Category Archives: Foster Care

Our fostering deadline passed and nothing has moved forward

Foster Care, Parenting, Trisomy 21

Some of you who have seen me in person since my last post have asked me what’s happening with the fostering situation.  And the answer is, nothing.

Our deadline was Tuesday.  On Monday afternoon I contacted the placement social worker to ask if she had set up an appointment for us to meet with the baby’s biological parents.   By then we had been waiting a week for this appointment.   She told me she called the social worker representing the parents that morning and since the office was closed due to a strike, the appointment couldn’t be made for the next day.

So I said, “So that’s it, right?  We can take this possibility off the table.”  And she said, “Well, that depends on you and your husband.”  I asked her what she  meant, and she said if we would be willing come in when an appointment could be made it might still be an option.

I was pretty annoyed at this response, as if the responsibility for the outcome depended on us when we were the only ones who had been timely during this period. We made ourselves completely available and from the very beginning were super clear with them that beyond Jan. 31 we couldn’t continue with the process.  I told her that we did everything we could have done and it wasn’t up to us, it was up to them at the placement agency to be flexible about meeting us during non-work hours if it was going to happen. And since they already said they wouldn’t do that, then was nothing more we could do.

After that conversation it was actually a relief to know that it was over.  It was a disappointment, but it was a relief.  Every day I was waiting, waiting, wondering…and now I don’t have to wait and wonder anymore.

By the way, I heard back from the contact person about the other request for a foster family for a baby with T21 that I mentioned in my last post.  The baby that needs a home is Baby M, who we spent so much time with a few months ago when she was left as a newborn at the rest home for new mothers.  Believe me, I wasn’t expecting that at all when I responded to that email!

Contrary to what the plan had been, she was placed with a relative for a few months and now they’re looking for a long term placement (she’s 5.5 months).  I was very upset to learn she hadn’t been placed with a long term family.  Of course I don’t know the specifics and I trust that everyone involved in making the decision had her best interests at heart, but I’m concerned about such a small infant having to undergo so many significant transitions. I had to repeatedly remind myself that G-d is running the world and has the perfect plan for each person.

Just in case you’re wondering, I emailed the person back and asked her not to forward my email on to Baby M’s family.  It’s clear to me that our part was to help her when and how we did, and that this baby is meant to be part of someone else’s family.  Hopefully a wonderful family and very, very soon.

Avivah

A baby boy with Trisomy 21 is available – will we be his new family?

Foster Care, Parenting, Trisomy 21

Last week I shared that our application for special needs foster care was approved but that we’d have to wait a few months until we attended a two day training in the late spring before we’d be allowed to bring a baby home.  So I let you know that our fostering will likely be on hold for a number of months.

At the end of the same day I wrote my post, I got a call from the placement social worker.  She told me there is a baby who matches our profile and she asked us to come in right away the next morning to discuss it!  I asked for some details but she refused to tell me anything – she said she can only tell me in the office as part of an official meeting.

Dh and I got there, read through the file and agreed we would theoretically be willing to bring the baby into our family.  The next step is to arrange for us to meet the biological parents and see if we are all compatible.  (This case is almost identical to the situation with Baby M except that this time everything is going through legal channels; my concern is the same now as it was then – that our family won’t be seen as a match by the biological parents since we aren’t chassidic.)  Since the baby is almost 5 weeks old, is still in the hospital but has been medically approved to be released, we were told his placement is a priority.

After five days, we’re still waiting to hear about if there will be a meeting set up with the baby’s parents.  (The parents were given our names by their social worker so they can ‘look into us’.)  Dh will be starting a new job in the beginning of February and at the meeting I told the social worker that once he begins, it will be a while until we will have the flexibility to come in for meetings and appointments.

(Each time there is a baby available that you might be a match for, you have to go in for a meeting to read the file.  And then another meeting on another day to meet the parents.  Then another meeting or two on yet another day to meet the baby and doctors.  This is in addition to all the meetings we had with the social worker during the application process.)

There are two days left until the end of the month!  Will they be in touch with us before then?  Is it possible for things to move that fast?  I really can’t even begin to guess what direction this will go in.  I know how I would like this to work out, but I also know that G-d is better than I am at working things out perfectly.  ðŸ™‚

gds timing

The day after we were called in I was feeling quite edgy because of the uncertainty, waiting to hear that a meeting was scheduled.  I just wanted some definite detail to hold onto instead of all this misty nothingness.  I hardly slept that night and when I woke up it was with a terrible headache that stayed with me for hours.

Somehow I was able to recenter myself and just say, okay, it will be what it will be.  Maybe it will happen, maybe it won’t.  Maybe it will happen at the very last moment and maybe it will be a few months from now with a different baby.  Maybe it will never happen.  It’s a good thing that I was able to do that because that was a few days ago and my anxiety level would have been sky high by now if I hadn’t!

On yet another related note, this evening I received a forward from a blog reader about a baby with DS whose family is seeking a foster family for him.  Even though we’re supposed to be on the brink of meeting with these other parents, I responded to the email because I believe if something comes your way, then G-d sent it to you for some reason.  It might not be the reason that I think or hope it comes to me, but there’s always some reason!

