Category Archives: Pesach

Recovering from Pesach and recognizing what didn’t work for me

Pesach, Self-Growth

“How was your Pesach?”, I asked a friend a couple of days after the holiday ended, when we bumped into one another out shopping.

With a weary look, she replied, “Chag mitbach.” (The holiday of the kitchen.)

That succinctly sums up my experience. I went through cases of meat, chicken and vegetables, and who got to prepare almost all of it? Me.

Pesach was beautiful. We had two married sons for the first part of the holiday, along with my mother for the first two days, and my mother-in-law and sister-in-law for the entire holiday. We made a second seder and second day holiday meals for them on both ends of the holiday.

My oldest son came with his family for part of chol hamoed, and then two married daughters came for the end of the holiday.

It was full, full, full of family and connection. Our newly renovated kitchen and living room very much enhanced the enjoyment of everyone being together, without feeling constricted. It was lovely.

It was also a huge amount of work.

With close to twenty people for every meal for a week and a half (we have a holiday meal each day of chol hamoed), it meant a lot of time spent daily preparing food for everyone while taking care of my children and trying to spend time with my grandchildren.

In order to accomplish what I needed to, I got up between 4 – 4:30 am the three days before Pesach so that I could make headway before the kids were awake. All other days except the first and last day of Pesach, I began at 6, with one late morning beginning at 7 am. I spent the next six to eight hours in the kitchen cooking while taking care of the kids.

Since I began eating carnivore, it’s been over a year since I had any lower back pain, but for several days my back was letting me know I was doing too much.

I enjoy cooking, I’m fast, efficient and organized – but it was a lot. I’m thinking about what I can do differently for the future to be able to spend more time with the people who are here, rather than spending time taking care of their needs. I’ve spoken to a few people who are at or past this stage in life to get suggestions from them. They all told me that it’s an impossible amount of work and I must have help from other people. The question is what to do to get help.

Obviously it’s on me to communicate my needs more effectively and ask for more help. At the same time, I have to accept that even with good communication, the help may fall short of what is needed.

I asked several of our married children for feedback on how we could make this more workable.

One daughter and daughter-in-law suggested asking people to bring their own sheets and to make their own beds. The teens set up all the guest rooms so having each couple keep a set of sheets for their use here will significantly cut down on the work the boys do to get ready. I had close to twenty sets of linen to wash after the holiday just from guests (not including our immediate nine family members), and I’m still working through that laundry!

Another daughter said it’s easier for people to work in their own kitchens than help out in someone else’s kitchen, and I could ask them to each bring some prepared food to contribute. I’m a bit reluctant on that front. Most of our married children are coming by bus, and already shlepping a lot of things with them. I don’t want them to have even more things to load them down.

I’ve realized that for me, the work is the secondary issue. When we had guests who were around when I was working, even if they couldn’t actively help out because they were taking care of their children, I didn’t feel any frustration at all. It felt much different than when someone showed up right before the meal. I recognize that I feel unappreciated and taken for granted when people are only around during the meal, and this is the bigger issue for me than the work itself.

My day to day life is so full and with the holiday being non stop work, a week later I still feel depleted. The more a person gives, the more they need to replenish themselves, and I am aware that my self-nurturing input is way out of proportion to my caring for others output. I need to rebalance that, but it takes emotional energy to make the effort to do more self-care. For today, I’m going to get information about local yoga classes and a retreat for mothers in the summer, and take a nap later in the morning.

Avivah

Homemade matbucha/tomato sauce

Pesach, recipes

A couple of nights ago I made a sixteen liter pot of matbucha, and it was only the next day that I realized what a perfect idea it was for Pesach!

I decided to make a large batch after seeing that the six kilos of matbucha we made for the first two days of the holiday were completely finished.

This is a wonderfully versatile dish. Having prepared it at night, it was ready first thing the next day when everyone was ready for breakfast, and we were able to quickly prepare shakshuka. (Shakshuka – heat a good amount of matbucha/tomato sauce in a frying pan, and when it’s hot, make several indentations in the sauce, dropping an egg into each indentation. Let them poach just a few minutes until set, and then serve.)

Matbucha can also be used as a dip, or as a sauce for meat, chicken or fish. My oldest son arrived with his family in time to overlap with my two married sons who were here for the first days, so we had a nice crowd for dinner. I served matbucha for a dinner accompaniment. (Dinner was fennel salad, tomato salad, marinated carrots and kohlrabi, matbucha, onion pie, sweet potatoes and potatoes, and meat.)

