transfers from one person to another. That newborn stage of deep sleep doesn’t usually last too long!

For those of you have been reading this blog for a while, you remember my referencing of the littles, the middles and the bigs? The ‘littles’ were the third group of three children born close together in our family, and they’ve grown up while I’ve been blogging these last (almost) 12 years!  Sometimes I look at them and wonder when they got so big.

Me with the 'littles' and our newest addition
Me with the ‘littles’ and our newest addition

I don’t have any insights on being a grandmother yet, sorry! It’s interesting to hold a newborn who is related to me, and yet not be responsible for her care. What is really beautiful is to watch my son and his wife shift from being a couple to being a family.

Avivah

My significant life changing purchase – a car!

Homemaking, Homeschooling, Intentional Spending, Parenting, Self-Growth

Thank you all for your good wishes on our new granddaughter! She was named yesterday and I’m looking forward to taking the younger boys to meet her later this week.

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In other significant for us news, we have become car owners!

When we moved to Israel almost seven years ago, we decided not to buy a vehicle because buying, maintaining and fueling a car here is so much more expensive than in the US. Public transportation is very good and a car seemed like an unnecessary luxury, particularly when we came here without a job and wanted to stretch our savings as long as possible.

It was a good decision then that really made sense,  and for the ensuing six years it continued to be a good choice. We felt comfortable not having a car, there was no sense of deprivation or doing without – in fact, it was a relief to me not to have to deal with a car.

However, this last year and particularly the last few months (since both of my older daughters got married) have become increasingly challenging for me. Since my five year old doesn’t consistently walk moderate distances when he’s tired and as of last July I refused to put him in a stroller, traveling by bus with him is something that I try to minimize. Without older children who can keep an eye on the younger ones when I go out, just getting the weekly grocery shopping done has become a pressure and that’s where my ‘free’ time goes.

I was increasingly feeling maxxed out with the little time for myself needing to be almost painfully carved out, and the time strain that was being created was significant. A couple of months ago, someone asked why this was an issue for me, since after all, I’ve been homeschooling for 18 years and was used to my kids being around. I told her, “I used to have a car and I could take the kids with me if I needed to go out; I wasn’t stuck and unable to go anywhere.” However, I didn’t consider the significance of my answer to her until last week.

That was when I recalled our brief conversation and it suddenly became obvious to me that this major issue that has significantly impacted the quality of my life would be shifted if I had a car.  Previously, I kept thinking that the issue would be resolved as my son became more mobile; car ownership was so off my mental map that it simply didn’t occur to me to revisit the initial decision we made when we moved here.

Well.

That conversation was suddenly catapulted to the front of my consciousness when I saw a car listed for sale on my local neighborhood list that seemed like it would be a good fit for us. I spent a couple of hours considering if it was ridiculously self-indulgent of me to have a car before calling my husband to let him know I thought we should seriously consider purchasing a car. My husband readily agreed since he had already mentioned several times in the past that at some point he wanted to get a car but I was the naysayer. (When we ran the numbers to check the anticipated expenses, his only question was, “Why didn’t we do this a long time ago?”)

Once I allowed myself to recognize how much having a car would shift this major energy block in my life, things moved very quickly. We bought a car the very next day.

I can say without exaggeration that after using it for just a few hours this afternoon and evening (and knowing this is something I can regularly do) my life has changed. No hyperbole.

This afternoon I was able to pop my tired five year old into the car and take him with me and ds9 on an errand. This errand is something I’ve wanted to do for almost three months but logistically it was too hard to do without a car.

So we zipped over to get it taken care of – in ten minutes it was done. The boys enjoyed watching the workmen cut down the mirror and reframe it, an experience they wouldn’t have had before since I would have left them at home. I’ve always loved having the kids be part of those daily experiences – each on its own is nothing major but they add up to enriching and expansive experiences.

Since we had plenty of time before swimming lessons began, we went to go the local community center to get ds5 a bus card with his photo on it. This errand has been on my list for months. He’s almost six and I wanted to get him one since he turned five. Now he has one!

We then noticed some activities taking place in the community center, which I learned were for families who have children with special needs. Maybe I never knew about this, maybe I was told about this and mentally dismissed it as completely irrelevant for us because getting out was just too hard.

In any case, today we joined them. It was so nice to watch ds5 play (he knew another child there from his Pesach camp), to chat with another mom, and to feel so relaxed. Relaxing and going out with my five year old haven’t been synonymous for me for quite some time.

From there we went to swimming lessons, and the biggest, most significant thing happened when the lessons were over.

We were home in five minutes.

Five minutes.

Instead of 45 minutes.

Instead of coaxing him to walk a little more. Instead of tugging at his hand and picking him up and then insisting that I can’t carry him and he’s going to have to walk, yada, yada, yada while he sits down and from sheer exhaustion refuses to move. Then finally getting to the bus stop, getting on the bus, and after getting off coaxing him again to walk the distance from the bus stop to our home. All over again.

We were home and I was still smiling and ds5 was still smiling and ds9 (who has lessons at the same time and is part of this weekly round trip experience) was still smiling. I had energy to give everyone dinner.  My husband probably did a double take when he walked in and wondered if it was really Sunday since I smiled and had a conversation with him with no mention of being so tired that I was about to collapse. Instead I enthusiastically told him how amazingly enjoyable ds5 is to spend time with when I don’t have to marshal all my resources to physically get him where he needs to go.