So here I am, living in the moment but at the same time wanting to keep you in the loop. 🙂

Avivah

Our foster care paperwork – we’re approved but …

Foster Care, Parenting, Trisomy 21

A couple of weeks ago I got a call from the social worker who is responsible for our foster care file.  She apologized for delay in processing our paperwork, and said that the supervisor was requesting more information about us after learning that Yirmi (age 4) is being homeschooled.

Homeschooling isn’t a common choice in Israel and hearing Yirmi isn’t in a school framework triggered the supervisor to look extra closely at our case.  She wanted to know: have we ever homeschooled another child, if so, who, why, and how long.  They made additional inquiries beyond the standard application – they wanted to know if he is being taken to the well baby clinic for checkups and to the child development center for therapies, and requested additional medical references to speak to (in addition to those references who are usually requested whom they had already spoken with).

After a long conversation in which I provided all the additional information that was requested as well as a conversation with our pediatrician (who when pressed for a response if there’s something suspicious since we don’t take Yirmi to the child development center for therapies said, ‘What don’t you understand?  She’s the best mother ever and I would want to be a child in her home!’) , our file has now been approved.

So what happens now?  Is it imminent in the near future that we’ll be welcoming a new child into our family?  It doesn’t seem like that, since we were told we’ll need to attend a two day foster care workshop before they will let us bring a child home – and the next workshop we can attend won’t be earlier than the end of April.  So unless the agency decides there’s a baby who needs a home and is willing to let us defer attendance of this workshop until after we foster a baby, we’ll be waiting for a while.

waiting

(Not all foster care agencies have this requirement – a friend who does foster care in a different part of the country was surprised by this requirement, since neither she nor her friends who do foster care had to do this for their agency. )

I feel very at peace with this situation as it is.  We’ve done our part and if and when there’s a need for our help, it will happen at that time and only at that time.  I’m not trying to second guess G-d’s plans and timing!  When something changes, I’ll be sure to keep you posted!

Avivah

Our foster care application for an infant with special needs

Foster Care, Parenting, Trisomy 21

Today I received a voice text from a friend who commented on how it seems that something is leading us in the direction of helping newborn infants with Trisomy 21 whose families don’t want to keep them.

She was referring to my involvement with Baby M in addition to my posting several days ago on Facebook about another baby girl with T21 who was waiting in the hospital for a foster family.  In that case, I was contacted by four different people within a short period and was in contact with a social worker who verified that baby happily has found a home.

I’ve heard it said that you don’t choose your mission but that your mission chooses you.  I can’t say that this is my mission.  I certainly haven’t sought it out.  But it’s interesting that these situations came to me without me soliciting them in any way.  For whatever reason, different people thought that we could be of help, though I never indicated any specific interest or desire to do this.

My lack of expressed interest about it wasn’t due to a concern or willingness.  In fact, it was two days before someone called us about Baby M, after weeks of discussion with my husband and children, that I spoke with a foster care agency representative and told them we wanted to apply as a foster family for an infant with T21.  No one who contacted me knew anything about that, though!

I don’t like to talk about things until there’s something to talk about and hence haven’t shared about this.  However, the application process has have been humming along in the background, and I decided today to share this with you.

The application process to become a foster parent takes about 3 – 4 months.  At the end of last week we completed our foster care application for children with special needs.   (This is a different track than fostering children who don’t have special needs.)  In Israel, fostering a child with special needs is a long term commitment – until the age of 21.

The application process included medical checks, bloodwork, extensive paperwork, criminal checks on everyone in our family over the age of 18, and several visits by a social worker to our home (including meeting with our youngest six children and discussing fostering with them) and a tour of our home.

The meetings with the social worker were pleasant and she told us at the end of our final visit that it had been very inspiring for her to  meet us.  Which was of course nice to hear but trying to impress her wasn’t something we set out to do.  I think she got an accurate idea of who we are and how we parent, and I’m glad of that.  (She also told me she can’t understand how I don’t have a clothes dryer and every time she does laundry for her two children she now thinks of me! :))

She asked each child their thoughts on fostering.  Ds7 told her it would be nice to have another person in our family.  “But you have so many people in your family already,” she protested.  Ds7: “It’s not so many – it feels like we’re a pretty small family!” 🙂  It really does feel like that to us sometimes!

At this point we’re waiting for the final approval of our application, which we were told to expect will take 2 – 4 weeks.  My younger kids have asked several times, “When are we getting a baby???” and I’ve explained to them it’s not like a store that has babies stocked and you pick one off the shelf!  If a baby is born who matches our profile, we’ll be contacted.  This could take a very short or very long time.

I don’t feel any urgency about this.  We’ve done what we can to be positioned to help if there’s an opportunity to help, in a way that is aligned with our values.  If our help in this way is called upon or not  isn’t up to us!  My preference is that every child with T21 will be born to a family who will love and cherish him – that would clearly be the best scenario.  I’d really rather not be needed!

If it does happen that there’s a situation in which there’s an infant who needs a home and we’re able to offer that, then of course you’ll hear about it.  But don’t wait with bated breath – as I said, it could be a long time!

Avivah