I don’t have an exact recipe, but I always use the same vegetables. You can adjust for more or less of all of the vegetables and it will come out great!

I started with ten huge onions, and chopped and sauteed them all in oil. Then I minced about fifteen cloves of garlic and added them to the pot. I added eight green peppers, chopped. Once they were all sauteed, I added the chopped tomatoes – I used two cases of tomatoes. (I had a lot and wanted to use them while they were in perfect condition.) That simmered on the stove for a couple of hours before I added some tomato paste to thicken it. Finally, I added salt and pepper, and it was done. (Usually I add more spices but this was excellent as it was.)

Since this is so versatile, I’ll be able to use it during the coming week for various meals. It defrosts well, so I froze several containers of it in addition to what I refrigerated for more immediate use.

Avivah

Pesach kugel recipes

Pesach, recipes

Here are recipes for several of the kugels I made for the first days of Pesach. I didn’t include my potato kugel recipe since I don’t have measurements, but hopefully you’ll enjoy the others.

Onion Kugel

  • 6 onions, sliced
  • 1 c. water
  • 1/2 c. oil
  • 5 eggs
  • 1/2 c. potato starch
  • 1 t. salt
  • 1/2 t. pepper

Mix everything together, bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit/180 Celcius for 1 hour.

***I made this a second time and forgot to add the oil, and discovered that without the oil, this recipe turns into onion pie, with the potato starch and water combining and sinking to the bottom to create a crust. It’s also good!

Butternut Squash Kugel

  • 2 medium butternut squash, baked
  • 3/4 c. potato starch
  • 1/2 c. oil
  • 3 eggs
  • 1/2 t. salt

Blend up or mix thoroughly all of the ingredients, pour into greased pans. Prepare crunch topping.

Crunch Topping:

  • 1/3 c. potato starch
  • 1/2 c. ground nuts (I used walnuts)
  • 1/4 c. oil
  • 1 t. cinnamon
  • 1/4 c. sugar/honey

Mix, bake at 350 Fahrenheit/180 Celcius for 20 minutes. Let cool somewhat, crumble and spread on top of butternut squash mixture in pans. Bake the kugels ag 350 F/180 C until firm (up to an hour if using 9×13 pan).

Vegetable Kugel

  • 2 large onions, diced
  • 4 stalks celery, diced
  • 2 peppers, diced
  • 4 carrots, shredded
  • 8 potatoes, shredded
  • 8 eggs
  • 3 t. salt
  • pepper

Saute all vegetables except for potatoes. After sauteed, add remaining ingredients. Bake at 350 F/180 C for 45 – 60 minutes.

Avivah

Pesach preparations and menu plan

menu plans, Micro Homesteading, Pesach

My mother-in-law and sister-in-law arrived last night from the United States, along with two of my married sons and grandchildren. My mom lives locally and will be coming this afternoon to stay with us for Shabbos and the first day of Pesach – thank G-d, the house is full!

Everyone who has come so far has been very impressed by all of the changes we’ve made to our house. I really love it! The kitchen is a pleasure to work in; even with lots of people around I don’t feel crowded and there’s space for others to work alongside me without anyone getting in anyone else’s space. I’ve been exclaiming a few times a day, “Have I said how much I love this kitchen!?!” – and then I describe another benefit that I’ve noticed.

It’s really wonderful and though I’ve always appreciated the spaciousness of my home and outdoor space, I’ve never especially liked the main area of my home, and now love how it feels.

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Since there’s so much to do and I have four children who need a lot of interaction and supervision during their waking hours, I’ve gotten up around 4:30 am the last three mornings to get things done. I’m taking a quick break now to share my Pesach menu for the first two days of the holiday with you before they wake up. Usually I write down my holiday lists, but then am so busy I don’t have time to post it and then what’s the point of posting after the holiday? So here you go!

Today – Friday – for breakfast- shakshuka; lunch – beef borscht soup, baked potato knishes

It’s really important to keep everyone well fed in the midst of my cooking marathons. When everyone has food, everyone is much calmer and happier.

For the holiday:

Fish – tilapia, salmon

Soup – chicken

Dips – matbucha (6 kg), mock liver (2 kg), homemade mayonnaise

Salads – tomato onion, Israeli, lemony dill carrot, marinated kohlrabi and carrots, fennel and orange

Sides – butternut squash kugel (2 loaf pans), onion kugel (4 loaf pans), vegetable kugel (2 – 9×13), potato kugel (3 – 9×13), potato squash saute, sweet potato carrot bake

Mains – roast meat, baked chicken

Desserts – walnut chocolate chip bars, macaroons

My house is overflowing with fresh produce and it looks excessive to see the cases stacked up, but I know how fast it all goes with so many people eating three meals a day. I used 25 kilos of potatoes the first day and a half, before Pesach even started. My son told me that doesn’t make sense, but that’s actually what we used so far. That includes the baked potato knishes for lunch today, but doesn’t include anything for the holiday yet.