At 8:30 in the evening, rather than being comatose on the couch, I took ds12 to his swimming lessons (for the first time this season), and enjoyed watching him for 45 minutes before driving home together. (Today I learned that my two sons in group lessons are the best swimmers in their groups. They wouldn’t have told me because they don’t know that when they’re swimming and can’t hear what’s being said, the instructor tells the other students to watch what they’re doing. I wouldn’t have known that if I hadn’t been there in person to see it.) It was really nice having this opportunity to spend time with ds12 and make a deposit in my relationship with him.

And here I am writing this now. It is almost 11:30 at night and I’m still able to think and reflect. The clarity of how deeply exhausting this aspect of my life has become after just one afternoon of not having to go through it is almost stunning to me.

Today I got things done quickly and easily. And that was nice. But what was even nicer was feeling doors swinging open. Doors of increased outings with my kids, increased time freedom and flexibility, increased community involvement and social connection, increased being present for others and myself.  And none of it feels hard. 

Letting go of hard required me to first be really honest about how constraining things had become. When things shift gradually over time, there’s not a sudden negative situation to deal with – and that makes it harder to recognize because one gets used to it bit by bit.  I started to recognize how many ‘nos’ I was saying to myself – and was willing to be open to a solution from a different angle.

It’s interesting that when ds19 called and I told him we had just bought a car a few hours before, he wasn’t surprised. Since I had never entertained the idea myself until a day prior, obviously I hadn’t discussed the possibility with our children and I asked him why he told me the purchase was predictable. He said that in the last year when I’ve periodically rented a car, it was obvious to him how much more relaxed and happy I was.

What was obvious to him took a lot of soul searching for me!

Avivah

Announcing the newest Werner!

Uncategorized

This morning, our son and his wife had a gorgeous baby girl!

When I told our nine and ten year old sons that the baby had been born, they excitedly asked, “A boy or a girl?” When I said a girl, they both had a similar look of disbelief and said, “A girl??” As if, how did that happen?!?

That’s what happens when you are one of six boys in a row, it kind of skews your perspective. 🙂

I look forward to meeting her in person hopefully tomorrow.

I’m telling you, our kids grow up SO fast! And along with them, so do we. Me, a grandmother? I’ll  need some time to mentally adjust to that!

Avivah

Dsicussing palate expansion for Yirmi with orthodontist

dental health, Healthy Living, Trisomy 21

When Yirmi was born and we were told his Trisomy 21 diagnosis, my mind was flooded with thoughts. It was in the first couple of hours that I thought about a study I had read about regarding Weston Price who did a palate expansion with a teen who had Down syndrome. This teen was very cognitively limited, and the expansion created dramatic changes for him.

How could something that seems so minor make such a big difference? Since the center third of the face of those with T21 doesn’t grow properly, it compresses all the major head glands. This specifically can prevent the proper functioning of the pituitary gland and all its hormones, which has many, many consequences.

Yirmi was also born with a very high and narrow palate. I addressed my concerns about this holistically from the time he was four months old, taking him for weekly cranial sacral adjustments and requesting work specifically on his face and inside his mouth. I stopped those appointments about the time he was three, around the time we moved to RBS, since I didn’t find someone I was comfortable continuing treatment with.

For almost six years, from that first night I was sitting in the waiting room processing our surprise birth diagnosis, I’ve been thinking about palate expansion. But I’ve delayed a visit with an orthodontist because frankly, not only is it a significant expense, it’s very tiring to have to advocate and explain all the time. I learned of one orthotropist in Tel Aviv and considered making an appointment with him, but decided to try my luck with local orthodontists first.

For several weeks, my to-do list included calling to schedule a consultation. Every single day, for weeks. And every day, I’d push it off. I finally made the call a few weeks ago and the night before our consultation, I emailed a list of links to studies and research that had been done regarding palate expansion and children with T21, with a request for the orthodontist to look at it so we could discuss it when we came in.

I had this funny feeling when I walked in to the office that everyone knew who I was, and not because they read my blog! I was definitely wondering if my email had been discussed among the staff. When I left, one secretary commented to me, “Good job with that email!”

I was impressed with the orthodontist, who told me he had read everything I sent him, and was ready and willing to discuss it all with me. He wanted to ascertain that I understood that not every child is going to experience every single benefit, which I know. I told him my specific hopes for Yirmi having the expansion, and he said that all of those were reasonable.

The good news is he’s agreed that Yirmi is a good candidate for palate expansion, despite his young age. (Palate expansion is usually recommended for a later age, but for the above reasons I feel he’d benefit by having it done as soon as possible). We’ll need to wait a little  longer until his molars are a bit bigger, so the device will be able to be anchored to them.

I was reflecting afterwards about how I created tension for myself, just by telling myself how difficult it was going to be to find an orthodontist to agree to work with us. Don’t we all do that, so often? It really couldn’t have been a more pleasant and positive meeting. I hope that when we’re ready to do the molds that everything continues to go well. But for now, the first big step forward in this direction has been taken, and I’m so relieved and grateful!

Avivah

Edited to add: I linked to this in the comments but am linking here so you can easily access this summary of the benefits and some other information put together by Dr. Erica Peirson.

Chicken a la King – recipe

recipes

This is a quick and simple recipe that my family enjoys.

Chicken a la King

  • 2 medium onions, minced
  • 2 celery stalks, diced
  • 1.5 lb chicken breast, cut into 1″ pieces
  • 1 1/2 c. water
  • 1/2 t. pepper
  • 1 t. salt
  • 1/2 c. uncooked rice
  • 1/2 lb. frozen peas

Saute the onions until golden. Add celery and chicken, saute for fifteen minutes. Add water and spices and bring to a boil. Add rice, and cook for 15 – 20 minutes. Add frozen peas and cook for two minutes.

Enjoy!

 

Avivah