Everyone experiences difficulties, large and small, and it’s hard when you’re feeling upset or frustrated to believe that there might be some kernel of good, let alone to to believe that the entire situation was orchestrated for your ultimate benefit.

Sometimes a person gets a clear glimpse of the good behind the bad, and it brings with it a powerful awareness and gratitude.

Daniel Cohen, a 31 year old father of five was waiting for his bus in Israel last week when suddenly he was attacked by a terrorist.  He describes what happened: “He attacked me and choked me. I felt my neck about to break. He took out a knife and tried to behead me, and then he tried for my throat. But I turned my head, and he got me in my jaw. He threw me to the floor and stabbed me along my left side, in the chest, shoulder, and stomach.”

After this attack, Cohen was left in serious condition.  He was taken to a hospital where he underwent a four hour surgery.

Violently attacked and stabbed in the face, chest, shoulder and stomach.  Can we agree no one would call this a good experience?

And then the discovery during his surgery – a tumor in his large intestine that Cohen hadn’t known was there.  The surgeons were able to remove the tumor during the surgery while successfully addressing his other injuries.

Cohen said, “Lately I had felt some pains in that area, but I didn’t have time to deal with it. The attack simply saved my life.”  He adds, “The Creator brought me this operation in order to save my life, and in addition, the attack itself was miraculous in that I was not hurt in any vital organs. I have received my life as a present from all directions.”

Avivah

I’ve discovered a song that I’ve fallen in love with.  Really.

This uplifting and inspiring song (the only kind of song I like:) ) is ‘If I Were Brave’, by Jana Stanfield.  In this song she asks the question, “What step would I take today if I were brave?”

This is a powerful question and there are different answers for every person, and different answers even for me on different days.  I want to share my recent leap of courage with you.

Actually, sharing with you is brave, too, because I’m going outside of my preference to keep things to myself until there’s a successful resolution.  I’m willing to share about this now because the victory isn’t in the having but in the doing, in being willing to stretch outside of my comfort zone.

Having said that, here’s my action….

I’m applying for a TED Fellowship.

In case that doesn’t mean anything to you, I’ll very briefly explain.  There is an annual TED conference held each year in the US; twenty Fellows are chosen to present at the conference.

How did I decide to do this?  Well, it wasn’t exactly because I wanted to, since my voice of fear was strong enough to drown out any other voice.  But the divine timing made it clear I needed to recognize a serious nudge from the universe for what it was.

So about that divine timing.

Recently I was watching several TED talks on parenting, and commented that it’s a shame that none of those presenters had much experience as parents.  My nineteen year old daughter asked me, “How do people apply to speak there?”, and I told her, “I don’t think they apply, they’re probably chosen based on being well-known in some way already.”

Early the next morning I woke up to a Facebook message by an organizer of one of my recent talks, sent less than thirty minutes after the exchange between my daughter and I.

On my screen was a link to apply to TED, followed by the comment, “Avivah – I think you should really apply for becoming a TED Fellow.”   I could almost hear the Twighlight Zone music playing in the background.

Even though I love speaking and I love inspiring people, my first thought was, “Absolutely not.”  Followed by, “I can’t.”  Followed by, “They’ll never choose me anyway so why should I bother?”

I’ve had growing awareness of some of my subtle strategies to keep myself in my comfort zone, along with the sometimes uncomfortable clarity that I need to start letting go of these habits.  Those knee jerk responses I just shared with you?  Yep, my way of staying right where I am!  Have you ever done something similar?

The timing combined with the internal work I’m doing was sending me a pretty clear message.  I bounced the idea off of some people for their perspective, and far from telling me it was too much of a reach for me, they all thought it was obvious I needed to apply!  (Garumph, why are these things so blindingly obvious to other people??)

You can not imagine how much courage I had to continually summon up during this application process.   I am seriously proud of myself for getting that application in!

My focus isn’t on the end result. Of course I would be honored to be chosen and would love to present on the TED stage.  But I already won the invisible battle with myself – well, this round, anyway.

Avivah

There’s something about new beginnings that inspires people to set goals and make resolutions.

Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, is almost here, and it’s inspiring this kind of thinking for me.  Of course I see lots of room for improvement!

It’s easy to get overwhelmed when thinking about how we want to improve ourselves.  Before you make any resolutions, take time to slow down and reflect deeply on what you’ve accomplished in the past year.

Some of you are squirming right now, thinking that you haven’t accomplished much of anything this year.  That’s a lie.  It’s a lie that your mind tells you to keep  you from being your brightest and most beautiful self.  Denying your accomplishments of the past will set you up to fail in the future.

Don’t eclipse the good you’ve done in your rush to look at the areas you still need to work on.  There will be always room for improvement but we don’t build ourselves by self-flagellation!

Believe me, you’ve done plenty to feel good about this past year.  Have you improved your character in some way?  Become more compassionate?  Learned to honor your boundaries?  Increased your self-awareness?  Made time for self-care?

Have you met a goal or completed a project on any scale?  Spent more time with family and friends?  Improved a skill?  Developed a hobby or begun exercising?  Improved your nutrition?  Gotten rid of some clutter?

Sometimes others can see your changes more clearly than you can.  I helped someone who was discouraged with her goals for the coming year and what she saw as her lack of progress.  She only saw the mountain ahead of her that still needed to be climbed – she couldn’t see how far she had climbed up the mountain!  I reminded her of where she was a year ago, the things she was struggling with then, and gave examples of areas in which I saw significant growth. She had almost forgotten those struggles and had taken for granted the huge leaps she’s made in a year!

When you can see the ways you’ve advanced over the past year, it encourages you to continue!  Growth usually happens slowly and steadily over time and you don’t notice it happening until time has passed; then you look back and say, “Wow, I don’t do that bad habit as much anymore.”  Or, “I’ve changed my outlook in this way.” Or, “Hmm, I accept myself more than I did last year.”

The challenge with subtle growth is that it’s too easy to overlook all that you’ve done right and think nothing has happened.  Be conscious of your growth, acknowledge your efforts, and be proud of yourself!

Once you’ve done this, you have a solid and truthful foundation to build on for the coming year!

Avivah