I wasn’t able to find cocoa in the stores, and a staple dessert that I make on Pesach is brownies. I haven’t yet decided what to make as the cake for my nineteen year old’s birthday circle the first day of Pesach; I might use the blondies. The dessert isn’t really the main point, the birthday circle is, and it’s always nice to have more family members to share in the circle.

I’m planning to double the kugels and freeze half for the last part of Pesach, and I’m doing the same with the marinated salads that will stay fresh in the fridge for the week. Cook once, eat twice. 🙂 Edited to add: that was a nice sentiment, but we went through everything listed above in the first two days of Shabbos/Pesach, even what I thought would be put into the freezer for the end of Pesach.

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There’s so much to do and so much of that isn’t seen – the endless loads of laundry this entire week, hanging, folding, putting away. Shopping for clothing for everyone. Buying and putting away all of the food. Cooking all of the food. Cleaning for Pesach. Taking care of the younger kids. Giving them all haircuts. But even if these aren’t consciously noticed, these things all contribute to a nice environment for everyone.

I have a cabinet where I put all of the items needing sewing repairs, and this week I fixed most of those. For today I have a couple of new pairs of suit pants to hem.

This year we had all of the renovations on top of everything else and I made seemingly endless trips to the hardware store. The kitchen backsplash is now tiled, though not yet grouted. The floor in the old kitchen area where the plumbing was has been tiled.

On the mini homestead front, I sold a lot of chicks last week. I give ds17 and ds15 the profits remaining after paying for the chick feed since they do all of the incubating and caring for the new chicks. They thought I should keep part of the money, but I consider the chickens we keep as my payment. We started incubating a new batch of Brahma eggs that will be ready after Pesach. Seeing all of those new chicks caused a number of our hens to go broody (to want to hatch their own eggs); we now have six broody hens sitting together on one batch of eggs; it will be interesting when the chicks hatch to see how they coparent!

I previously held back two roosters when we processed all of our roosters, but it turns out that one chicken that we thought was a hen has revealed himself as a rooster. I decided that one rooster for the main flock is enough, so I sold two roosters earlier this week. It’s not worth it for us to take two chickens for shechita and I didn’t want all of the extra work processing them right now. The people who bought them are very happy and two days later called me wanting more. Now I have a good way to sell all of my roosters in the future that we don’t want, which is very nice.

This week we brought in a male goat for breeding purposes but he wasn’t letting my does eat and the older doe kept looking at me from a distance and bleating at me to help her. The first morning I took the other goats out to graze when he was on the other side of the pen; I didn’t think that would be an issue since they weren’t a bonded group. He charged at the door of the pen and began breaking it open. That was frightening for me since I was on the other side of the door. It was six am but I quickly woke up my husband and son so they could help me since I was in over my head dealing with him.

They put the other goats back in and he calmed down, but that really stressed me. We brought him since we hoped it might marginally be the end of breeding season but obviously nothing was happening on that front; maybe with time that would have changed but at this time I didn’t want to wait a few weeks since it would negatively impact my holiday. Usually the animals are a source of relaxation for me that but with this buck here that wasn’t the case. I want our grandchildren to be able to interact with the goats if they want to, which they can’t do if he’s here, so yesterday we took him back. We’ll try again after Sukkos.

We ordered hay and this year it was clover; last year it was wheat hay and it was a huge issue to deal with for Pesach. We ordered cracked corn for the chickens for Pesach and started fermenting it yesterday to increase the nutritional value for them, so it will be ready for them by Sunday. Meanwhile, they’re eating up all of our chametz!

I wish you all a deeply enjoyable Pesach!

Avivah

Don’t wait for the crowd – Pesach clothing shopping now

Intentional Spending, Pesach

Last week I took my fifteen year old son shopping for a suit for Pesach.

On the way there, we unexpectedly found traffic had come to almost a standstill. Soon we saw what the delay was.

I appreciated the entertaining sights on the way!

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For us, Pesach is the most expensive holiday of the year; last year I spent 5000 shekels on food and 5000 shekels on clothing. For you it might be a different time of year that you have a lot of extra expenses, so you can apply this idea to your personal circumstances.

What I do to be prepared for the clothing expenses for the holiday is to set up in advance a reserve fund (some people call them sinking funds but I dislike that terminology). What that means is for the months before Pesach, I set aside money in that fund until I have the full amount that I’ve budgeted for Pesach clothing shopping.

Having a reserve fund eliminates the burden of huge clothing expenditures in one month, and by the time I’m ready to do my shopping, the money is waiting in the account. This makes it feel like shopping for free!

Really, it takes away all the financial pressure that a person might feel when they need to come up with so much money in a short time period, to have the money already budgeted and set aside.

Last year I did my suit shopping through Mishnat Yosef; you could purchase a coupon for around 650 shekels (I don’t remember the exact price), to be redeemed for a suit up to 1190 shekels in a given store. If you wanted a more expensive suit – and all of my boys didn’t find what they wanted in the lower price range – then you could add on in fifty shekel increments for every hundred shekels the price increased. We got nice suits but we spent more than we would have with the local seller that we’ve bought from in the past, and I regretted not buying from him because I felt concerned when I realized how much business he must be losing to customers buying via Mishnat Yosef.

I told my boys that this year first we’d look to buy from the private store owner, and only if they couldn’t find what they wanted we’d look elsewhere. My eighteen year old commented that the suits we bought last year were higher quality since they were fifty percent wool (instead of rayon/poly/viscose blends), which was good feedback since I hadn’t paid much attention to what their suits were made of when I bought them. If it fit them well, looked good and the price was fair, I bought it.

We asked the store owner if he had suits that were fifty percent wool, but he didn’t. He did have 97 percent wool, though, which was even better! When he showed it to us, it turned out to be the same style suit that I bought for my 22 year old son for his wedding in September, but there were several different colors and styles and we found something really nice for my fifteen year old son.

We checked the available suits at the stores that the Mishnat Yosef vouchers are for to see what their selection was, and my son didn’t find any suits he liked as much as the one from the private seller. The suit vouchers this year are 680 shekels, plus another fifty shekels to add on to the next level up, so we would have spent 730 if we bought from them.

This seller’s prices are good, so we got a much better quality suit than buying through Mishnat Yosef. We spent only another 120 shekels for a higher quality suit from the private seller, and had the extra bonus of buying with my conscience and supporting a small business owner. I expect my son to get much more wear out of this suit, too.

The store owner asked me if I was buying the suit for an occasion so I explained that I’m buying for Pesach, since I don’t like to wait until close to the holidays. When I stepped out to take a call, the store owner told my son how smart his mother is to be shopping for Pesach now.

I bought a suit voucher from Mishnat Yosef for my son learning in Beitar, since I was able to give him my customer number and he can buy his suit at the store branch located there before he comes home for spring break. I asked him to buy it before Purim but I don’t know if he did it yet, and honestly, it’s for him so he can buy it when he wants. That leaves just my husband and my seventeen year old, who were going to go last week to the Tiberias store but something came up, so they’ll go next week instead.

I bought clothing and shoes for all of the younger kids about six weeks ago, as well as Shabbos shoes for a couple of the teens so they’re set. For myself, I’m not much of a shopper and have things I’m content to keep wearing from last year. If I find something, there’s money in the clothing reserve fund for it but it’s likely I won’t since I don’t plan on looking, in which case I’ll roll whatever money is left in the fund into something else – maybe it will go towards a suit for my twelve year old for his bar mitzva this summer.

Avivah

Shop early to reduce the financial pressure of the holidays

Homemaking, Intentional Spending, Pesach

This is an expensive time in the Jewish calendar, with Purim being followed soon after by Pesach.

I’ve wanted to write on this for a while and realize I’m a bit tardy in sharing thoughts on navigating this, but hopefully you can still utilize some aspect of the strategies I’m sharing.

When all of the expenses pile up at once, it can be overwhelming. For the week of Pesach, we usually spend 5000 shekels on food – an amount that’s close to our usual monthly total. Then there are the clothing related expenses and that adds several thousands more. Adding in nine or ten thousand shekels of expenses is quite a bit to swallow in one month.

So we don’t.

I space out major purchases so it doesn’t feel overwhelming to pay for everything within a two or three week period.

I wanted to buy the four older boys (14, 16, 17, 21) new suits, and new hats for three of them. That’s a nice chunk of change to spend at once, but I made my purchases before Purim. There were several benefits to doing this: 1) the money for this was spent six weeks before Pesach and not on top of all the other Pesach expenses.

2) I don’t like shopping or vacationing or driving in crowds. That’s not to say I can’t tolerate it, but I’d rather have more peace and quiet in my life, and doing as much as I can do off-season adds to my serenity. In two weeks, every yeshiva bochur in the country will have vacation and will be Pesach suit shopping, together with his younger brothers and father – can you guess what the clothing stores are going to be like?

By shopping early, we had the store and staff to ourselves, with plenty of personal attention and assistance. It’s so much more relaxing and enjoyable to shop like this, rather than having to work hard to get the attention of someone who many other customers simultaneously want help from.

3) I really appreciate getting things that can be done ahead of time taken care of. My life is really full – whose isn’t? – and I would be fooling myself to push off tasks while thinking wishfully that it will be easier at a later time. It’s never easier later. There’s just as much to do later on, plus all the things that were pushed off! This is one thing that has been critical to me staying on top of all that I need to do – I try to minimize procrastination (although dealing with paperwork for Israeli bureaucracy is my weakness). There’s enough to do that can’t be scheduled in advance, so why leave this to a time when there’s so much to do?

So the clothing purchases were all finished by the beginning of March.

Now about food shopping. For our family, our biggest expenses are matza and meat. When I’ve gone to the store in recent weeks, I’ve been dismayed to see that the freezer section is very thin and the prices are very high – to me, shockingly high.

Since I buy meat by the case, I don’t need to shop at the supermarket more than once every four to six weeks. The rise in prices caught me off guard because when I last bought a case of meat two or three months ago, everything was normal. Every section in the meat freezers were full and if the sales weren’t amazing, they were nonetheless regular and the prices were fairly steady.

My infrequent shopping trips meant I didn’t see the meat slowing emptying out and the prices going up. I’ve gone every week for the last three or four weeks, and every week looks worse than the week before. I asked the person in charge of the meat section what is going on, and he said that there’s a supply issue. I asked if they expect the weekly orders to fill the gap and they said they’re making their usual orders but many items aren’t coming in. They’re hoping that some ships will come in with more supplies.

That wasn’t reassuring for me, particularly not with Pesach so close on the horizon. Even when there aren’t supply issues, prices go up for Pesach. None of this is a surprise and what’s good about that is you can plan around it. It really makes a difference to think ahead and plan ahead.

To mediate the effect of the high prices I utilize a strategy that I’ve written about in the past: stock up when the items you want are on sale. I buy my meat ahead of time when there are still bargains to be found in the meat sections; the closer it gets to the holiday, the fewer good buys there are.

I haven’t been able to buy the cuts I prefer for quite a long time, so three weeks ago I decided to buy twenty kilos of ground meat since there was plenty of that. When I went back the next week, it was yet another empty space in the freezer section with everything cleaned out – the woman working there remembered that I had bought a lot and told me how smart it was to do that.

The next week they had beef tongue at a thirty percent discount, though it wasn’t marked as being on sale – I only knew because I directly asked the person in charge of the meat section. While I usually buy a small quantity of tongue, this time I bought a much larger amount. (I used to buy brisket (#3) and chuck (#10) because they were the most affordable but several months ago I discovered flanken (#9) when it was on sale for the same price as brisket. Flanken is now my absolute favorite because it’s so much fattier than brisket; animal fat is not only delicious, but very important for body and brain function and is even beneficial for your skin!)

It’s not too late to spread out your expenses even though Pesach is just a month away. Think about what your anticipated Pesach expenses are. Are there items you can buy now? I don’t buy groceries in advance because I prefer to have my home clean for Pesach before bringing in food items (other than meat), but maybe getting your Pesach staples now would work for you. What about housewares? Do you need another pot or set of silverware? (I bought two new sets of silverware for Pesach a couple of months ago when they were on sale and put them in my Pesach cabinet.) Go ahead and do some early shopping!

How do you keep your Pesach spending from becoming overwhelming? I’d love to see your tips!

Avivah

Pesach menu 2021

menu plans, Pesach

What a lovely Pesach holiday it’s been so far! We’ve been blessed to have my mom and all of our married children with us this year – a far cry from last year, when we had the strictest quarantine of the year in place.

Two ingredients for a wonderful holiday are a very nice group of compatible people combined with lots of yummy food! Watching and being part of the interactions of all these people is extremely heartwarming.

As far as the food – it’s always a big project! It seemed like the food shopping before Pesach would never end. Though I bought a lot, I know it will get used up remarkably fast.

I bought a case of onions, seventy+ pounds of potatoes, thirty pounds of carrots, a case of fennel, a case of sweet potatoes, a case of napa cabbage, 1/2 case of kohlrabi, some butternut squash, 25 pounds fresh garlic, loads of cucumber and tomatoes, and lots of clementines and pears for snacking. There were also cases of chicken and meat, and lots of dairy (mostly cheese and cottage cheese), as well as eight trays (30 each) of eggs.

Initially when I wrote out my menu before Pesach, I listed various cakes and kugels that looked appealing. Then I looked at what I had written and considered how much more appreciated a more basic menu would be. That means going heavier on the vegetables and light on the cakes and kugels.

Friday night dinner: soup, roast chicken, carrot fries, potato saute’, fennel-orange salad, kohlrabi tomato salad, chocolate chip cake

Shabbos lunch: salmon, cholent with yaptzug (basically a potato kugel mixture poured on top of boiling cholent and left to cook on the blech), kishke, beet salad (with fresh parsley and garlic), marinated carrot salad, macaroons

Saturday night- Seder night: naturally lots of matza! Charoses. Soup, meat, chicken, potato kugel, marinated kohlrabi carrot salad,

Sunday lunch: roasted garlic, onion dip, tomato cucumber salad, mint napa salad (with fennel, zucchini, kohlrabi and oranges) – I made a huge amount of these two fresh that morning and it was almost all eaten – beet salad, marinated carrot salad, potato kugel, kishke, chicken, marble cake

I noticed something interesting about the salads – the size and shape of the pieces of the vegetables seem to determine how much is eaten. The one salad that really didn’t go over well was the marinated carrots, which I thought was pretty. The carrots were thinly crinkle cut, with a blended olive oil/lemon juice/parsley dressing. It was hardly touched. My daughter said she thought if the pieces were smaller, it would have gone fast. I like to have a variety of shapes and sizes so every salad doesn’t look like a repeat of the next, but in any case I don’t serve all the salads at one meal so that really isn’t an issue.

For chol hamoed I’m loosely planning for two big meals each day – we’ll see if that actually works out! I find that keeping a huge pot of cooked potatoes and a pan of baked sweet potatoes on hand is very helpful.

brunch: fresh fruit, eggs, matza brei, fritatatas, matza lasagna, dairy, fresh salad

main meal: shepherd’s pie, hot dogs with sauteed napa, peppers and onion, vegetable meat loaf, chicken and potatoes, baked fish

I won’t be planning the meals for the end of the holiday until we’re closer to that point. Somehow it feels like too much for me to plan all of that at this point. I’ll see what we’ve eaten in the course of this week and from there, determine what kind of dishes will be most appreciated.

Avivah

Letting go of things that hold us back from who we’re meant to be..and what we’re changing in our home

Homeschooling, Parenting, Pesach

It’s so easy to get busy, busy, busy with all of the physical preparations for Pesach – the cooking and cleaning and cooking and cleaning and yet more cooking and cleaning…that we often don’t have time and energy left to consider the deeper messages of this holiday. The physical act of getting rid of the chametz (leavened foods) in our homes is intended to be a reflection of releasing the spiritual and emotional ‘chametz’ – those unwanted activities or attitudes in our lives that are holding us back from developing ourselves fully.

The Pesach seder is an incredibly powerful spiritual time when we create the space to acknowledge what holds us back, who we have the potential to be, and being willing to release whatever it is that we’re holding onto that is keeping us from being that person.   I’ve told you already that part of my preparations for the seder are taking a long nap erev Pesach; another thing is to take the time to contemplate before the seder

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I recently finished reading Hatchet together with our boys, the fictional story of a teen who survives a plane crash and is left to alone in the Canadian wilderness. Slowly and with great effort Brian learns to survive- to make a shelter, create a fire and find food.

Almost two months after the crash, he is able to retrieve the survival pack from the plane. In it he finds lots of items that will make his survival much easier – including a gun and matches. Previously he had to learn to make a fire using natural materials and had to understand animal habits in order to hunt them.  After taking out each of these two items, he immediately felt different, removed from the world he had worked so hard to understand in order to survive – and he wasn’t sure he liked how that difference made him feel.

I thought of Brian when I read this article,  in which the advent of the smartphone is compared to the development of the phonetic alphabet or the newspaper in its momentousness. “I don’t think people realize how radically different it is to be a human being with a phone in your pocket,” Dugoni said.

Kind of like how Brian felt different with the tools of civilization in his hand, tools that served to separate him from the level of consciousness he had developed without them.

There is an increasing awareness of the ways that the internet and more specifically, smartphones are changing our lives as a society. I’m not referencing this from a religious perspective, but a place of concern about what these changes mean for the emotional and social development of individuals, families and our entire culture.  (Here’s a worthwhile read sharing a number of thought-provoking points: Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation?)

I don’t have a smartphone – but my internet usage has often been something I’ve felt uncomfortable with.  It’s convenient and there are definitely pluses – a huge one for me has been the ability to connect with many people irrespective of distance. However, ironically, though I joined Facebook since it was suggested as a way to reach more people – and yet as a direct result of being on social media, my time spent writing  dropped significantly! There are a few reasons for that – one is that it’s much easier to be a passive consumer of someone else’s sound bites than to take the time and effort to compose my own thoughts.

But despite my awareness that my online use isn’t always beneficial to me, it’s so compelling that often-  very often – I continue browsing longer than serves a productive purpose. It’s not surprising and I’m not unusual in that regard – it’s a medium that was developed to be addictive, to create the desire for just a little more and a little more, to just keep scrolling down just one more time….

I’m not talking about viewing things that are inappropriate or offensive – even with wholesome internet use like mine, one’s time can easily slip away without being fully aware of it. And I have to admit that my online activity displaces time that could be spent on other things, things that would be of more benefit to me and those around me.

So I’ve had to ask myself some hard questions, about who I want to be, what I want my family to look like, and is my online time aligned with that? My husband and I have been discussing this in recent weeks, and here are some changes we’re in the process of implementing.

First of all, my husband (who was given a smartphone by his employer over a year ago) decided to buy a simple cell phone and stopped using his smartphone. (It’s relevant to note that he was judicious in his use of his phone, consistently turning it off for hours every day. ) It took only one day for him to feel to express how freeing it has been to not have the smartphone in his pocket – it has a real presence.

Our family screen time policy is conservative by most accounts – our kids don’t independently use the internet, and when they do they do use the internet, the main thing that they do is listen to classical or frum music or audiobooks (borrowed from the US library we are still members of).  Sometimes I will show them short clips that I think will be of interest to them – sometimes something cute or touching, sometimes something educational. Is that so bad? No, it’s not.

But when I asked myself, ‘do I want my children to associate computer use with being the central source of entertainment?’, I felt uncomfortable.

I want my children to have time and space to connect with themselves, with others, to kick around a ball, get lots of fresh air and outdoor time. I don’t want them inside holed up around a screen, even if they’re listening to something of educational value that is enriching in some ways.

While I’d love to eliminate the internet from my home and have seriously considered it a number of times (I would have it in my office, which is outside my home), since I use an online program that is an important language support for ds5, I can’t get rid of it entirely. However, we’ve made a move toward dramatically reducing screen time for our kids. Their computer time increased in recent months when I was busy planning two weddings back to back, and they weren’t excited about our decision to cut their online time.

However, we didn’t just say no and take it away without any replacement of some sort. Ds12 and ds10 both got mp3s, which have been loaded with lots of Torah stories and music. It’s been especially nice to listen to these stories together – I love how they are filling their minds with valuable concepts and information at the same time they’re having fun!

And now for me. Sigh. I’m the most challenged in this regard. I try to keep the computer turned off during the day, because once it’s on, it’s easy for me to browse online. Then when I go online – usually once every day or two, I try to have an idea of what I want to accomplish and to have a time limit. Like I said, I’m trying! I can’t say that I just stopped cold turkey and it was easy. It’s not easy at all, but recognizing this is a habit that isn’t serving me in living my life as fully as I’d like makes it easier to move toward something better.

So far, I’m getting more sleep (well, usually – I have to admit that I’m writing this at 3 am after being up late cooking for the seder!), I’ve read more books, my kitchen is cleaner and when my kids speak to me, I am much less likely to ask them to repeat themselves after not hearing them fully the first time because my mind was somewhere else. 🙂

It’s a process. It’s not about perfection. I’m doing what I can to move in the direction I’d like to go, and there will be missteps and sometimes steps backward, but hopefully we can continue moving forward overall!

So that’s a bit about some of my spiritual chametz, something that has been constricting and limiting, and now we’re trying to root it out and release it!

Avivah

Getting into the Pesach spirit

Homemaking, Pesach

A neighbor knocked at my door a few days ago to offer us a food that isn’t kosher for Pesach, explaining that they had turned over their kitchen for Pesach (over a full week before the holiday begins). Hearing this, my younger kids were alarmed – “What?! Already?” And I knew they were wondering, ‘how can they be finished when we’ve hardly gotten started?’

Every year we have this issue of someone in our family wondering why we’re not getting stressed out. After all, everywhere you turn are people rushing to and fro, with a sense of purposeful energy gushing as they turn their homes upside down and then right side out again!

I don’t do that. I used to think something was wrong with me, and wondered what everyone else was doing that I wasn’t doing. Finally I realized that I wasn’t neglecting any important preparations; while there are plenty of people who do much more spring cleaning than I do, I actually do a good bit of that as well. It’s just that I don’t get too worked up about it.

I try to be relaxed when preparing for Pesach, as I don’t want the preparations to overshadow the spirit of the holiday for me or for my family members.

After the two weddings back to back this year, I’ve been really tired. And as a result I thought I wasn’t very effective in getting the kids at home to get involved in Pesach preparations. It takes head space to assign tasks, and I just didn’t want to think about it. Finally I sat down to make a list of what needed to be done so that the boys can choose jobs they want to do, and I realized there really isn’t that much left to do! (The boys have even found time for some nice extras, like painting the living room/dining room area, in addition to doing their bedrooms and helping with the various tasks I’ve asked them about.)

So why am I feeling like I haven’t done anything for Pesach yet?? I realized that for me, it doesn’t feel like I’m doing anything for Pesach until I turn over the kitchen.

Pesach begins Friday night, so we’ll do the kitchen on Weds. That will give me time to shop and get all the laundry done without pressure, and on Thursday and Friday I can do the cooking. Plenty of time to get ready, and most importantly, to take a nap on Friday so that everyone (including me!) is awake and able to enjoy the seder.

The moms in my current parenting workshop asked me for my tips for the seder night, and my most important one is: be rested. You can make a simpler menu, you can do less spring cleaning, but the most important part of Pesach is the seder and everyone should be able to enjoy it!

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This year I wanted to reach out to single women who might appreciate an invitation for seder night and posted on our community Facebook group to let them know they could be in touch with me. So far I got rainchecks for next year though none for this year, but as I told a friend, even if the only thing posting my offer accomplished was that someone might feel cared about even if she didn’t join us, that’s also worthwhile.

She responded that she felt my offer did more than that – she said that it made her consider who might she know that could be in need of a place and reach out to them, and she thinks others had the same response. If that’s true, I’m happy to be part of the cycle of making our community a more connected place!

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Last night someone knocked on our door in need of financial assistance. After giving her some money, I invited her in for a drink and something to eat. I asked her if she had children, and when she responded that she did, I asked if I could send some cake for them. (I thought it might be burdensome for her to have to carry it the rest of the evening until she got home.)

Lest you think I always happen to have fresh cakes available to give away on the spur of the moment, the answer is not at all! We baked a cake to send to someone I thought would appreciate it, but then my kids were sick and no one was able to deliver it….

I thought it was a shame for it to go to waste, but Hashem clearly had a different plan than mine for who would benefit- and sent that person right to my door!

I packed up the cake and chatted with this woman a bit. I shared with her that we’ve also been through very difficult financial periods and I know how hard it can be.

She was so appreciative- yes, for the money and cake – but it seemed that the bit of conversation and warm wishes and hug on her way out meant even more. It is so difficult to maintain a positive sense of yourself when you’re struggling financially and need to ask for help, and it means a lot to know that you’re still viewed as a valuable human being.

I read recently that it’s been documented that doing mitzvos shifts your aura, and I felt that last night. I had such a warm feeling when she left. We think we’re doing those in need a favor by helping them, but I really felt that I had been the one who was helped by being able to give to someone else.

And that was a very nice way to get into the holiday spirit.

Avivah

Easy as 1-2-3 Macaroons

Pesach, recipes

This is a super easy and really yummy recipe for coconut macaroons that we’re all enjoying this year. It’s moist and I think it tastes pretty close to the store-bought macaroons that I grew up with in the US (think Maneshewitz brand).   It has just four ingredients and doesn’t require beating any egg whites.

Easy As 1-2-3 Macaroons

  • 1 c. sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 3 c. coconut
  • 1 pkg vanilla sugar (can leave this out if you don’t have it)

Mix all ingredients thoroughly.  Form into balls and bake on an ungreased pan at 350 degrees until the tops are just hardly browned.  Take out of oven and let cool to solidify.

coconut macaroons

For our family I quadruple this recipe to make one batch.  It’s a good thing I bought a 50 lb bag of shredded coconut before Pesach because these are so good, so easy and thanks to being gluten free, something all the kids can enjoy – we’ve made a bunch!

Enjoy!

Avivah